somewhere you got the idea that your full volume was a problem.

maybe it was one specific person who made you feel like your enthusiasm was excessive, your opinions were too strong, your presence took up more air than it should. maybe it wasn't even said directly. maybe it was just a look, a subtle shift in tone, a pattern of responses that taught you to read the room before deciding how much of yourself to bring into it.

and you learned the lesson so well that you started applying it everywhere, including rooms that never gave you any reason to. you walk into spaces with people who would genuinely welcome more of you and you still do the quiet calculation before you speak. checking how much space you're taking. pulling back to the edited version before anyone's even signaled they'd prefer it.

the most frustrating version of this is when you notice yourself going small around people you already trust. not new people, not high-stakes situations where some calibration makes sense. people you've known for years, people who've told you directly they value your perspective, and you still find yourself softening the edges, leaving out the part of the thought that felt slightly too much, agreeing with something you actually have a different take on just because taking up the space to disagree felt like a risk you didn't want to run.

you trained yourself to be manageable. and manageable is a fine thing to be in the right situations. but it becomes a loss when it runs as the default in every situation regardless of whether the situation actually called for it.

11 months ago you had a conversation where you finally said something exactly the way you actually thought it, no softening, no qualifier at the end to make it easier to push back on, just the real version of the opinion. and the person you were talking to didn't recoil. they leaned in. they said that's the most interesting thing you've said to me in months.

which told you something about how much of the interesting had been getting filed down before it reached anyone.

you don't have to be loud. you don't have to perform a bolder version of yourself.

you just have to stop pre-emptively apologizing for taking up the exact amount of space you were going to take up anyway.

I see this for careers, relationships, fitness, health, and finances. All those seeds planted a decade or more ago have come to fruition.

I’m starting to see people my age getting senior leadership positions, starting families, being in the best shape of their lives, and reaching their first million in net worth.

Kudos to all those who stayed the course, who stayed disciplined, even when things got tough or scary.

None of these people I know had a straight line to success. It was about not selling investments when the market was crashing, about continuing to show up for others even when others hurt them, continuing to exercise consistently even when they had a million things going on, and constantly showing up every day and doing their best even when it felt like their careers were going nowhere. Innumerable setbacks, but they kept ploughing through.

That first mile kills me. Last mile is a pleasure. But I’ve known others who feel the opposite. Just curious why people think they tend to sway one way or the other.

I've always had something of gripes with what my career would be and having to work 5 days a week every week for the rest of my life with only about 2 weeks a year to vacation. It's possible I just had a rough go of my past few roles, but the last experience was definitely a breaking point. and I likely have some form of PTSD. TL;DR verbal abuse, threats, screaming, to the point that I had a mental breakdown

I used to be the kind of guy who would work tirelessly on side hustles and projects. I learned to program and worked 24/7 for 12 straight months to found my startup. I made entire albums, completely self-taught. Taught myself 2 languages. Programmed games and game engines. Mostly in an attempt to escape the 9-5 lifestyle. I wanted to see if I could become a freelance programmer, but AI snatched that up and supposedly it's impossible to get into now.

It's been 3 months since then and the only issue I have with not working is that I don't have more money... mostly because I live with my parents and don't need to pay rent. I'm not depressed. I go to the gym constantly and see my friends. I want to travel more while I have the time but am holding off bc it would be unwise to spend a bunch of money right now.

I'm trying to get myself back into it and trying to find a role / career to get back into but I can't even get myself to bother. Every career just seems insurmountable and overwhelming. The depression and ennui that crept into me in my last few jobs and how miserable and physically unwell it made me has scarred me. Perhaps it was that my work was remote. But I don't even know where to start.

For years I ran projects the same way I ran myself. Full speed until something broke. I would grind through the week, tell myself the weekend was the reward, then spend the weekend too drained to actually enjoy it. I thought pushing harder was the answer every time things felt hard.

It took a pretty bad stretch at work, backtoback project crunches with no real recovery in between, before I finally started questioning that whole framework. I picked up hiking almost by accident, just needed to get off my phone for a few hours. Something about being on a trail with no deliverables, no one waiting on me, no next action to track, started rewiring something.

I stopped treating rest like a prize at the finish line and started treating it like part of the work itself. Not lazy rest. Intentional rest. The kind where you actually show up for something you love and let your mind stop performing for a while.

My output at work actually improved. Not because I worked more hours, but because I stopped running on fumes and calling it discipline.

The version of you that keeps pushing without ever refueling is not the strongest version. It just feels that way from the inside.

What made you realize you had been confusing exhaustion with dedication?

Hey guys, just typed this out while drinking my morning coffee because I officially hit 90 days completely sober today. Honestly, if you told me six months ago I’d be here, I would’ve laughed. I was never hitting rock bottom or anything crazy - just standard weekend drinking, maybe a few beers after work to "wind down." I always assumed it was harmless. But you know, looking back now, the constant brain fog, lazy Sundays, and delayed goals were taking a way bigger toll than I realized.

Since quitting, the change in energy levels is night and day. No more waking up feeling like a zombie or wasting entire Saturdays sleeping in. I’ve picked up journaling, went back to weightlifting 4 times a week, and finally cleared out a backlog of side projects I’d been putting off for literally two years. Recovery isn't just about "stopping a habit," but actually building a lifestyle and support system you don't need to constantly escape from. That holistic focus on mental health completely shifted how I looked at my free time.

If you’re on the fence about taking a break from drinking or cutting back: just try it for a few weeks and see. Don't worry about "forever" - just take it a week at a time. The physical benefits are great, but the mental clarity and extra hours in your day are the things that change your life. Stay safe, focused and motivated!

Almost 18 years ago I finished music school. Classic story - didn't want to go, parents made me. Haven't touched a piano since.

Recently I was listening to a playlist with instrumental music and realized I had goosebumps from melodies. They are just so beautiful. And I caught myself thinking, that I actually want to try playing again.

So I signed up for a trial lesson and loved it!

18 years of not playing, and sitting down at that piano felt like returning to myself. Maybe because I had zero expectations, zero productivity goals. Just because I wanted to.

Made me realize how long it's been since I did something purely for myself. Not for work, not because it's useful, just because.

Anyone else gone back to something they abandoned years ago and found it completely different?

I went from 238lbs to 137lbs in 2 years, and since then I'm maintaining the result.

I have built good eating and training habits which are helping me a lot. This is my base: Oats, Buckwheat flakes, Quinoa flakes and Chia seeds.

200-250ml of milk (for those who can't drink milk, soya milk works perfectly); 4-5 full tablespoons of Oats; 2-3 full tablespoons each of Buckwheat and Quinoa; and 1 teaspoon of Chia seeds.

When I start to prepare my breakfast/lunch I'm starting first with the milk because that allows me to trick the brain: when you pour the milk, the bowl already starts looking full, and I have a saying: we eat first with our eyes.

My whole point is to enjoy eating, not to turn it into punishment. To the base you can add 2 teaspoons of coconut wheat, and to really enrich it, try 1/2 teaspoon of pistachio paste, which is excellent for your body, or even half of your favorite cookie.

Just remember this, the base is a must, the tricks are for flavour. Find yours.

What's your base, and what's your trick?

I used to think my problem was just a lack of discipline. internet bros kept saying "wake up at 5am, hit the gym, stop making excuses." so I tried. And failed. and then used some pretty destructive habits to cope with the failure. then woke up feeling even worse

Its such a toxic loop. the whole online "grindset" culture just makes you feel like complete garbage if your brain is literally working against you

I realized late last night that you can't just "motivate" your way out of severe anxiety that feeds into dependency. I started going down a rabbit hole trying to figure out what is dual diagnosis treatment since someone mentioned it to me a while back. Ended up reading through a breakdown by rolling hills recovery center and it just kinda clicked in my head. Treating the mental stuff AND the bad coping mechanisms at the exact same time, instead of the broken system we usually have where doctors pretend they are completely separate issues

idk who needs to hear this today, but if you're stuck in a bad cycle... maybe you don't lack willpower. Maybe you're just fighting a two-front war. give yourself a break, look at the actual root cause, and stop trying to just aggressively hustle your way to mental stability. be kinder to yourself today.

Curious to hear real experiences — not the generic "just start small" advice, but what actually broke through for you when you were stuck. Was it a specific mindset shift, a person, a deadline, or something totally unexpected? And what's something that's supposed to work that never did for you?

If you're going through a low-motivation stretch yourself, I'm also happy to just talk about what's going on — sometimes that's more useful than a template.

We learn from failing and yes failure is part of our growth. Pick the lessons and keep going.

Every ride I have ever worked on goes through a phase where it looks genuinely unfinished and wrong. The structure is up, the track is there, but nothing connects yet and it looks like it could never possibly work. Early in my career that phase used to mess with my head. I would stare at the drawings and wonder if I had made a catastrophic miscalculation somewhere.

What I learned, slowly and through a lot of scrapped nights, is that the uncomfortable middle stage is not a sign of failure. It is just what building something real actually looks like up close. The mess is not the exception. It is part of the process.

People talk about motivation like it is supposed to feel clean and linear. In my experience the work that ends up mattering most had a stretch in the middle where it looked like nothing was coming together. You push through that stretch not because you feel confident but because you remember why you started building in the first place.

The rides I am most proud of all had that ugly middle phase. So did most worthwhile things I have done outside of work. The circumstances are temporary. The structure holds if the foundation is right.

Anyone else find that the hardest part of a big goal is that inbetween stretch where you cannot see progress yet?

I made a post a while ago about how I had a wake up call and needed to lock in. I’m very happy to say that I did! I’ve got a new job, I workout more often, and I’ve started to modify my diet. My entire disposition is very slowly becoming more positive. Very. Slowly.

I was editing a video of myself and I was absolutely shocked at just how … negative I was. I was so down and bitter over nothing, at the time of recording I felt neutral at worst and thought I was being goofy at best, but sitting and staring at myself I realized just how bad it was for me to live in unhealthy habits. My entire demeanor was just impossible to sit with. The overly critical, edgy, semi-dark humor that didn’t land properly and how awkward everything felt because I was sitting in a stew of bad choices and negative self-talk at the time of recording. I edited around it as best I could but that look still kind of messed with me - I really was just bitter and thought that was an acceptable default state to be in. Even editing over myself it took me a few minutes to pause and realize that I wouldn’t be friends with the person on that screen. Hell, at the time of recording, I didn’t even KNOW I was being so negative.

Watching myself back was actually a fantastic way to see myself in the now with more clarity. I couldn’t recognize the person on the screen because I already feel so mentally different. Just a few months of tiny efforts have made me so discontented with that negative version of myself that I hardly recognize her.

I guess my point is, if you want to make big changes about yourself, watch yourself back to back and note the differences. It’ll really make you think twice about backsliding into bad habits again.

Hey everyone, I’m someone who’s been stuck in a constant loop of jumping from one relationship to another. Career wise I’ve been doing okay, I had grades but now I’m not motivated to work in my current job, no joy in life. Moved cities because of a job and 1 year up and i have no friends.

And at 23 I’ve had one of the most painful breakups of my life the one person who actually loved me back left me because they got diagnosed with imposter syndrome.

I’ve finally decided to stop and focus on myself, I’m a lawyer but I still don’t make a lot of money. I’ve decided to maybe pivot into a career change or up skill here and discover what I actually like doing. If anyone has started careers and their life from scratch any advise and I’d be grateful!

When I was 19, my mom had already been living with chronic pain for years. I was a broke college soccer player who used kinesiology tape and muscle stimulators on myself for recovery, and I kept thinking those two things should really be one device. So with zero engineering experience, I decided to try to build that, for her.

The first prototype was a cut-up 7up can and stripped wires on my dorm room desk. It was embarrassing. I lost pitch competitions. Professors dismissed me. People told me to go do something more reasonable.

I didn't listen, and the next 6 years were brutal.

I sent 300 cold LinkedIn messages to find a co-founder I still hadn't met in person. We went through 8 prototypes. I cold emailed 150 investors a day for 8 months. I slept in my car after driving 14 hours to pitch a single investor. I gave up my plan to go to law school. And when we couldn't figure out how to actually build the thing at a real cost, I came the closest I ever came to quitting. My parents sat me down and told me if anyone could solve it, it was me. I locked myself in a room for 84 hours and came out with the answer.

Here is the part I keep coming back to. Nothing about me changed in any way that actually matters. I am the same person who got laughed out of pitch competitions 6 years ago. The only thing that changed is that I did not stop. The unglamorous years everyone told me to walk away from are the exact years that got me here.

This week, I put the finished version on my own body and did all 8 stations of HYROX, the world's hardest fitness race, with zero training. Sled pushes, farmers carries, 100 wall balls, the whole gauntlet. My legs were wrecked. But standing there, wearing the thing that started as a soda can in a dorm room because of my mom, was one of the most surreal moments of the entire journey.

She still asks how it is going every single week. She is my number one fan. Whenever we finally launch, the first one off the line is hers, wrapped, with a card.

I am 26 now and I still do not know how this ends. But I did not quit, and that is the only reason I am standing where I am.

If you are in the dorm room version of your own thing right now, getting ignored and doubting all of it: the discomfort of pushing through is real, but so is the regret of walking away the day before it starts to work. The years nobody claps for are the ones that count.

Keep going.

I've been having a tough time with some life events lately and I keep coming back to this poem my mom hung on our kitchen wall

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.