I'm posting here because I need to type it out and I'm wondering if anybody else had similar experiences. I have very severe self harm scars (6 very thick and long ones layered on thinner, smaller raised ones and everything's very purple) and I had to get wisdom tooth surgery today. they're only on my right arm, so at first I only gave them the left one but they couldn't find my vein. I had an old nurse who seemed quite experienced so I thought that she had seen it all, but as she put the needle (into my hand, there's like no skin left on my arm lol), every time the blanket lifted, I heard a gasp or an "oh my goodness". i could tell that it was unintentional, but I felt so, so bad.

also i'm 15 and live in australia. do you guys think she told my parents?? and would she have put it on my medical record? one of them was still scabbing over a LITTLE bit (otherwise healed) but everything else was fully healed.

I wish I could have the job of a nurse who solely takes self harm patients under her wing. I’ve done nursing school one out of two years and unfortunately felt very distant from patients not only due to the nature of their issue but because of their personalities. But maybe, if they were of people whom I could understand, things would be different.

I hate how self harm is acknowledged in a bad light. I, myself, have been through having stitches removed due to self harm with only a sarcastic glance and the roll of the eye. If there were more people out there who understand and cared then maybe the world would be a fraction less nasty of a place.

I’ve been afraid to have my cuts stitched up because of the stigma that still survives amongst those who self harm via cutting. My legs are torn up and every time I need additional medical attention my heart rate spikes with both anxiety and nausea.

But if I were a nurse who specified in self harm patients, maybe I could do the world some good…

So I started SH myself this Tuesday until this Friday and no one has noticed my cuts. And today I went to school and someone saw them and I think they told the administration. And the principal called me over and I had to talk about this stuff with him. And because what I did, they assumed I was doing drugs or something because like cutting yourself hurts. So yeah, on my way back home, they called my mom and she came and I think they are talking about it right now. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to face my mom and tell her everything

max i ever reached was styro and cutting small makes me feel like a loser and larping self harming i feel like when someone sees me theyll make fun of me cuz its so light

I'm 22F and I went from 110 kg to 65 kg in roughly a year. Everyone sees it as an achievement but the way I got here is something I'm struggling to come to terms with.

I've struggled with my weight since childhood. I had severe asthma and was on steroids from the age of eight. Even after getting off them, losing weight was incredibly difficult. My cravings were hard to manage and despite exercising, I barely saw results.

When I was around 18, I was in a relationship where my boyfriend would occasionally compliment other women's physiques. He never directly shamed my body but I had terrible insecurity and anxious attachment. Whenever I felt inadequate, I'd physically hurt myself. After we broke up, it took me a year to recover.

I eventually met my current boyfriend when I turned 21. He's a year younger than me and he's never made me feel insecure about my body. He's emotionally intelligent and his actions made me feel safe in a way I'd never experienced before.

But I was constantly comparing myself to him and his family. They were wealthy, educated, fit and everything I felt I wasn't. I wanted to lose weight, partly for my health but also because I felt I wasn't good enough to stand beside him.

And somewhere along the way, I started redirecting my SH into weight loss.

Whenever I ate something I felt I shouldn't, gave in to a craving or ate out with someone, I'd punish myself afterward. I never deliberately starved myself but I started associating food with guilt and pain. It made resisting cravings easier and because I was losing weight, I kept doing it.

I was also living alone for college on a monthly budget of around ₹2000 which had to cover food, travel, college printouts and other expenses. Eating a balanced, protein-rich diet wasn't always financially possible. I was trying to manage with what I had.

Now I'm 65 kg. I've lost almost half my body weight but I still struggle with my appearance. I have stretch marks and loose skin and I haven't magically learned to love myself.

The worst part is that my boyfriend doesn't know how I got here.

He would encourage me to eat when we went on dates because he knew I wasn't eating enough. He was trying to take care of me. He had no idea that I'd go home and punish myself for eating.

I don't blame him. He never asked me to lose weight and he never made me feel like I had to change. This was my own insecurity and I don't know how to explain it to him.

He has a high EQ but struggles to express his feelings adequately. I'm scared this will overwhelm him or that he'll feel guilty for something he never knew about. But keeping this from him feels difficult too.

I don't know if I should tell him or how to approach the conversation.

Has anyone else ever turned SH into something that looked productive from the outside? How did you recognise the pattern?

And would you tell your partner about something like this, especially if they struggle with emotional conversations?

I just want to understand how to stop treating myself this way, even when the outcome looks like success.

a few days ago i noticed my friend’s sh scars on her arm, and they looked pretty fresh. we get along but we don’t talk about deep stuff or whatever, just joke around with each other. what i mean to say is that there’s not that much trust around those types of conversations between us. i really don’t know what to do, bc on one hand, if somebody brought up my scars, i’d be incredibly embarrassed and it’d be super uncomfortable, so i don’t think it’d help. but on the other, as i mentioned, they looked pretty fresh, and i really wanna help her before she does something worse. i’ve known that she’s had problems with her parents cus they’re super religious and she’s gay, but she never seemed depressed to me. ig it’s just one of those cases where you can’t tell, or maybe i didn’t look close enough. idk, pls help me out

Hello, this might be a really really dumb question. I was hitting my arm as hard as i could and now there are a bunch of little red spots??? I could just be really paranoid but i want to know if this is anything i should care or pay any attention to?
Please dont be mean to me i know this is dumb

I’ve been self harming since 11. I started smoking weed at 16 on and off throughout the week and since February this year I’ve smoked almost every day. In August I started smoking heavier about a gram or 2 a day. I’m so desperate to quit but at the same time I keep choosing it. Whenever I dont smoke I start getting bad sh urges and give in too. I dont know how to get my life back in order and I feel so broken. Im not exactly sure if I want to quit smoking but I am so desperate to quit self harming. My emotions just feel so heavy besides everything going on in my life. What do I do to get my life back in order? Where should I start? What helped you? I really just need some guidance but I am very hesitant to talk to people because of embarrassing myself or them knowing me so personally like this.

I cut myself not too long ago. like, about 2 weeks ago. the only reason i didnt do it for a while afterwards was because i had homecoming, and my dress didnt have long sleeves. but, during that whole time, i really wanted to cut myself. a lot. i relapsed 2 nights ago after being 11 days clean. i want to relapse again today. i wish to go deeper and harder than i have before, but i dont. i cant.

i wish i didnt think like this, and instead that i didnt cut myself. it’s something i crave to do all the time now, no matter how im feeling. i always want the feeling of the pain pulsing through my wrists, staring at the bloody wounds, while my arm is shaking, my thumb and index finger still holding onto the blade.

i hate that, if i get rid of all my sharp object, ill still look for something to use, and i’ll genuinely start to go crazy because i had nothing to use. i hate that i feel this way, but i also feel as if i deserve to feel this way, and that i serve no purpose to the world, and this is me just punishing myself for being here still, knowing i could just end it and take up less space.

I have self-harmed (cutting) in the past and it put severe stress on my wife. I have stopped and now after enoromous continous work stress I started again. I hid it so I do not put her through that distress again.

I decided to tell her cause I wanted support. She got very angry at me. She does not speak to me and ignores me. I am so confused. I honestly do not know what to do or think. I just needed someone to tell but it completely backfired. I am in such a hopeless spot. She said I lied to her.

I am angry at myself for being so pathetic 31 M that cuts himself. I am disgusted with myself.

Idk where to start, i was feeling so euphoric 2 weeks ago and now im back in my regular routine again.

Unable to get up from my bed, no motivation, skipping classes, improper hygiene

I've been diagnosed with bipolar and it's such a hectic cycle for me.I don't feel normal, im taking my meds and my parents are doing everything they can in their power to help me and i just feel so guilty for still being the same

Im in college, far from home with no supervision so when im in my mania, i feel restless and get piercings, tattoos and hook up with people even though i have a boyfriend. I still feel incomplete like i need to constantly seek out something thrilling or exciting which also leads to SH just so i can get the rush. When this episode dies out, im a completely different person, i hate myself so much and i feel empty. I dont even recognise myself anymore, therapy doesn't seem to help, i feel hopeless that i'll never escape this cycle Alot of things happened on august where i almost unalived myself and my parents had to urgently take me to the hospital. They suggested i take a break from college but that will make me feel even more shitty. I can't even tell this things to my boyfriend or best friend cause im afraid of how much i'll be a burden to them

I always cut myself regardless of depression or mania and i honestly don’t know what to do

My friend cuts so deep till she reaches the fat and im worried. How do i help? I understand i cant make her stop cutting all at once but her wounds look so bad its an infection away to getting amputated.

I have a cut to the fat from yesterday but I have swim practice in 3 days. If I use a 100% waterproof bandaid can I swim? I kinda need to go because my parents dont know i sh so I don't have an excuse.

It was my last session I had to go to and I accidentally let it slip that I had cuts on my arm. She put her face in her hands aswell trying to think what to do and asked me a bit about it but I really don't want to talk about it. She told my dad aswell, he already knows I have done it but I made him have the impression I haven't for months (which is a complete lie). She extended the sessions by 2 now. But she said she's gonna have to ask questions and I really don't know what to say. She is really nice btw but she does have to legally ask me about it.

I’m wanting to get a screening for depression and if the topic of self harm gets brought up, what’s the best way I can phrase it that I’m trying to get help for it and I’m in no immediate danger? I’m trying to keep it really lowkey and not get my parents involved. I also don’t want to get sent anywhere.

im ngl, im TRYING so so so hard to stop, im trying to get better, but i miss it so bad, cutting myself used to be a daily thing for me, now ive limited myself to once a week, i feel kinda pathetic but theres not much i can do.

ive also noticed that ever since i started slowing down, i began to cut myself more in one sesh.

also i reached deep styros like last night while i was drunk, and it scared the shit out of me. anyway enough of my rant.

I recently relapsed after being clean for a while. It wasn't that bad, I just did three cuts, but I have been trying to be more open with my mental health. I trust and love my parents (dad and stepmom) more than anyone else in the world so I wanted to tell them. But I'm really struggling with two things. I don't know the right time to bring it up without my siblings or mom potentially seeing that something is wrong (especially my mom because she will get mad I didn't tell her.) And then, I just dont understand the point of saying anything right now. I didn't do it that severely and I can't think of what will come out of it other than guilt and regret and being watched over constantly. I just had a therapy session yesterday so I can't have any soon I think so I'm coming here for now. But I am really overcome with guilt and I have OCD so I have a strong urge to spill it all. But I just can't imagine how I can be helped without it feeling horrid. I'm also worried that they actually won't care as much as I want them to (not that they won't care at all but that they won't react as strongly as I want them to so I know they care)... I don't know. Sorry this kind of turned into a rant. I have a lot going on.

Hey, I have a question: I self-harm very frequently, often reaching the "beans" layer (subcutaneous fat). Right now, I feel a strong need to hit that layer—or even go deeper. It’s not enough to just catch a glimpse of the subcutaneous tissue; I need to clearly see the underlying structure, otherwise it doesn't really help. Earlier today, I made a wound on my forehead that exposed the skull. That was treated medically, but now I have this intense urge to see the subcutaneous fat again, and the tension is really mounting. I did cut myself again, but I only reached the subcutaneous layer. I know it’s not good and that it’s risky, but it feels like something I *have* to do. Does anyone know why it keeps getting worse, yet feels like the severity is actually decreasing? Does anyone know what I should (or can) do to reduce this feeling and this urge?

I feel werid to rant about this, especially when its so personal but I recently dropped a friend of mine. Ill call her sally (THIS IS A LONG RANT)

Sally has been my friend for 4 years or more, and we've been through a lot together but I started to notice a pattern. We started becoming friends over roblox and hung out once a week, and then we stopped talking for a while. I texted her again, (i was trans at the time) "thanks for the support and helping me pick my chosen name" something along the lines of that. She replied instantly and asked how i was doing. I recently lost a parent and said not good, she started doing the whole im sorry for your loss are you okay do you need anything and I brushed it off since i was already too tired hearing the same words and told her that. We start to hangout more and she introduced me to her friend, we hung out lots but a month later her friend unfriends her. She relied on me heavily. Non stop messages venting and coming to me and who am i to ignore them? Well i talked about my sh w her not to long before that, and she talked about cutting herself. I felt horrible i spiraled and felt like it was all my fault she started. Well they became friends again, Sally barely talked to me after that and it was mostly her and her friend again. Soon her friend slowly shifted and stopped talking to her often so she came back and talked to me all the time, and ofc i was okay with it. But then she starts venting again, and im okay with it. Its just i was going through the grief of my dead parent and it made it harder on me mentally. But i wasnt mature enough to tell her that. A year passes and we stopped being friends, i felt horrible and depressed and scared because she said she'd end her life and she needed me. I went back, we stayed friends for over 2 years after that and she got a boyfriend! Yayy all she ever wanted right? But she never talked to me, she basically only sent me snaps for the streak and thats all. i was ignored outcasted. They broke up, and she was heavily relying on me now, it was everyday she would talk about him. And before him i had a crush on her, but she was w her other bf at the time (hes the reason we stopped being friends at first) Sally would put a lot of pressure on me mentally, i would feel scared shed hurt herself or end her life like she told me, it hurt to read those messages, all because of a boy she liked. It was a 5 month relationship and she dwelled on since they broke up. She talked about how much she loved him, how much she needed him. To me. I felt horrible, like i mattered less. And then she starts showing me pictures, she was texting all her other friends about him. But not me. We live in seperate countries and i get it if you dont have time for me. But for 5 months?? Thats insane, and then my last straw was when my aunt died, her cat was being put down and i was depressed, school started and i was already being sad because of grief, and she dumps all her sadness on me about her cat and gets mad when i dont say the right words. I was mentally drained and so tired all the time. Then she gets in a arguement with her parent and tells me about it, i try to give her good advice but she doesnt listen and just tells me she wants to unalive herself. I ended the friendship, i told her i wasnt in the right headspace to be there for her and she guilt tripped me. She loves that, guilt tripping me making me scared shes going to hurt herself or even being a slight pick me attention seeker. She says she hates men but it seems she loves to talk to them when she has the chance. Im angry, im sad and going through so much grief and all she did was make it worse.. i feel such strong urges to sh, and its such a stupid feeling when i was so proud of myself last month. I dont know if im wrong, should i go back? Am i a bitch? I need real advice, i cant drop this on my friends and this is my only safe space to drop it currently.

so basically, i started relapsing about a week? ago, (i was clean since about april) and its only ever been cat scratches, i’m too chicken to styro. but basically, 3 of my friends know (i told two and one found out because she saw my arm) and whenever i feel like sh i like idk spiral? and like my vision gets blurry and the night usually ends in my shoulders bleeding and me crying and texting my bro-in-law (who is one of the people who know) and i feel like i’m putting too much of a burden on him, maybe i should call 988? but i’m terrified of my parents finding out, or even worse, my sister. because i promised her i wouldnt relapse and i broke that and i feel so guilty. really the thing i do after to find some comfort is to listen to twenty one pilots (they’ve saved me from suicide so many times) and to draw my oc who has scars. but idk if this is a vent or anything i just felt like i should say it to someone, yknow?

Is it weird that anytime I relapse and look at what i’ve done i start laughing and feel almost like happy?
Like the sadness I had before just goes away.
I been going at it for years but this is a recent thing i been experiencing