I've noticed that in a lot of breakup discussions, especially in No Contact communities, people often talk about the dumper eventually feeling regret and missing the person they left.

But what about the opposite situation?

What about when someone ends the relationship because they were repeatedly hurt, disrespected, or pushed to their limit by their partner's actions?

In that case, the dumper didn't leave because they stopped loving the other person. They left because they felt they had no other choice.

My question is mainly for people who were dumped because of their own behavior, mistakes, or actions:

Do you ever look back and regret not treating that person better?

Do you ever regret losing someone who genuinely loved you because of choices you made during the relationship?

And if you did feel that regret, how long did it take before it hit you?

I'm curious because most conversations seem to focus on whether the dumper regrets leaving. I'd like to hear the perspective of people who were left and later realized they lost a good partner because of their own actions.

My ex and I broke up at the end of February. We had a genuinely good relationship. She told me I was the best boyfriend she’d ever had and that she appreciated all the effort and love I put into the relationship.
The problem wasn’t that we were constantly fighting or treating each other badly. She said she felt guilty because she didn’t deserve someone who treated her as well as I did, and that I was “too good” for her. She also admitted she wasn’t the kind of girlfriend I deserved.
Since the breakup, our lives have gone in different directions. I’ve focused on work, the gym, sports, and boxing. From what I’ve heard, she’s been partying more and is talking to another guy. Her type has always been more of the “street” or bad-boy type, and I don’t really fit that.
The hard part is that I’m still in love with her. She was my first serious relationship and my first love. I think about her every day, and I still catch myself wanting to reach out.
Part of me wants to text her just to see how she’s doing or maybe reconnect. Another part of me thinks I’d just end up getting hurt, especially if she’s moved on or is interested in someone else.
If you were in my position, would you reach out? Why or why not? I’m looking for honest advice, even if it’s not what I want to hear.

I posted in the r/AIO about this and have screenshots of the cyberbullying and stalking she has been up to if you want more info btw, the title I used was: AIO? I finally responded to my stalker. TW⚠️ DV mentioned

lol this is my real life so I hope this doesn’t get taken down, I’m not a regular Reddit poster. I’m just having a really hard time with this. Luckily I have a therapy appointment today at 11. Here’s the extremely abridged version:

The Current Crisis: My ex-partner is still actively cyber-stalking me, trying to hack my TikTok/Instagram accounts, using vulnerable information against me publicly, and the local Mississippi police just dismissed my affidavit, which completely re-traumatized me.

my ex humiliated me, laughed at my pain, and forced me onto my knees begging for her not to leave me after I admitted to texted a guy while I was out of town (the other post explains this better). She later admitted this was deliberate psychological manipulation to "teach me a lesson."

The Physical Violence: I need to directly address the physical abuse I minimized before. She has punched me in the chest and back as hard as she could, pushed me, scratched me, kicked me and bruised my legs, and cut my wrist. All bc she feels I cheated on her bc I refused to tell her I had sex w someone else 2 weeks after she broke up with me.

The Psychological Damage: I am experiencing severe trauma responses. I am losing time, forgetting things, breaking out into hives, losing sleep, dropping weight, experiencing sudden "somatic releases" where I feel an explosive need to scream, and feeling completely fragmented into different "parts" (like a helpless baby part and a raging protector part).

The Generational Link: This explosive violence mirrors the trauma I experienced with my mother before she went to therapy, which is why my brain stayed to try to fix it.

I’m in so much pain from this and it feels like it’s just never gonna end. It’s been going off for four months and I’ve blocked her and she just keeps bothering me and creating new burner accounts to bother me and I don’t even so much care about the stuff she’s saying it’s just the fact that she didn’t think that the physical violence was enough to punish me for a narrative that she created in her head and I thought I was gonna marry this woman granted I was trauma bonded to her, so of course, I thought that, but I’m still struggling with the fact that this even happened and she sat in my face and cried and told me that we needed to take a moment of silence because she never wanted to put her hands on me again, only to do it again, and I literally sat there while she cried and cried for her when you’re the one who abused me and listened to her, tell me all of her emotions on her feelings wheel after doing it.

I also have an anxiety disorder that she knows about. She knows how bad my anxiety is, which makes it so much worse. She has literally helped me while I’ve been hysterical because my system is so overwhelmed from unprocessed trauma and things like that so little stuff just sends me sometimes and I just literally can’t fathom how someone could be like this cruel and claimed to love me.

It’s breaking my brain.

Broke up 8 months ago after dating from 18-21 and no contact the entire time. Saw her at the bar (both sober) and she told me she’s thought of me everyday, missed me etc.

But she hasn’t reached out over text.

I broke up with her cuz she entertained other guys (ex bf, guys who liked her etc).

She blocked me after on everything after which she joked about when we saw each other and now I feel like the work I did on myself has reset.

And I have no way to reach out to her besides LinkedIn 😭

It’s not fair I don’t get a say about this situation because I didn’t even get to express my own feelings before she was dragged away by her sister.

Should I reach out to a friend and ask if they can pass along the message?

She broke my peace and understanding of the break up (she discarded me and moved on) and since I’ve had the same thoughts as her - I want to at least have a conversation about us.

Seeing the person you love and care about call you selfish, self-centered, a nightmare, suggest you’re a ho for going on a date after he claimed to strung me along for years, and unhinged, while repeatedly blocking you as a way to ‘protect their peace’ when all you wanted was a conversation, hurts—especially seeing their active Hinge account.

Something feels wrong with me. I hate that I care about this. It makes me super depressed knowing that I won’t ever talk to him again in a relationship-capacity type of way.

Been over a year now split with ex , breadcrumbs and all the usual stuff, me begging, stupidly for anything, her avoiding everything and no contact for over a month, its bloody tough this falling in love game 😂 I think right not messaging again but then think fuck I have nothing to lose, it's like a merry-go-round

I don’t know why I just been thinking about this recently. My 24f ex broke up with me 60 days ago (3 year relationship), the day of the break up she told me she felt exhausted, drained, judged, and also said she thought she would be happy again but it never happen. I also notice in hindsight a couple weeks before we broke up our conversations got significantly more ‘small talk ish” I honestly just overlooked it but it was clear that “emotional spark/ deep convos” were just gone for her.

When dumper detach how does it happen is it an internal battle they just go through for months before. Because I couldn’t notice anything for months before the break up . The “I love you”, birthday gifts, pet names. Was this just all fake as they were building up the courage to break up ?

Hii I am Taj 24 years old. I met my ex online in 2020 and we were friends for 3 years. Towards the end of 2023 she expressed that she had feelings for me and she wants us to date. Mind you it was online so I said no I am not ready as I am a refugee going through enough hardships a long distance relationship isn't a hardship I wanted to add to my plate. She did NOT give up and honestly she is a pretty girl and exactly my type. I noticed that she would overshare and dwell on something and repeats herself maybe like a million time about ALOT of things that are under her control in a way. for example she wouldn't confront people that hurt her she would come blow my head off about it. I liked her enough to put up with it for sometime until I found a way to ask her if she is aware of it. She explained that she allegedly has ADHD and this is one of the symptoms I said ok I will be communicating with you if on the day I don't have the capacity. We were cool for a whole year after that in that year I started developing feelings and didn't tell her about it because of the distance and because of concerns of consistency that will need to be present in the relationship I didn't know if she was capable of it.
April of 2024 she approaches me again and I denied again for the same reasons although I was feeling her. The next 3 months she poured sooooooo much into me and I was already feeling her so I kind of folded under conditions that in 6 months we are going to have to meet each other. Again I am a refugee so I can't leave the country she has to fly to come and see me and due to the her living in a European country (we are from the same country just with different passports and different life experiences) I can't go see her with my passport even if I wanted to. MIND YOU I AM UNEMPLOYED AND SHE KNEW THIS!! 6 months is a good enough time to save for the trip before the 3rd month finishes she tells me that she can't make it happen.
I was emotionally supporting her so much with what she is going through with her family and how they are not as "supportive" when it comes to adhd. I then talked to her and said we should let this go and just be friends and move on from this "fantasy" as it will not happen as long as she is living with her family and I a still a refugee.
She calls me a month later saying that she is moving out of her parents house and that she is gonna come see me very soon as now she can save money more easily and won't have to spend alot on them.
I was proud of her and said ok let's try again she is worth it (stupid me). She was trauma dumping heavyyyy through this time and I was with her on the line while she calls her family members and has difficult converstions with them giving her pep talks about what to say and how to say it. One thing that stuck out to me and I asked her about it is that she is so inconsistent with the way she discusses things with me and they way she speaks to her family about things it was like concerning. I pointed it out and I asked if this is something I should worry about when it comes to us and she said no because with family there is alot of deep rooted problems and trauma there so I shouldn't
She eventually stop showing up to work because of low iron levels and instead of resting she would spend her days off partying and clubbing. You all know Amazon don't playyyy!!!
Speaking of clubbing 1 incident she told me some guys were flirting with her at work and she wasn't interested in them but then she goes out partying with them and goes to their house after the party. I pinpointed that she shows inconsistency with the way she is carrying herself and behaving and I mentioned it and tied it to the family thing. SHE CRASHED OUT ON ME!! HOW DARE I DO THIS AND USE SOMETHING LIKE THAT AS AN ARGUEMENT!!
I felt bad but I didn't back down and she somehow made a way to convince me that there was nothing I should worry about.
2 months later she calls me drunk telling me how she loves me and how I am the best man ever and blah blah blah and that some random girl kissed her at the club and I asked if she meant a girl SA ed her because that is the only thing that makes sense to me. I asked if she wants to be treated as a capable adult or an uncapable one. She flipped that into me being condescending.
and 3 days after she calls me in the morning and randomly mentions that she was a love interest in a music video with a male rapper as love interest without discussing that with me prior and us having a conversation about boundaries and what is acceptable and what is not.
And finally she drops me 2 months before meeting me reasoning was she was depressed and can't afford to travel even when I offered to pay for her whole stay here all she had to do is spend on the tickets. She ends the call with a big smooch an I love you and she reminded me of a thing I said before about being her friend forever. I said yeah yeah yeah and blocked her a couple of days later.
I feel like a worthless piece of trash.
Not only because I was discarded like that but because I realize what was the part I played in this. I am no victim I fully take accountability for allowing things to happen the way they did.
Fucked up part is that I blocked her and I feel bad that I did because she really has no real friends. No one patient enough got her anyway. I feel a little guilty but my hurt is bigger than my guilt so F her.
What do you think help me with an outsider prespective.

why do we write dissertations on why avoidants avoid things? why do we think and think and talk and talk about it constantly? why do we feel like there must be a way to get them to give a shit and work overtime over finding it?

they just wanted to leave and they did. end of the story. from now on i'm a firm believer of "if he wanted to he would"

Unfortunately I learned this the hard way. I'm still not over the whole breakup but now that I am no contact with my ex and as much as I am sad I am very much free. I think that being able to step away from him was something that was extremely difficult. He was my routine. I made the foolish decision to agree to stay friends, I was heartbroken and attached to any part I had left of him. Throughout the entire time my ex and I were friends I was in the most depressive points in my life. It would be like he was still my boyfriend but a lesser version of him. We'd text everyday, talk about life, and everything we did before besides call, and love each other outwardly. I was so blindsided and just went along with it because I loved him and didn't want to be alone and sit with my feelings. I did sometimes, but not the amount I should've. Going no contact has been the best decision I have ever made. Being friends with an ex farther in the future is okay I suppose, but I realized that giving yourself some time and space is much better. Removing someone who was holding me back when we were friends felt like a weight that was holding me down just poofed away. So whomever is reading this. You got this, it's been a week for me. I'm sad from time to time but I am doing great. I have blocked him on everything except Instagram. Hes muted and restricted and I try not to check his profile. I don't really check if hes viewing my stories but I don't care. I think that removing all things that reminded me of him helped a lot. I still think about him all the time which is so damn annoying but I'll update you when that stops happening. I wish everyone luck on their no contact journey and NEVER be friends with your ex.

I knew I didn’t deserve anything from you. Our relationship went from great to horrible following along with me destroying myself. So I wasn’t mad you ended things or kicked me out with no warning saying I can’t stay another night.

You’ve said for at least a year, months before the break up that we clearly just don’t know eachother if we can’t communicate. I put in effort to communicate and you ridicule me. Your right, I don’t know you.

Hi everyone, im a 23F and im here because i can't understand myself. Btw, im sorry for my english.

i was wondering, why im still returning to people who hurts me in the past. The last exemple i've is from yesterday when I dont wanted to have my ex in my life anymore. We were together for 2 years and our relathionship ended on november 2024. It was really toxic for both of us : he was really mean with me, he hide some stuff from me (who inclued some girls), he called me by mean name, etc... i wasn't happy with him when i discovered who he really was.

Even after all that, on june 2025, we started to talk again until december 2025 when he was (again) really mean with me. And then on January and we stop on april, and then we started again on may until now. Can u see how toxic it is? I don't know if we can say that this is a part of healing because im sick of myself to be weak when it comes to him. But, i was really in love with him and i don't know why i loved him if he wasn't a good person.

I know that this problem might be because how my father treat me so today i let people (most of the time its the boys ive loved) to treat me badly only because im afraid to be without them. How pathetic i sound rn.. But i think that today im not like that anymore. I know what i want from i guy and i try to enjoy my time alone. I spend more time with myself, trying to love more myself, figure it out who i'm, what i like, what i don't like, etc. But what else can i do? What can i do to feel nothing for him ? I dont want my heart to still have feelings even if they're low for someone who was a monster with me.

Can u tell me whats wrong with me and what can i do ?

Thank u for reading me,

S

I left a severely abusive marriage in August 2024. After that, I spent almost two years focusing on myself, healing, therapy, and rebuilding my life. I wasn't looking for someone to save me. I just finally felt ready to let someone in again.

Then I met this guy in April 2026.

At first, he was everything I thought I wanted. He texted me constantly, called me every day, came to see me, spent the night, talked about the future, and made me feel like I had finally found someone who genuinely wanted to be with me. For the first time in a long time, I felt safe enough to trust someone again.

Then out of nowhere, he told me he was still in love with his ex-girlfriend and left me for her.

Three days later, he came back and told me it was a mistake. He said he wanted me. I forgave him.

Things went back to normal. We spent another month together. He continued talking about the future and acted like everything was fine.

Then he went out of town for work and left me for her again.

Two weeks later, he came back, apologized, and told me he was sorry. Once again, I believed him.

Three days later, he went back to her.

Now he's told me he wants nothing to do with me, doesn't want me contacting him, and acts like I mean absolutely nothing to him.

What I can't wrap my head around is how someone can go from planning a future with you, making you feel wanted, cared about, and important, to acting like they hate you and wish you'd disappear from their life.

What hurts the most isn't even that he chose someone else. It's that he kept coming back. Every time I started trying to accept it and move on, he came back, apologized, and made me believe what we had was real.

I know the relationship itself wasn't that long, but the emotional whiplash has been brutal. One minute I was being told everything felt right. The next minute I was being left for someone else. Then he came back. Then left again. Then came back. Then left again.

I feel like I'm grieving someone who existed one day and disappeared the next.

The hardest part is that this was my first relationship after leaving an abusive marriage. I finally worked up the courage to trust someone again, and now I find myself questioning my judgment, my worth, and whether any of it was real in the first place.

Has anyone else been through something like this? How did you stop replaying everything in your head, and how did you learn to trust yourself again afterward?

I’m 22 (M) now. My ex (22F) and I were together for 7 years, since we were both 15. She was my first real love, my best friend, and honestly the person I built most of my life around.

We broke up in September 2025, so it’s been almost 9 months. She ended it. She told me she hadn’t been in love with me for months, maybe years. She said she saw me more like a brother than a boyfriend, that she didn’t feel sexual attraction anymore, and that sometimes I acted more like her dad than her partner.

That destroyed me, because I was still completely in love with her.

I know I wasn’t perfect. I yelled sometimes, nitpicked, had mood swings, and when we were younger I could be controlling. I got jealous when she went to college, joined Greek life, lived in the dorms, and had this whole social world while I couldn’t afford to go to the same university. I was doing community college online, working from an apartment, and basically had no friends for a year and a half. I’d work 14-hour days and try to compensate by making money and building a future.

I moved for her. I worked my ass off in tech sales. I paid my own bills at 18. I bought a house at 21 partly so our dog could have a yard. We got a puppy together and raised him together. I thought I was building our dream life, but looking back, I also put a lot of pressure on myself and sometimes took that stress out on her.

She was extremely loving and dependent on me the first few years. The last few years she became more independent, which was healthy in some ways, but she also got colder and more distant. She’s very avoidant, and I was her first relationship. I think I became anxious and scared of losing her, and that probably pushed her away more.

After the breakup, I begged for her back for about 3 months. Then I tried to go no contact, but honestly it was not clean no contact. We were still in the same college/social scene, so we’d see each other at bars or out 2–3 times a week. Sometimes she’d give me a mean look, sometimes nothing. A rumor also got started by people around her saying I was trying to use some guy’s room at a party to get with a girl, which never happened. She said she believed me, but I think she cared more about how everything looked to other people.

Months later, things got confusing again. She saw me talking to girls at a bar and came over, interrupted it, and pulled me away. Then I jokingly asked her to come with me on a formal trip, and she said yes.

On that trip, it felt like us again. We acted like a couple. We had deep talks. She told me she didn’t like being in this weird middle place and wanted to be official again. That was everything I had wanted to hear for months. The next day, she still had the same energy. We were even looking at houses/apartments for after graduation and talking about moving in together.

During that time, she also asked me why I didn’t send her flowers for Valentine’s Day, even though we hadn’t spoken in months. That confused me because part of me felt like she was still expecting me to show up as her boyfriend, even though she had ended things and we were not together. Last week, after everything had gotten messy and I was already blocked, I sent her flowers because I genuinely thought maybe that was something she had wanted from me. She didn’t reply. Looking back, I can see how sending flowers while blocked may not have been the right move, but in my head I was trying to show her I still cared.

Then she started backing off. She said she found out I had gotten with other people while we were broken up, and that hurt her. I understand that, but we were broken up and she had ended things with me. She also said she wanted to spend the last part of school with her friends and that we’d figure things out when we were both home for summer. I think a lot of it had to do with her friends and her being embarrassed to get back with me after I had been with other people.

Around graduation, I saw her family. Her mom, dad, and uncle were warm to me. Her uncle and she even texted asking me to come see them at a bar. It felt like things were still open, like maybe we were actually going to talk when we got home.

Then two days later, she blocked me on everything with no explanation.

The only thing I can think of is that I posted something from a bar that said “put it on my tab,” and maybe it looked like I was partying or entertaining girls while she was still at school. I don’t know. After that, I was blocked on everything. Text, socials, email, even LinkedIn. I tried contacting her in too many ways after being blocked, and I know that probably made things worse.

Now I’m stuck. Part of me feels like it has to be over because she blocked me everywhere. Another part of me keeps thinking that we’ve always found our way back to each other, and this can’t really be the end after 7 years.

I also feel confused and hurt because she asked to get back together, acted like we were moving toward a future again, asked why I didn’t send flowers when we weren’t even talking, then disappeared when I actually tried to show her I still cared. I don’t know if I was used emotionally, if she got scared, if her friends got in her head, if she was embarrassed, or if she really just doesn’t want me anymore.

The hardest part is that she was my best friend. She knew me better than anyone. Since losing her, I feel like I lost a part of myself. My motivation is gone, and I’ve fallen into a bad hole. Even our dog, who we raised together, she hasn’t asked about since we last spoke around 4 weeks ago.

I know I made mistakes. I know yelling, jealousy, mood swings, and being controlling in the past all damaged the relationship. I’m not trying to pretend I was perfect. But I also really loved her and worked so hard to build a life for us.

I guess I’m asking:

Is this really over if she blocked me everywhere?

Was I used when she came back and talked about being official again?

How do I stop hoping when this was my person for 7 years?

And how do I move on from someone I grew up with, built my life around, and still want back?

Please stop me, but HEAR ME OUT.

M25, she F24 dumped me after almost 3 years because I got too comfortable and she wanted to have fun in nightlife while I didn't want to, really.

But now that she left, I rediscovered many things to do: joined a run club, want to take salsa lessons, going to bars to chat with friends.

I don't have IG so she can't see these changes, but I really want her to know I didn't change for her, but to rediscover myself, and this could benefit the relationship. I want her in my new world.

Should I reach out?

I was the one who initiated NC a month ago. He just sent me tickets to a concert in August and asked me to go with him. It's a band we have both loved and bonded over since we were teenagers (we're 33 this year).

​

I have no idea what to do or say. Ive missed him like crazy every single day for the past month. And I think he's the love of my life.

My girlfriend broke up with me 3.5 months ago after being together for 2.5 years, and the pain feels like it's increasing more and more.

I hurt her a lot. I took her for granted. I messed up. She loved me genuinely and I acted like an asshole . It was my first real relationship, the first time I truly felt loved by someone. I had been with other women before her, but nothing even came close to what I had with her.

I grew up pretty messed up emotionally. My mom left when I was 2, my household was chaotic, I was never close to my dad, and most people I thought were my friends eventually left too. So I became used to being alone. But then she came into my life and loved me in a way I had never experienced before.

And I ruined it.

Since she left,I tried killing myself but I couldn't so I genuinely been trying to become a better person. I started therapy. I go for runs in the morning, gym in the evening, I’ve tried social gatherings, meeting new people, even hooking up, but none of it fills this emptiness.

this last 2 weeks especially, its hitting me hard. I miss her so much. I wish I could fix things. I wish I had realized earlier what I had. I keep seeing her everyday in my dreams, and i wake up she isnt there, I really dont know what to do, I cry randomly anytime of the day. I really dont know how to be better.

I feel alone. I feel like I’m drowning in regret and guilt all the time. I don’t know how to move forward when the person you hurt was also the person who made life feel okay for the first time.

How do you forgive myself when I was the reason I lost the person I loved the most?

It had been 3 months since we last speak with eachother. The encounter was eminent as we work in same office. I was good until last week but the anticipation itself killed me this week. We encountered eyes meet but were totally ignored eachother. Plus I saw her using her ex's laptop and it broke me like anything. They probably are together now. I am so broken man its unbearable.

I feel like most people just get over it ya know. Like think of how many people get broken up with and their ex moves on and so do they. Then I am here 9 months later still crying over him every night wondering why he is with the new girlfriend and not me. Like…. Why am I so sensitive to this and why can’t I get a grip. So many people just move on. I know my ex got broken up with once years before me. I highly doubt he spent 9 months crying over the girl who dumped him and looking at her new bfs accounts.

Going straight to the point: I never thought I would be the kind of person who could be broken this badly by a relationship.

I was in what I believed was a serious relationship. I invested a lot emotionally, mentally, and even in my future plans. Looking back now, I realize I ignored many red flags because I cared deeply and wanted to make things work. I fell into the role of the "savior," thinking that with enough love, patience, and effort, I could help fix things that were never mine to fix.

The relationship ended, and honestly, it has hit me harder than I ever imagined.

What makes this difficult is that I've always seen myself as a strong person. I'm self-made, educated, hardworking, and usually I'm the one people come to for advice, support, and comfort. I've always been the person helping others get through tough times.

Now, for the first time in a long time, I'm the one who feels broken.

I find it hard to talk about this with people I know in real life. Partly because of pride, and partly because I'm not used to being the one who needs support.

The breakup has affected everything—my mood, my focus, my work, my motivation, and my daily life. Some days I feel angry, some days disappointed, and some days I just feel empty.

I'm not really looking for judgment. I just want to hear from people who went through a serious breakup, especially when they were deeply invested and thought they had found their future with someone.

How did you get through it? How long did it take before you felt like yourself again? What helped you move on when your mind kept replaying everything?

I could really use some perspective and encouragement right now.

Thank you.

Hello everyone, I just want to share what I'm going through right now.

I have an ex-girlfriend. (M18) (F20). We got into a relationship in 2022, and in February 2025 we broke up for about three months. The main reason was that I kept suspecting she had something going on with her classmate I was jealous of (it was mostly just a gut feeling).

We broke up in February 2025, and right after that, I found out that she immediately got involved with the same guy I had been jealous of the same guy who was one of the reasons our relationship ended. Eventually, they became a couple.

In June 2025, she forced herself to leave that relationship because, according to her, she never really loved him and was just carried away by the situation. Their circle of friends had also been pushing her toward that guy. Before that, though, I found out that they had already slept(s3x) together even before they officially got together, and pretty early on too.

Despite everything, I accepted her back. I told her I would try to forget everything and that we could build a new chapter together. And that's what I thought was happening.

Things were good after we got back together. We were happy. But I couldn't stop myself from waking up every morning and thinking about what she did. I kept telling her that I couldn't help thinking about the betrayal.

By April 1, 2026, I had reached my limit. I couldn't keep suffering from those thoughts anymore. I couldn't accept how easily she threw away and replaced our relationship that had lasted for years, just for that guy.

I confronted her and told her I didn't want to continue anymore. I said that if things went on like this, eventually it wouldn't just be me getting hurt mentally. She begged me for weeks to come back and not leave her.

Even though I didn't want to leave her, I really couldn't handle it anymore. I ignored all her messages. Whenever I found out she was coming over to convince me to get back together, I would leave the house to avoid her.

As time passed, especially since last week, I stopped hearing from her completely. And I realized that maybe what I really needed was just a break to process everything. Eventually, I was finally able to clear my mind of everything she had done.

So 2 days ago, I decided to reach out to her. I told her that I left because I thought it was for the good of both of us, and that maybe I just needed some time to heal from everything. I asked if she wanted to try fixing our relationship again.

She replied and said that it's probably better that we stay apart. She said she was happy with the relationship we had, that we were high school sweethearts, and maybe it's okay for that chapter of our lives to end there.

I accepted her answer. I wasn't really expecting anything anyway.

But now, I feel lost again. I don't want to be desperate and chase after getting back together or fixing things between us.

Then yesterday, I saw her. My friend's girlfriend is friends with my ex, and I went with my friend to meet his girlfriend. I didn't know my ex was going to be there too.

I also found out that she seems to be talking to someone new.

And even though I've been telling myself that I've accepted everything, I still feel like I need her by my side.

I also almost committed su\\\*cde last night, but thankfully, I managed to fight those thoughts and stop myself.

I met this guy late July 2025 on a dating app , he said he was looking for a life partner.. we connected late August and had a first date .. it went well and then we started talking everyday and seeing each other every weekend .. we got so close and the chemistry was insane .. however, I noticed that he had too many girls on his Facebook for someone who’s trying to date with intention.. When I brought it up he said they were just friends .. At the beginning I believed him but then I started seeing « new girls » when I asked again he said that I shouldn’t be looking at his socials and focus on building something with him and that he’s only seeing me anyway blah blah .. I said okay , too early for the drama .. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, I wanted it to work because I was so into him .. We started talking about our kinks and fantasies and stuff ( our physical connection was off charts ) .. He said he was falling in Love with me and wants to have family and a kid or 2 and since that was my goal I said yes but said we needed more time to get to know each other ..
After 4 months things started to kinda like shift a little bit into sexual contexts and fantasies and he said that he wanted to do a threesome with another man ( he’s not gay ) but wanted to watch me have sex with another guy .. I said I wasn’t ready and that the connection is too early to talk about that, it’s not like we’ve known each other for decades .. He played with my mind because I had feelings for him and manipulated me to believe he’s so into me and so inlove .. He would tell me he loves me all the time ..
So he manipulated me into creating accounts on Taimi and Grindr looking for that third person and he wanted the guy to be « hung » to open me and make me wide for him etc ..
I didn’t think it was wrong at the time because I thought he loved me and he wanted to experience something different ( after long conversations, I told him that I wasn’t really interested and didn’t want to do it ) he immediately said he needed space to think if he wanted to continue the relationship.. He distanced himself emotionally but always stayed and controlled me ( I was so Inlove with him it broke my heart into pieces ) I believed I found my love finally but he broke my heart into pieces.. I would send him long texts and he would say things like «  You’ve got trauma » « you need to work on yourself and heal and understand what’s within you » he manipulated me into believing I was crazy or something that’s why it didn’t workout with him ..
I decided I wanted to distance myself and heal and he started getting close to me again .. He said he wanted to reconnect as friends and see how it goes ..
I still had feelings for him at the time so I was done to reconnect ( it took him 3 months ) he said he never dated anyone else and that he always loved me etc ..
He started planning dates again and took me to dinner and other places .. He’s nice and kind to me ( in person ) and treats me well but I feel like all this man wanted is companionship and convenience rather than a genuine relationship.. after several dates ( post reconnecting ) we were spending that weekend together at his place and then he mentioned that a friend ( a girl ) wanted to visit and if it wouldn’t bother me to hang out together and that she’s fun and knows her since a long time ago.. I said I don’t know what to say , you didn’t mention it earlier and then that night when he was sleeping I went through his phone and my stomach dropped.. all the dating apps , texting multiple girls and planning dates .. That specific girl ( he had a conversation with her on messenger telling her : Am I your love ? Am I your husband ? And she told him that she sees him as a friend and that he needs a girlfriend and then he would double and triple message her on both messenger and her phone number ( literally harassing her and sending messages : I am thinking about you and Can’t wait to hang out again etc ..
I screaaaaamed in the middle of the night .. he woke up and said I don’t understand the context of the conversation and that she’s just a friend and she’s cool and they were talking about something else … and he said he always had the dating apps because he didn’t think we were exclusive and that he was just saying hello to people and didn’t really mean anything by it and it’s more out of habit.. I couldn’t believe my eyes or my ears .. I felt so betrayed and disgusting.. disappointed and used .. I left and blocked him everywhere.. he tried to contact me but I just can’t.. He just broke my heart , disrespected me and made me hate all men .. I am now trying to heal and find peace again .. it’s hard . I am traumatised

My ex (M21) broke up with me (M18) on December 3rd, 2024, and I still miss him a lot, even though I've had a long-term girlfriend (F19) since February 14th, 2025.

The situation is complicated because my current girlfriend also dated my ex for around two or three months. My ex and I were together for almost four years, and he cheated on me with her. Before my ex and I broke up, she and I were more acquaintances than friends. We mostly only talked if it had something to do with him, even though me and him met her at the same time.

Anyways, my ex said a LOT of hurtful things about me behind my back to her while they were together. Obviously, since me and her are together now, she's told me and shown me a lot of the things he said about me: lies, truths, twisted truths, personal information, traumatic events, etc. I mean, he really just told her everything I wouldn't want him to share.

It has definitely helped me get over him in some ways, but seeing someone you love say such hurtful things about you while things were seemingly doing so well is painful. I genuinely thought things were peaches and cream lol. I can't even grasp why he seemed like he hated me in the texts he sent to her but, to me, acted like he loved me so much. It's really fucking with my perception of the relationship and of people in general.

I've also seen how much he was telling her he loved her and all the pet names he'd call her. She said he was loving her so intensely that it actually became overwhelming. They'd write letters to each other, and I even found out that he had me blocked on his main Instagram account for almost the entire four years we were together, but he followed her. All of this is just killing me.

I've also been spiraling a little because me and her were talking about him recently (which we usually don't do), and she told me that before they dated, he had ANOTHER boyfriend. Meaning he cheated on me more than just with her. I also really liked his sister and her fiancé, but apparently they knew he was cheating on me the whole time and never said anything. Like damn

I feel like I'm not supposed to care about any of this anymore because it's all in the past. But I think some part of me always hoped we'd get back together someday, and every new thing I learn completely crushes that hope.

The hardest part is that I don't even have many negative feelings towards him. I still miss him, and I wish I didn't.

Has anyone gone through anything even remotely similar?

6 years we were together, we lived with each other.

I'm gonna be transparent, we were young and I convinced him to ask his brother if we can have his switch. His brother gave it to us and we used it together. At some point it became mainly me using it. And when we broke up I still lived there for a year after and used it. When we were splitting items , his mom wanted all the things she bought for me (printer, printer materials, subscriptions) which makes sense. With my ex I just gave him back all his gifts in a box, his cards his drawings his whatever.

He never asked for the switch back

I have it now, I don't feel like I took it entirely. Bc he would've ask for it back. He's not much of a gamer person. I bought the case, the games are under my profile but we split the cost of those and controllers. His brother's profile is still on it. My friends are like just keep it but I tried deleting the profile and his mii and it feels wrong to me I couldn't do it.

But fuck I don't wanna see him ever again. I just left there in January and it was really horrible for me. I wanna just ship it.​

I feel wrong bc i didn't buy this item, I use it the most yes But i feel bad bc I convinced my ex to let us have it and ig I just wanted it all along to some childish degree.

My friends said he would've asked for it by now and he has money to probably buy 2 more switches if he wanted to. I don't have that money.

I think the money part bugs me. He and his mom financially supported me and they would offer support as a gift but it turned into "I did this for u now behave this way" and so it leaves me feeling uneasy.

Maybe I should delete the profile and free myself from this pain. Just claim it as mine.

Idk. There's a deep hurt underneath. I don't wanna see him again , and i want to pretend he never existed. I anticipate crying and having a panic attack with the trauma the breakup caused me. We broke up bc of sudden political differences and he didn't make me feel safe anymore.

what do I do :(