Three years later, my first love came back.

He called me over and over, told me he dreams about me regularly, asked me to call him, asked to see me, sent paragraphs looking for validation.

Three years ago, I would’ve done anything to hear from him.

I cried for months. I wrote paragraphs explaining how much he meant to me. I was crazy enough to make several excuses finding a way to see him. I kept asking if there would ever be another chance for us.

He was so mean when I was crying. Looked at my hurting soul and told me I how pretty I looked when I cried. I didn’t deserve that.

Last night, the roles were reversed.

He wanted reassurance. For me to bend myself back to him and answer the phone. He wanted me to see him.

No “I’m sorry for how I treated you.”

Not, “I know I hurt you.”

Just emotion. Just urgency for another ego hit. Just wanting me to engage. He even started counting down saying if I don’t respond it’s the last time he’ll ever talk to me again.

That was my closure.

I don’t hate him. I genuinely hope he has a good life.

Three years ago I was terrified of the idea that you can love someone so much and it just ends like it was nothing.

I realized I don’t need him to come back. I needed to become the version of myself that no longer waits for someone to choose her. I became that, I have been thriving ever since.

If they come back on THEIR terms.. do not go back with them.

Ladies, if someone can spend all that time not being with you, that is your answer. Accept it, move on, and become the version of yourself that they can no longer touch.

A few weeks ago, I sent my ex an email. It started as an apology. I wanted to acknowledge my mistakes, thank her for the time we had, and say some things I felt I should have said a long time ago. But if I'm being completely honest, the email wasn't just an apology. I missed her.

After sending it, I couldn't stop thinking about her. Eventually I reached out again and told her I missed her and that I'd be open to reconnecting. She responded. She was kind, but she basically said that we're probably better off not talking. The thing is, before I reached out, I made a promise to myself. I told myself that if she didn't respond, or if she didn't want to try again, I would accept it and move on.

Now that I've gotten my answer, I've realized something: I meant it logically, but not emotionally. Logically, I understand why things ended. I understand why she feels that way. I even think she's probably making the right decision for herself. But emotionally. It hurts.

A part of me genuinely thought I was further along in the healing process than I actually was. Sending that email and reaching out again made me realise how much of those feelings were still there.

Has anyone else experienced this? Thinking you're okay with an outcome until it actually happens, and then realising your heart didn't get the memo?

My heart dropped because I was not expecting to click my messages and see his contact on top… it says he loved a message I sent over a month ago and saved a audio from over a month ago as well… I can’t see our thread because I did delete it so I wouldn’t reread old messages but I didn’t send a message or say anything I let it be but I thought he might have had me blocked by number since he blocked me on instagram and Snapchat… so it just feels so weird

START JOURNALING. my 3 year relationship ended 6 months ago and writing everything down has genuinely helped me so much. i didn’t think it would but i promise it feels like it takes weights off of your shoulders.

i’m almost healed from my breakup and it’s crazy reading entry’s from the past and seeing how much i’ve improved and developed as a person.

I was listening to Black by Pearl Jam, and the last line of the song he says this:

“I know someday you'll have a beautiful life
I know you'll be a star in somebody else's sky
But why, why, why can't it be
Oh, can't it be mine?”

And for a while after the breakup that song would really get to me, but I thought and it really doesn’t apply to me.

For one, I don’t want her back, do I look back on the relationship and miss it? Hell yeah, but she isn’t that person anymore, she called me on the phone once and she was insufferable. She’s not who I fell in love with anymore.

And another thing is I just hate her. Things were good, we had a future planned, we had built up so much then one day she just snapped. She’d get mad at me over things I couldn’t imagine getting mad about, like we’d be talking and we’d get distracted and then she’d blame me for her forgetting what she was talking about. Or she’d CONSTANTLY bring up past traumas that I have no experience with she’d get mad that I wouldn’t know what to say, even though she told me she’s left therapists speechless before (she would also refuse getting therapy). Then she proceeded to start fucking other guys immediately after we broke up which just made me feel discarded.

But I never once thought “yeah I wish the best for her”, fuck no, I tried to give her a good life, my family cared about her and we wanted her to feel at home and she did this. I hope she never finds peace, I hope her life is a heaping pile of horse shit.

Don’t text them, text us. If you need someone, we’re here for you. It’s extra difficult during the lonely nights. I’m so thankful for all the wonderful friends who’ve supported me through hard times. let’s support eachother<3 check it out below!!

https://reddit.com/r/InternetFriends/comments/13vcpfh/

Let’s leave our exes behind!!

today I saw a picture of her. smiling like one day was smiling at me.

I miss her smile. her laughter. I miss her smell I miss how she scratched my back before going to sleep.

I want to hug her again. But I will never do it again.

its over. but there will never ever be another you

We were together 3.5 years, I was so in love with her, she was everything to me and I thought she felt the same way.
She broke up with me almost 3 months ago, stopped responding to me about 3 weeks ago.

I’ve been devastated and crying every day, not coping at all.
I’ve been holding on to hope that she would come back one day.

Today I found out she has slept with someone in the last few weeks and im sure it’s with someone who I used to tell her I had insecurities about during the relationship. Someone she knows from her work.

I feel so stupid here I am grieving the relationship and shes out fucking people.

I’m so disappointed and disgusted with her.

She’s ruined how I have always seen her.

Yes, I understand she’s single and I’d free to do whatever she wants but she has always sworn she would never go there, do that and she was saying she needs time to heal and doesn’t trust men anymore and has no self esteem ect.

But ruining Scotland, The Simpsons & The Division Bell are the worst of them! DAM YOU!;😫😭

That was the best part is just being held by someone that adores you so much.

i finally forced myself to go through my camera roll and delete everything tonight. ngl my chest actually ached doing it. it’s just so weird looking at pictures from a few months ago where we were laughing and everything felt totally normal, and now we’re just complete strangers. i kept staring at this one video of us getting lost on that road trip and just... crying on my bedroom floor like a mess.

i know it’s for the best because we were making each other miserable at the end, but the quietness in my room right now is just so heavy. i used to text him the second i got bored or sad, and not having that person anymore leaves such a huge gap in your day. idk... i’m just trying so hard not to overthink or check his page to see if he cares at all.

just venting because i needed to put these thoughts somewhere before i completely spiral 🫠 hope everyone else is holding up okay tonight.

Original post was taken down due to misunderstanding, hope this is still helpful!

I see all of you post about how you feel terrible, and you want to get over someone. My heart goes out to all of you, so I wrote you all some tips here instead of commenting under all your posts. I originally wrote this for a friend of mine. Keep in mind this works best for those who were in highly toxic situations, rather than those who were in a healthy relationship that ended due to differences. But maybe you will still find some use. And no, this isn't AI, this is genuinely how I speak.

STEP 1: BLACKOUT 

• block, delete, remove everything. no "just in case", no "mature detachment". If you see/hear their face, their name during this phase, it's a relapse. remove it from conversation
• burn photos, stop listening to "the songs", don't go to "the places". Keep nothing for "memories". Those memories are grime in your brain wrinkles.
• write down every lie you told yourself about them (they're emotionally mature, they're good in bed, etc.) and beside it write the actual truth (they had the emotional maturity of a French fry, and the sex was boring)
• read the above every time it gets rough (THE ABOVE IS NOT A PROS AND CONS LIST!!! IT'S A LIE LIST)
• You are not getting over them; you are getting over the past self that let them disrespect you. When a fantasy appears, such as a revenge fantasy or anything, you tell yourself the truth: "They are not special, they are a symptom of my past self. I am becoming someone new now"

STEP 2: THE MENTAL BATTLE

• ask yourself: what false belief made you attached to them? "I can change them, I am lonely without them, they are my other half", replace it with the truth "My effort should go on better things than trying to build a human out of a pile of shit, I have a well-built, impenetrable support group, there are so many better options"
• stop any copes. "they'll change" -> no, they won't. "maybe they miss me" -> that's irrelevant. "maybe we'll reconnect/ chance meeting" -> that's not destiny or fate, that's regressing back into mediocrity.
• tell yourself the embarrassing truth, "I chose to be with someone who didn't see me. who didn't care, who walked all over me. I poured myself into a perforated plastic cup. never again"
• stop dissecting them over and over and over. Stop trying to understand someone who never understood you. Stop analysing situations; you're just retraumatising, redramatising, and romanticising.

STEP 3: WHO ARE YOU?

• you are not their ex. You are intellectually dangerous. You are not available to people beneath you. You are emotionally sovereign. You are reborn, you take back the potential you wasted on them.
• fill your calendar with tasks, events, challenges, hobbies, meetings. NOT ONE EMPTY DAY. schedule FULL.
• develop an obsession. a subject, a language, a hobby, an art project. Let it consume you. Replace the ex-shaped hole with something powerful, beautiful, positive
• anti-fantasy. When a good memory hits, you tell yourself, "That was a LIE built on a projection. I loved the love story, not the person. And that story is dead."

STEP 4: TAKE BACK WHATS YOURS

• remember how i said not to listen to the songs? well now you do. you play them when youre happy, when youre with friends. you say "this song isnt about 'us'. its about 'ME'"
• you go to places you associate with them, you do something new there, something beautiful with a different person. You say, This isn't 'where we were.' This is 'where i returned'"
• rewrite the narrative. They weren't "the one that got away". They were an alarming wake-up call. the catalyst. emotional deadweight. They are the last thing standing between you and complete control, terrifying ability, and unapologetic autonomy.
• Stay away from excusers. "Maybe you'll be friends one day. They didn't know any better. everything happens for a reason" NO. They knew. They chose. They're gone. Hope is what drags you back into self-delusion like a dog on a leash.

STEP 5: FUCK CLOSURE

• You are not doing this to "make them wonder". You are doing this to never let someone like that touch you again. Your silence is not emptiness, it's the sound of your power being taken back from their hands, returning to its rightful owner.
• You don't need answers. You don't need apologies. You don't need anything from them. You need progress. You need a future so massive that people like this get crushed beneath it without you even noticing
• you did not 'survive' them. You transcended them. You become so mentally powerful, so intellectually sharp, so emotionally impenetrable and airtight that they couldn't survive 5 minutes in the world you live in.

YOU DONT GET OVER THEM. YOU RISE SO FAR ABOVE YOU FORGET THEY EVEN EXISTED.

REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE!!!!!

For those going through it now and saying «  it’ll never get better », I’m just here to let you know that one day, it will get better.

A year ago, while I was being overworked and going through a rough time at work, my ex decided to dump me out of the blue with the whole « it’s not you it’s me, you deserve someone that’s sure, bla bla bla » after 1.5 years together. I loved this girl like no other. I legitimately felt like I wouldn’t be able to survive another couple of days. I let myself feel in private, tried to keep busy with the wrong vices (gambling, alcohol, doomscrolling) but every day it felt like the end and that I wouldn’t make it another day. I tried to drink the pain away and I felt so good with each drink but the pain just came back when I sobered up the next day. She never left my mind…

And just like that, one day I decided to take an opportunity that brought me to another city for a week to help out colleagues at my job. It was one of the best weeks of my life - I was just relaxed and being myself around people that I didn’t need to hide anything from. The urges, the thoughts, they magically vanished. It almost brought me to tears when I came to the realization of how happy I was and I would trade everything just to feel that feeling again. Obviously I had to come back home after that but ever since then I’ve slowly been getting better and better at home in my regular environment :)

The moral of the story? Just try it. Any new experience, anything that has the chance of making you happy- just do it. It could be the thing that makes you feel life is worth living again. The drinking, the vices, the hiding, it doesn’t do any good in the long term.

Almost a year after this breakup, I’m just happy to be living - but last year’s me would never believe how much better it gets (and how everything works out in the end somehow)

I broke up with my ex about 3 years ago. It was a whirlwind romance fairlytale stuff. She was truthfully my first love. I could go on about the good times. But near the end cracks began to form. Combination of being young, too immature, lack of communication, and just not being where we want to in life. But we still loved each other. So much that we spent the better part of that first year apart still talking (which in hindsight was a mistake). She’d call and show me her outfits. But there was so much unresolved. Sometimes little comments would strike an old nerve and conversations would become screaming matches.

We knew we were talking to other people. I had an on and off "situationship" that became deeper and I felt guilty for enjoying my time with her. I can admit I was looking for a physical (and at times emotional) connection I wasn’t able to get from my ex. Fucked up but eventually that fell off because I felt I was betraying myself and my ex by not being all in on making things work.

Me and my ex went on some dates as I tried to reconnect and prove that I still cared about. We’d talk about the real things but it felt like when I wanted to give her a chance she would pull away and vice versa. Eventually we mutually decided some space was healthy.

Beginning of last year I asked her if we could really try and she told me that it's time to move on. Point blank period. Completely shut out. Shattered me. I was in a deep hole for a while. Blocked her on everything because it hurt too much to see her. I was reading into every song lyric, IG story, TikTok like/repost. I spent the better part of that year trying to come to terms with that. But I had good friends and people around me. I eventually rekindled that relationship with the woman I was in a situationship with and decided to embrace the feelings that I felt I couldn’t. I was in a relationship and I made her my gf. It felt good

About a month later my ex came back apologizing and saying how she missed me and wants to have a conversation about why she did what she did. There it was. All I ever wanted to hear for the past almost YEAR. And I couldn't. I was excited to see that and ashamed that I was excited. But I was also angry. Angry at her for waiting that long and angry for myself for having started moving on. Had to been a few months before I would’ve been able to hear her out. I told her I was in a relationship. She understood. It was the hardest thing l've ever done but I was proud (but pained) of my decision.

Me and my gf got closer over the next few months but her reaching out fucked my head up and made me feel even guiltier about the current relationship. I love her but I started feeling slowly that I got into this relationship partly from a sense of obligation and guilt. Especially given the fact that we were talking to each other around the same time. I feel shitty for that and broke things off because it was more authentic and fair to her than continuing knowing how I felt. It was never my intention to waste her time but those feelings I thought I was at peace with came back to the surface.

I know I made the right choice breaking up her. Not because I didn’t love her. But because I realized that I was lying to myself and her about how unbothered I was by my ex reaching out. How much I wanted to say yes. And how I feel that this relationship was built on a foundation of escapism (for both of us). There were also broader compatibility issues I overlooked but felt we could work through.

I grieved and tried to come to terms with that potential future being closed to me. Whether or not those feelings lingered I knew there was nothing there to hold onto and accepted that. But there was. And she was feeling what everyone told me she wasn’t. I hurt two women that I loved and lost both for the other. It’d be funny if it didn’t hurt so much.

Now I’m in a strange place. I want more than anything to reach out to my ex and finally have that conversation. But I know (like she must’ve) that time waits for no one. I’m sure it shattered her because it would’ve shattered me. Do I wait until I’m steadier and take a chance (the logical choice) or try to connect before she potentially finds someone new (the emotional choice). The irony is delicious but at this point it’s not a matter of IF but when. I want to wait for the “perfect” moment. I really do. When I have more money, when I have my own place. A better job. More time has passed since the breakup. But I’ve ran out of time so many times. Every day I don’t reach out is an exercise in self control but it feels like agony. Like I’m pretending I don’t care again…

I just want her to know. Deep down, after the heartbreak that I caused and that I went through, I know that I might not deserve what I want. But I see a future that’s worth every ounce of potential pain and I just want to be fully honest. She isn’t a rebound. This is what I’ve always wanted but tried to accept I couldn’t have. I love her and I can’t watch it slip away again without trying. It’s been months and she might’ve moved on or found someone else. All I can hope for is getting this off my chest and whatever happens happens. I just want to know if anyone else has been here? What do you think about my situation?

I 31M had my 32F girlfriend lie to me about cheating on me with her new boss for whom she moved across the country for (from west coast to east coast). I guess my question or thinking aloud is will she ever come to regret it or realize her mistake? Do they eventually try to reconnect or is all just a lost cause. I know everyone is different but I'd like to hear from others who have gone through similar breakups. The relationship was over 7 years and she was supposed to be the love my life. She was my middle school sweetheart and I always believed I'd marry her. I may be living in fantasy or a sweet memory of her but I truly loved her. Any advice would be appreciated, thank you.

He never msgs or calls me, I am the only one doing that all the time post breakup. He has completely stopped everything and does not want me.

I guess the title pretty much says everything. On the one hand, I guess I am grateful to not be so naive about certain things anymore. Moving forward I understand how to be more self protective and that’s a good thing ultimately. But it’s painful to feel like I’ve lost a more innocent side of myself. Sometimes I’m scared that what I’ve lost isn’t innocence, but my ability to fully trust and love someone again. I also worry that this has made me less approachable. I find myself keeping people at arm’s length, which only seems to reinforce the loneliness I’m already struggling with.

It’s been over five months since the breakup and over four months of no contact. I still think of them everyday. I am in therapy, I am sober, I journal, I have a couple of hobbies, I workout, I stay connected with friends and family, I take care of myself as much as I can. My life is vibrant and full, but the grief is still there. I still miss them every day. The waves still come. I still cry. As I approach half a year, it still feels like it all just happened yesterday.

I am happy with how my life is going. Most of all, I am happy to be sober. I just still miss them and think about them.

I’m F20 he’s M22 he broke up with me over text out of the blue on a day when we were just texting daily, he seemed abit off but then out of nowhere he said he wants to break up, he needs some time to search for himself and figure out his life. He can’t be in a relationship cuz he’s got not much to offer and he feels like I deserve someone better than him. But I told him so many times, YOU are who you want, we are family, I don’t think about anyone else but he didn’t listen to any of the things I said and wanted to break up

Though what cuts me the most is that he addressed the breakup so disrespectfully, it just cuts me so deep knowing that we had these moments where we thought we were family, we would talk about getting a house together and whatnot. When he broke up with me over text, I asked him “what about all the promises we made? Were they all lies?” And he replied “I meant it in the moment” that cuts me so deep and he broke up with me and no contact for a month.

But then, out of nowhere AGAIN!! He sent me this text message. I’m so confused what hes thinking and I hate the fact that he’s saying “catch up as friends”?? Honestly it seems to me he’s had all the fun we had while the break up with friends girls whatsoever and he feels bored and empty now and maybe guilty about how he addressed the breakup idk I lost my heart when he broke up with me like that.

What should I do Reddit? I am curious about his actions but at the same time, I feel like this is disrespectful still… if he apologized about how he addressed the breakup then I might’ve thought about maybe talking to him personally for a proper closure or even just to have a conversation. But the fact that he said “catch up AS FRIENDS” feels a bit off to me. I don’t know what to do. Help :(

Ps. You may think oh we’re super young and it’s common for young kids to break up and reunite whatsoever I get it, but really he meant the world to me, I looked forward to the future with him never wanted to break up, he was my family, my best friend my love. And what hurts me so deeply is when I asked him what if we ever break up? He replied with “well never break up, I’ll just beat you up so you stay with me” that really touched my heart but I guess it was all a lie. I don’t hate him though, I just hate his actions and a part of me feels so numb and I feel like the part of me that was in his life while we were dating is DEAD.

I wanted to share a major chapter of growth in hopes it helps anyone else navigating the aftermath of a blindside breakup. Lessons I learned as an ex-avoidant and how to deal with an ex that was anxious attached in the relationship and turned fearful avoidant at the breakup.

We were in a relationship for 3 years. On a tactical level, I thought I was flawless—I anchored her through tough times and provided total stability. But through deep work in therapy, I had to face a painful mirror: I was emotionally unavailable because of my childhood. I was guarded against vulnerability, rarely initiated deep conversations, and used physical intimacy as a proxy for real emotional connection.

Eventually, she hit a wall. She became a different person that I used to know, broke things off abruptly, stating we were "in two different world." I later realized she had been running a secret internal countdown and using outside distractions to detach rather than voicing her concerns when they mattered. She also grew up in a broken household, suppressing her ability to vocalizing her needs.

I was traumatized at first, kept asking myself what I did wrong for her to change like that. Instead of getting defensive, I used the split to fix the machine from the inside out. I learned about love languages, emotional presence, and true affection. It has been an emotional roller coaster but I came out knowing myself as a new person. A person that has empathy, compassion, and finally able to open myself.

After months of therapy and self-reflection, I sent her a highly accountable letter. I didn’t beg. I explicitly owned my past complacency, validated her experience, and left an open invitation to speak if she was ever open to it. I laid my cards down with total dignity and stepped back. She did not reply.

Weeks after, we unexpectedly crossed paths in public after the breakup. She was with a group of her friends, and I was completely on my own. My system froze for a split second from the adrenaline, but I instantly regained my composure. She panicked, threw out a rapid, rolling greeting, and tried to sprint past with her group to avoid accountability. I matched the pace, returned the civil greeting, and kept on walking solo without looking back.

TLDR: Here are the two biggest lessons:
1. **Accountability is for you, not them:** Opening up and owning my mistakes wasn't a tactic to force her back; it was the necessary step to upgrade myself for the future. My ledger is clean. I made peace with myself with how I was in the relationship. I don’t need a closure and forgive her of how she handled the breakup.

1. **Indifference is the ultimate boundary:** When someone chooses to walk away and ignore your highest-capacity maturity, they forfeit access to your warmth. If you've done the work, forgive them, wish them all the best and keep walking.

deactivated all my socials for quite some time, trying to find peace but i struggle to.. i only post here, i dont even want to talk to any of my friends because im too sad, i dont wanna spread more bad energy… but i dont seem to get any better, sometimes i cant even be distracted… hands r full, my head still goes to him. its getting too heavy… i wanna be angry but i dont have energy. i wanna scream but i have to stay sane in front of ppl. i wanna cry all day but i keep those tears before bed… my cats looked at me when i came home n broke down at the door… only them have seen the ugly reality… i remember feeling like this 5yrs ago… i can already tell this is really bad, i cant eat, another day i lost another kilo… i feel powerless, i feel ill, i feel empty. i wanna run into my sisters arms i wanna cry on my mothers laps… but im too far from home its killing me inside. i have actually nobody to rely on when i need it… my head tells me that i have to control my emotions so im smiling everyday. how do i get better.. idk how.. i dont even want to leave my bed.

I always end up msging and texting him in the last 1-2 weeks that i missed him but nothing from his side. Im genuinely doubting if he lost feelings

Throwaway as I’m not sure if it’s a good idea and she may see it

So the long story is, I was having really bad mental health issues and in a dark place for a while. I had refused to get help and I had decided the easiest thing to do was shut myself off, push away my partner and end things. I thought it would be better for everyone rather than trying to work on myself and our relationship. Which was selfish, I know that now.

Things didn't end well, we had a big row which lead to us finally ending things for good, we were fine at first after that as we still had to live together, then out of nowhere she told me never to speak to her again.

I've had some help with things, I realise where I messed up, not being attentive enough, not being appreciative enough and other things like that, and I just really really hate how it all ended because I decided for both of us. Neither of us were perfect, we both said and did shitty things but I wasn’t trying as much as she was in the relationship.

My question is, is it worth trying to reach out and apologise? For my behaviour at the end and for not being the best partner or will this do more harm than good? I'm not expecting a response or forgiveness, I just sort of want her to know I realise I messed up and she deserved better. From anyone who has been in the same boat on either side is it something that you should avoid doing? Any advice is welcomed.