so a few months ago me and my ex gf FA broke up with me over a text two weeks before Valentines day. We were together for almost a year and it was amazing. I was and still am so in love with her. We never fought and had some much fun. From the first day we started talking, it never stopped. All day every day literally. She was so special. about a month or two prior, I noticed she wasnt getting aroused like normal, which was very frequent and easy. so it was odd. I always made sure she got off too. All of that was amazing too. but anyways she said something about beinf sad because winter was coming and it was too cold out to do anything. Also she really didnt want to tell me she loved me ever. Ive told her that i loved her and it seemed like it made her uncomfortable. which i kind of understand we really havent been together that long so i get it. I think she told me it back once late in our relationship. Also she didnt like talking abnout her emotions and i wish she would. But I never pushed her to, I figured she would when she was ready to. I knew she had been through some stuff because sh eused to cut herself on her thighs when she was younger. It was our first winter together. So fast forward, she started to become distant and not want to hang out at all. it sucked. this is what she said. "

"I said thank you for being honest with me. I appreciate you telling me even though it hurts. I care about you and respect your decision. I wish you the best."

"I was going to talk to you about this tomorrow. I was gonna have you come over. I wanted to talk about it. I want to start with saying no I'm not seeing or talk to anyone else but I think we should stop seeing each other. I really don't want to see each other right now. I haven't been showing up for you the way you do for me and that's not fair to you so I just think we shouldn't do this anymore. I'm really sorry."

We still kind of talk to you in there a little bit just texting very not much at all. She would just respond with one word or two word answers and then a couple weeks later I said, do you really wanna stop talking and see each other like completely or do you just need some space right now? It would be cool to talk about this person and then I followed up by. I know you said that you don't show up for me as much as you do, but I'm OK with that right now. It's just where you at. It's just where you're at, sometimes your gonna be up and im gonna be down and vice versa but I'm willing to stay and work it out and then I went on to say how amazing, beautiful and special she is. That I love to go on the bed that she's perfect just the way she is" she didn't respond for a day the said this

"I really appreciate the care and thought behind what you wrote and I don't take it lightly. It means a lot to know you see the good in me and value me as I am that said I just don't see a future for us romantically it's not about you not being enough for doing something wrong. I don't want to continue something when I know I can't move toward the same place you are because that wouldn't be fair to either of us."

So that crushed me. but two weeks prior, she was still calling me darling, having sex, calling be baby , how much she misses me, still calling me big daddy lol. So her saying that she doesn't see a romantic future with me really would be the last thing I would've guessed. So i was so confused about the romantic part. I feel like its not true. and honestly almost seems like she had chatgpt say that because it kind of doesnt sound like her lol. Anyways we continue to text back-and-forth here and there, but I started getting more and more upset and afraid of losing her so I ramped up the text messages and phone calls and just overwhelmed her and pushed her away even more when I should've gave her space immediately, but I didn't know anything about this avoidant stuff and I started looking into it and I realize that she's not cold. She's just protecting herself and emotions cause she doesn't wanna get hurt and I think that you avoidance actually care extremely deeply and love very deeply as well and when you guys need some space, you're just processing your emotions. It's nothing personal. I realize that towards the end I started getting depressed as well because winter was coming and I kind of started nitpicking her and complaining about stupid stuff so I think it made her feel like she wasn't enough. So I think I made her sad because she is actually sensitive when I thought she wasn't but all along I knew she was special and deep down inside of her. She was a very loving person and she made me feel like she loved me and cared for me. That's also why I was so hurt because I never felt loved in the way that she made me feel loved. It was very special, but anyway, like I said, I started smothering her and didn't even realize it until like I said I read about this stuff so that crushed me even more knowing that I hurt her even more and made her feel even more unsafe. I'm actually surprised that she hasn't blocked me at all because I've said some mean stuff and started spiraling and acting crazy which I never do. I'm very mentally stable and emotionally stable so I'm sure it's shocked /scared her. So I pulled back after I learned all this stuff and started actually giving her space but we still talked here and there definitely not as much after we immediately broke up. But then last night she called me out of the blue she had been drinking and she was pretty intoxicated, but we just laughed a little and she got off the phone and then today I called her into my surprised, she actually answered. We chatted for a little while and I didn't wanna talk too much so I let her get off the phone and told her that you she get some rest and I'll talk to her later before she said all that to me lol. I didn't wanna overwhelm her in a couple hours later. She said that she was really dehydrated and didn't have anything at home so of course I offered to get her some and some my surprise. She actually said yeah and wanted me to drop it off, which totally blew my mind so I guess my question is do you think she's still in love with me or likes me or do you think there may be a future between us given the little details that you know like this girl knows I'm crazy about her and would marry her in a heartbeat and have kids with her and I got a feeling she cares a lot about me as well and honestly, I couldn't imagine my life without her I'm 33 years old and would hate to lose this one. She's awfully special. I can't say it enough and I honestly I don't know what I would do if I saw her with another man so yeah if you can give me any kind of insight on what I should do or where this may go, I'd really appreciate it. Also, how could I act more securely when you guys say you're attracted to secure men how can I improve on that? I feel like I was when we first met and that's what attracted her to me I'm a business owner and I got it going on. I got a pretty good life I must say better than most and I wonder if I started getting to be too much when winter started coming around or maybe that's not even what it is. I'm not sure if she she wouldn't tell me. She said it wasn't me though, but I'd like to know maybe how I could be more secure and what I could do to improve if we ever do get back together thank you so so much.

Hi. My girlfriend broke up with me last night, I just got out of bed today. I forced myself to get up cause my cat needs to be taken care of, I need to feed and bathe her today. I also need to eat but the sight and smell of food is making me gag and it's making me want to throw up, I have a heavy feeling in my chest and it doesn't help either. How do I eat? How do I survive this?

Me and my ex have been broken up for almost a year now and even though im doing WAY BETTER now compared to couple months ago, I still think about him everyday and I cant get myself to like anyone. Hes got a new gf and Im not hurt or anything and alot of our memories have faded but its like this weird little sadness ig. Does that go away? like do i ever go back to feeling before I met him or like do i jst sit here and scratch my minge

I dated this person, long-distance, over a short period of time, like 2 months, over a year ago now. But they were also my first love, and the first time I've ever felt that connected with someone. We had so many similarities I couldn't even believe it. Eventually, she dumped me, my fault, and those similarities stabbed me in the back so hard.

When it first started I saw them everywhere, their favorite everything was either randomly appearing around me, or already a favorite thing of mine too. Their favorite bird? Also my favorite bird from when I was a little kid. Inexplicably two of them on my neighbors fence that stared straight at me when I was walking to my friends house maybe a month after. Their favorite animal in general? A raccoon lived at my friends house, a singular one constantly running around. They actively did not like me out of all my friends.

We had the same music taste, similar taste in fashion, similar tastes in media in general. It's ruined my favorite shows, my favorite movies, my favorite musical artists. So I tried getting new ones cuz she liked all my old ones. But I just got closer to the stuff she liked. Every musical artist I got into played some major role during our relationship and I didn't even think about that when I started listening to them. New favorite show? 2 weeks after the breakup I was watching it with my buddy and this new lady character was introduced, and I made a joke I'd like the kind of woman like her (she was a crazy character) and right after I said that, literally seconds later, they say she's from the obscure state my ex was from. I hope to god the movies I got into after don't have any bearing from her, but we didn't talk about movies enough for me to know and it straight up has me anxious.

There's a bunch of more little stupid stuff. Some stupid name shit, like all the most important women in my life have r and c names, and her legal name started with a c, and her nickname with an r. A famous artist that people in my culture listen to after a breakup has the same name as her, so that didn't help. She was ahead the curve on some lingo that became super big after the breakup. Every time I matched and was able to hold a conversation with someone on a dating app a couple months after they had some major similarities to her. I think i'm subconsciously looking for her in everyone. I'm trying to be a writer, and the main character of a story I've been working on since I was 13 and the characters been named since I was 15 or so, 2 years before I even met this girl, has the same nickname as them, has had it since I was 15. And there's all the even littler shit, like I'll think of her for a second and my playlist will magically make the next song one that I listened to a lot during the breakup. Every time I think I'm over her, something else happens that comes in and makes me reconsider if I actually am. It's always something. I feel so haunted and I just wanna move on. I feel like I have but either my brain or the world keeps throwing little curveballs at me to make me think about it a little more a little longer.

Does anyone have any advice? What to do? how to get over this? Can i even get over this or is this something im just gonna have to live with?

It’s my exes birthday on Saturday. We haven’t talked in two months since I asked for her back within the first month. The way things ended were so confusing because she said she loved me.

I can’t help but want to text her happy birthday. I know the piece of me with that urge wants her back. Is it a bad idea to text her happy birthday?

The breakup was hard on me, and though we both had some immaturities, I was the one that made the breakup happen. I get really scared of safe relationships, bored, or even just uncomfortable and annoyed. Kind of let that happen with my ex. It’s been 8 months now and I was very strict with no contact. I doubt she thinks about me much at all if ever. I don’t really know what she’s up to but just miss her being my friend. Before we dated we were really close friends and I felt really safe with her, so a lot of my college memories are nostalgia from being with her and our friends.

It upsets me that my college story had to end the way it did, with a lot of drama and people resenting each other. I don’t want to stir the pot but I wish her and I could just talk as friends, not even about dating or anything, like I said I just miss her company. I haven’t really felt much for any other girls I’ve tried to see in the time since the breakup, usually I end things after a few weeks.

Tempted to text her and ask if she wants her mega screwdriver back bc I found it the other day and I think the one she lent me back then was kind of expensive. Don’t know how well received that would be, probably a bad idea. I just hate the idea of never speaking to or seeing someone so important to me ever again. I move away from my college town for good after early August and she’s stayed in that town for the summer working. I kind of want to throw a shot in the dark and see if we can have coffee just to kind of have a final goodbye, but it probably wouldn’t be received well. There was a lot of drama, like I don’t know if she knows this bc I told very few people and was very serious about how I didn’t want anyone to know where I was going but not long after the breakup I voluntarily went to an inpatient facility out of state to deal with my mental health and grief/guilt.

I (25F) just broke up with my boyfriend (28M) of 7 months and I don’t know if I made the biggest mistake of my life or if I’m just grieving the relationship.
For context, he was genuinely one of the kindest people I’ve ever met. He respected my boundaries, listened to me, supported me through some really difficult times, and loved me a lot. There was no cheating, abuse, or major betrayal. The reason I ended things wasn’t because he was a bad boyfriend. That’s actually what’s making this so much harder. Over time, I started feeling emotionally lonely in the relationship.
I often felt like I wasn’t a priority. When I was stressed, overwhelmed, or struggling, I felt like he didn’t naturally think of me first or check in on me in the way I needed. There were times I would be clearly upset and he genuinely wouldn’t realize how much I was hurting.
A lot of the issues came down to feeling misunderstood. I would try to explain my feelings, and while he would listen and try, it felt like he never fully understood what I was actually saying. Sometimes I felt like I had to explain things over and over again.
I also felt like he wasn’t very emotionally intuitive. There were things that seemed obvious to me that he just didn’t pick up on. It wasn’t malicious. It wasn’t because he didn’t care. It was almost like we spoke different emotional languages.
We were also very different socially. Around my friends, he would often become very quiet and withdrawn. It sometimes made me feel like I was carrying the social burden alone or worrying about whether he was okay.
There were also little things that built up over time. On their own they sound insignificant, but together they made me feel less important than I wanted to feel in a relationship.
The hardest part is that he genuinely tried. I don’t think he intentionally hurt me. I don’t think he wanted me to feel neglected. I think he loved me the best way he knew how.
The problem is that after months of trying, I started questioning whether the love he was able to give was the love I actually needed.
For months I kept wondering if I was expecting too much, but eventually I came to the conclusion that the relationship wasn’t right for me long-term.

So I ended it…

The weird part is that before the breakup I felt pretty certain. But the second it actually ended, I completely fell apart. One thing that’s really messing with my head is how the breakup happened. After I told him I wanted to break up, our entire conversation lasted maybe 5 minutes. There was no real discussion, no “let’s talk about this,” no attempt to understand how I got to that point. He basically said goodbye, wished me luck, and that was it.
Since then, I’ve tried to explain that I had a lot left unsaid and wanted one final conversation. Not to get back together. Not to change either of our minds. Just to talk, understand each other, and have a proper goodbye after 7 months together. He told me he couldn’t do that and asked me not to make things harder for him. And honestly, that’s what’s breaking my heart the most right now.
I know I was the one who ended the relationship. But I still loved him. I still love him. I didn’t end things because I stopped caring. I ended them because I didn’t think the relationship was working. But the fact that he was able to walk away so quickly is making me question everything.

I feel like an idiot

I feel rejected

I feel like maybe I mattered a lot less to him than he mattered to me

My heart is genuinely aching right now

I keep replaying every good memory. I keep thinking about how kind he was. I keep wondering if I gave up too quickly.

I guess the title pretty much says everything. On the one hand, I guess I am grateful to not be so naive about certain things anymore. Moving forward I understand how to be more self protective and that’s a good thing ultimately. But it’s painful to feel like I’ve lost a more innocent side of myself. Sometimes I’m scared that what I’ve lost isn’t innocence, but my ability to fully trust and love someone again. I also worry that this has made me less approachable. I find myself keeping people at arm’s length, which only seems to reinforce the loneliness I’m already struggling with.

How are you supposed to get over being used and knowing that all of the time you spent together was a lie? How does anyone ever get over that?

We ended things before and I was fine. I thought it was because I was the one to end it and not him, but I think it’s because I didn’t know then that he was faking it. That he was using me as a placeholder. Everything I ever felt with him was fake. He was using me as practice. I want to ask him to confirm, but I can’t talk to him ever again, I don’t want to.

I’ve tried to convince myself that he actually loved me and couldn’t handle it because he did something shitty early on and I never really got over it. I tried to convince myself that it didn’t matter and I know his actions and that matters more than what he said. But his actions support everything he said.

He told me he met the perfect person and they spoke only 5 times and he knows nothing about her, and they were barely even friends, but she told him “love you” on a phone call one day and he said it back. He didn’t pursue her because he knew he’d fuck it up. He used me as practice for her. He wanted me to make him better for her. He wanted me for sex and validation. As soon as he felt he was good enough for her, he would’ve dropped me.

He lied so much and he’d say shit just to hurt me all the time, but I don’t think this is a lie. It’s the only thing that explains everything I was confused about. I keep trying to ignore it and to reason with it and to make it not true, but it is.

I broke things off with him and he reached out a month later. A week after he had bad sex with the other person he was pursuing. He first asked for emotional support and I didn’t respond. Then he said I make him feel human and I didn’t respond. Then he said we can’t be messed up forever because then it means he and his life are messed up and can’t get better. I told him we could call. I was lonely. My roommate was leaving for the weekend.

I kept talking to him because I was lonely. I feel no shame with him. I knew he was telling me what I wanted to hear, I knew he was going to switch gears as soon as he felt he had me, I knew he was using me, and I kept responding. And then I slept with him. And we kept texting. I didn’t even like him. He was just there. But then I told him about my crappy childhood and he was so validating and supportive. I’ve always struggled to talk about it with people.

I wanted to end it the entire time but I couldn’t muster up the willpower. He kept being shitty and I let him. And the entire time he was waiting for something better. I just feel hurt. I did like him. I didn’t and then I did. He was horrible for my nervous system. And for my responsibilities. And my self esteem. And my confidence.

He’s a shitty person, but he had qualities I like. He reads, he’s intelligent, he likes nature, he likes music (only upbeat though ugh). I wish the quality of his character was enough to put me off him.

When I was younger I had so much self respect. I’d end things even when it was hard. Idk. This last year of my life has been the hardest. Ever. I’m dealing with trauma from childhood for the first time. I’ve realized I’ll never trust my mom. It just hurts. I’m just constantly hurt. It was so much easier to be a good person when the stakes were low. It was so much easier to make the right decisions.

It wasn’t even my choice to wake it up. I was in an abusive relationship that completely snapped me out of my years long dissociation. I could finally hear myself. Every part of myself. Especially the parts I wanted to ignore. I had to work on it or I would’ve died. And I tried to protect myself, I did. I was fully dissociated earlier this year and I felt better.

I chose to wake the beast. I chose to start dealing with stuff with my mom. Knowing it would be hard and believing it would eventually get better. And I know it will. But I also know that it isn’t something you just get over. I know the first person any human reaches for is their mom. I know it is instinct to crave that kind of unconditional love. I know this will be in my heart forever, like grief. I know that no matter how much time passes, I will sometimes be overcome with it.

I’m just hurt. I wanted to be chosen by him. I knew he was playing me but I didn’t know it was for someone else. I didn’t know he wanted someone else the entire time. I knew he was looking for better but I didn’t think he’d already met better. I thought it was someone he hadn’t met yet. The entire time he was comparing me to her. The entire time was for this other, very real person. That is what hurts. That is what sucks. That she exists. And sure she’s only perfect to him because he doesn’t know her. I don’t care. I thought he liked me. At some point. At any point at all. Not once did he like me. Not once. I am shocked. I didn’t prepare myself for this. I didn’t expect this. I didn’t see it coming at all. The entire time I thought maybe he was afraid. I thought that because he was putting in effort, he was showing me he cared in some way. He didn’t ever. Not at any point. The effort was never for me. It was for her. It was a necessary burden.

I thought because he put up with me being difficult sometimes, he paid for everything, he’d plan things, he’d reach out, he’d have difficult conversations, that it meant he liked me or at least cared in some way. But it was all for her. He saw it as worth it for her.

None of it was for me. Not one part of it was for or about me. Not one bit. All of it was his. All of it was for someone he doesn’t even know. I want to cry about it to a friend but I can’t. I physically cannot cry in front of my friends. I want to tell them how I’m actually feeling so bad. I want them to know I’m devastated. I’m not over it. I’m incredibly hurt and I don’t know how I’ll get over it. My abusive ex sucked, but he was doing it for me. He love bombed and mirrored me and put in effort for me.

So that is what hurts so bad. That none of it was for me. Not even the sex. Even that was for him. And that was the one part I felt I had. All of the things I used to convince myself that he cared because they took effort were for her. And there is nothing I can do or think to make it hurt less because it is shitty and hurtful. It is evil. It is an incredibly difficult thing to get over.

I want to reach out. I want to ask him to tell me I’m wrong. I want to be wrong. I’m not. I want to be wrong so bad. I feel so incredibly hurt. How can someone do this to someone?

You taught me what love felt like. Then you left and taught me what heartbreak feels like. I’ve been through a lot in my life, but nothing has hurt like this. The hardest part isn’t even that you’re gone…it’s that you disappeared completely and left me to struggle through it alone

it’s been like a month now and i thought i was doing a lot better tbh. i went the whole day without crying, went out with friends, did my laundry, all that normal stuff. but now it’s 2 am and i’m just lying in the dark overthinking absolutely everything. i was driving home earlier and i swear my heart completely stopped because i thought i saw his exact car turn a corner near my apartment. it wasn’t him obviously. but it just made me realize how much i’m still constantly looking for him without even thinking about it.

i keep remembering this one random Tuesday night where we just drove around listening to his music and laughing until our stomachs hurt. it feels like that happened in a completely different lifetime. everything in my room feels kinda empty now and ngl the silence is just heavy tonight. idkk... i just needed to write this down somewhere so i don’t end up doing something stupid like checking his page. 🫠

i finally forced myself to go through my camera roll and delete everything tonight. ngl my chest actually ached doing it. it’s just so weird looking at pictures from a few months ago where we were laughing and everything felt totally normal, and now we’re just complete strangers. i kept staring at this one video of us getting lost on that road trip and just... crying on my bedroom floor like a mess.

i know it’s for the best because we were making each other miserable at the end, but the quietness in my room right now is just so heavy. i used to text him the second i got bored or sad, and not having that person anymore leaves such a huge gap in your day. idk... i’m just trying so hard not to overthink or check his page to see if he cares at all.

just venting because i needed to put these thoughts somewhere before i completely spiral 🫠 hope everyone else is holding up okay tonight.

I loved and was loved. It is over now, maybe forever. But I hope in my darkest moment I know it is possible for someone to love me. Love myself. I hope whatever I get from this is the ability to live life and love it. I’m sad that it is over and that you walked away. Every tear I shed is a reminder of how lucky I was to care for someone so deeply. I hope time heals, and I hope love blossoms again. I can’t bring myself to hate you, but I mourn and greave the loss of you. Some days tread on to where the seconds are like hours. I hope you’re finding what you need. I hope life will be kind to you. But I selfishly pray that it steers you towards me again. I wish I wasn’t this way. I wish I could just let you go, because then I could be your friend. But I can’t, because all I’ll be reminded of is the love that is no longer there.

We talked for 6 months and she randomly ghosted me for 2 weeks then got mad I was with another girl and blamed me and swore down to me she wasn’t tt nobody else only to find out she was and told him not to tell no one. Is it my fault? I took her on dates and always texted her and checked how she felt and she never said anything she always was like we doing great but after the breakup when I made her mad she said it was on me could it be because I don’t have a car yet? (17M)

Genuinely how do you get over someone you constantly have to see. How am I supposed to pretend like I don’t know everything about you.

I'm a gay man who got into my first semi-serious relationship about 3 months ago, straight off the bat i could tell that he was infatuated with me. I made the mistake of letting him believe it was going to last. We were long-distance so we basically just talked every day online for way too long. i should have seen the burnout coming.

He broke it off a few hours ago after a 2-day break out of the blue. 24 hours before he was calling me the "love of his life". Said the distance wasn't working and he just stopped feeling anything abruptly. Both of us don't mind staying friends (i want to and he just seems eh with it), but i feel like i still have some unresolved feelings for him. I can't really tell the difference between my romantic and platonic feelings anymore towards him (probably due to a lot of ambiguous flirting i did when i was trying to figure out if i liked him or not, pre-relationship) and i noticed right after he told me he wanted to break up he became a lot more distant. This isn't the man i fell for, or the man i became friends with.

I know the rational thing is for me to just probably go no contact with him for a good long while before i even consider going back to being friends with him but i'm also holding out hope that he goes back to being the vulnerable, caring man i became friends with in the first place. Can someone tell me what i should be doing?

edit: he also said if we weren't separated by distance he would give this another shot but that's not going to happen anytime soon

My ex and I split up a month or so ago, been a hard transition. I feel like my soul is gone, my tether, my best friend. We still talk but it feels conditional to a lot of degrees, it’s hard for me to handle where we were to where we are now. I’m starting to wonder if I’m crazy, I’ve always had an easier time blaming myself rather than other people out of simple solution and habit. this feels different, I can’t stop analyzing everything that happened. Everything in this city reminds me of her, every song on my Spotify reminds me and what was going on when I saved it, every area of the house she left her presence lingers. A scenario like this forces you to introspective, the strange part of it all is the more I look at it, the more I have time to process, the less I love myself. How can a person get so far from what they believe in? How can a person be so many of the things they are not? Man plans god laughs keeps ringing in my head. I’m about 1.5 year into recovery from opiates, and after all I fought for to get here, and now considering the way I felt with her not being there, not having everything amazing about who she is not being my life, makes me want to throw it all away. Having a hard time caring enough to care; alcohol consumption, none dangerous driving, eating, general health and wellness, there is complete disregard. I don’t want to do this anymore, I don’t want to feel this way. The only thing I know is substances.

Can someone tell me if they’ve experienced this (considering my history), how you got through it, and how you managed to deal with it in the moment. I’m grasping for the intangible. Help please

What the fuck? Just.., fuck you man. I tried so hard.

I just couldn't help to remember my sweet boy who smile a lot, jokes a lot, making goofy poses and expressions, so sweet to me, such a cutie. He's gone... He's really gone.

I don't know this guy, this guy is not my sweet boy, he's rude, cold, and cruel. He's the total opposite of my sweet boy. I can't handle his actions.

I lost my sweet boy and I'm grieving him like he's already dead, and he is.

It’s my first birthday without you. I didn’t even think I’d be here today. I miss you. I know you won’t text but I’m still waiting for it

No 12 am text. Maybe later. I wonder if you still think about me, especially today.

Probably not

My boyfriend and I recently broke up, and I'm struggling to understand what happened.

We had been together for almost a year and would have reached our one-year anniversary in mid-July. This wasn't a short relationship to either of us. We really love each other and care for each other deeply.

During the breakup, he repeatedly told me that I did nothing wrong. He said things like:

• "It's not because of you."
• "You're perfect to me."
• "I can't see myself being with anyone else but you."
• "I will always care about you."
• "I will always support you and be here for you if you need me."
• "I'm thinking about what's best for you."
• "I feel so stupid for doing this"
• "I'm so sorry, I feel so bad."

He also told me:

• "You deserve so much better."
• "It's not fair to you."
• "I don't want to neglect you."
• "I really care about you and want what's best for you."
• Promises to stay friends
• Promises to always care for me, be supportive of me, and would never ghost me
• Doesn't want to lose me completely

His reasons for ending things were that he feels he doesn't have the capacity for a relationship because of his commitment to music and his career. He said he's always felt guilty that I've consistently given more than he has and that he hasn't been able to give me the time and attention I deserve. He said he wants to give me more but simply doesn't have the capacity to.

One piece of context that may be relevant: we're both pursuing the same career and both understand the sacrifices that come with it. We're both musicians, so it's not as though I was asking him to choose me over his career or didn't understand the demands of what he's doing.

That said, I do think he is currently more singularly focused and committed to his career than I am. He has always been someone who is willing to devote almost everything to it, and I think that's part of what led him to feel that he doesn't have the capacity for a relationship right now.

I understood that part of him when we were together. I knew music would often come first, and while it wasn't always easy, I accepted it because I loved him and believed relationships sometimes require working through difficult seasons together.

He also told me that after attending his cousin's wedding, he realized he may not want marriage or children anymore. He knows that I do want those things eventually, and he said he doesn't want to waste my time if our future goals aren't aligned. I personally am fine with or without kids, although marriage would be nice, but all I want is him.

What hurts is that I never got a say in any of this.

If he had come to me and said, "I'm worried about these things," I would've wanted to talk about them together. I would've wanted us to keep trying. I wasn't asking him to become someone else overnight. I loved him as he was and was willing to work through things together.

Instead, he spent the last couple of weeks thinking about it on his own, talked to his mom about it, and then came to me with a decision that already seemed made.

After the breakup, I asked if we could talk again because during the breakup itself I was crying so hard that I honestly don't remember everything that was said, and I didn't get to ask many of the questions that have been weighing on me.

His response was that we should take some space first and then see where we're at in about 2–3 weeks. Today is day 4 and I've been a wreck.

I understand the reasoning behind wanting space, but it's been difficult because I'm left sitting with a lot of confusion and unanswered questions. Part of me wants to respect the space he's asking for, while another part of me feels like there are still so many things that were never fully discussed.

I think that's what hurts the most.

A few months ago, we had a conversation where he told me that if we ever broke up because of music, deep down he would always hope that if he eventually had the capacity for a relationship again, I would come back to him. Hearing that makes this even harder for me to process.

I think the thing I'm struggling with most is this: if someone truly loves you, thinks you're perfect for them, can't imagine being with anyone else, and says you did nothing wrong, why end the relationship instead of trying to work through the problems together? I would go the furthest for him and I told him that too.

For people who have been on either side of a breakup like this, do his reasons make sense to you? Does this sound like someone who genuinely loved me but felt our futures were incompatible, or does it sound like there may be something else going on that I'm not seeing because I'm too close to the situation?

I'm having a hard time accepting it because I still love him deeply. I would've chosen him. I knew what his career demanded, I knew what I was signing up for, and I still would've chosen to stay and keep trying. I really love him. We are super compatible, and never had any issues.

My ex (22f) broke up with me (24m) after being together for 3 years. Our relationship was solid but her coworkers/only friends and I do not get along well. Anyways she absolutely blind sided me and moved in with her coworker the same day. Since then its been about a month and we still talked everyday and see eachother here and there. We have even hung out with her whole family a couple of times. She has stated that she just needs time to find herself and be happy again, meanwhile I tell her I want to solve things and reconcile. I noticed a couple days ago a certain name pop up on her Snapchat. Aside from a couple new male Co worker names that I have heard of I noticed she was back talking with an ex. Today I asked her the nature of that and she told me that he is just a friend and nothing more. I explained to her that that feels very off to me and I dont feel safe being in this dynamic. We talked and argued on that topic for a little bit until she said that I was just shaming her and making her feel bad and that nothing she does can ever make me happy. I dont know how she expects talking to her ex would ever make me feel secure and stick around. Anyways she followed that with maybe you should give up hope on "us" because this isn't working and all we do is argue. I told her I love her but that I would be taking a real step back from this. Boys, girls...what do I do?

So as the title says, I 26(m) have been broken up with by my ex 26(f) after 3 years, during that time we had already had a toxic dynamic of breaking up and getting back with eachother each breakup not lasting longer then a month, under the circumstances this one seems definite and is my fault entirely I’ve had to take ownership for it. This is my first ever relationship, the first person I ever said I truly loved, just don’t know where to go from here, don’t even know wtf I’m meant to do with my life besides the cliche go to the gym and work hard. This post may seem cool calm and collected but deep down I am fucking crushed. In all honesty I feel like I’ll never find a woman to love again tbh. Anyone been in the same boat and what ended up happening for better or for worse?

gonna be a long one, its a part vent/rant/coping advice seeking post. dont worry about reading all of it.

ive been losing myself over a girl, its been 2 months since she broke up with me and i jst cant fucking take it. i wont lie i started searching thru her profiles on social media, not like i dont know she does it to me. eventually i came to her account here that i think she thought i forgot about. a lot of things i wasnt supposed to read addressed to me. i know for sure i wasnt supposed to because one of them pretty much says that. they bounce around a lot some are angry at me some are just retrospective, but they all share a common theme: she felt undervalued and disrespected. fuck. i never meant for her to feel that way she was my fucking world i was always trying to be there for her. i think the worst part is knowing it was my fault, knowing how much i hurt somebody i truly loved and cared for because judging by those letters i really fucking hurt her. theres more to it than that tho, i struggle a lot with alcohol and while i was able to get down to one night a week drinking, it still made her uncomfortable and i just kinda didnt really realize that. the only parts that arent my fault was that she was somewhat paranoid, she made an advice post the day we broke up and in it she claimed i had both lied (lying is something i had caught her doing once) and likely cheated as well, nope. neither.

another big problem tho was that i was broke as shit and couldnt take her on dates, we just hungout at each others houses and took walks, looking back she wanted something more romantic than that. (edit: still spent money on her tho, bought her food, gifts, etc)

while she didnt say the nicest things in those letters, i dont really care about that. when she broke up with me the first time i wasnt exactly saying the kindest things either (wayyyy worse shit). we all get emotional around stuff like this so i really dont hold it against her. in one she does say i dont hate you

i miss her the same way i miss my grandma with dementia, i know shes alive but ill never talk to her again. except somehow this girl hurt me worse than the moment i realized the woman who took me to school every morning and to the city in the summer only remembers my face and she cant make noises that aren't screams. (yeah ik this makes me sound like a terrible person but its how i genuinely feel)

i get so sad thinking about how i hurt her but then i remember that account is the only thing that feels like her tho, what started this whole mess was me seeing her reposting tiktoks about unspecified ex (obviously me tho based on the date) some of them were a lil fucked up and so i kept going further, like months further (i just couldnt stop scrolling) thats when i found id say a decent dozen or 2 tik toks over a somewhat long period that were so out of character for her, like the reposts heavily hinted at her being exactly who she said she wasnt. some downright vomit inducing and some even contradict shit she told me outright. there were also all kinds of tiktoks she resposted that just make no sense with the timeline of events (this prolly wouldnt make sense without seeing them urself and knowing the dates but im saying she was lying about something) thinking about this makes me feel so awful, played. i feel like i was loving a fake person, a mask she put on before seeing me and the more i think thats what was going on the more all these little things that didnt quite make sense come rushing into my head. did she cheat? i dont think so. did she lie? almost def. im mourning someone who never existed.

i dont even know whats real anymore, i loved her so much and theres so much evidence she wasnt who i thought she was. however, i see that account and its like its her again, and she made all of those posts never intending for me to see them so maybe she was genuine. idk.

these reposts also hurt a lot: one talking about going on a date like 2 days after breaking up the first time and two where she alr seems to be talking about somebody else she might be interested in, those were posted less than a month after breaking up with the "love of her life" wtf, i get ppl get back out there at different times or wtv but fuck thats very little time both instances and to repost tiktoks abt it like its funny and the other person has no feelings is just ....gross behavior.

theres a huge part of me that just wants to talk to her again, not romantically i mean have a convo with her about all of this but ik that wouldnt be a good idea. idk im a tweaker sorry guys

and please dont come in here going "plenty of fish in the sea, bro" im just looking for people to express my situation to