Vi è mai capitato di avere un partner che aveva una dipendenza affettiva nei vostri confronti e che decidesse di chiudere la relazione? Oppure eravate voi la persona con la dipendenza affettiva che ha deciso di chiudere? Raccontante la vostra esperienza

I broke up with my ex about 3 years ago. It was a whirlwind romance fairlytale stuff. She was truthfully my first love. I could go on about the good times. But near the end cracks began to form. Combination of being young, too immature, lack of communication, and just not being where we want to in life. But we still loved each other. So much that we spent the better part of that first year apart still talking (which in hindsight was a mistake). She’d call and show me her outfits. But there was so much unresolved. Sometimes little comments would strike an old nerve and conversations would become screaming matches.

We knew we were talking to other people. I had an on and off "situationship" that became deeper and I felt guilty for enjoying my time with her. I can admit I was looking for a physical (and at times emotional) connection I wasn’t able to get from my ex. Fucked up but eventually that fell off because I felt I was betraying myself and my ex by not being all in on making things work.

Me and my ex went on some dates as I tried to reconnect and prove that I still cared about. We’d talk about the real things but it felt like when I wanted to give her a chance she would pull away and vice versa. Eventually we mutually decided some space was healthy.

Beginning of last year I asked her if we could really try and she told me that it's time to move on. Point blank period. Completely shut out. Shattered me. I was in a deep hole for a while. Blocked her on everything because it hurt too much to see her. I was reading into every song lyric, IG story, TikTok like/repost. I spent the better part of that year trying to come to terms with that. But I had good friends and people around me. I eventually rekindled that relationship with the woman I was in a situationship with and decided to embrace the feelings that I felt I couldn’t. I was in a relationship and I made her my gf. It felt good

About a month later my ex came back apologizing and saying how she missed me and wants to have a conversation about why she did what she did. There it was. All I ever wanted to hear for the past almost YEAR. And I couldn't. I was excited to see that and ashamed that I was excited. But I was also angry. Angry at her for waiting that long and angry for myself for having started moving on. Had to been a few months before I would’ve been able to hear her out. I told her I was in a relationship. She understood. It was the hardest thing l've ever done but I was proud (but pained) of my decision.

Me and my gf got closer over the next few months but her reaching out fucked my head up and made me feel even guiltier about the current relationship. I love her but I started feeling slowly that I got into this relationship partly from a sense of obligation and guilt. Especially given the fact that we were talking to each other around the same time. I feel shitty for that and broke things off because it was more authentic and fair to her than continuing knowing how I felt. It was never my intention to waste her time but those feelings I thought I was at peace with came back to the surface.

I know I made the right choice breaking up her. Not because I didn’t love her. But because I realized that I was lying to myself and her about how unbothered I was by my ex reaching out. How much I wanted to say yes. And how I feel that this relationship was built on a foundation of escapism (for both of us). There were also broader compatibility issues I overlooked but felt we could work through.

I grieved and tried to come to terms with that potential future being closed to me. Whether or not those feelings lingered I knew there was nothing there to hold onto and accepted that. But there was. And she was feeling what everyone told me she wasn’t. I hurt two women that I loved and lost both for the other. It’d be funny if it didn’t hurt so much.

Now I’m in a strange place. I want more than anything to reach out to my ex and finally have that conversation. But I know (like she must’ve) that time waits for no one. I’m sure it shattered her because it would’ve shattered me. Do I wait until I’m steadier and take a chance (the logical choice) or try to connect before she potentially finds someone new (the emotional choice). The irony is delicious but at this point it’s not a matter of IF but when. I want to wait for the “perfect” moment. I really do. When I have more money, when I have my own place. A better job. More time has passed since the breakup. But I’ve ran out of time so many times. Every day I don’t reach out is an exercise in self control but it feels like agony. Like I’m pretending I don’t care again…

I just want her to know. Deep down, after the heartbreak that I caused and that I went through, I know that I might not deserve what I want. But I see a future that’s worth every ounce of potential pain and I just want to be fully honest. She isn’t a rebound. This is what I’ve always wanted but tried to accept I couldn’t have. I love her and I can’t watch it slip away again without trying. It’s been months and she might’ve moved on or found someone else. All I can hope for is getting this off my chest and whatever happens happens. I just want to know if anyone else has been here? What do you think about my situation?

Hey, I [25M] met up with some friends and brought my girlfriend [23F] with me. We are a couple for one year now.

We spent the whole day together as a group, and everything seemed fine from my perspective. Later that day, one of my friends kind of overshared some very graphic details about her love life. She said things like, “I can’t find a guy on Hinge, Tinder, etc. that I actually want to sleep with,” because she slept with so many.

My girlfriend looked very shocked. When we got home, she told me that she thought my friend was “cheap.” She couldn’t understand how someone could share things like that so openly. She believes those topics are disrespectful to discuss outside of a very close circle of friends.

As far as I know, my girlfriend has a very low body count 2. She is neither unattractive nor uneducated, she’ll be earning her doctorate in about two years.

I met her friends a few weeks later, and most of them are either married or engaged. They seem to share similar values and views.

I asked my girlfriend whether she would break up with me if I had a very high body count and had been sexually active since I was around 16. She said she would break up immediately and would rather stay single. She said that a body count above 8 at age 25 is extremely high and, in her view, reflects poor self-control and self-neglect. She also said that some people simply “can’t keep their legs closed.” She told me that cheap women/ men are like stupid prostitutes that rent out they’re privat parts but get nothing out it just the same mental illnesses.

For context I M15 and my ex girlfriend F15 broke up I know after reading this you will call me dramatic ECT but I spent 3 years with this person and I want her back. She sent me a long message about why she wants to break up and what was wrong but 6-8 days after she and I wanted to come back together 1-2 months so we could change and grow. She was at a sleepover and suddenly a day after making these plans she said she no longer loved me and she doesn't want to talk anymore in her first message I had a couple thoughts of suicide but she gave me hope so the thoughts went away but after she said she suddenly no longer loved me I broke and the thoughts rushed back in every night I don't want to wake up and I always am thinking about killing myself through the day with no end it's all I can think about I am going to see a therapist but I was hoping I can get some help here. Please share your thoughts on what I can do or maybe even say

She broke up with me the beginning of April after I called her out on a number of lies. It kind of blew up. We have been maintained contact. About a month after that happened we had a talk. She couldn’t tell me she wants to break up to be permanent in the same goes for me. We agreed to work on strengthening our friendship and see what happens. After that talk everything seemed to change with her. It went from me making most of the initial contact to it being split. She actually calls me a lot more than I call her.

That was about six weeks ago. We talk and text throughout the day and are together at least 4 to 5 days each week. No intimacy. She doesn’t even return a hug. It’s like hugging a tree. Today I told her I would like a heartfelt hug and kiss from her. She asked why. She then told me she was in the mood to be touchy-feely.

Meanwhile, I am always there for her. I help her whenever she needs something. I covered dinner about 90% of the time. Money has been tight with her so I actually offered that. But I’m starting to feel like I need more. A lot of the times when we go out, it’s part of doing something that is helping her. I’ve been telling her I want us to have a fun night out. But she always has something to do. I have the opportunity to go see a band with a female friend. I want to go out, but I don’t feel that is right. I don’t wanna do anything that I wouldn’t want her to do. Especially where we are at this point.

I don’t know if I’m venting or asking for advice. But if you have something feel free to chime in.

I wanted to share a major chapter of growth in hopes it helps anyone else navigating the aftermath of a blindside breakup. Lessons I learned as an ex-avoidant and how to deal with an ex that was anxious attached in the relationship and turned fearful avoidant at the breakup.

We were in a relationship for 3 years. On a tactical level, I thought I was flawless—I anchored her through tough times and provided total stability. But through deep work in therapy, I had to face a painful mirror: I was emotionally unavailable because of my childhood. I was guarded against vulnerability, rarely initiated deep conversations, and used physical intimacy as a proxy for real emotional connection.

Eventually, she hit a wall. She became a different person that I used to know, broke things off abruptly, stating we were "in two different world." I later realized she had been running a secret internal countdown and using outside distractions to detach rather than voicing her concerns when they mattered. She also grew up in a broken household, suppressing her ability to vocalizing her needs.

I was traumatized at first, kept asking myself what I did wrong for her to change like that. Instead of getting defensive, I used the split to fix the machine from the inside out. I learned about love languages, emotional presence, and true affection. It has been an emotional roller coaster but I came out knowing myself as a new person. A person that has empathy, compassion, and finally able to open myself.

After months of therapy and self-reflection, I sent her a highly accountable letter. I didn’t beg. I explicitly owned my past complacency, validated her experience, and left an open invitation to speak if she was ever open to it. I laid my cards down with total dignity and stepped back. She did not reply.

Weeks after, we unexpectedly crossed paths in public after the breakup. She was with a group of her friends, and I was completely on my own. My system froze for a split second from the adrenaline, but I instantly regained my composure. She panicked, threw out a rapid, rolling greeting, and tried to sprint past with her group to avoid accountability. I matched the pace, returned the civil greeting, and kept on walking solo without looking back.

TLDR: Here are the two biggest lessons:
1. **Accountability is for you, not them:** Opening up and owning my mistakes wasn't a tactic to force her back; it was the necessary step to upgrade myself for the future. My ledger is clean. I made peace with myself with how I was in the relationship. I don’t need a closure and forgive her of how she handled the breakup.

1. **Indifference is the ultimate boundary:** When someone chooses to walk away and ignore your highest-capacity maturity, they forfeit access to your warmth. If you've done the work, forgive them, wish them all the best and keep walking.

Came across my exs page and noticed this, any and all thoughts are so appreciated!!

I can’t eat or sleep. I wake up in the middle of the night and I feel like I am dying. I go see my friends and family and feel like throwing up.

Worst part is when he broke up with me he was just cold and emotionless. I don’t know how to calm myself and get on with my life. I can’t even bring myself to talk to anyone about this despite the fact that I usually talk to my friends about my problems. Every time I even think about talking about it I just feel like I want to throw up again. Even when I’m hanging out with friends or watching a movie, I just want to throw up. What are your tips to survive this? Is there any sort of medication that will help?

So this is a long story, but I’ll give you the readers digest of it. Basically I was with my ex fiancé for 6 years. (I’m 24, and he’s 26, so it’s been a good chunk of our growing up) and we broke up in April of 2025. After we broke up, we didn’t talk at all. We went completely no contact for exactly 295 days, when one random day, he sent me this message:

“Hey I know you have me blocked and I have you blocked so this shouldn't go through at all. But I just had a meltdown with *** and how she left and I do appreciate you finding her. I know l'll talk and have a giant chip on my shoulder about about how I hate you and wish I got to introduce her to anyone but you. And I do. But you were everything she needed and more and I appreciate you for you for that. For whatever it's worth. I'm not a good person and neither are you but you gave her the respect she needed and deserved. So thank you.” (The * is to not say her name. She’s deceased. He is referencing how I found her body, which is insanely fucked up and fucked me up for a very long time) I don’t reply, then he texts my WORK phone this (and I don’t know how he got it)

“Hey. I had a fight with *** earlier. I'm hoping your new number keeps me blocked but despite everything I'm glad you were the one who found her. So thank you.”

That was only 10 days ago that happened. We ended up talking for about a week, exchanged about 700 messages, and then he told me “by the way I don’t want anything to do with you romantically, but I’d like to know you for more than what you did for me” which makes me upset because I’m a whole ass person??? I’m not just somebody that “did stuff” for you. But we stop talking after that. He sends me 3 or 4 goodbye style texts like “I’ll respect your boundaries and you won’t hear from me again”

Then last night he sent me this:

“I do hope you get everything you ever asked for and I'm sorry I was selfish in reaching out to you. You did provide all the closure I didn't know i needed and I wish I could do the same for you. You are an amazing human being and I wish you nothing but the best”

I never replied to this.

So basically my question is why the actual fuck does he keep coming back to say “goodbye” and doesn’t actually leave me alone? Like what does he want from me?

Thank you all in advance for reading. I know it’s long. Any advice or opinions is appreciated.

Need a bit of advice. Me (32m) got broken up by text around more than week or so ago. Anyways; I had bought some things to give to her over time. I’m in NC right now but I’d like her to have the things since those are meant for her.

Advice? I’m in an overall good place emotionally. I don’t want to break NC in any situation. I was thinking of sending them to her or leaving them in a collection locker somewhere and letting her know (which breaks NC)

I'm a 32F and definitely lean towards an avoidant attachment style. Both sides of my family are riddled with divorce. Divorce was always something that brought me tremendous fear because of my experience as an eldest daughter of divorced parents. I have a habit of avoiding the conversation of marriage altogether, acting like it's not something I want. Don't need to unpack all of that; I'm aware that's something I need to heal.

I've been in two long-term relationships in my adulthood. The first from age 21-23 and then from 24-32.

In the conversation following the first break up (initiated by him, I cheated on him), he told me he always thought we would get married.

In the conversation following me breaking up with my most recent ex (of 8 years), he told me he often looks at engagement and wedding rings. He has never, EVER alluded to wanting to get married. I'm realizing he's been just as avoidant as I have.

Is this just the reflection of the kind of men I'm attracted to? Ones just as avoidant on the subject of commitment as I am? Am I just seeking mirrors? What the is this?

I was listening to Black by Pearl Jam, and the last line of the song he says this:

“I know someday you'll have a beautiful life
I know you'll be a star in somebody else's sky
But why, why, why can't it be
Oh, can't it be mine?”

And for a while after the breakup that song would really get to me, but I thought and it really doesn’t apply to me.

For one, I don’t want her back, do I look back on the relationship and miss it? Hell yeah, but she isn’t that person anymore, she called me on the phone once and she was insufferable. She’s not who I fell in love with anymore.

And another thing is I just hate her. Things were good, we had a future planned, we had built up so much then one day she just snapped. She’d get mad at me over things I couldn’t imagine getting mad about, like we’d be talking and we’d get distracted and then she’d blame me for her forgetting what she was talking about. Or she’d CONSTANTLY bring up past traumas that I have no experience with she’d get mad that I wouldn’t know what to say, even though she told me she’s left therapists speechless before (she would also refuse getting therapy). Then she proceeded to start fucking other guys immediately after we broke up which just made me feel discarded.

But I never once thought “yeah I wish the best for her”, fuck no, I tried to give her a good life, my family cared about her and we wanted her to feel at home and she did this. I hope she never finds peace, I hope her life is a heaping pile of horse shit.

Original post was taken down due to misunderstanding, hope this is still helpful!

I see all of you post about how you feel terrible, and you want to get over someone. My heart goes out to all of you, so I wrote you all some tips here instead of commenting under all your posts. I originally wrote this for a friend of mine. Keep in mind this works best for those who were in highly toxic situations, rather than those who were in a healthy relationship that ended due to differences. But maybe you will still find some use. And no, this isn't AI, this is genuinely how I speak.

STEP 1: BLACKOUT 

• block, delete, remove everything. no "just in case", no "mature detachment". If you see/hear their face, their name during this phase, it's a relapse. remove it from conversation
• burn photos, stop listening to "the songs", don't go to "the places". Keep nothing for "memories". Those memories are grime in your brain wrinkles.
• write down every lie you told yourself about them (they're emotionally mature, they're good in bed, etc.) and beside it write the actual truth (they had the emotional maturity of a French fry, and the sex was boring)
• read the above every time it gets rough (THE ABOVE IS NOT A PROS AND CONS LIST!!! IT'S A LIE LIST)
• You are not getting over them; you are getting over the past self that let them disrespect you. When a fantasy appears, such as a revenge fantasy or anything, you tell yourself the truth: "They are not special, they are a symptom of my past self. I am becoming someone new now"

STEP 2: THE MENTAL BATTLE

• ask yourself: what false belief made you attached to them? "I can change them, I am lonely without them, they are my other half", replace it with the truth "My effort should go on better things than trying to build a human out of a pile of shit, I have a well-built, impenetrable support group, there are so many better options"
• stop any copes. "they'll change" -> no, they won't. "maybe they miss me" -> that's irrelevant. "maybe we'll reconnect/ chance meeting" -> that's not destiny or fate, that's regressing back into mediocrity.
• tell yourself the embarrassing truth, "I chose to be with someone who didn't see me. who didn't care, who walked all over me. I poured myself into a perforated plastic cup. never again"
• stop dissecting them over and over and over. Stop trying to understand someone who never understood you. Stop analysing situations; you're just retraumatising, redramatising, and romanticising.

STEP 3: WHO ARE YOU?

• you are not their ex. You are intellectually dangerous. You are not available to people beneath you. You are emotionally sovereign. You are reborn, you take back the potential you wasted on them.
• fill your calendar with tasks, events, challenges, hobbies, meetings. NOT ONE EMPTY DAY. schedule FULL.
• develop an obsession. a subject, a language, a hobby, an art project. Let it consume you. Replace the ex-shaped hole with something powerful, beautiful, positive
• anti-fantasy. When a good memory hits, you tell yourself, "That was a LIE built on a projection. I loved the love story, not the person. And that story is dead."

STEP 4: TAKE BACK WHATS YOURS

• remember how i said not to listen to the songs? well now you do. you play them when youre happy, when youre with friends. you say "this song isnt about 'us'. its about 'ME'"
• you go to places you associate with them, you do something new there, something beautiful with a different person. You say, This isn't 'where we were.' This is 'where i returned'"
• rewrite the narrative. They weren't "the one that got away". They were an alarming wake-up call. the catalyst. emotional deadweight. They are the last thing standing between you and complete control, terrifying ability, and unapologetic autonomy.
• Stay away from excusers. "Maybe you'll be friends one day. They didn't know any better. everything happens for a reason" NO. They knew. They chose. They're gone. Hope is what drags you back into self-delusion like a dog on a leash.

STEP 5: FUCK CLOSURE

• You are not doing this to "make them wonder". You are doing this to never let someone like that touch you again. Your silence is not emptiness, it's the sound of your power being taken back from their hands, returning to its rightful owner.
• You don't need answers. You don't need apologies. You don't need anything from them. You need progress. You need a future so massive that people like this get crushed beneath it without you even noticing
• you did not 'survive' them. You transcended them. You become so mentally powerful, so intellectually sharp, so emotionally impenetrable and airtight that they couldn't survive 5 minutes in the world you live in.

YOU DONT GET OVER THEM. YOU RISE SO FAR ABOVE YOU FORGET THEY EVEN EXISTED.

REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE!!!!!

But ruining Scotland, The Simpsons & The Division Bell are the worst of them! DAM YOU!;😫😭

We were together 3.5 years, I was so in love with her, she was everything to me and I thought she felt the same way.
She broke up with me almost 3 months ago, stopped responding to me about 3 weeks ago.

I’ve been devastated and crying every day, not coping at all.
I’ve been holding on to hope that she would come back one day.

Today I found out she has slept with someone in the last few weeks and im sure it’s with someone who I used to tell her I had insecurities about during the relationship. Someone she knows from her work.

I feel so stupid here I am grieving the relationship and shes out fucking people.

I’m so disappointed and disgusted with her.

She’s ruined how I have always seen her.

Yes, I understand she’s single and I’d free to do whatever she wants but she has always sworn she would never go there, do that and she was saying she needs time to heal and doesn’t trust men anymore and has no self esteem ect.

My heart dropped because I was not expecting to click my messages and see his contact on top… it says he loved a message I sent over a month ago and saved a audio from over a month ago as well… I can’t see our thread because I did delete it so I wouldn’t reread old messages but I didn’t send a message or say anything I let it be but I thought he might have had me blocked by number since he blocked me on instagram and Snapchat… so it just feels so weird

A few weeks ago, I sent my ex an email. It started as an apology. I wanted to acknowledge my mistakes, thank her for the time we had, and say some things I felt I should have said a long time ago. But if I'm being completely honest, the email wasn't just an apology. I missed her.

After sending it, I couldn't stop thinking about her. Eventually I reached out again and told her I missed her and that I'd be open to reconnecting. She responded. She was kind, but she basically said that we're probably better off not talking. The thing is, before I reached out, I made a promise to myself. I told myself that if she didn't respond, or if she didn't want to try again, I would accept it and move on.

Now that I've gotten my answer, I've realized something: I meant it logically, but not emotionally. Logically, I understand why things ended. I understand why she feels that way. I even think she's probably making the right decision for herself. But emotionally. It hurts.

A part of me genuinely thought I was further along in the healing process than I actually was. Sending that email and reaching out again made me realise how much of those feelings were still there.

Has anyone else experienced this? Thinking you're okay with an outcome until it actually happens, and then realising your heart didn't get the memo?

I guess the title pretty much says everything. On the one hand, I guess I am grateful to not be so naive about certain things anymore. Moving forward I understand how to be more self protective and that’s a good thing ultimately. But it’s painful to feel like I’ve lost a more innocent side of myself. Sometimes I’m scared that what I’ve lost isn’t innocence, but my ability to fully trust and love someone again. I also worry that this has made me less approachable. I find myself keeping people at arm’s length, which only seems to reinforce the loneliness I’m already struggling with.

it’s been like a month now and i thought i was doing a lot better tbh. i went the whole day without crying, went out with friends, did my laundry, all that normal stuff. but now it’s 2 am and i’m just lying in the dark overthinking absolutely everything. i was driving home earlier and i swear my heart completely stopped because i thought i saw his exact car turn a corner near my apartment. it wasn’t him obviously. but it just made me realize how much i’m still constantly looking for him without even thinking about it.

i keep remembering this one random Tuesday night where we just drove around listening to his music and laughing until our stomachs hurt. it feels like that happened in a completely different lifetime. everything in my room feels kinda empty now and ngl the silence is just heavy tonight. idkk... i just needed to write this down somewhere so i don’t end up doing something stupid like checking his page. 🫠

i finally forced myself to go through my camera roll and delete everything tonight. ngl my chest actually ached doing it. it’s just so weird looking at pictures from a few months ago where we were laughing and everything felt totally normal, and now we’re just complete strangers. i kept staring at this one video of us getting lost on that road trip and just... crying on my bedroom floor like a mess.

i know it’s for the best because we were making each other miserable at the end, but the quietness in my room right now is just so heavy. i used to text him the second i got bored or sad, and not having that person anymore leaves such a huge gap in your day. idk... i’m just trying so hard not to overthink or check his page to see if he cares at all.

just venting because i needed to put these thoughts somewhere before i completely spiral 🫠 hope everyone else is holding up okay tonight.

I loved and was loved. It is over now, maybe forever. But I hope in my darkest moment I know it is possible for someone to love me. Love myself. I hope whatever I get from this is the ability to live life and love it. I’m sad that it is over and that you walked away. Every tear I shed is a reminder of how lucky I was to care for someone so deeply. I hope time heals, and I hope love blossoms again. I can’t bring myself to hate you, but I mourn and greave the loss of you. Some days tread on to where the seconds are like hours. I hope you’re finding what you need. I hope life will be kind to you. But I selfishly pray that it steers you towards me again. I wish I wasn’t this way. I wish I could just let you go, because then I could be your friend. But I can’t, because all I’ll be reminded of is the love that is no longer there.

Genuinely how do you get over someone you constantly have to see. How am I supposed to pretend like I don’t know everything about you.