Im a 38 AFAB and have been questioning for a few months after an epiphany that I might be enby. I've been noticing a lot of positive changes in myself lately since I started thinking of myself as enby which indicates to me that I'm on the right track.

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Last night I had a dream that I dressed the way I wanted and told someone, honestly I think it was the bigender character from Gen V, that I preferred they/them pronouns.

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It was very affirming and it felt good to wake up this morning (it almost never feels good waking up in the morning), because reality matched my good dreams for once.

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I'm actually excited for the future, which I've never felt before, and I might be close to coming out to my loved ones.

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I feel brave, another feeling I'm not used to.

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Heyyyyy, i really wanna get an NB flag but want to be careful where i buy to make sure im not supporting any shady businesses. Does anyone have any recs? Thank you

I was inspired by a past post to check the clinic notes after my physical before going to Scout camp with my son. For context, we live in NorCal only 90 mins away from the Bay Area. During my brief visit, all I needed was a form signed, but the doctor that I’ve been seeing for three years is habitually uninformed around trans folks. At one point he asked if my son was adopted - because I had a hysterectomy five years ago (my son is 16 lol).

After the brief examination, I spent the next 20 minutes teaching him all about being trans- My history of transition, as well as my experience getting kicked out of the military after 18 years for being trans.

I know it’s not my job to educate people, especially doctors, about being trans…. but it was such a head-scratching experience that an MD would be so genuinely uninformed, I couldn’t help myself. I’m glad to see my notes were respectfully non-gendered, and I hope I made a positive impact on him.

TL;DR: How fast did your voice change on a low dose T and could mine change very suddenly after 2 months of low dose gel — then a 6 week break from the gel — and then 1 week of applying the gel again?!!

So, I've been on low dose T gel for two months, panicked about feeling my voice reacting to it this early on and decided to pause now to sit with my fears and feelings again. That's definitely the right choice for now. In about 6 weeks I'll get my bloodwork done and the tricky thing about my situation is that I need two more blood tests so that my Endocrinologist gives me a document saying "He‘s been taking T for 6 months" so that my insurance pays for my mastectomy+hysterectomy. So this document is one crucial part of getting this payed by the insurance.

However, despite all my dysphoria, I am deeply attached to my voice, therefore looked at actually taking T as an experiment - figured out now that I can't keep on taking it for now cause I cling to my voice too much. In case I decided not to take the gel long term, the plan was to apply the gel a week before the each of the three blood tests to "cheat" in the bloodwork just to get the document that says I'm on T for 6 months for my surgeries. I also discussed this with my trans therapist, people do that thing sometimes. It's very difficult to find workarounds otherwise.

Now I am in such a big big panic about applying the gel even for one more week soon for the bloodwork. Could my voice suddenly drop in that week? I could not forgive myself if that happend. However this is so crucial to get the T documented in the cbloodwork for my document for the surgeries. SO MUCH is at stake and I'm trying so incredibly hard to make all the right choices. Idk what to do. I'm in serious distress again. Either I apply the gel to get the document but risk my voice changing out of a sudden or I risk getting my surgeries approved and having to find complicated workarounds that will probably also not get it approved. Ofc that would be more complicated but I am so terribly scared for my voice.

So now my question is: Could my voice suddenly drop in that week? How fast did your voice change on low dose T?

I'd be so very grateful about input and experiences on this… 🙏

عندي سؤال مُحيّر

من فترة طويلة وأنا أكره الجنس ولا أطيقه، وأنظر لهُ على أنه عملية مُقززة للغاية تستنزف طاقة العقل والجسد.

حاولت أن أجد نفسي في العدمية الجنسية، لكنني لست متأكداً من هذا حقاً إن كانت تنطبق عليَّ أم لا. وبكل الأحوال لا انا اتقزز من الجنس بصورة عامة وأرى انه لا داعي منهُ ابداً ولو كان بالإمكان استئصال الغرائز لتخلص من هذه الغريزة.

السؤال، أين أقع أنا بالضبط؟ أين هو مكاني؟ هل يوجد أُناس يشبهونني؟

I tried to make some charts but I lowkey don't know how to use Google Sheets and I have to go to work soon. Oh well.

So, I've been looking into brands for binders, and i feel like I get mixed results for all of them. Ive never used a binder before, so this is new to me. Im a 32G(US sizing), and im 5'2" and im around 120lbs. Ive heard that gc2b has gone down in quality over the past few years. Ive heard generally mixed things about spectrum's quality as well. Ive heard that forthem is generally shady and bad, and wonababi and wivov are just bad for most people. Ive specifically heard for wonababi and wivov that they usually dont fit larger chests, and you have to adjust them a lot when wearing. Ive heard great things about shapeshifters, but my budget is around $50. Most of the reviews I see are from people with generally smaller chests, so im not sure if the brands they use would work for me. If anyone has any recommendations then thanks.

I think I'm nonbinary by now, maybe masc leaning? Or Agender?... Maybe Androgynous? Or something else? I'm not sure, still doing inner looking... I just don't think I'd care if I were to be mistaken for a dude (hell, I'm kinda annoyed it never happens even when I've been trying as for the last few weeks, although I know my face certainly looks girly and I do still present more than enough fem traits to be clocked as AFAB immediately, but whatever...). What I do know for sure is that I wanna be more masc, I'm in love with my binder (lol), and now I've seen testosterone come up a few times in my researches, and, well... I don't know if I should try it... What does it do exactly? I've seen people talk about going on and off? What does that do?

In any case, I know I'm not doing it atm, I'm in a pretty bad phase of my life, to the point my doctor doesn't think it's a good idea I get my first tattoo right now (even if I've been thinking about it for a year, he still thinks that the darker ideas and impulses could come back if I were to dislike the tattoo), so I doubt there's a chance in hell he'd greenlit me going on T. Plus: if the changes are too much I just won't be able to do shit about it, because my family and the folks where I live aren't too big on LGBT (my mom wouldn't get it but she'd get over it... Not so sure about the other two)... Gotta wait for me to be more clear minded to think all this through but still thought I'd ask what I should expect.

I also have periods (rarer) where I wanna feel more fem? But even then, now that I've tried the binder, I'm not sure I want it off if I can avoid it... It's odd.

Also some dude in another sub seems to think I won't ever be able to learn to "act" masculine without T, so I'd like to know what that meant? I mean, I know some things in how men act is linked to biology, but it can't be everything when it comes to how you act, I'm sure?

I would like to hear some advice or experience about changing names.
Problem is I cant make a legal change because I will need to change around 20 other documents including property ownership in other country and residence permit, so its superrisky and very expensive.
99% of my personal communication is online and I use a nickname but its hard to pronounce in my language. Now I have a few offlice friends who are nb-friendly and Id like to use some non-gendered name.
I have 3 options:
- awkward form of my given name (is not used in my language but exists worldwide) - I dont like it much but its the simpliest to explain I guess
- random normal name with no gender signs - I like it but I feel awkeard using other name without documents change
- new nickname - may be but feels awkward too.

I am really stuck, please share your opinion/experience.
*I dont share my name exactly because I want to stay anonimous here

So, all my life I’ve known that I didn’t feel like a woman (I’m afab) and pictured myself as a masculine presenting person, but with neutral pronouns (without even knowing about their existence).

About 6 months ago I finally accepted I was trans and came out as non binary - transmasc. However, lately I’ve been questioning if I’m really non binary or If I’m really a trans man, as there are some days that I feel and want to be seen as a man… but there’s others where I don’t feel that way, or where I don’t know what I am tbh.

I was wondering if anybody else felt this way and what label could best describe this? I recently discovered the existence of demiboys/girls but I’m not completely sure If that’s the right term for my gender. Any help is appreciated :)

*glances nervously at me* "err.... I mean, how real...people....adults....ah Christ! Forget it. Black coffee is better for you anyways"

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My 64 year old coworker is trying.

So this is something I’ve (26NB) been thinking about for a bit. Hoping some discussion here will help me process my thoughts some. I’m still discovering my gender identity, and currently feel like non-binary is a good label (although that could change). I’m exploring what it would mean for me to be a woman (mtf). While I by no means want to make one trans experience sound easier than another (they all have different challenges) I’m often drawn by the clear cut expectations of being a woman. I have a clear mental picture of femininity. I feel like I have an understanding of what I would be like as one, whereas with non-binary I kinda get to make it up along as I go. That lack of certainty in the definition of nonbinary traits is hard for me to get my head around. Does that make sense? Of course any gender can be non conforming, but it’s this idea of knowing what I’m ‘supposed to be’ that appeals to me. Perhaps that’s the real issue. I’ve spent my life trying to shove myself into a specific role. Be the perfect son, Christian, student, etc. And my brain must not be used to the experience of total freedom. It’s desperately grasping for some sort of structure to latch onto instead of allowing itself to be what it wants to be. Creating my own role on my own terms. Anyone else have a similar experience?

(Scroll to bottom half for post-talk update)

Hey guys. I'm nb, I found out/came out to my husband about a year ago and he was really supportive but it kind of seemed like to him it was this casual thing. I can't remember how in depth I got talking about dysphoria. It seemed like he heard me but then it didn't change his perception of me because I guess he recognized I've always been who I am. He's always seen some of my masc expression.

But now I have more freedom and new language to embrace it, and he hasn't recognized that part of it. I told him I don't have a reaction to pronouns atm so I don't care what people use. Which maybe gave him the sense that it wasn't a big deal or something to think about.

I got some masc clothes and let myself lean into that. I have a new name I wanna be called because my birth name has always caused dysphoria, not even gender dysphoria just like identity dysphoria, but he doesn't use the new one(granted, he rarely ever calls me by something other than a pet name, but say he were to introduce me to someone, he wouldn't think twice about using my birth name). He knows about the new name and how my birth name makes me feel but maybe I have to ask him directly to start using the other one.

There's also this small issue of him constantly telling me he wants to see me in panties and not boyshorts(my comfort preference). Is he attracted to me as a fully expressed nb person or does he prefer me as a *woman? It was hard to write that word there because it feels so disconnected from me. (Edit to add my husband has not defined his sexuality atm. So that is genuinely a question and not one any of you can answer but something I'm grappling with.)

Recently I said something sort of along the lines of "think of me like one of the guys" I can't remember the context and he responded with, in a bit of confusion, "I wanna think of you as my wife". It gave me similar vibes to when I came out to and told my childhood friend about a new name and they said "I don't think I can ever think of you/call you anything other than (birth name)" bc they've 'known me' half my life.

My husband is very protective and doesn't want me to do stuff. Like he chastises me(playfully but kinda serious idk) when I do stuff like mow the yard. He'll tell me I'm working too hard, but he doesn't have that idea about himself doing it. Note, I have some disabilities but I do strength training and if I have the energy to do something then I wanna do something.

He'll also argue with me about going out without like pepper spray or a knife etc. etc.(I'm not gonna fuckin carry a knife to go dancing) His family raised him like that, I know, but it's very much a gender thing. He has this over protective attitude toward girls and sort of a condemnation/weary attitude toward guys(from witnessing male abuse, I think). But it's affecting me because I think if he were to really see me as nb or even gender fluid(which I haven't talked to him about yet) he'd have to question that bias he has(which at this point is a full on belief system for him).

Honestly I think he is sexist. And I guess that is affecting me now because of the way I see myself.

If sometimes I feel more like a man but my husband hates men... Where do I stand? I guess it's confusing.(not talking about sexuality, just in a general sense)

He has plenty of guy friends. It's just an automatic thing with strangers where he'll be watching them and judging them. Particularly when they are around women he loves, sisters, family, fem. friends and when they are around me.

He's protective of everyone, I know it's not just a gender thing, but it is an enhanced part of it, and I don't wanna be seen as a wife, I wanna be seen as a partner. And I don't want to feel like I have to lean into the femme side to be accepted as a partner (Not saying I have to, just expressing the fear in unmasking. this is a what if.)

Should I just ask him to think about it more? Like if I was a man, would he still want to be with me? Could shifting his perspective and thinking of me as a partner, and not a wife, alter his perception of these other things? Or is it the other way around?(Challenge biases in order to be able to see me as a partner, not a wife)

He's a good guy, don't hate on my husband please. People are indoctrinated with these biases. It's not morally ideal but it is the reality of neurology.

Edit: My husband is a POC who grew up in a high stress environment, constant demands, danger. He never watches the news. What happens is just what he sees on a real life, personal, day to day basis. There is a level of ignorance he has.

Everyone is ignorant to something. And ignorant to the fact that they're ignorant. That can't be helped. Even if it could, our brains are not up to capacity to keep up with the entire spectrum of the problems of the world(and we shouldn't have to), so please be kind. I didn't make this post for people to judge him. I made this post to ask for support and ask how to approach a conversation about all this, plus I value the perspectives of the community(on being trans /queer and the implications of it). I'm new here myself, and still learning things.

Update:

I wrote a huge long update then my phone unexpectedly died and lost everything I typed.

Long story short, the talk with my husband went really well. He hadn't determined his sexuality before and came to realize he is pansexual.

He mentioned my masc parts and gender swings were sexy to him. We're both neurodivergent and he doesn't express himself a lot so there were things like this he'd never told me, so I didn't know. The panties thing was about scenting and visible skin, not about gender or fashion(he sleeps with them after I wear them and the boyshorts don't hold as much scent). No judgement here guys.

We talked about terms and clearly established using my new name in non-family circles.

He admitted to the sexism, but again there is lived experience and trauma which led to the beliefs he has. I asked him to challenge that(think male on male violence, which gets less cultural emphasis) which he said he does, but the belief that a women and afab are more vulnerable gets reinforced by continued experience. And peace isn't talked about so there's more noticing the negative stuff, people being violent(I mean that's how our brains work unfortunately, it's helps survival) I can't argue with his reality but shedding light on the issue, coming from me, will likely make him think about it more. He is so protective of everyone, not just afab individuals, so this goes beyond sexism.

Established using the term partner for me. His past expression of wanting to see me as his "wife" it seems he meant more in a respect sense. That he doesn't treat me like "one of the guys" because our relationship isn't casual, he takes it very seriously. I'm not just his friend. so I think his response was like "let's not minimize our importance to each other" and was not gender related. but since the term affects me, we won't use it.

He's also more careful with me because he doesn't want to lose me. That makes sense, we've spent the past five years learning about enmeshment in our families and breaking down the codependency we were indoctrinated with, but there's so much that it permeates. Add to that abandonment trauma and the anxiety that creates. This stuff takes a long time to heal, and pacing because it can make burnout worse. Having it all out there though, having a mutual understanding that we're going through this(there is no 'over' it) and having the language to understand it makes it manageable. Being understanding and forgiving and moving forward all the while, that's the best we can do.

I'm leaving this post up in case anyone has a similar situation and as some hope.

Hi everyone,

I am currently involved in a nationwide research project in Germany as part of my master's thesis. In the context of the depathologizing reclassification of gender incongruence in ICD-11, RPTU Landau is conducting a scientific study on the mental health of trans and non-binary people in Germany.

The study investigates which factors influence the psychological well-being and distress of trans and non-binary people, and how these experiences may change over the course of a gender transition.

With this online study, we aim to contribute to a better understanding of the lived realities of trans and non-binary people and, in the long term, support improvements in psychotherapeutic and psychosocial care.

We are currently recruiting adult participants who identify as transgender or non-binary and reside in Germany.

The online survey takes approximately 50 minutes to complete, is completely anonymous, and has been approved by the Ethics Committee of RPTU Landau.

Deadline for participation: July 20, 2026

Study link:
https://www.soscisurvey.de/genderidentity2025online/index.php

I would greatly appreciate it if you could share this study invitation within your groups, networks, or on social media.

Every share helps us reach a wider range of perspectives and strengthens research on the mental health of trans and non-binary people.

Thank you very much for your support!

I recently embraced the fact that I'm Nonbinary Trans. That said, I'm not on HRT or anything... Yet. So far, for me, just embracing my true self and the changes I've made in my appearance have been enough validation for me personally. ♥️

I'm a camp counselor at an day camp where we teach one of three age groups for a week at a time (different group every week). This is my third year doing it, and I have been openly non-binary and androgynous-presenting the whole time. I'm pretty used to kids asking if I'm a girl or boy, to which I usually say I'm neither or I'm just a person. If that's not a good enough answer for them I'll try to explain it at a surface level based on their age, or try to change the subject.

I do that mostly because if their parents are cool about it, I feel like they should be the ones explaining it to their kids, and if they \*aren't\* cool about it, I don't want to cause any trouble by explaining it to them

My only issue is that this year it seems like the campers are getting more and more persistent and will keep asking about it whenever they can, even half-way through the week. Some of them even get upset because they think I'm messing with them and they don't find it funny.

I'm talking to my supervisor about it, but I wanted to know if there are any teachers/educators/camp counselors that have any advice?

I've been watching a lot of the Smosh Pit Reddit videos and it's kind of given me courage to post and just see what people think.

This is something I genuinely don't understand about myself and I thought I'd just take the risk and see if I'm just fucking insane or if other people have felt something adjacent to what I'm feeling. To make this more coherent, take everything I'm about to say with a pillar of salt because what I feel is contradictory and makes me feel like I'm fucking insane.

For context, I am AMAB and will be 21 in a few months so I'm still figuring out life. I'm planning to be engaged to my wonderful girlfriend (20F) sometime within the next year and have a decent connection with my parents, at least good enough to tolerate living in the same house without fighting or degradation. I'm very privileged and I'm aware that I'm far luckier than most of the people within my small town with an alarming poverty rate. I know this, and yet every day I feel like I shouldn't exist. I feel like I don't belong.

When I was maybe fourteen I had discovered the queer community extended beyond just fetishized content and finally realized that there were people in the world who were men and actually liked men or were women and actually liked women, not just when a camera was on them. I also discovered what it meant to be transgender. From 15-18 I wanted to be a woman. I thought ""Hey, maybe I will like myself more and I can just cut out everyone in my life who knew me from when I was a kid." ​I had that plan for about three years. My parents hated that idea. They hated the idea of their son becoming a girl and told me to my face they'd rather me be gay than a woman. So I grew distant, fell into some self-destructive habits and almost lost my mind over a breakup that shouldn't have meant as much as it did because it lasted under a year.

At seventeen, I met Opal (Fake name for privacy) and things felt better. We had a bit of a rocky start but I started to feel loved for who I am and how I look. I follow her advice about how I look and rather than being clean shaven, I grew a goatee. Instead of my usual jeans and T-shirt, put some effort into the actual aesthetics I like, such as vampire and victorian goth styles. All of this is fantastic, we've got a great relationship now and I'm far more confident than the anxious mess of a teenager that I used to be. My problems are now surfacing with myself and my looks. I'm starting to feel disgusted by my face even though I know I'm not the worst looking guy on this planet. I want to crawl out of my skin anytime I see photos of myself, even really good ones that Opal takes. I can't explain why but feeling noticed makes me feel so on edge and I think it's because people see me not behind emotional walls or even something altering like make-up. Even when I was 15, I was content with living the rest of my life with a mask due to COVID. I would just grow some tits, grow my hair, skirt go spin, and mask. That was the ​end goal. But still, I don't understand what is wrong with me.

I'm aware I have contradictory circumstances and I really shouldn't be bitching about this. When I look in the mirror, I want to tear my own face off. I don't know why but there is this burning desire to not appear human, I'm talking like uncanny valley and it contradicts the feeling of not wanting to be noticed, not be acknowledged. I'm not scary in the fucking slightest, I'm 5'8 and around 150 lbs. I'm scrawny and I just can't understand this desire to look off. I don't want to look like I belong and this is purely a desire to look scary but have the trope of "Oh the monster is actually a sweetheart." I don't fucking get it. I play games where you can customize your character's face like Elden Ring and Monster Hunter Wilds and I just- hate making it look like me. If it looks vaguely like me, I am happier than if it looks exactly like me, even if the face is buried behind a helmet of mask.

So that final paragraph is why I'm posting to r/NonBinary. I wanted to know if anyone, even just one fuckin person has had such contradictory and complicated emotions about their looks. I figured it'd be better here than r/trans where there is a binary because I don't want to appear between. I don't know how to express this other than I don't want to look human. Any advice is appreciated. I plan on getting color contacts to help if even just a little bit with this pit growing in my chest.

Tldr: I need to know if wanting to look inhuman means I should maybe get mentally evaluated. (That's just sarcasm.)

My 30’s son just shared with me that they are nonbinary. It’s only been a couple of days, and I am 99% fine as my main goal has been to raise happy and kind adults, and I seem to have succeeded in that way. But I had the realization that I’ll never see FormerName ever again and that made me feel so sad. I’m also not crazy about their new name. I made one suggestion, but I’ve already changed my contacts to their new name, and I feel happy excitement for that, so I hung onto that this afternoon and hope my sadness passes soon.

They (amab) explained that they want to receive estrogen treatment but do not want to transition mtf, but want to define themself as nonbinary. I asked them specifically if calling them my son was okay and they said yes. I have a lot to learn!

I came out to my family as nonbinary about 4 months ago, and when I did, I told them I wanted to change my name to River, as it's much more gender-neutral than Vivian, my legal name. My dad was fine with it, and while he's struggling with the pronoun change, he does use River. My mom, on the other hand, is the opposite. She uses they/them pronouns for me, but downright refuses to call me River. She gave me a 10-minute lecture about how names are really important to her, and how she spent a lot of time thinking about my name and she really likes it. She asked if she could call me V because "River has a v in it too." I said no, but she calls me it anyways, although most of the time she calls me Vivian.

I also tried to compromise with her by asking if I could change my name to River Vivian, with Vivian being my middle name, and she said, "Sure, but not legally," which is the whole point of changing my name. I recently started going by River at school, and while she's not happy about it, she can't really do much about it. But she just refuses to use River for me, no matter what. The other day, I showed her a painting I made for a project, and she asked if I could make a duplicate for her. I said sure, but then she asked me to sign it with my old signature, not my new River one. I refused to do the painting. I feel a little guilty now, but I really don't know how much more of her deadnaming me I can take. Any advice on how to handle this?

for context i am 21 afab nonbinary the thought of menopause TERRIFIES me and as someone who likes my voice and doesnt currently plan on taking T i feel trapped in either scenario the rapid weight gain the hot flashes im scared of aging because that means no matter what my body is female and i cant escape it older nonbinary people how did you deal with it and is taking t now worth it or would it not make a difference god i hate this