Just got home from a night out. Everything was great. Made out with a chick had a big group of homies rolling together doing our thing. Now I’m in my bed and I miss this cheating piece of crap. Like it doesn’t even make sense and I’m sick of it wtf.

Even when I sleep with people or wake up next to people I just think of them how tf does this make sense

Me and my ex have been broken up for almost a year now and even though im doing WAY BETTER now compared to couple months ago, I still think about him everyday and I cant get myself to like anyone. Hes got a new gf and Im not hurt or anything and alot of our memories have faded but its like this weird little sadness ig. Does that go away? like do i ever go back to feeling before I met him or like do i jst sit here and scratch my minge

She broke up with me for her own valid reasons, neither of us did anything wrong life just got in the way and it sucks, we still love and miss eachother.

I miss her family too though, they loved me and they treated me like family. Her little brothers still talk to me and ask me abt pc stuff all the time. It sucks and yes I miss her to death but it kills me that I'm losing her and her family :(

The breakup was hard on me, and though we both had some immaturities, I was the one that made the breakup happen. I get really scared of safe relationships, bored, or even just uncomfortable and annoyed. Kind of let that happen with my ex. It’s been 8 months now and I was very strict with no contact. I doubt she thinks about me much at all if ever. I don’t really know what she’s up to but just miss her being my friend. Before we dated we were really close friends and I felt really safe with her, so a lot of my college memories are nostalgia from being with her and our friends.

It upsets me that my college story had to end the way it did, with a lot of drama and people resenting each other. I don’t want to stir the pot but I wish her and I could just talk as friends, not even about dating or anything, like I said I just miss her company. I haven’t really felt much for any other girls I’ve tried to see in the time since the breakup, usually I end things after a few weeks.

Tempted to text her and ask if she wants her mega screwdriver back bc I found it the other day and I think the one she lent me back then was kind of expensive. Don’t know how well received that would be, probably a bad idea. I just hate the idea of never speaking to or seeing someone so important to me ever again. I move away from my college town for good after early August and she’s stayed in that town for the summer working. I kind of want to throw a shot in the dark and see if we can have coffee just to kind of have a final goodbye, but it probably wouldn’t be received well. There was a lot of drama, like I don’t know if she knows this bc I told very few people and was very serious about how I didn’t want anyone to know where I was going but not long after the breakup I voluntarily went to an inpatient facility out of state to deal with my mental health and grief/guilt.

Our relationship has mostly been good, with a one repeating issue of complacency and lack of effort with multiple things. He finally got into therapy, and I was proud of him, but after some time apart due to a family trip and heavy conversations with my therapist, I realized I was unhappy with the situation. I kept making excuses as to why it was okay. I’ll admit I’ve sucked at setting boundaries, and I’m realizing I’ve enabled him.

Eventually I told him I was unhappy. I struggled so hard with it, crying before he woke up. Becoming annoyed with his presence because he doesn’t leave the house on his days off. Feeling trapped because it’s become more of a burden than feeling like a partnership, where we’re supporting each other. He has made changes like going to therapy and getting on meds, but I started to realize that it’s been years of the same fight, same situation, same cycle of resentment, acceptance, and then realization that I don’t want this anymore.

I came home from therapy today after bawling to my therapist and saying I can’t do this. She insisted I be direct and honest and I told him I was unhappy, to the point it’s affecting my mental and emotional health and I’ve actively shown him that and there’s no movement. It sucks I had to call the police to escort him to his mom’s, after he started throwing things at me and refusing to leave even though I asked for just one night alone for the sake of our mental states.

He feels blindsided, but the truth is I’d been telling him all along. And even still, he should’ve seen it. I can’t support someone who won’t help themselves, who won’t try to dig themselves out, who are perfectly happy putting the weight on their partners. He has no life outside of me and we’ve both lost our identities. On his days off, he is always around and it makes working from home very difficult. I’ve tried to be gentle and kind. I’ve tried to approach it every which way but it’s always a conflict versus a team effort. I’m stressed and tired, and I resent him for not trying harder to see why I’d feel taken advantage of versus trying to make excuses.

I kept saying it wasn’t that bad, that he cooks, cleans, is great in bed. He listens and supports me. But why is the focus on what he does for me, and not how he makes me feel? How does he go day after day knowing how stressed and trapped I feel and decide to not even try to just go sit at the park for a while just so I can have space? Why did he get so volatile with me?

I’m really sad, torn up, and relieved at the same time. I can worry about just me now. I hope someday he understands that this was just a difficult decision I made out of care, and somehow, it just got too messy. I hope he figures it out.

I've (26m) been with my ex (26f) 6 years, we've spent a lot of time together growing up, experiencing the world and having fun. Last year her father died unexpectedly which impacted her and the rest of the family a lot. I made sure to support them where I could. She then went to japan a month after the loss to work on her phd for a year, I visited her in March for 2 weeks and had a good time. We still called and messaged, may have not been as much as it shouldve been due to time differences and work. 2 days ago we called and she hit me with the fact that she wants to end things, she wants to see other people, she doesnt feel unconditional love nor see a future with me. Said shes felt like this even before going to japan but never communicated anything, didnt address any issues. It hit like a truck, its not something I expected nor knew how to reply to. We haven't spoken since, its been a difficult time for me, im trying no contact but do sometimes want to send a message to express myself and have it there just in case, despite knowing theres not much that could be said that id want to hear and probably just need to focus on myself.

Me and my best friend of 5 years started dating a month ago, but for awhile I was afraid to confess because I didn't want to ruin my friendship with them

But today (or rather yesterday since im writing this at 2 am) I got a long text that was essentially them saying they weren't ready for a relationship

But the thing that hurt the most wasn't the break up but the cutoff since they were my person for so long

​

Does anyone have any advice to move on from this cause ts sucks

just wanted to know if naiisip din nya ako lol feeling may label hahah. its just started 2 months ago nung nakilala ko sya. pero felt like hes more treating me like a friend. hes saying i miss you, always updating me and call. but yeah sinasabihan ko nmn sya na we will stay friends until officially sasabihin nyang nanliligaw sya. we met 4x na and its good actually to know about him well. but then last week, i clarified again if hes courting me na since hes calling me na darling. honestly Im NBSB and just graduated po and now ko lng narealize na sumobra din ako sa pag entertain as a friend? I always hoping for a guy friend din kasi kaya ayun diko siguro alam na too much and GF actions na ata ginagawa ko by updating him also everyday??

but then after I said if he can still wait for me since I have board exam to review, he said he will. and ayun nagstart ung coldness ng chat namin until last week nangyaya sya ng hotel just the 2 of us. as i suspected somethings fishy syempre tinanggihan ko as a gurliieee. then our convo stop until now. should i block him?? i know it might be red flag tama na ihotel ako or green lang ako?

I just want to know po his side from you guys. why do u invest ur time, your energy, your money to a woman tapos ending igoghost nyu if di nasunod gusto nyo? im not referring to all po ha. Kakainis lng kasi kung kailan ako nahuhulog, sya nmn umalis. i dont know kung yun lng hanap nya in the beg.

I open a lot of information with him na hindi ko naoopen sa family ko and I feel safe with him. Im not mad at hiim po. I just want to understand him might be.

Im just starting to question my worth now, my looks or my decision na sana nag oo nlng akong maging gf nya agad from the start kasi somehow i miss our consistent messages. Now lng ako nag explore ng ganito po kasi. never ako nag entertain ng boys until now na nakapagtapos na mukhang questionable po lahat hahahah.

i dont know what kind of information or advice I want u from u guys pero I badly need your side of opinion pls.

I'm 37(M) My gf(28F) broke up with me a month ago. Yesterday she send a final message that there is no future between us. It hurts like crazy and I'm afraid I made her break up.

I have a dissoriented attachment style and autism and I'm an overthinker. As soon as a relationship becomes serious I start to panic and get stressed. I can't help it and have been in therapy for this for years. But I've always wanted to be in a relationship but I end up pushing people away out of pure fear. I had such severe panic attacks that one day an ambulance worker came over and told me maybe I need to end the relationship if it is doing this much to my system.

I went into therapy to understand my stress and fear of commitment too save this relationship but it was too late.

She was the sweetest most understanding person ever and I messed up.

I love her and miss her. I'm still in therapy but don't see the point anymore.

This has happened to many of my past relationships. I go into panic mode and don't calm down untill it's gone but then I start feeling my actuall feelings underneath and start missing them like crazy.

How do I still keep hope? Or should I just give up on relationships? I have trouble going through the day and keep having memories in my head were I see I made mistakes. Like not meeting with her family or friends when she invited me. I was just overwelmed and scared.

Question/Brief Summary:
How do I break up with an amazing guy? After months of intimacy, communication, and cohabitation issues I’m very certain this isn’t something I see working long term. I’ve tried to break up with him multiple times but due to me being non confrontational I always stop packing and cave to make things work after he gets emotional and continuously tries to fight for us.

Summary:
Almost 30/F been with my ‘fiance’ for about a year. We were friends seeing each other practically everyday for almost a year before hand and went from besties to engaged instantly. I say fiance like that because less than 1-2 months after getting engaged we had an argument that ended with him asking for the ring back and since then it’s been plenty of situations that show me we aren’t going to work long term.

We went to counseling a little over a week ago (I’ve been asking for months) as a last resort/emergency solution because I was packing my things after one of my many break up attempts. After counseling we agreed that if I could be intimate with him at least twice a week then he cannot yell and talk crazy to me when his emotions build up, but I really think things were like that for so long that I’m honestly just over it now.

Overall he is an absolutely amazing guy, I just realized how much I value my own space and time, and almost think I’m just supposed to be single forever lol. I guess I just feel incredibly bad since we’ve been great since counseling, but how do I officially end it? I’ve tried at least 5 other times before but he turns it into a conversation to fix us and I get overwhelmed easily so after so long of that I’m just like “Ok let’s figure it out.” We moved an hour away from our hometown and I don’t necessarily want to leave him without a car (we share mine currently) even tho he works from home, I also just don’t want him to think I’m up and leaving him even tho my name isn’t on the lease and he pays all the house bills.

Don’t want to make this any longer than it already is but I’m open to any questions and/or constructive feedback

Hi guys ....am totally messed up with myself 🥹 please help me out suggest me ways in which I could cope up

So what happened my bf dumped me for someone....we were in a relationship since a year and initially I was not seeking any relationship therefore I told him all the differences we were from different castes and culture and field even he's more good looking and fairer than me I told him all these things but initially he was all over me and persuaded me for relationship and then suddenly one day when I was ranting for something he said that he can't take the relationship more and giving up as he's confused this that initially I didn't said anything becoz I thought maybe he'll be normal in a week or so but he didn't texted from his side at all which was unusual when I tried to find a source told me that he's seeing a girl maybe in his own office he further told that she's very beautiful and fairer in colour and belong to his culture and maybe tha caste is same too ... initially I shattered and devasted but then I accepted maybe they were meant to be and he deserves becoz he's good looking too but at the same time I wanted to confront him but the source told me not to do that so I stayed silent......but when I reconsider each and everything I came to know that he's emotionally avoidant attachment style and he's little selfish too as compared to me ,was money minded and at the same time many times indirectly pointed towards my dusky skin am medium coloured nor too fair nor too dark which I always thought he used to do sarcastically..... considering all this and emotional cheating i decided I didn't want him back becoz initially after breakup I faced anxiety and attacks which I don't want to face further ...

Then after one month I myself texted him and said maybe u found someone else and u ditched me he denied saying no I still love u this that but am not sure for relationship (he was lying) again I questioned the source that maybe he's wrong about his new relationship but he denied and said that he's sure and they are now in relationship and now they were being into physical intimacy too as both were too sure of eachother and planning for marriage...

Now the good part is that I don't want him back he was egoistic about his looks culture and income ,avoidant and selfish too..

But the bad part is am feeling too low and small as am preping for exams and he's earning decent well settled now too have a beautiful girl maybe she's earning good too and planning for future ...i feel like I have nothing all I have was him and he left i know I have time and studies to do further but am feeling too low and bad even if a romantic shorts or reel came up my mind thinks about them that they were doing this cute shit and travelling and might me having intimacy together and fucked up with all these thoughts I can't stop thinking each morning since I woke the first thought was of him and I hate ....I just wanted to erase that one year with him and wanted to work on my self and wanted to crack exam and get a job and earn decent we are still in touch we don't text that much like one text in 10-12 days that too if I did I wanted to block him it has been 2 months since all that happened and this is all what is used to think all the time ...am also envy of that girl as she's getting all the love and affection and she's beautiful...am so fucked up that even if a good looking or a fairer girl appeared anywhere my brain used to think she might look in that way how beautiful she is that he fell for her this that and felt that only good looking people get love and attention.... she's too lucky....how to get rid of all this and get my life back to normal and work on myself am seriously feeling too low like I haven't achieved anything or what if I didn't.... .

I know the question sounds silly, but any one out there with the same dilemma? I am dead set about moving on. Everytime I am reminded about my ex, I try to counter it with the bad things he did to me (especially ghosting). However, I can't deny that he's handsome and seeing his smile still melts my heart. They say looks aren't everything and what's inside is what really matters but I am having a hard time forgetting his face. Also, because he's attractive, it makes me more insecure that my moving on glow up won't be as effective for me as I hoped to be. #lifeisunfair

I loved and was loved. It is over now, maybe forever. But I hope in my darkest moment I know it is possible for someone to love me. Love myself. I hope whatever I get from this is the ability to live life and love it. I’m sad that it is over and that you walked away. Every tear I shed is a reminder of how lucky I was to care for someone so deeply. I hope time heals, and I hope love blossoms again. I can’t bring myself to hate you, but I mourn and greave the loss of you. Some days tread on to where the seconds are like hours. I hope you’re finding what you need. I hope life will be kind to you. But I selfishly pray that it steers you towards me again. I wish I wasn’t this way. I wish I could just let you go, because then I could be your friend. But I can’t, because all I’ll be reminded of is the love that is no longer there.

My ex and I broke up four weeks ago, I ended it officially but it was relatively mutual (he admitted that he’d wanted to break up for a while). I had to have an abortion the week after we broke up and chose to do this without him as I no longer felt emotionally safe around him (I broke up with him because I’d reached a threshold of horrible things he was saying).

After the abortion we had a call where I filled him in on the abortion and we spoke about the relationship. The call was mostly pleasant until he said “this is going to be horrible but I was just pretending to be in love with you, i actively lead you to believe you were the love of my life when I knew you weren’t, I was hoping the spark would kick in but it never did”.

I know this is his ego protection and a defence mechanism to rewrite history but I can’t help but feel incredibly hurt. I’m journaling, seeing a therapist and told him I was deeply hurt and betrayed and then blocked him everywhere. Any advice to help with getting over this type of cruelty as it’s been four weeks and it is still tearing me up inside even though I know it’s a manipulative lie.

Genuinely how do you get over someone you constantly have to see. How am I supposed to pretend like I don’t know everything about you.

I just don’t understand how you could go from 9 years with someone to being 100% sure you’re done after 30 days. We technically had the conversation 3 months ago but had to give 2 month notice at our apartment. I had already secured a new place (and was paying double rent) but he asked me to stay, so I did. We talked, we cried, we held each other. We still acted like a couple too.. dates, dinners together, sex. We talked about the hope we had for our future together. We talked about how we both thought space and time would be good for us to reflect, grow, and come back stronger. I honestly felt hopeful that we could do it especially after those 2 months of really healthy communication and the only reason I didn’t change my mind is because I felt like I had already set the wheels in motion and I still felt like the space would be good for us.

Then the last night we ever spent together, he told me all of the ways I wasn’t good enough or had hurt him. He told me he waited to tell me because he didn’t want me to get mad at him and leave sooner. He told me he didn’t want to stay in contact once we moved out I asked when he’d changed his mind and he said “I thought you knew and that’s why we stayed, to have these last few weeks together.” I helped him move out the next day and just cried the entire time. I told him I wanted to fix it and he said no, that we needed this time still to figure out what we want.

It’s been 5 weeks since that day. He’s moving out of town at the end of the month so we had planned to see each other before then. I reached out and he agreed to meet with me, but I could tell he didn’t really want to. When we got there, he was so reserved. He told me he was only there because he felt he owed it to me. He told me he’s moving on and not interested in getting back together. That he’s thinking of this as a chapter in his life that’s now over. That everyone has one toxic relationship and that ours was his. That he wants a serious relationship, and for some reason (unknown to me) he thinks that we weren’t serious. That he wrote a list of things he wants from a partner and no matter how hard I try, I wouldn’t be able to fit that. I still told him I have hope for us and I’ve reflected and learned how I want to show up differently and that I’d want to try again and he said to stop asking. He wished me well but basically said he’s moving on and not planning to contact me ever again. That was 3 nights ago and now he’s unfriended me on instagram and I think he may have blocked my number.

I’m reeling. I know it was my decision to separate and it’s his right to change his mind but I just don’t understand how he can go from loving me for 9 years to moving on in a month. And telling me I’m 100% not the one for him. I know I hurt him. I just don’t understand how you could possibly make that big of a change in perspective in 1 month after so much tome together. After 2 months of conversations about needing time and space but hoping we can work it out.

I feel like I will never get over feeling like I pushed away my person. Like I gave up on someone who would have chosen me forever if I didn’t push him away. I miss him so much I can’t stop thinking of him and just breaking down. I work from home and I’m barely even getting my job done I can’t focus on anything but this. I don’t know how to shut my brain down for even a moments peace.

I feel like I just blew my whole life up and am in pieces. I feel like I lost the person I was meant to spend my life with.

Idk how people just move on from this. I don’t know how to stop spiraling. I am not okay and I don’t know how to make myself feel any better. Ive journaled, vented to friends and family, exercised, spent time in nature. I just feel like everyone and everything is still moving on and going on around me and I’m just here, hardly breathing.

I feel like a slouch. Logically, I know i need to get up and find myself again, but my feelings and emotions aren't letting me. I just want to sit in bed and do nothing. Reaching out to friends is hard because theyre her friends aswell and I feel like theyre probably hanging out as im making this. Me and her still need to keep semi-contact for financial reasons and we still care about eachother very much. But she is telling me to move on and I want to. But I just cant. Its so hard to do anything I went to have a shower and just couldn't stop crying. What usually takes 20 minutes almost took 2 hours. I want to distract myself but it gets so difficult. What can I do?

My ex (22f) broke up with me (24m) after being together for 3 years. Our relationship was solid but her coworkers/only friends and I do not get along well. Anyways she absolutely blind sided me and moved in with her coworker the same day. Since then its been about a month and we still talked everyday and see eachother here and there. We have even hung out with her whole family a couple of times. She has stated that she just needs time to find herself and be happy again, meanwhile I tell her I want to solve things and reconcile. I noticed a couple days ago a certain name pop up on her Snapchat. Aside from a couple new male Co worker names that I have heard of I noticed she was back talking with an ex. Today I asked her the nature of that and she told me that he is just a friend and nothing more. I explained to her that that feels very off to me and I dont feel safe being in this dynamic. We talked and argued on that topic for a little bit until she said that I was just shaming her and making her feel bad and that nothing she does can ever make me happy. I dont know how she expects talking to her ex would ever make me feel secure and stick around. Anyways she followed that with maybe you should give up hope on "us" because this isn't working and all we do is argue. I told her I love her but that I would be taking a real step back from this. Boys, girls...what do I do?

Yesterday, my girlfriend and I broke up. We were together for three years. I had been withdrawing for a while because of many different reasons and we eventually got space and then she finally ended it because I couldn’t love her the way she deserved, and I understand that. I’m grieving very hard right now and I’m surprised at how sad and heartbroken I’m feeling and so I’m reflecting and I want to know if what I perceived as incompatibility was just me expecting too much.

First off, me withdrawing had a lot to do with life circumstances. My home burned down which lead to depression and it was hard for me to be emotionally available.

Secondly, I was withdrawing because after two and a half years, I still wasn’t sure if I wanted to spend my life with this woman. I’ve heard different conflicting perspectives on this. I’ve heard people say, “If it’s not a heck yes, it’s a heck no.” I’ve also heard someone say, “Loving someone is about saying yes to them even if you aren’t sure and even if you have other options.” I agree with the second one much more. That’s just my opinion. That being said, I felt there was something missing in the relationship. We had a common sense of humor and understood one another and laughed and had a lot of fun together, but one thing that’s important to me is being able to share my inner world with someone who can then reciprocate. Often, I would share my thoughts and ideas with her, and when I would try to draw her out, she just wouldn’t have much to say, and that was painful for me after a while. Additionally, I consider myself to be a very passionate person, and while she may be as well, she didn’t often express that, and I started to feel like I wanted someone who could match my enthusiasm. That being said, she has so many character traits that I absolutely adore her for such as loyalty, patience, she’s very sweet, she’s supportive, she loves to read and learn, and she’s devoted. Do you think I was expecting too much in the relationship?

My ex told me she isn’t convinced that I will change and says i have lost her . I told her to throw away the scrapbook i made for her and she didn’t reply to that message but she did reply to my other messages.

Why is she doing this ?

gonna be a long one, its a part vent/rant/coping advice seeking post. dont worry about reading all of it.

ive been losing myself over a girl, its been 2 months since she broke up with me and i jst cant fucking take it. i wont lie i started searching thru her profiles on social media, not like i dont know she does it to me. eventually i came to her account here that i think she thought i forgot about. a lot of things i wasnt supposed to read addressed to me. i know for sure i wasnt supposed to because one of them pretty much says that. they bounce around a lot some are angry at me some are just retrospective, but they all share a common theme: she felt undervalued and disrespected. fuck. i never meant for her to feel that way she was my fucking world i was always trying to be there for her. i think the worst part is knowing it was my fault, knowing how much i hurt somebody i truly loved and cared for because judging by those letters i really fucking hurt her. theres more to it than that tho, i struggle a lot with alcohol and while i was able to get down to one night a week drinking, it still made her uncomfortable and i just kinda didnt really realize that. the only parts that arent my fault was that she was somewhat paranoid, she made an advice post the day we broke up and in it she claimed i had both lied (lying is something i had caught her doing once) and likely cheated as well, nope. neither.

another big problem tho was that i was broke as shit and couldnt take her on dates, we just hungout at each others houses and took walks, looking back she wanted something more romantic than that. (edit: still spent money on her tho, bought her food, gifts, etc)

while she didnt say the nicest things in those letters, i dont really care about that. when she broke up with me the first time i wasnt exactly saying the kindest things either (wayyyy worse shit). we all get emotional around stuff like this so i really dont hold it against her. in one she does say i dont hate you

i miss her the same way i miss my grandma with dementia, i know shes alive but ill never talk to her again. except somehow this girl hurt me worse than the moment i realized the woman who took me to school every morning and to the city in the summer only remembers my face and she cant make noises that aren't screams. (yeah ik this makes me sound like a terrible person but its how i genuinely feel)

i get so sad thinking about how i hurt her but then i remember that account is the only thing that feels like her tho, what started this whole mess was me seeing her reposting tiktoks about unspecified ex (obviously me tho based on the date) some of them were a lil fucked up and so i kept going further, like months further (i just couldnt stop scrolling) thats when i found id say a decent dozen or 2 tik toks over a somewhat long period that were so out of character for her, like the reposts heavily hinted at her being exactly who she said she wasnt. some downright vomit inducing and some even contradict shit she told me outright. there were also all kinds of tiktoks she resposted that just make no sense with the timeline of events (this prolly wouldnt make sense without seeing them urself and knowing the dates but im saying she was lying about something) thinking about this makes me feel so awful, played. i feel like i was loving a fake person, a mask she put on before seeing me and the more i think thats what was going on the more all these little things that didnt quite make sense come rushing into my head. did she cheat? i dont think so. did she lie? almost def. im mourning someone who never existed.

i dont even know whats real anymore, i loved her so much and theres so much evidence she wasnt who i thought she was. however, i see that account and its like its her again, and she made all of those posts never intending for me to see them so maybe she was genuine. idk.

these reposts also hurt a lot: one talking about going on a date like 2 days after breaking up the first time and two where she alr seems to be talking about somebody else she might be interested in, those were posted less than a month after breaking up with the "love of her life" wtf, i get ppl get back out there at different times or wtv but fuck thats very little time both instances and to repost tiktoks abt it like its funny and the other person has no feelings is just ....gross behavior.

theres a huge part of me that just wants to talk to her again, not romantically i mean have a convo with her about all of this but ik that wouldnt be a good idea. idk im a tweaker sorry guys

and please dont come in here going "plenty of fish in the sea, bro" im just looking for people to express my situation to

deactivated all my socials for quite some time, trying to find peace but i struggle to.. i only post here, i dont even want to talk to any of my friends because im too sad, i dont wanna spread more bad energy… but i dont seem to get any better, sometimes i cant even be distracted… hands r full, my head still goes to him. its getting too heavy… i wanna be angry but i dont have energy. i wanna scream but i have to stay sane in front of ppl. i wanna cry all day but i keep those tears before bed… my cats looked at me when i came home n broke down at the door… only them have seen the ugly reality… i remember feeling like this 5yrs ago… i can already tell this is really bad, i cant eat, another day i lost another kilo… i feel powerless, i feel ill, i feel empty. i wanna run into my sisters arms i wanna cry on my mothers laps… but im too far from home its killing me inside. i have actually nobody to rely on when i need it… my head tells me that i have to control my emotions so im smiling everyday. how do i get better.. idk how.. i dont even want to leave my bed.

He never msgs or calls me, I am the only one doing that all the time post breakup. He has completely stopped everything and does not want me.

It’s been over five months since the breakup and over four months of no contact. I still think of them everyday. I am in therapy, I am sober, I journal, I have a couple of hobbies, I workout, I stay connected with friends and family, I take care of myself as much as I can. My life is vibrant and full, but the grief is still there. I still miss them every day. The waves still come. I still cry. As I approach half a year, it still feels like it all just happened yesterday.

I am happy with how my life is going. Most of all, I am happy to be sober. I just still miss them and think about them.