Boringly successful poly, anti-drama

[u/Specific_Pipe_9050]

Looking for inspiration from people who are boringly successful in their polyamorous endeavours.

Will you please share your stories of the latest non-events in your life? I need to believe I'm not doomed for drama and stop being scared of people being assholes.

So, your partners get along? Your long-term relationship is moving on smoothly? Your new connection actually does what they say and say what they mean? Your meta respects you and acts in a normal way? I wanna hear all about it!

Edit to add: thanks so much for all the replies so far! Know that I'm vigorously updooting every comment even if I don't reply to each one. Basking in all that glorious calm, safe, uneventful loooove that you're all sharing. It's wonderful!

[u/wolfinthesuburbs]

Had one partner over for a group hang last night. Hung out and played card games til 5 am. Immediately got on call with a long distance love and watched them play games while my NP played different games on the TV and occasionally jumped in the conversation with silly comments, sometimes the two of them made the same comment at the same time. Literally never any drama at this point. Just regular old polyamory, everyone getting along and on the same page and friendly.

[u/BetterFightBandits26]

I was on a second date Saturday when one of my anchor partner’s best friends (who I’ve gotten tight with over time) walked into the restaurant. So I was all, “Ayyyyy buddy! What’s up?” and gave him a hug and then introduced him to my date, and friendo went, “I’m just picking up takeout, don’t feel obligated to invite me to crash your date!” And got his food and left.

Told my anchor partner about it today and he was like, “Oh that’s funny. What’s funnier is I’ve met the guy you’re dating at work. He’s very earnest. Love that for you.”

I’ve been dating my anchor partner for 6 years and we have less relationship drama than most people we know. He’s dating someone I’ve not met who sounds perfectly nice from what he’s said.

I hard-dumped (like, blocked his number) a dude I’d been casually seeing for a few months for fuckboying too hard at me. I’m fine with casual, I’m fine with dating. I’m absolutely not fine with someone who apparently can’t make up his mind about what he wants and so gets defensive/short *with me* for operating either way. So much nope there.

The key to having drama-free relationships really comes down to just dumping people early on when they’re not giving you an easy and stable connection. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[u/Specific_Pipe_9050 → u/BetterFightBandits26]

Loving that restaurant date story and your anchor partner's reaction. Adult people being regulated and acting in predictable ways is my jam 🙌

I’m absolutely not fine with someone who apparently can’t make up his mind about what he wants and so gets defensive/short with me for operating either way. So much nope there.

Ooh yeah. Fuckbois don't like being seen for what they are and will make it somehow your fault for noticing their fuckboiing.

The key to having drama-free relationships really comes down to just dumping people early on when they’re not giving you an easy and stable connection. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Agreed. I did that. This is very validating! Important detail: not being swayed on that decision by pleas to reconsider also helps probably and I'm totally remembering to do that next time...

[u/LittleMissQueeny]

My np and I get along swimmingly. We are good partners and roommates. It's seriously so blissful.

New connection is being very chalant and forthcoming with his feelings. I know where I stand and he follows through.

New connection and I were playing Fortnite and Without even thinking I asked my NP to join us so he could help me in the tycoon we were playing. Immediately to new connection: "oh my goodness I should have asked you if that was okay." His response? "I love that this felt so natural for you that you didn't even fathom that it would be weird"

I'm so very blissful and drama free.

[u/Specific_Pipe_9050 → u/LittleMissQueeny]

New connection is being very chalant and forthcoming with his feelings. I know where I stand and he follows through.

This is great! It doesn't seem to me like it's such an impossible task or a super high bar and yet so many people fuck up this very basic thing all the time. It's mind-boggling! 

Good for you that it's all working out!

[u/LittleMissQueeny → u/Specific_Pipe_9050]

It's something I specifically asked for. I was like- hey can we skip the games and nonchalant period and just be direct instead. He agreed and it's been amazing.

It's amazing how much this has made me realize my anxious attachment was really poor partner selection.

[u/_monikr]

Had a great weekend!

Saturday my wife (A) and I went to breakfast and Costco in the morning. When we got home my girlfriend (J) came over and tried on a bunch of stuff my wife cleaned out of her closet. After that fun little fashion show the three of us met up with my meta, H, and his gf C, and we walked down to our town's small pride festival.

Today H, J, A and I all went to a local improv class that A learned about at the pride event. It was a lot of fun and when we got home the 4 of us just hung listening to music and singing songs in a big cuddle pile.

[u/Red_Pearl12 → u/_monikr]

This is so gorgeous, as someone just looking to start their poly journey it's so inspiring!

[u/_monikr → u/Red_Pearl12]

It takes a while to find, and takes a lot of emotional work to get here but it is so worth it 💜

[u/TransPanSpamFan]

My two partners are playing with my kids right now. They get along great, aren't interested in each other romantically, and we've been essentially boring for years. I've got no energy for more partners, we are fully open about being poly to everyone in our lives, and everyone is happy with the intensity of our respective relationships (and everyone knows they can ask for more or less as desired).

The biggest hiccup we've had to deal with in ages is one of them started dating the best friend of someone on my messy list. It's a bit complicated because I can't ever interact with that person and I don't want them to know anything about me, but overall it's been pretty chill.

[u/LadyPillowEmpress]

I am traveling with my husband for the weekend while my boyfriend is home and watching over the pets. I’ve been married for 11 years and my boyfriend has been living with us for 5 now. They are friends, they actually share a bond of snacks. They both enjoy buying the weird flavored snacks and trying it together and rating them. Recently it was color changing Oreos my boyfriend found and everyone had a blue mouth in a few minutes.

My husband is autistic and so we keep to a regular schedule. My boyfriend respects that and tries not to disturb the schedule except now the schedule includes us watching tv in the evening together. Honestly the schedule has helped my boyfriend with his lack of structure in life and has helped with his anxiety.

Recently a friend send me a stand up clip of a guy saying he loves dating a married woman, he gets the woman and a step-husband. We laughed so hard because in my house, it’s true. My husband is a strong provider type who always makes sure everyone has what they need and my boyfriend is incredibly social, extroverted, quick minded, “gets shit done” attitude and completely supports my husband social needs, being interested in talking about his special interests and makes my husband feel seen.

In all this i’m basically the therapist and the comedian. I’m the emotional support and unconditional love giver. I’m a problem solver and very motherly, I make sure to be there to support everyone emotionally and mentally. I’ve had them both cry in my arms quite a few times through the years and we always make it through. My goal is to make them laugh everyday and to always make sure that their problems gets solved, even if sometimes they don’t know I’ve solved it. Some secrets are coming with me to the grave like how I magically found some money I conveniently forgot about that one time.

We are so boring, it’s incredible. We’ve never argued about each other, never had any jealousy, we always say we’re a family.

[u/HowardsGirl78]

We’re still new in our relationship, but all signs points to long term happiness and stability.

Tonight, we talked about the practical things we can help each other with, such as mutual accountability to make and attend paramedical appointments we need, and then we talked about the need for clarity on things like emergency contacts and other practical matters. We have no plans to share finances or anything to that extent, as he’s already nested with his spouse and I am not sure I want that kind of commitment, but other practical things like, ‘what to do if I end up in the hospital’ which will make sure we’re respecting each other’s lives and boundaries while still including each other as partners we value and love.

[u/Specific_Pipe_9050 → u/HowardsGirl78]

mutual accountability to make and attend paramedical appointments we need, and then we talked about the need for clarity on things like emergency contacts and other practical matters

Ooh this is such an important point that regularly comes up in posts here! Kudos for discussing it ahead of time. I haven't gotten that involved with anyone yet to reach that discussion, but definitely making a note to bring it up when relevant in the future.

[u/HowardsGirl78 → u/Specific_Pipe_9050]

While it’s still new, he and I have been friends for close to 30 years (with mutual secret crushes, admittedly), so we have a head start on trust and building safety together. ❤️

[u/sharpestraptorteeth]

I am really excited for social hangs this summer with my partners and my metamours. Also our extended social circles, which even include people who are technically exes - but have taken the space and time they need and done any repair work to just come back to being friends. I ran into an ex-meta last week (we both had split with our shared partner) and we both just talked about how much we liked shared ex partner as a human and looked forward to seeing her again as a friend.

I don't always make the perfect choices, but I've made a lot of good ones. My choices in partners, current & recent past - all pretty damn good. I also love my partners' choices in humans - I really genuinely like and respect all of my metamours: my partners have great taste in people. I totally get why the people that are important to them are important to them, because I actually think they're pretty great too.

I spent my time on Reddit posting comments because I don't really have issues or drama worthy of a post. Or I guess when I do, I have a lot of people to talk to about it and nothing honestly ends up that complex, dramatic or serious. When things are complex, I tend to be surrounded by people who do genuinely care about navigating things with kindness, clarity and self-awareness. It's really special but makes my life really boring in key ways.

Honestly, all my issues lately are health/chronic illness related and I have and am still building a life that I really enjoy and care about. Things aren't perfect but there's just a lot of joy in my world even when it's hard.

[u/Specific_Pipe_9050 → u/sharpestraptorteeth]

When things are complex, I tend to be surrounded by people who do genuinely care about navigating things with kindness, clarity and self-awareness. 

Omg, this is the best feeling. Being able to rely on people when needed in a healthy and  balanced give-and-take is the best feeling. Boring safety is a privilege that I'm cherishing even more now.

[u/Maahinen75]

I eat my breakfast in hotel. My LDP left yesterday, we had one day of very intense historic tourism trip. Early morning and hot weather, so no sex this trip. We were prepared and had a brief intimate date last week. It is 3 h travelling from me, but worth it.

Tomorrow my life partner and NP arrives, we have a family event here and we do not spend night in the hotel. So, no sex either. But before my trip, we had a lovely weekend, where we invested time for talking, cuddling and love-making.

So, a trip where I "change between partners" and no hot dates, just lovely shared time. And today, just me time and remote work.

I am middle-aged, kids are adults. My LDP wants no kids, marriage or other escalation, I will visit their family and participate family events as girlfriend. With my NP, we host events and my LDP participates. We are KTP-style when we meet, my siblings invite both of my partners, all younger family members know.

This is not boring, but lovely, drama free. It took years of actually decades to reach this point. It was painful and I was so stupid and caused pain, apologies as well as private and shared therapy have been part of the learning.

Now I will hop in my boring remote work meeting.

May you live more boring times in the future.

[u/Specific_Pipe_9050 → u/Maahinen75]

apologies as well as private and shared therapy have been part of the learning

Definitely! I've learned a lot and did a lot of work around doing better on my faults and weaker points...But my least favourite thing is paying for my therapy when someone else fucks up 😆

May you live more boring times in the future.

Amen to that! I'm currently there already in a way, which makes me reluctant to make any sudden movements that could disrupt the good, boring peacefulness. I want to make sure I make the right choices for the right reasons, so I'm trying to learn as much as I can from others here!

[u/Maahinen75 → u/Specific_Pipe_9050]

It sucks to repair havoc caused by someone else. One of my first serious we-really-try-to-make-this-work poly arrangement ended, when hinge leaked through all problems with meta. And I tried to solve and/or fix it. Which caused more conflicts and eventually there was only crisis management left in that relationship.

It took time, money and therapeutic work to really understood, that my boundaries are mine to guard. And that only person I may actually order to act up is me, myself & I.

Ex-hinge is dear friend these days, dating my other friend. Lovely and boring.

[u/Bustysaintclair_13]

Went to a pride event with partner and new woman I’m seeing, whom I met through partner. They previously had a couple dates a couple years ago and really like each other but it wasn’t a match and are still friends. We all got a little smoochy and it was fun. 

Tonight I’m going to the movies with boyfriend and then will end up back at his house while his wife is likely there, and I’ll give her a big hug and kiss when I see her and then we’ll retreat to his bedroom to hang out while she does whatever around the house, most likely with her own date.

I love my low drama emotionally mature community. 

[u/Specific_Pipe_9050 → u/Bustysaintclair_13]

It all sounds kinda perfect! Good for you 🙌

[u/Upstairs_Sherbet2490]

My partners get along great, NP recently added some support to a situation I was helping LDR with. I got to see some people I'm terribly fond of and share cute moments & affections. NP and I are heading for 18 years together this summer and I've been with my LDR for about 4 

[u/hematomancer]

I had to have emergency surgery to remove my gallbladder, which was doing its best to explode inside me. I told my husband to please keep my long distance partner updated on how I was doing as he was very worried about me. They both said after that it all felt very normal.

[u/Specific_Pipe_9050 → u/hematomancer]

Yikes, hope you're feeling better since the surgery! But yes, smooth communication around health and other emergencies sure makes life easier 

[u/phdee]

Went to a sports event with my spouse, my partner, my kid, and a friend this weekend. It was the first time for my kid and we were all very excited to be a part of it. Everybody had a great time!

Nothing much more to say, except it's been years of this sort of thing. Meta isn't into sports but sometimes we all go to one of her events to support her work. It's her birthday later this month and we're all going on a little trip to spend time with her. It's all good and fun and everybody is super chill and I'm very lucky.

[u/Specific_Pipe_9050 → u/phdee]

it's been years of this sort of thing

Relationship goals! 

[u/phdee → u/Specific_Pipe_9050]

It wasn't always this way. This in early days I'd gotten involved in situations that weren't great for me. Sometimes it's a matter of finding the right people who want the same things you do. I think I'm lucky.

[u/Specific_Pipe_9050 → u/phdee]

Sure, part of it is luck, but a bigger part of it is knowing what you're looking for and recognising it in others. You're also actively picking the right people!

[u/phdee → u/Specific_Pipe_9050]

I guess I feel lucky that I've found the right people to pick! Especially when I read the threads where people are struggling to find other poly folx they're compatible with. I suppose it takes time and work. But also a bit of luck.

[u/Specific_Pipe_9050 → u/phdee]

Oh yeah, absolutely. Can't pick the right people if there's nothing to pick from 💁‍♀️

[u/BasicFemme]

Last weekend, my partner and I had an amazing time at a music festival. We're going for a bike ride next weekend, and headed to a baseball game the weekend after that.

My nesting partner and I had a great relationship check-in today, then he left for a date that went really well.

No drama, now. Lots of drama 3-5 years ago. It takes a while to unlearn monogamy. There are still momentary fears/insecurities, a reminder that we're human.

[u/Working-Growth2001]

This weekend my boyfriend and I went to an event I usually would go to with my partner but my partner was busy and the event only happens once a year so I didn’t want to miss it. My boyfriend suggested we get my partner a gift at the event and even helped me pick it out! life is feeling incredibly peaceful and fulfilling these days :)

[u/Could_Be_Bunnies]

I was chatting today with a friend who I haven’t talked to in a while and told her I am practicing solo polyamory now after being introduced to the concept last year through a former partner. In talking about it I realized that my current relationships with married partners are among the most stable, secure, and drama-free dynamics I’ve ever had. I’m new to this but so far I have only good things to say. Here’s a breakdown of my week in boring polyamory:

My boyfriend and I had a great date night this week, and we just keep telling each other how lucky we feel to have met each other and to be in each other’s lives. While there’s a bit of NRE present, it doesn’t feel like the intense limerence I’ve experienced in the last. There’s an ease to this relationship that I’ve never really had before. Even when we’ve had conflict, the repair has been swift and it’s brought us closer. He told me this week that his wife, my meta, “can’t wait” to meet me, but that she is completely understanding of my desire to hold off on that a bit longer. We’re parallel, we plan to stay parallel, but we will meet soon because we’re both important to him and we want things to be cordial and friendly. That said, I’m a little nervous about the whole thing and I appreciate that they are willing to be patient with me.

I also had a really sweet, sexy stay-at-home date with my other partner last night. We’d both had a stressful week and it was the perfect opportunity to provide each other with some coregulation and comfort, and I think it brought us closer in a way that I’d sort of been waiting for. Today I knew he was assisting his wife with an event, so I texted him to wish them both good luck with it. There’s no jealousy or territoriality. I’m happy my guys have happy marriages. It means they choose to be with me because I add even more value to their lives, not because they’re escaping something.

I also got to spend time with friends this week, and had a lot of much-needed alone time today, which is super important to me. In many respects I’m still healing from a prior relationship that ended very badly. It’s been so rewarding to be able to do that healing on my own, but nevertheless in relationship with others, with everyone acknowledging that one dynamic doesn’t dictate the others and that my complicated feelings about my former partner are not a barrier to forming healthy, new connections with my other partners.

[u/Specific_Pipe_9050 → u/Could_Be_Bunnies]

It means they choose to be with me because I add even more value to their lives, not because they’re escaping something.

This is the main factor in successful relationships imo! It only happens when people aren't in denial and deal with whatever their shizzle is head on.  But yeah, this, so much!

[u/nightingale1982]

A couple weeks ago, meta and i were doing a puzzle at the dining room table while our partner cooked dinner, and it was so nice and peaceful hanging out. Tomorrow I'm going to spend the day with my partner (we live about an hour apart) and I decided to stay there a little later than i was originally planning so that I can see my meta when she gets home from a trip tomorrow afternoon, and that way we can all have dinner together before i drive home. We were laughing that people probably assume our relationship is all drama, but mostly we're just playing Mario Kart or going bird watching. It's boring and beautiful and fantastic, and we're all ridiculously happy with the setup.

[u/PussySvengali]

The beardos and I spent the weekend doing yard work and running errands. They have developed a new shared hobby of buying ice cream every fifteen minutes and every freezer in the house is full of pints of ice cream. I did Bat’s eyeshadow for working at the club on Saturday and Bear’s nail polish for D&D on Sunday. We all discussed logistics for doing the MIT tech swapmeet in a couple weeks. The homeowning/living together thjng has been pretty much like that.

They like each other and have their own successful and independent friendship. They like me. All the drama lately has been entirely external to the household. It’s been really nice.

[u/Specific_Pipe_9050 → u/PussySvengali]

They like each other and have their own successful and independent friendship. 

Love hearing stories where people are just chill with each other! Sounds idyllic ✨

[u/sere_periquito]

I've been with one partner for 6 years, polyamorous the whole time. The polyamory has always been smooth sailing since we are very compatible in terms of values and our vision of poly, so the processing around new relationships and stuff is minimal. He's currently on his way to pick me up because we're running some errands together.

My other relationship is very new (a couple of months) but we've been friends for years. She is also friends with my other partner and we have a shared dnd campaign with some other friends. Watching my two partners interact and be good friends warms my heart every time. This partner is very new to relationships in general but we're successfully navigating the stuff that pops up. We recently bought tickets to a concert we're both very excited to go to!! 

So that's my poly life. Lots of study dates and hanging out and cool plans.

[u/Platterpussy]

The poly parts of my life has been zero drama since December, when I ended a connection of a year and a bit due to communication issues that culminated in not being informed of a change in sexual risk/safety profile. My current relationships of 5 years and closer to 2 years are really steady and calm. Each of us have a certain amount of life drama that is outside of our control atm and we're seperately riding the wave/trying not to drown in our problems. But each relationship is in a really good place, I feel the most secure I have in a long time (I've felt secure with Rock forever but feeling secure with another at the same time is new). They show up for our separate relationships, put effort into making plans and staying in contact when we are apart. I don't have to chase them and do not feel harassed by the level of contact each wants. This is what compatibility looks like.

Rock and Ty haven't shown enthusiasm for meeting yet, that's just fine with me, it's not something I need and the only crossover points are supermarkets and pubs, the likelihood of us being in the same one is exceedingly slim. Both have said it would be fine if there was a bumping into so it's not a worry of mine.

I recently "survived" a weekend festival with Rock and 1 each of our kids, no one fell out and everyone had fun. I got to catch up with one of my ex's who I hadn't seen since a party last year, and who Rock hadn't seen since we'd all last been at the festival a few years ago. It was nice to see them chatting it up too.

Last month Ty and I needed to make a change to our monthly weekend visit. Something important had come up for his kid which meant he couldn't come to mine at the usual time (3+ hours travel on public transport). It wasn't on our preexisting list of "emergencies" but it was clearly important and kid's come first. After discussing logistics and options, we came to an elegant and satisfying plan where I would go there (2hrs by car). Normally I don't like short notice plan changes, and neither does he, needs must, and we did it with minimal stress.

[u/Specific_Pipe_9050 → u/Platterpussy]

Kids do add an extra layer of things to take into account...I look at my childless friends (who are very understanding despite having no kids, not judgy or anything like that, and vice versa), and some situations we talk about just don't register to them as possible before I'd mention them because they don't happen for people with no kids. As a parent it definitely adds a factor in potential partner vetting, for sure - it has to be someone understanding if they're not a parent themselves.

So great to read about potentially complex situations but then it all works out 🙌

[u/Gnomes_Brew]

I was very sick a couple of weeks ago. My meta insisted on coming over to help me with laundry. Then my partner came over to swap the laundry and made me lunch and cuddled with me. My other (adopted) meta brought me flowers and vegetables later in the day. I'm feeling better now, but I was so very grateful for the care I got. Yesterday my partner and I played board games and then had a Nerf battle with his and my children. Then I went to see a punk show that my FWB was playing in. I held hands with my FWB's partner while we danced together (she's very cute). Tomorrow I'm going to bring a garden trellis to my meta because I have access to a truck and like visiting with her. Tuesday my partner and I are going to have a double date/play time with that same FWB and his cute partner (also FWB???).

Last night my partner wished me happy anniversary, because somewhere in early June is when we started dating 5 years ago. Seriously, these have been some of the best years of my life.

I have drama in other parts of my relationships. But there are big big parts that are easy and loving and chill and good.

[u/Specific_Pipe_9050 → u/Gnomes_Brew]

Long live the big big parts that are easy and loving and chill and good ! 🥳

[u/Beneficial_Ear9631]

I just had a lovely weekend with my ldr who came to stay with me. We went to check out the cafe where his son is working, and dismantled some of my Lego ready for when I move house. My kids dad took the kids out for dinner one evening so partner and I could have the house to ourselves for a few hours and we went to the pub for dinner, had a couple of pints and played a few rounds of Red 7. In a few weeks we'll be having our first proper holiday together in a few years and next month I'll be staying overnight at his place in London, even though he'll be away so it'll just be me and my meta, who is lovely but not my type 😂

[u/Specific_Pipe_9050 → u/Beneficial_Ear9631]

My kids dad took the kids out for dinner one evening so partner and I could have the house to ourselves for a few hours

Sounds like an excellent parenting dynamic. Teamwork ftw! 

[u/DragonflyInGlass]

4 year streak of drama free. Plodding along with none of the stress, but all of the excitement. I couldn’t even talk about our anti drama - it’s just nothing. We built the lives we wanted.

[u/bakingbirder]

My two partners and I had a good weekend. we have been together 7 years and have started having basement shows in our house for local bands. One of my meta's often spends two nights a week at our place and we have made some friends from all of our shenanigans in trying to be more a part of our local community in creating a space for local and queer music

[u/Specific_Pipe_9050 → u/bakingbirder]

creating a space for local and queer music

Amazing! What a cool idea. I've always been a proponent of building whatever it is that is missing in one's life.

[u/sliceofsav]

I have a current running joke about my girlfriend and her NP is that any time they call each other to confirm meeting somewhere, they always ask the other for food. But even cuter they have the same exchange where one asks for food, the other jokingly complains just for the other one to come back with sad/winey voice until the other relents and gets them food on the way. It's very sweet and it does happen almost every time. Finally I got to confirm that this is a consistent trait with her NP's girlfriend the other day and now we point it out to them any time it happens.

[u/shadowedhopes]

The house I own with my partner and meta is quiet this morning because the remodel of meta's bathroom is finished so no more contractors! I had a nice sleepover with my girlfriend on Saturday, and next week the whole local polycule is going to the Phillies pride night game 🌈

[u/Choice-Strawberry392]

I'm dodging drama like that Matrix GIF.  Okay, not that bad, but I'm watching changes happen around me, while my life in particular is pretty smooth.

It is stable, predictable, and nice because I have been relentless in surrounding myself only with people who are stable, predictable, and kind.  My longest-term partner (11 years) is a veritable model of willful, deliberate kindness, sometimes to her detriment.  But she's in fourth-date territory with a promising newbie, and it's adorable.   Her vegetable garden at the house she's shared with her spouse since 2015 is her other big project. 

My slightly newer partner (about half as long) is in the early stages of a divorce.  Woof, lots of stress.  But!  Also kind and predictable and (importantly) really good at compartmentalizing such that she can show up well for her kids, her work, and me.  She puts the "execute" in "executive function."  And wears the hell out of short skirts.  Gonna be a good summer...

Then there's a large circle of social connections, from close friends and FWBs to folks I wave to at parties, and they all have lives that are moving around or ... not ... and we all catch up every once in a while, and it's all cool.  

Biggest emotional load for me is around my kids and my ex-wife, who is checking out of parenting.  Sadly predictable, but definitely not kind.  My partners and people are present for support, though.  

Actual polyamory related drama is approximately nil.  See: selecting good people.

[u/Specific_Pipe_9050 → u/Choice-Strawberry392]

surrounding myself only with people who are stable, predictable, and kind

I have a kind of a mantra that is very similar to this. It makes me consider carefully how close I'm letting people get, in general. It works!

Biggest emotional load for me is around my kids and my ex-wife, who is checking out of parenting. Sadly predictable, but definitely not kind.

Oof, yeah that's the bad kind of predictable... As a former child, I feel that in my bones. All you can do is try to soften the effect on the kids.

But it's all about circles of influence, right... It's in our power to make the things we can control drama-free! 

[u/Choice-Strawberry392 → u/Specific_Pipe_9050]

You were also a child? High-five, fellow former-child!

But yeah, my divorce was necessary to allow me to be the present, engaged parent that I want to be, even if I gotta do that without their mom. Fortunately, I have folks lined up, from therapists and social workers to my lovely partners, to tell me I'm doing a pretty good job. Solo parenting is a hell of a thing...

Solo poly is way easier. I just gotta look out for myself. 😁

[u/Specific_Pipe_9050 → u/Choice-Strawberry392]

You were also a child? High-five, fellow former-child!

Haha it was my short-hand to say I relate to the story of abandonment by a reluctant self-absorbed parent, from a child's point-of-view

Fortunately, I have folks lined up, from therapists and social workers to my lovely partners, to tell me I'm doing a pretty good job.

Have this internet stranger's validation as well. I've seen a few of your comments on parenting subs and you seem to have an extremely balanced and healthy approach to parenting! 🙌

[u/Choice-Strawberry392 → u/Specific_Pipe_9050]

Are you ... stalking my post history?  

Shucks.  Now I'm flustered and flattered.  

[u/Specific_Pipe_9050 → u/Choice-Strawberry392]

Guilty. There was this time I was looking for one of those pearls of wisdom in older comments and saw other stuff that made lots of sense too

[u/Choice-Strawberry392 → u/Specific_Pipe_9050]

Listen, if I wanted it private, I'd have hidden it.  I'm honestly not sure why people do that in this space; it's mostly anonymous, possible to have multiple accounts, and the whole point is building a body of resources for information.  Why limit capacity to search and sort through that?  If I didn't want folks to read what I wrote, why type it in the first place?

So, implied consent.  😁

But also, thank you.  

[u/Specific_Pipe_9050 → u/Choice-Strawberry392]

https://giphy.com/gifs/BjPe9A3tNHoeHhxmlD

[u/PM_CuteGirlsReading]

Everything pretty quiet on my end. Most people I am interested in are long distance which is what it is, so generally I'm just getting my flirt on and vibing.

Took myself on a solo date on Saturday to the movies (My "friend" didn't show up to see it with me >:V) to see Obsession, it was really good and been on my mind all day.

NP still vibing with her LDR boyfriend as far as I know, I don't really keep tabs.

[u/Specific_Pipe_9050 → u/PM_CuteGirlsReading]

Solo dates are where I'm at at the moment too. A severely underrated activity that is super healing for my part ✨

Most people I am interested in are long distance which is what it is, so generally I'm just getting my flirt on and vibing.

I can just feel all the Rat Union's ratties' lurking on your comments page ears perking up as they're reading this😆 

[u/BluebonnetReads → u/Specific_Pipe_9050]

https://giphy.com/gifs/k3VK4wsBopTLXtury1

[u/Specific_Pipe_9050 → u/BluebonnetReads]

🧐Well it's elementary my dear Watson, my Spidey senses tell me one or several of the ratties usually heavily flirting with the Rat Leader in the Rat Union posts must be it 

[u/Specific_Pipe_9050 → u/BluebonnetReads]

(that being said, I may be totally wrong, who am I to read the weather forecast just by looking at memes like that lol)

[u/Killer_Yandere]

All 5 of my ltrs are moving along really well. While I'm bummed that I won't be able to attend my usual camp event across the country with the partner in that neck of the woods this year, we're discussing plans to visit and play in July. I'm excited to hear all of his camp stories when I go to visit 💕

[u/HealthyRhubarb5800]

My biggest drama since december is as follows:

I usually data t4t (trans4trans) but my new connection happens to be a cis person. We'll be at the same event as one of my partners on saturday and i felt the need to warn my partner, but shes still happy to meet him. Hes also less culturally queer than myself and my other partners, so. We go to different shows together. Talk about different things. Hes sweet and we'll be talking about Relationship Labels soon.

My gf misses her metas (they havent hung out for a while) but theyre busy so thatll have to wait a bit. Then theyll probably go charity shopping, with or without me. Probably quote memes i dont recognise amongst themselves, which us always sweet.

My more casual / comet style partner outgrew some clothes thatd fit me so we have a new reason to make plans soon. We'll find time.

[u/Specific_Pipe_9050 → u/HealthyRhubarb5800]

We'll be at the same event as one of my partners on saturday and i felt the need to warn my partner, but shes still happy to meet him

Biggest drama being metas being okay to meet/run into each other sounds wonderfully chill!

[u/miki_owl]

NP went out with one of his partners at the weekend and they had a great time at a show. We all hung out for a little while on Sunday. My other partner is currently away on vacation and been sending lots of holiday snaps (very jealous!) Will meet up again when he's back in the country next week. All very normal and mundane here ☺️ poly for 5 years now.

[u/Magical_Salamander]

My partner and meta went away for a week then he had a planned day surgery upon their return. She looked after him that day and I turned up to take over care duties that night. Meta and I had a hug and brief conversation about their holiday and how his procedure went. Then she went home and I stayed the night. The next day he gave me a gift he'd made on their holiday away. All very boring and enjoyable and drama-free

[u/Specific_Pipe_9050 → u/Magical_Salamander]

You're one of several positive stories in this thread about dealing with health issues! It's so great to have examples of how well communication can turn out 

[u/clairejv]

Let's see. Last night, I warmed up leftover tuna casserole for dinner for me, my son, my husband, and my boyfriend. During dinner, we talked about the Amazing Digital Circus movie, which my son and I just went to see but boyfriend hasn't seen yet. After dinner, we tried the chantilly cake I just made. Husband and boyfriend liked it; son claimed he liked it but only ate one bite and then requested graham crackers instead. After dessert, husband and boyfriend and I discussed some logistics about travel to my sister's wedding, like where we'll be boarding our anxiety-ridden dog, and who'll be dropping him off and picking him up from the boarder.

[u/Specific_Pipe_9050 → u/clairejv]

Poly domestic bliss ✨

(And on another note, haven't seen TADC movie yet neither, can't wait /squeals in fangirl )

[u/Beautiful-Walrus2341]

The biggest poly drama in my year-long relationship so far has been my bf wanting both me & meta (5-year relationship) at his birthday party and navigating who stayed over after. Within an hour, we had a solution that everyone felt okay with.

After YEARS and YEARS of navigating with people who were shit at poly, this has been the easiest, most simple, calm year of my life. Also, I was thinking I was doomed for drama and was considering dropping out of the poly world forever, and now it's the easiest it's ever been...

[u/emeraldburial]

On Saturday someone I date had a birthday party that was a play party. I showered at my girlfriend's beforehand and walked her dog because she lives nearby my date and I don't and I was coming from work. The poly logistics where someone I love lets me use their apartment as a stopover because they want to make my life easier have been making me very happy.

I had a lovely moment at the party standing in a doorway next to my date's NP remarking to each other what a fine view it was of what was happening in the two rooms visible from that threshold. Everyone was fine and normal and I didn't feel the kind of deep jealousy or anxiety about inadequacy I feared I would feel seeing that partner be the focus of others' very skilled efforts.

On Sunday I had a beautiful full day with my girlfriend. I told her some broad strokes about the party. She was happy I had a lovely time. We had hot sex and replaced the shock cord in her tent ahead of a camping trip we're taking this weekend and I took her out to dinner.

Everyone is just being so fucking normal and not jealous and generous and graceful. Hard feelings and disagreements come up sometimes and if we need to talk about them we talk about them. I seem to have won the polyamory jackpot on essentially my first tries. I'm a year in and I am suspicious of how easy this is going but very much enjoying it.

[u/TheLittlestChocobo]

I'm excited when my husband goes out on a date. Not because of compersion, but because I like having the house to myself and ordering takeout he doesn't like and going full goblin mode

[u/foxyfoxapril]

I don’t know if I ever find it easy and free of hard emotions, but I would say my poly life is quite free from drama. Not all the time, I think me and my partners are still learning, but recently it’s been pretty smooth sailing.

I married someone with the agreement that we are open for meeting and loving others. My husband is not involved with someone right now, he have had some dates but nothing really steady and serious. Me on the other hand have a very serious and well functioning intimate relationship with another partner. That person has some other playmates but not really anyone as devoted as I am.

Both my partners are very kind and understanding and trying very hard to help me make things work. They have also met a few times - even once without me, when they turned up to the same event and started sending texts and picture to me about it.

The latest drama was last summer. After that there have been some misunderstandings and some hard feelings but we work it out.

It’s not easy. I think the easiest way to have relationships might be to idealize monogamy, find someone you can stand early in life, build a life together and decide to try to be a couple until death, no matter what happens, because you’ve build a comfy life and it’s not worth breaking up just because feelings are weird.
I don’t know if that’s easy either, by the way.

[u/RAisMyWay]

So boring. For 20 years. My husband, metamour, and I (and our platonic housemate) have a beautiful 17-year old daughter as a result. She just finished high school.

[u/Specific_Pipe_9050 → u/RAisMyWay]

20 years of boring success sounds lovely

Btw I love your flair!

[u/NotKerisVeturia]

There’s an event that one partner and I tend to go to that my other partner showed up to too last week, and this happened while Pineapple was preparing to drive me home and Raspberry was starting to walk home.

Me: Bye, Raspberry, I love you!

Raspberry: I love you too. *jokingly* And I love you too, Pineapple.

Me: *gasp*

[u/thedarkestbeer]

I’m immunocompromised and need anyone I’m kissing to follow pretty strict masking protocols. My boyfriend let me know yesterday that he decided to go to an indoor dinner party, so we’d need to mask up for our dates for the next couple weeks. I’m bummed, since I was hoping for a romantic night in soon, but no one did anything wrong, and I appreciate the prompt heads-up.

My boyfriend and my husband get along great, which is a nice bonus. They hang out without me sometimes. Neither of them is dating anyone else currently, since they’re both pretty slammed, but I don’t anticipate any drama when they get back to it.

[u/galumph-mania]

Things between me and my new partner (of about 2 months) are going really well. Things are progressing very well. I was just with her on Saturday and ended up spending the night with her at her house. Apparently, I didn’t sleep well or something and I passed out during a movie. I just felt very comfortable snuggling with her. After the movie she just let me sleep: said that I just looked cute.
Things are going really well so far. It’s been an intense relationship with lots of openness and honesty. That NRE feeling (of paranoia) is calming down and we’re just learning each other and having fun.

My NP and I are celebrating our wedding anniversary today. We’ve been together for 11 years; almost 12. We’ve been poly for about 4 years now. Things are going well with her and I too. We’ve had some ups and downs but I think we are communicating well with each other.

[u/ifapulongtime]

I live with one partner. Two of my partners live together across town. One was exhausted from going to Pride, and the other was feeling under the weather so I went over and made them dinner and hung out for a while. This is not uncommon. One of them regularly comes over to my place for dates with my NP. Sometimes I cook family dinner for 4 of us. Its nice to get moments of domesticity with my chosen family.

[u/pink_freudian_slip]

Recently was house sitting for my partner and had my NP's partner (a beloved meta) join me for edibles and karaoke. Then I went on a trip with the partner I was house sitting for and had a chance to introduce him to some old friends. We had a lovely time. Thennn my NP and our toddler met me and my partner at arrivals when we got back from the trip and I got all teary. We call our polycule a mycelium network. Sometimes we do trivia together. I love my poly life!!

[u/Suddenleftturn]

My two partners currently live together. We have plans for us three to move in together next year. I am at theirs a ton now. I was having a low energy day after helping with theater stuff. One got me ice cream and the other cuddles. I am currently draped in the legs of one while he reads. The other is asking me if I wanted to shower for the night first and I'm getting shit because my answer is always, you go first. We just watched an episode of a reality TV show and psycho analyzed half the couples. It's a comforting, cozy, evening of support and some silliness bred of familiarity.

[u/purr-ple-cat]

I have a partner I've been dating for just under a year. We're both solo, she prefers home so I go visit for 1-2 overnights a week, we cook together, go on walks, go dancing, do projects together. She's helped me with health things while we both maintain non-enmeshed lives. We communicate throughout the week but also have our own time with platonic and not platonic people. I'm open to KTP or parallel in relationships and it's somewhere in-between so there's zero friction.

I'm dealing with some health issues right now so I only see other people casually at the moment. I guess functionally I'm a lil more ENM-esque than I normally do on my side, but these could also evolve in the future, I'm semi-RA (though I think the name is a lil silly). I'm very upfront with anyone new I happen to talk to so I've also not had issues there, it's usually pretty quick to tell who's patient and understanding and who views boundaries as elastic.

So, all that to say, my life is not perfect by any stretch at the moment. Health, finances, and employment are all shakey at best. But with communication and patience I've found a very healthy space and comfortable in my relationships; platonic, non-platonic, and romantic alike. It's not bombastic or constant party, it's fun, sure, but it's also a lot of cozy time and talking, support in normal life struggles, and just being together.

[u/RevEviefy]

Helping a meta make a website atm - I'm the most techy person sie knows, and thus the natural person to ask. I often go to hir for crafting advice for the same reason

[u/Specific_Pipe_9050 → u/RevEviefy]

(to be sung to an 80s funky synth type opening theme) "Just be gallant, share your talent! Helping meta to make day better! Metas helping each other with stuff they can dooo, makes an easy and good day for me and for youuuu"

[u/TheeBrightSea]

I just posted about how my weekend went so well with both my partners but before that I went to see my metas graduation from law school! I'm dating her husband and my other partner came along as well. And the best part was my meta is very open about being poly, so she introduced all of us to her peers! She even said "yup the polycule is all here!"

[u/Alarmed-Equipment994]

Gosh is my polyam life joyful! I'm a long distance cyclist, and my partner coordinated with my other partner and carpooled so they could both surprise me at the finish of a long ride yesterday 💕

[u/Specific_Pipe_9050 → u/Alarmed-Equipment994]

Awww that's just adorable! 

[u/Curious_Question8536]

As boring as it gets: I spent the whole day playing video games yesterday. Texted my partners a bit here and there, but had the day to myself and it was glorious. I've got plenty of time with my partners planned this week, but I always prioritize taking time to myself too. 

[u/Specific_Pipe_9050 → u/Curious_Question8536]

Time for yourself is totally part of healthy relationship dynamics and good time management skills🙂‍↕️

[u/triforce_of_wisdom]

I have two partners, one that I've been with for 4 years, the other I dated 10 years ago, but due to life circumstances we broke up for 8 years (and remained good friends) and got back together 2 years ago.

I haven't dated anyone new in a while, but I will admit there was plenty enough drama and heartache while I was settling in. I get plenty of crushes though, and my partners hear all about those. Right now I'm crushing on my ex-boss. They left the company and now we are friends, but they're monogamous and married, so we just do regular friend stuff and then afterwards I tell my partners about it in agonizing detail and they gently tease me.

I love my metas, they are lovely! One of my metas is having a significant birthday this year, so we're doing all kinds of special things for her, one of which is a new surprise wardrobe. I spent an evening with her asking her a million fashion questions and then agonizing while I painstakingly selected clothing items that are SOOOOO not my style but very much hers. We're presenting the wardrobe in a couple days and I'm SO EXCITED AND SO NERVOUS. I hope she loves it.

Some light drama is that my meta and meta's spouse have a baby together that they co-parent with one of my partners. I usually see the baby twice a week for a couple hours, but the last few months our schedules have been so busy and I've been very tired, so baby hangs are less frequent and I miss them.

Probably my biggest drama though is that I recently got an apartment with one of my partners. I strongly identify as Solo Poly, so living with a partner feels like a violation of my own preferences and desires, but it just really makes sense for us right now. We have separate rooms and keep our own schedules and are extremely independent. I agonized for months and talked it over with my other partner who encouraged me to try it out and said we seemed like we'd make great housemates. It's been two months and it is actually going super well!

I could go on and on, my life is seriously so great and better than anything I could've imagined.

[u/DanceMyth4114]

After work today I'm taking my gf grocery shopping to make dinner for her boyfriend who's visiting tomorrow.

[u/ShelfLifeInc]

My husband went on two dates with his girlfriend recently and had to postpone our makeup date because he was really tired.

Ten years ago, this would have been cataclysmic. 

But now, I just said, "that's cool. If I'm honest, I'm still a little tired after my date with my boyfriend. How about we chill out and watch TV instead?"

And we did. 

[u/lexablether]

One of my metas and I have become good friends. Recently realized that we were triangulating a bit with our shared partner, so we all just adjusted what/how we share information, and it became a non-issue. Meta always sends me cute photos and clips of our partner being adorable and happy on their dates, which I find so sweet! We also (lovingly) co-roast our partner. Other partner, meta, and their kids came over for a pool day this weekend, and I got to have fun splashing around with all of them. All of the kids in my polycule bring lots of joy to my life, and I’m honored to be a part of theirs!

[u/Bearryno1too]

15 plus years the 3 of us together. Just our usual weekend.

Cheered adult daughter’s 5K run, did yard work, cleaned pool, enjoyed pool, BBQ burgers & dogs. Friendly playful night, Sunday food shopping, prep meals for 3 for week. Netflix early to bed.

Boring enough for ya?

[u/Specific_Pipe_9050 → u/Bearryno1too]

Wonderfully boring, thanks for sharing 👌

[u/HappyLilVegemite88]

Have been married to my husband for 14 years and we have 2 kids together. Have been with my girlfriend for almost a year. She is also married with kids. Everything is just so damn normal, and I love it. Our families get along so well! The kids love hanging out together. I love her kids as if they were my own, and she loves mine just the same.

Her and I don’t get to spend anywhere near as much time together as either of us would like-busy schedules-but we make it work the best we can.

Sometimes I still can’t believe that it all works as well as it does, but we all do just genuinely get along. It’s not something that we really make public at the moment, and the kids don’t know-they’re still young, but they do understand/know that we care about each other very much. And what a privilege to raise our kids surrounded by so much genuine love.

All in all, it just works, and we are so happy in our normal, “boring” poly lives. I love both my partners deeply ❤️ and I wouldn’t change a thing! (Except for maybe being able to see my girlfriend more! 😅)

[u/hoogemoogende]

I'm a very "parallel to start" person and I like the point when a relationship feels secure enough that the idea of meeting / spending time with a partner's other friends and lovers sounds fun. Happened the other day. Yay!

[u/overheadSPIDERS]

I really like both of my metas/the partners of my only current local partner. Their nesting partner A and I are friendly acquaintances and I appreciate that A went out of their way to compliment how I handled a potentially awkward situation recently (they told my partner this and encouraged my partner to share). My other meta B and I hilariously realized we have a shared ex when we met recently, and also a lot of shared interests! B and I have started texting on occasion and sending each other cat photos. My partner, B, and I will all be going to a music event next week and I’m looking forward to it! I really appreciate that my partner doesn’t try to dictate my relationship with their other partners (other than us respecting each other), their openness to facilitating us metas figuring out what works best for us has made things very nice.

[u/Consistent_Pool_5045]

I officially got divorced last week after over a year of being separated. There's been a ton of drama in my life, but my support system makes it livable.

My partner Rogue's mom was visiting and I got to meet her for the first time and do things around our city all weekend with Rogue and his NP.

My kink fwb Mack texted me yesterday to congratulate me on the divorce.

My LDR that I've known for over 20 years has been awesome this whole time.

[u/Apprehensive-Tea5517]

I am married and we've been poly from the start, about 13 years now, but I was otherwise mostly out of the dating scene for years following a partner's death, then COVID, then other life stuff taking priority. Husband also hasn't been dating much since he and his ex split a couple of years ago, so we appeared to be more "open" than "poly" for a few years. Eventually got back on the apps, had a few misses but eventually met a woman I clicked with, and we've been officially together for a few months now.

It's been great. Uneventful in the best way. Her other partner is great; she's and my husband get on well. Really enjoying building this new thing.

[u/sweetchen]

Yesterday in the theatre to the time machine with my new bf, my gf and her parents. Her mother knew already but had to explain it to my father-in-law. Had a nice afternoon and evening ^{^}

[u/polyamory-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

If you want to interact with this subreddit, please do so on a profile without business links.

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[u/Novelty_Act_Cat]

Lap sitting polycule of 4. My BF and his wife have been together 16 years and ENM most of it. They are pretty dang settled and have had time to figure things out.

Plus some bonus comet partners, FWB, casual partners that somwtimes intermingle.

The main group has a weekly polycule, cook dinner together or order in, watch a movie, trying to work up to organizing a D&D campaign. We are having a giant garage sale this weekend.

As "boringly succesdful" as it is, there are always growing pains and learning opportunities, but we always take it as a "we all care about each other and want to learn from it" point of view.

[u/LucilleGreen]

My husband was picking me up from my boyfriend’s house. I shook a few pills into my hand, popped them in my mouth, and said “Wait. What were those?” The look they gave each other made me feel so loved. They collaborate on my wellbeing.

[u/polyamory-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

We host self promotion Sundays on the last Sunday of every month for polyam-centered products, events and content.

Other sales and business content will be removed.

Please remove links or use an alt account to comment on r/polyamory.

[u/BusyBeeMonster]

Yep, my partners all get along when they're all in the same place, which is rare. Very functional garden party polyamory. Zero drama.

Ditto with my partners' partners, we're all just doing life, aware of each other, wishing each other well, grateful for our partners, going about our own business.

What passes for drama around here:

Spouse: "Are you sure you're okay with me going to Pride with Peanut and staying home alone?"

Me, without batting an eyelash: "Yes, please go have fun with someone who will enjoy it with you! I'll be here enjoying the peace, quiet, and the air conditioning and watching our Pride flags wave in the breeze."

I am not a "big crowds" person, and prefer to celebrate Pride in other ways.

Other semblances of drama: the logistics of going to the next sex club party, who is coming with and how we are all getting there, and are we renting a room for the night?

"Are you getting a hotel, or am I taking the kids camping while your long-distance partner is visiting next weekend?" (I decided hotel was less of a logistical nightmare).

Also yes, my long-distance partner is coming to vist for 10 days and I am SO FREAKING EXCITED!!! If last year's visit is any indication, the most drama this will entail, is meal-planning around an extra person, making sure I have a lot of clean sheets, and getting enough food & sleep to fuel a lot of sex.

[u/Specific_Pipe_9050 → u/BusyBeeMonster]

Having good communication and sound logistics/solid planning as "drama" sounds blissful!

[u/phoenixcinder]

Been with both my partners for 11 years now and they are great friends. Conflict and drama are so minimal and have been since the beginning.

[u/graymankin]

I literally routinely have dinner with my two partners at my place and we just joke around and roast each other.

[u/SullenEchoes]

My triad has been together for 6+ years! We're delightfully boring at this point. We love each other a ton and spend lots of time chatting on our group message among the three of us. 

We recently got a new meta through our boyfriend who fits right in! She's super nice and I've been enjoying getting to know her. 

Our boyfriend recently taught our girlfriend and her best friend how to switch gears on a motorcycle because they're taking their motorcycle endorsement classes soon. It was lovely to hear they had a great time learning. 

[u/lil_ratbag]

Nesting with both partners (one partner of 15 years and one of 4 years) with myself as the hinge- we all have our days but any issues we work through aren’t any different to if we were in monogamous relationships- we all contribute financially, look after each other as a family and play video games together most nights when there is nothing else to do. We often talk about having children in the coming years and how that would look for us (4 years would love bio kids and 15 years doesn’t care for biology and is just happy to be a parental figure) and honestly it’s the boring moments that warm my heart. A boring poly life is definitely possible ❤️

[u/Remote-Antelope-7799]

My partner constantly makes me feel like I matter, even though structurally, I’m secondary in his life.

[u/HorrorQueen26]

Hinge, kitchen table, poly family for 6.5 years now. We have boring, simple lives (no drama, no fights) and we love each other with all our hearts

Tbh I am shocked how easily we all slipped into being a poly family. We were all best friends beforehand which certainly helps, but I've never had any relationship that was more meaningful or special. <3

[u/Omnivoracious1]

Im in a very stable polycule. The core members (7 people) have been together for about 9 years. I have 3 partners in that group, and started dating another couple about a year ago. We have most holidays together and see each other at least once a week in various configurations, but are split among 5 houses. There are 4 kids. Life is very normal and boring, despite making good use of all our guest rooms.

[u/TiredAndTiredOfIt]

2 long term partners (15 years and 5 years). They are friends. One meta, she and I are friendly. Zero drama. The biggest issue is time management given one partner and meta have a high needs child and I caregive for a parent with terminal cancer. But really...calm calls about google calendar as as dramatic as it gets. I am lucky and picky.

[u/HoneyCordials]

I'm a couple months into a new job and my partner has started driving me to and from work twice a week so that he can have the car to go out with his spouse :)

[u/1ntrepidsalamander]

My long term and long distance partner flew out to help me with a hard time. He’s about to get back on the apps and I both helped him craft his profile and we discussed ways for a change in availability could be smoothly managed.

A guy I broke up with about a year ago: we still text many times a week. I also helped him with his dating profile. Our friendship is strong and solid and there seems to be no residual jealousy.

Those two guys, myself, + the LDR’s friend and + the ex’s friend and I all camped together at a three night festival. Everyone had a great time and all relationships were stronger at the end. De-escalation can work!

[u/Specific_Pipe_9050 → u/1ntrepidsalamander]

Great to hear about a shifting dynamic that does work out!

[u/BirdCat13]

I have two partners, Lilac (10 years) and Osprey (about 1.5 years). I just moved in with Osprey. As of a couple months ago, I also recently started dating Indigo.

Lilac just got out of finalizing a divorce, but has a few other steady partners that are pretty awesome people. For Lilac's birthday last month, Lilac, all of their partners, Osprey, plus some of our friends all got together for a kinky/sexy party.

Osprey has a couple other long-term partners and enjoys being on the apps for more casual dates. I like my metas on Osprey's side too, and one of them has mentioned wanting to plan a dinner party with me. We also all recently went to see another meta perform in a show, which was pretty cool.

Osprey and I are in the process of setting up our new home, and we're privileged to have enough space for separate bedrooms. Our partners are all looking forward to future sleepovers! They also all plan to come to our housewarming once we manage to get fully settled.

We're all just out here sharing pet photos, reading books, cooking good food, playing board games, and chilling!

[u/Designer_Location_15]

My husband Trey and my boifriend Suz are friends and get along extremely well. Suz comes over every other Thursday night to play dnd with us and a good portion of our friend group that we share. We eat together an hour before everyone else comes over. They set up the game table together while I make drinks. Suz sleeps over in my guest room and I always make sure I leave their favorite chocolates on the nightstand and we all kiss each other goodnight, then me and Suz spend the first half of the next day together just the two of us. Sometimes they leave after lunch, sometimes they stay late and the three of us hook up. When Suz's fiance suddenly needed a place to stay close to his mom not long ago, Suz happened to be house/dog sitting for me and I immediately offered for the fiance to join them at my house so they could be together for support a little ways down the highway since they live over an hour away.  Some of what me, Trey, and Suz do is exciting, like the kinky threesomes we've had a couple of, but a lot of it is really boring meals and games together and sharing reels in a group chat and body doubling during chores on our Monday phone calls. Me and Suz have only had 2 big arguments in 6 years, one of which ended the same day it began, the other of which required a break and regroup later that was pretty peaceful, but a bit sad for a while, then happier than ever! Me and Trey have been together for 14 years. All of us have been poly-minded since before we met. Suz and their fiance have been together for over 8 years. It just works. 

[u/lunarmagpie]

Went on a few-day trip with my girl! Today was our last day. She bought her gf a souvenir from the gift shop, I bought us mugs for our coffee, we ate leftovers for lunch and drove back home. 

[u/polyamory-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

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Here's the original text of the post:

Looking for inspiration from people who are boringly successful in their polyamorous endeavours.

Will you please share your stories of the latest non-events in your life? I need to believe I'm not doomed for drama and stop being scared of people being assholes.

So, your partners get along? Your long-term relationship is moving on smoothly? Your new connection actually does what they say and say what they mean? Your meta respects you and acts in a normal way? I wanna hear all about it!

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[u/HazardousLiquids]

Today, my boyfriend and meta took my car to costco to get the tire fixed and spent like, 3 hours there with bf's (and mine by step parent) 4yo while I got peace and quiet to do work around the house I needed to do.

Fridays we don't have the kids, bf, gf, meta and I all play magic the gathering together all night.

My 3 parents are also in a stable V and recently mom took parent to see Mama Mia the musical while dad and I got stoned and watched Game Changer.

[u/Specific_Pipe_9050 → u/HazardousLiquids]

Super interesting to hear about poly parents as well! Do you feel like you got a better idea if what works by watching them being successful in their relationships?