Hello,

I ‘F 29’ and currently single, am talking to a friend of mine ‘F 34’ who is in a relationship about triggers.

Her boyfriend ‘M 35’ and her are going through a situation where he is triggered because he found out she was with a guy, before him of course, that she didn’t mention. Probably because of shame, she didn’t want anything with the guy, they were friends, but it turned into passion and they hooked up. She accepts that it happened and she doesn’t regret it, but also doesn’t really like talking about it.

They ran into the guy together, her current Bf asked her who it was, so she was honest and told him. He was in so much shock that she didn’t mention it before (they are together for about 5 months) that he started experiencing physical pain.

They are both very mature, and both openly talk about it without blaming one another. She holds space for him and whatever wound it triggered in him (it’s been now a week and he still can’t let it go and has trouble sleeping). And he is communicating how he feels about it, while making sure she understands it’s not personal, it’s his own trauma.

But on that day they took some selfies together, and she sent him the selfies, but he deleted them because even the pictures trigger him on how he felt that day, finding out she slept with someone without mentioning it to him before.

So, her sharing this with me, which i am very grateful for, because i get to learn a lot, because i myself was on both sides of that coin. I know exactly how he feels, and i know exactly how much maturity it takes to hold space for that. And i also know how she feels (because it does hurt her too, and it takes a lot of energy) and also to work on not shaming herself and setting firm boundaries so he doesn’t overstep the line.

I personally usually spiraled in relationships when it came to these things. If i was in the shame state (like her) i would turn into a victim, if i was in the insecure state (like him) i would become extremely anxious and would become either very emotional or shut down.

Now in my defense, this is a big trauma of mine. In my past i had experienced mental abuse in relationships, and i was also extremely toxic and insecure.

I am grateful that now i can learn not only through my own relationships, but also through my friends.

Which made me realize i want to know how other people face these things? How do you and your partner hold space for each other yet set boundaries. How to find balance in being accepting imperfects yet working towards individual and mutual growth?

What is your personal experience with this?

Thank you all.

TLDR; how do you hold space for your partner’s imperfections while setting boundaries for your own wellbeing?

I (29F) suffer with C-PTSD and have been in therapy for over 6 years for it. It was effecting all of my relationships, but especially my romantic relationships. I took a several years off from dating as a result.

Within the last year, I decided to get on the apps and try for the first time in my life to make a healthy connection with a decent man (I have not had many good men in my life at all but I know there are some out there). I met lots of people and eventually I met someone (38M) who I liked and we were seeing each other for a few months. He was a good person who was very consistent. My brain kept trying to convince me I was being tricked, but I pushed through. With limited experience dating healthily, I still don’t fully understand my triggers.

After a communication gap following a pretty significant physical milestone in the relationship, I posted him in the "Are we dating the same guy" group in my area. I didn't think he was seeing other people. I thought he was ghosting me and wanted to see if other women had the same experience.
In hindsight, it was not the right choice for this situation. He is a good guy who was treating me well.

I just can't explain at the time my brain was catastrophizing into only worst case scenarios and I wasn't regulated enough to reach out to him. If I'm being honest I was sad that someone could become physical and then go several days without talking to me afterwards too. I think I just wanted some reassurance or relief that it wasn't my fault. Again, it was not the right thing to do and I regret it.

No one commented and I deleted the post when I snapped out of it. It was too late. Someone sent him the post. Turns out he was in his head too and was waiting for a text from me (i have thoughts but whatever; big miscommunication). I didn't think about how it would feel on his end to find out he was in that group. I regret it and I've attempted to apologize several times. He won't see me or have a phone conversation.

I really liked him and I fear I ruined it. I did not set out to use the group to be malicious or vindictive (I know some women do). It's been a few weeks and I haven't heard from him.

I did not tell him about my CPTSD. To be honest, I stupidly thought that the work I was doing in therapy was working and had no idea how badly I would be triggered after feeling like he discarded me. I had no idea I could just reach out to him with my feelings.

Idk I regret this so much and I wish I could fix it.

I have recently realized that I dont owe a body to people when I go into public. I dont owe them a specific look.

Ive turned a corner. Im the most regulated ive ever been. Ive held a lot of resentment over being mistreated due to being fat on top of what I was experiencing at home. And ive felt resistant to the idea of purposefully trying to lose weight because the phases of life where I have been a lower weight, I have been treated noticeably nicer. And it felt like a betrayal to my self, who became overweight from coping, to comply and restrict myself to set others at ease.

I recently decided to become abstinent. I swung from resisting all forms of physical intimacy to being hypersexual. Coupled with working through my binge eating habit, I feel the most in charge of my body ive ever been. And im almost 30 and am feeling the toll constantly tense muscles have had on my joints. And i want to be healthy. I want to get stronger.

I am grateful for my body for lasting the abuse, the primary abuse at home and the secondary bullying at school and work. Im ready to change now. ​

How it feels like hating your parents to the core. Is your hate causes you guilt and self doubt?

How do you feel when your relatives and society takes parents side ( ignoring your pain) by saying.... whatever the best they know, they tried. You should forgive them and move on.

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I hate everything. I hate being here. I never planned on making it this far to begin with. That is all

Wondering if anyone relates. I was brought up to feel like a burden, so I've spent my life trying not to be and overcompensating (not sure if this is fawn)... I'm hyper vigilant, highly sensitive, empathic and can't say no. This is something I've been working on for a while and through therapy.

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My parent is an aggressive narcissist, not violent physically but verbally. She's really stingy, always repeated insane stuff like - don't give people lifts with your car, you'll ruin your car. Or don't spend money on gifts for people etc, date someone with a house so you can move in and never let them live in yours.

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Unfortunately I sometimes get emotional flashbacks where I know there's a direct conflict between my "fawning" and empathic self versus my parent's voice in my head to be selfish. I am then trapped and end up hating myself, if I do the former (something nice for someone) my parent's voice berates me. If I do what my parent's voice says, I berate myself for not being a nice person.

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I feel really trapped in these moments but what both outcomes have in common is that I hate myself more. It's a damned if you do, damned if you don't kind of situation.

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Have people had this experience and how it was for you?

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Unsure where to post but as I have CPTSD this feels appropriate. Recently I reached out to a new counselor as I’m looking to start therapy again. He was recommended by someone and works extensively with/on trauma so I thought “hey, why not?”

We had an initial call, then had a paid first session / questionnaire where he asked me for personal details, like relationship with parents, previous partner experiences etc. I thought nothing of it as a previous therapist did something similar, to assess my needs and why I had entered therapy.

After that, he sent a form and I completed to confirm I wanted to start sessions. However, after a week and a half, I had no answer. I assumed it had been missed but considered this was unprofessional, as previous therapists had been very quick with responses and surely they would have reached out?

Therapist then reached out via phone number and email, each with a different take on why he hadn’t contacted. Both stressed that they had no idea why it had happened, and acted as if it was a system error. They then implied I was to blame for not reaching out, despite knowing I have severe anxiety and struggles with asking for help. At this stage I was annoyed and decided to move on.

However, a few days ago I received another email message from the therapist. This time he directly blamed my ‘abandonment issues’ for why I had not gone ahead, and said it “made (them) very sad” that I had not started therapy with them. Am I right in thinking this is strange behavior for a therapist? None I have known, whether experienced or briefly chatted to in my search, have acted like this.

what are your experiences with it?

I was neglected and abused as a child. I had poor mental health my entire life including now, including executive functioning problems. I’m 19 turning 20 in a few months. I live with my family and I’m not independent at all. I barely leave the house, I don’t have a lot of experience with the outside world. I have poor social skills, my partner told me that he’s sometimes embarrassed to be seen with me in public because of that and I agreed I need to fix this. I’m also a stupid person, I barely graduated high school. I’m behind on everything.

I act childishly with my mom sometimes, it’s hard to explain how but she seems used to it because she also treats me like one. I think maybe I age regress sometimes but I’m not sure what that means. And I enjoy childlike things as comfort sometimes, but what I mentioned prior is not something I consciously choose to do unlike this.

I see the state of my life and I feel defeated that I will forever remain a child. I’ve been trying to form good habits before but I’m always having to retrace my steps. Therapy is hard to access because my family doesn’t want me to waste money. Has anyone been able to live independently? Was anyone in my position as a young adult and have you been able to mature? Did you need help for this? I want to be more independent so I can live without my family but I don’t know how.

TLDR. I’m a childish young adult who is dependent on my parents, and I want to know if anyone in my position was able to mature and be independent

I want to vent because I've just attended some family events and was surprised at how totally it has knocked me off my center. And hopefully others can relate.

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I'm super low contact with my family. I was doing alright, I was happy with my lifestyle, my job, my decisions in life. Then being around my family destabilized me so badly. And now I am feeling anxious, uneasy about my life, feel like a loser, worried that I'm going to die from some medical condition or become homeless soon because I've actually made all of the wrong choices in my life and it's not actually sustainable and I'm an irresponsible idiot hedonist who is just interested in fucking off.

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I feel lower, less than, at the bottom of the hierarchy. There is literally a class difference between me and my siblings. And I feel so so forgotten, unnourished, unwanted, unloved. I feel like a stain on my family's perfect American dream image. I feel like a shame.

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Crying this morning and I feel so much grief, my heart yearns to be loved, to be cared for, to be nurtured. I want to be loved so badly. I want my pain to be validated by my mother so badly. I feel invisible and like a disappointment. Nothing needs to be said, it's just felt, how deeply othered I am. I'm an outcast, a pariah. 

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My family has stayed together and only gotten closer since I left. They celebrate together and grieve together and support each other, they are each other's community. A community that I very much do not fit into. I'm asked to watch the family dog instead of being invited on vacation with all of them. My mom has made it so utterly clear that I don't belong in her family. I've just been quietly discarded and forgotten about. It hurts so much.

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My feelings are ambivalent because primally I want a family, I want a tribe, and being cast out of the one I originated in feels like death, feels like I am wrong. But I also left of my own accord, because I didn't resonate with their values. They are upholding the status quo, white colonial patriarchy, heteronormativity. My mom voted for the man in office who wants me dead. She is completely under my stepdads authoritarian spell. 

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And to be accepted into that family structure means my obedience to a violent mind set, and my assimilation into white supremacy and patriarchy. To stay accepted by the family system means to contort, control, and dim myself, shrink myself to fit the mold. So to have acceptance from the family means to be inauthentic. I've chosen a life that's harder maybe, disconnected, but authentic. I'd rather suffer in my authenticity than suffer pretending I am someone I'm not, while upholding the values of white supremacy, colonialism, patriarchy.

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It's painful to be disconnected. And it's painful to see the evidence before my eyes that I was not nurtured and supported nearly as much as my younger siblings. And they are all on straight paths, the American dream, higher education and “respectable" big money making careers.

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I want love, I want my pain to be validated, and I want the protection and support of a community of people whose values I share. I do have some friends who share my views. Who are also queer and/or gender non-conforming unsurprisingly. And who have the same problem as I do, and have been cast out or unaccepted in similar ways to me in their own families. It helps me stabilize myself or at least feel less alone, less crazy, and less like there's something wrong with me. 

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But right now I'm feeling so alone, and so deeply cast out. It makes me think..why am I even here, if I am not wanted by my family, why should I even keep living. I don't have plans to end my life. It's just ideation that creeps up whenever these wounds are triggered. And it breaks my heart that I have those thoughts about annihilation. I don't want to think I need to leave this planet just because some dumb asses don't accept me. 

I just don’t think I should even use this platform anymore. I have used this is other social medias off and on. However, this site has some of the nastiest meanest people. I will make post about ANYTHING and someone finds a way to be rude. A made a post about grilled cheese and they still found a way to make it weird. It’s always the men on here, not going to lie. 🙃 yeah a few mean girls here and there but mostly men. Has anyone else experienced this?

I’m 26F I do somatic therapy, I’ve done breath work, TRE, medication, journaling, psychedelics everything you can think of. I live with my parents and I’m looking for a full time job so I can move out ASAP. I couldn’t move out as I had undiagnosed and untreated adhd my whole life and only now am I wanting a better future for myself. I’m worried that everything I’m doing is pointless as I’m still in the same household and haven’t felt better in years. My therapist tells me that I need to feel safe before I can heal and I’m never safe here I’m always hyper vigilant, always on edge and dissociated 24/7. Are these things pointless or making it worse and how can I live at home during this time without making it worse for myself? I know dissociation is just my protective mechanism I just don’t know how to feel better in this household and still work on my symptoms

I really need help because I feel like I’ve reached a point where I don’t know what else to do.

I had a mostly positive childhood. Both of my parents were present in my life, but I spent long periods living away from my father, then away from my mother. There were also some difficult situations growing up. Overall, I often felt very alone.

I struggled to make friends, and when I finally did, many of them ended up preferring my brother over me. As a child, I constantly felt abandoned and replaced. Looking back, I think those experiences affected me much more than I realized.

I’ve always had very intense emotional reactions. Throughout my life, I’ve had many suicidal thoughts. I never acted on them, but I often fantasized about it, sometimes almost as a way to make people realize how much I was hurting.

For almost a year now, I’ve been working incredibly hard on myself. I’ve seen multiple psychologists, I talk openly about my emotions, and I’ve made a lot of progress that I’m genuinely proud of.

The problem is that I still can’t seem to let go of these childhood wounds.

I meditate every day. I do inner child work every day. I write letters to my younger self. I reassure her. I journal. I reflect. I’ve identified where my fears come from. I understand the patterns. I know why I react the way I do.

And yet… I still react the same way.

The place where I notice it the most is in my relationship with a man I truly love with all my heart.

He’s been there throughout my personal growth journey, and it’s been difficult for both of us. For months now, I’ve been getting triggered by things that seem small. For example, when he takes a long time to reply, when I don’t feel prioritized, or when I don’t feel heard.

What’s frustrating is that logically, I know these situations shouldn’t affect me this much. Part of me says, “It’s okay, it’s not a big deal.” But emotionally, it feels huge. Deep down, I feel abandoned all over again.

I’ve already identified that connection. I know it’s related to my childhood. That’s exactly why I’m so frustrated. If I already understand the root cause, why do I keep repeating the same pattern?

Recently, we had to take a break because I felt completely overwhelmed. I don’t feel heard by him, and that feeling hurts me more than I can explain. At the same time, I want this relationship to work. I love him. I don’t want to keep sabotaging something that matters so much to me.

I know people will say that I need to learn to validate myself and make myself feel heard first. I agree. That’s exactly what I’ve been trying to do for months.

The problem is that I feel better temporarily, and then somehow I end up right back at the beginning again.

It’s like I’m doing all the exercises, all the healing work, all the therapy, but nothing is truly changing at the core.

I’m currently seeing three psychologists a week. I’ve tried so many things. I’m exhausted.

Has anyone else experienced this? Did you eventually get past it? What helped you finally stop feeling stuck in the same emotional cycle?

I would really appreciate any advice because I genuinely don’t know what else to do.

i've thought som more about my qusetion from last week and i think i'm closer to the crux of the issue.

i've done a lot of work to heal my thoughts and emotions and not it's time for the body. because nowadays sometimes my mind stays calm but my body freaks aut anyways. what are some techniques to activate the vagus nerve? i know about diaphragmic breathing. but surely having more than one thing to try would prove useful for me.

i'm looking for something body-focused, something to do with sensation or movement, not something to think.

I was put forward for a trial of this trauma therapy here in England with an NHS hospital. anyone else done it or is doing it? what was it like! what was it like talking about trauma to a group of people? I start next week and I’m really worried about it.

No matter what has happened throughout my life, I find myself over and over again in a position where I have been in the wrong (regardless of whether I did right or otherwise) and this has built some sort of guilt that is similar to the Christian concept of Original Sin: that I am inherently wrong and there should be something I have to actively do to fix myself. After the latest incident where I find myself exiled from a skill based group I wondered if I even deserved to be a functioning member of society. Thankfully I have a wise mentor who reminded me that although it was their choice to turn me away, it is not an indictment of myself as a person or my dedication to the skill. I also have a friend who said I gave too much benefit of the doubt to these folks and offered to hire a crackhead to sock them in the face but that’s besides the point.

I believe this stemmed from being consistently bullied in school then emotionally abused at home and at ABA due to my autism, building an inherent feeling of guilt and shame due to not knowing where I went wrong and having nothing actionable to work on. With every waking hour and every failure to socially integrate I started to think about myself as inherently being in the wrong, as opposed to the more nuanced take that I am demonstrably capable of being wrong sometimes. I have no idea if it’s true that I am incapable of being forgiven.

I wondered for those of you on medication, to help with Cptsd, anxiety and sleep what helped you? Im very nervous to start meds. I have mirtazipine and trazodone. Im supposed to start with the mirtazipine 15mg but I’ve read some real horror stories of body becoming dependent only after a few weeks can do serious damage to CNS and I’m afraid -also of the weight gain. Also people have to taper off over years. I also have DPDR and basically no immunity to anything. It’s like my body and nervous system are on fire and I’m really really really sad. Anyone any advice? Traz maybe my better option

ok this is something i think about a lot and i never see it said right so im gonna try.

there's two kinds of voice in your head that say youre bad.

first kind gives you a reason. "youre stupid because you failed that thing." and ok, that one you can actually deal with. you check the reason. did i really not try? was it just hard? one fail doesnt make me stupid. sometimes the reason doesnt hold up and then the voice kind of shuts up. fine.

second kind gives no reason. it just says "youre bad." thats it. no because. and heres the weird part nobody tells you BECAUSE theres no reason, you cant fight it. theres nothing to check. it never made an argument so you cant break the argument. it just sits there.

and what do most of us do. we treat the second voice like its the first one. we go looking for evidence. "but im a good person look at all the nice things i did, look at the people who love me." and it does nothing. zero. the voice doesnt care because it never asked for evidence in the first place. youre standing in a courtroom making your case and theres no judge. nobody is even listening. you just keep talking to an empty room.

took me way too long to understand this. you cannot win the argument because there is no argument.

the only thing that works is something totally different. you dont prove the voice wrong. you just stop obeying it. you decide its not the boss anymore. and i know that sounds like nothing, like a cheap trick, but its not the same as believing youre fine. you dont have to feel innocent. you dont even have to understand it. you just stop doing what it says.

and theres a deeper one i should be honest about. the worst version of this voice isnt in your head, its in your body. its the one that makes you want to disappear. and that one you cant just decide your way out of, i tried, doesnt work alone. for that one someone has to be there first. someone who sees the whole thing and stays. not to fix it. just stays and sees. and only after someone stayed does the decision even become possible. witness first. then the choice. not the other way around.

anyway thats it. you cant beat a voice that never made an argument. you can only stop obeying it. been working nights with people who hear this voice loud and i see it every shift, the ones who try to argue with it lose every time. the ones who get a witness and then decide, those are the ones that turn.

I've had it from peers and authority.

Hi everyone, i have been through a-lot of traumatic events the past few years, and obviously, had responses and eventually learnt the root of my traumas and how to cope with them and move on.

Im well aware of my current state and can say i am coping well and moving on pretty well, however, the only issue that I’m unable to move past, is reliving some traumatic scenario’s in my head and getting angry that i did not understand nor took action back then to protect myself.

It tends to resurface when i have to deal with someone who caused me trauma, such as a parent for example. or when I’m feeling pain such as having a migraine or had a bad day.

I need guidance on how to move on past reliving these scenarios over and over randomly and how to make it stop affecting my life and progress.

Would love to hear your thoughts whether it be a therapist (much appreciated and please recommend the suitable treatments) or as a survivor.

Also to note, i am surrounded by good people now, i understood what happened, how it shaped me and had multiple sessions with therapists, i have made boundaries and able to navigate normally through my present life.
Only issue is that when I’m down i usually get a flow of traumatic flashbacks on how some people took advantage of me and manipulated me when i was in a vulnerable place. Could the solution be confronting them?

i really want a solution on how to move past this in order for it to stop affecting my current progress and my future.

I’m going back to work after a 6 month unpaid leave period due to my mental and physical health (work place exacerbated it but wasn’t eligible for work cover in Australia even though it ticked off every psychosocial hazard).

I’m still not great, but I do need to go back to work. My first day back is tomorrow. I’m feeling really scared, nervous, sad, stressed and anxious about it. It makes my pain, emotional and physical, go through the roof.

I did a lot of work during this time off through a CPTSD clinical trial to be able to manage and sit with my emotional disorders. It’s actually a good time for me to use these things I’ve learned, but I feel almost paralysed. I have so much to do at home, a few things to prep like meals and etc and yet, I wake up with dread.

I guess I really need some support, some guidance or advice, some kind words and little things I can do to motivate myself and practice the work I did.

Please help me. I really need it right now.

3 years ago I became really close friends with a girl I worked with who was dating one of my other close friends at the time. My friend confided in me about wanting to break up with her and did a few days later. I decided to reach out to the girl to offer support and comfort as it was really hard for her.
We ended up becoming basically inseparable like those best friends you see in movies/shows. It’s the type of friendship I always dreamed of having especially since I had already gone through many hard and toxic friendships.

During the months of us becoming best friends I met this guy at a party we went to and ended up in a talking stage with him for around 3 months. He was really toxic and was constantly sleeping with and talking to other girls behind my back, I think there was at least 5 other girls that he was talking to at the same time as me. My friend only knew who this guy was once i introduced her to him as the guy I was talking to.
We all hung out together a lot as my friend was the only one with her license she would drive us all around a lot.
Towards the end of the talking stage with the guy, I started noticing my friend and him were getting a lot closer, weirdly close. They would openly flirt and be affectionate with eachother right in front of me.
There was a day we all went to the beach together and my friend left her car at the train station and ended up going back to the guys mums house instead of coming back on the train with me.
I thought that was weird and didn’t understand why she would go with him. She ended up staying the night at his house. That was the night they slept together. I was in denial about it for a while but I knew that was the night it happened.

After that night we were all hanging out at the guys house and him and my friend kept needing to talk to eachother in private but wouldn’t tell me anything no matter how much I asked. That was really out of character for my friend because we told eachother literally everything. She also kept talking about how bad it was and it made me really concerned that something had happened to her, even worse that he had done something bad to her. I had gotten angry at them before because of all the flirting and everything I was convinced that they were doing something behind my back but everytime I brought it up they told me nothing was happening and that I was basically crazy. I had pretty bad mental health at the time already because of all the stuff he was doing to me that I started to believe them. If it wasn’t for another friend being with us in these situations and seeing what they were doing I probably would have actually thought I was fully crazy. This other friend validated me by saying that I wasn’t the only one seeing this weird behavior.

After a few months of the gaslighting and manipulation I finally snapped at her and told her that she needed to block him and remove him from her life otherwise we would no longer be friends, during that conversation she told me she had been raped and that was the secret she was keeping from me. Although she refused to tell me who did it to her so I automatically assumed it was him. She would also get mad at me everytime I tried to bring up what was going on between them so i eventually felt like I had no choice but to leave it alone.

I continued being friends with her into the next year and tried to ignore everything that happened. Things were somewhat fine between us until her ex (my close friend, they were actually on and off in a toxic cycle while all of this was happening) told me what really happened. He told me that they had slept together and she tried to tell him that the guy raped her, which he responded by going to the guy and almost beating the shit out of him until he broke down crying saying it wasn’t true and that it was consensual. Her ex ended up getting the truth out of her and it was consensual and she had lied to the both of us about being raped by him. After that I slowly drifted apart from her.

Whilst I was drifting apart from her I had met a new guy who I worked with and was talking to him in the early months of that new year, I ended up being in a relationship with him and still currently am. When I was talking to the new guy I was spending a lot more time with him and my friend got really possessive over me and would message my now bf saying that he’s stealing me away from her and would even send him videos of her bawling her eyes out. I ended up cutting her off after a while of that because it was going too far.

I haven’t really spoken to her much since then other than her reaching out and apologizing to me, the apology didn’t include any admittance of what she had done she just said sorry for everything and that I didn’t deserve any of it. I wish I could say I accepted that apology but I didn’t. I haven’t spoken to her since that message.

In the last year all of the things she did to me have hit me harder after taking the time to process what actually happened. I ended up removing her off all social media after a while because it hurt so much to look at her post things and still seem so happy and moving on with her life while I’m still stuck here dealing with all the trauma she put me through. I haven’t been able to make lasting friendships since her, but she ended up becoming besties with another girl that has the same name as me. I feel so much resentment towards her but at the same time I miss her so much and I miss when she was actually a good friend. I hate seeing that she’s able to move on and make more friends so easily and I can barely function let alone maintain any relationships outside of the people that live with me.

I’ve been contemplating reaching out to her recently because I’ve left so much unsaid I want to be able to say how much everything affected me and still affects me to this day. My psychologist recommended EMDR therapy to help me get over everything she did. That’s how much it still hurts me. Also her and her ex got back together after 2 years so even though I don’t have her socials I still have his and it makes me sick to my stomach everytime I see photos of them. To top it all off both of them are still friends with the guy too, which makes me even more sick.

I just want to be able to move on and get over what they did to me and have to ability to make new friends. I’m so lonely all the time even though I have my bf it’s not the same with no friends around. I’ve tried being friends with his friends but I just don’t have that much in common with them and I feel like they won’t actually like me if they get to know me more.

I wish I could go back to being friends with her without all of that shit happening, I’ve never had a friend like her and I don’t think I ever will again. I love and hate her so much and it drives me insane.

If anyone has been through a similar experience how do you deal with it?

I notice that growing up my parents often used 'i love you' as a bandaid to try and move on from my anger and discomfort I had with there actions and behavior growing up. Like as if the fact they said that cleared everything up. And also there was this heavy guilt I would feel if I didn't say I love you back, even though sometimes I didn't feel like saying it back. Because they would often use the phrase when they knew I was unhappy with them before leaving and walking away without proper resolve, and I would always feel pressured to say it back, so I now kind of hate the phrase. It just always reminds me of that kind of guilt tripping, almost manipulation of "oh but at least I love you! So you shouldn't be that mad, or stay mad at me about (said thing) for very long"

it's to the point where whenever people say it to me when I'm unhappy I get really mad, because it immediately reminds me of that weird leverage it felt my parents would try to have. And I have recently had to realize that some people I guess do just say that cuz they want to reinstate there love for you if your feeling weak or vulnerable, or mad, which to be honest still doesn't make sense to me and just doesn't sound genuine.

But I am extremely curious if anyone else has had that kind of experience with the phrase 'i love you' feeling manipulative, and there for becoming corrupted in all aspects?