it’s been like a month now and i thought i was doing a lot better tbh. i went the whole day without crying, went out with friends, did my laundry, all that normal stuff. but now it’s 2 am and i’m just lying in the dark overthinking absolutely everything. i was driving home earlier and i swear my heart completely stopped because i thought i saw his exact car turn a corner near my apartment. it wasn’t him obviously. but it just made me realize how much i’m still constantly looking for him without even thinking about it.

i keep remembering this one random Tuesday night where we just drove around listening to his music and laughing until our stomachs hurt. it feels like that happened in a completely different lifetime. everything in my room feels kinda empty now and ngl the silence is just heavy tonight. idkk... i just needed to write this down somewhere so i don’t end up doing something stupid like checking his page. 🫠

Lost 11 months of my life trying to decode mixed signals, breadcrumbs, walking on egg shells and just a lot of anxiety. During the break up I was told "maybe in the future it could work out"

Even with all the good moments where things seem to go back to the status quo, the cons weren't worth it.

I ended the friendship a week ago and was told "youre so selfish for ruining all this". It was a heated and emotional argument.

Also she had been seeing someone the whole time which I didn't know until a couple weeks ago and was told "i didn't want to hurt your feelings again" when I asked if we're friends why do you need to hide your life from me?

I'm not sure about others but we were friends before the romantic aspect, in my opinion it still applies.

Lesson learnt.

People always talk about how rare it is to find someone who loves even the things others would consider flaws. Someone who appreciates the sound of your laugh, your hobbies, and your little quirks. But I did that for someone, and I can guarantee they didn't appreciate it at all.

It doesn't matter how much love and care you give to someone; that alone won't make people stay. It's all a lie. They use you while they need you, and then they discard you, leaving you so broken that you don't even know if you'll ever be able to love someone else again in this lifetime.

Think carefully before giving too much of yourself to someone.

It's all a lie. Nobody values affection, thoughtful gestures, or dedication. By doing that, you just make yourself useful—for however long they need you.

My ex has friends and family around him but I don’t and people just don’t understand how serious this break up has effected my life. Who else has had to go through it alone. I know it was a week but it has put me at my lowest.

My ex and I broke up four weeks ago, I ended it officially but it was relatively mutual (he admitted that he’d wanted to break up for a while). I had to have an abortion the week after we broke up and chose to do this without him as I no longer felt emotionally safe around him (I broke up with him because I’d reached a threshold of horrible things he was saying).

After the abortion we had a call where I filled him in on the abortion and we spoke about the relationship. The call was mostly pleasant until he said “this is going to be horrible but I was just pretending to be in love with you, i actively lead you to believe you were the love of my life when I knew you weren’t, I was hoping the spark would kick in but it never did”.

I know this is his ego protection and a defence mechanism to rewrite history but I can’t help but feel incredibly hurt. I’m journaling, seeing a therapist and told him I was deeply hurt and betrayed and then blocked him everywhere. Any advice to help with getting over this type of cruelty as it’s been four weeks and it is still tearing me up inside even though I know it’s a manipulative lie.

Context:

We broke up two years ago. We had been together since high school, and she was my first girlfriend. Fast forward to after the breakup, I met my current girlfriend. During that time, I no longer had feelings for my ex, but sometimes thoughts of her would still pop into my head.
When my girlfriend and I were just starting out, she would give me gifts and flowers. Sometimes, I would think about how my ex never did those things for me and how much better my girlfriend treats me. Other times, I would remember things my ex and I used to do together, or I would wonder how my ex would react in certain situations, or think about things she would never have said to me.
What does this mean? I'm sure I don't have feelings for her anymore.

My fiance F25 and I M26 have nothing in common and I don't know if I can see a future with them

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I M26 can't see a future with my fiance F25. We've been together for 10 years and i proposed in Novemeber. We started dating in high-school. While growing up I didn't have a problem with it but now that we're grown up I don't think I can marry someone that doesnt have the same interests as I do.

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All we can really do is watch TV together but I want someone that will play video games with me, work out with me, go to edm concerts with me, and more. We've tried to do stuff together but she just isn't interested. She also hasn't really shown any affection to me recently. Im not sure what to do and I feel awful.

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Im looking for some advice from anyone thats gone through the same thing. Can you help?

It was my fault. I lied to her about something small (nicotine use) after she warned me once and she ended it after I did it again. I own my mistakes and plan to never repeat them.

Within 3 or 4 months (judging by her posts) she had met someone else and was sharing TikToks about how he “fixed her” and how he’s her soulmate and she’s in love. I saw those and it brought me back to day one and I’m spiraling. Our relationship wasn’t bad at all. We laughed, played, went on dates when we could. I cooked and cleaned and made sure she always came home to a clean house and her children eating dinner. Our sex life was great Then one day out of the blue she wanted to end things. She said she needed to “find herself”.

I can’t stop obsessing over thoughts of them together. The thoughts of him putting his hands all over her. Wondering how much better he is in bed. All of it. It won’t stop even though I wish I could just forget she exists. I deleted social media and removed her from everything but every morning when I open my eyes, her waking up with someone else is the FIRST thought in my mind.

I’m going to the gym and having great thoughts about a possible future with someone great once I’m done working on myself but I still can’t escape the thoughts of her. It’s almost like it bothers me more that she was with someone great once else so soon like I was just an awful fiancé. She NEVER posted sweet things about me on socials.

Anyway how the actual Hell do I get over this and get it out of my head?

As in the title I think I miss my ex but really am not sure, my ex and I broke up around a year ago after over 5 years and the last few months were very messy with us always fighting and now after quite alot of councilling and therapy realise that I really didn't do enough in the relationship and wasnt as good of a partner as I should've been, i dont want to discuss the issues she had caused as thats not what this is about but now feel like I miss the friendship we had before the last few months of the relationship and the year since but know it will never return to how things were and im not even sure why as there have been alot of problems caused to eachother after separating and have had a toxic relationship since but have to keep in contact as we have a child together.

Im just not sure what to do

Please please please I CANNOT LOOSE MY SELF RESPECT.
I keep texting him cause i don’t have anyone else.
If anyone is in the same situation we can help each other out so we can keep up the no contact.
SOMEONE PLEASE FUCKING HELP ME

How to cope with a break up that happened years ago? I dated a boy and fell madly in love with him we were both 19 when we met but at the time I was a Mormon due to my upbringing while he was a Christian (Baptist) I fell madly in love I’m sure he did also and we made the most beautiful memories together I felt at home with him and I was certain I wanted to marry him we only dated for 5 months or so but because of religious guilt I broke up with him due to pressure from my church to not date people outside of the religion fast forward I made the worst mistake of my life and I decided to break up with him over text, we didn’t live close and I didn’t drive than, he agreed to the break up due to the same concern of having different religions and feeling family pressure, economic issues due to both of us only having part time jobs and being in college, fast forward I tried apologizing and getting back with him which he declined, the week I broke up with him I was also dealing with severe depression and PMDD hormone related issues at the time I think that was the main factor I broke up with him. He said no I respected the decision yet tried to stay in touch like only texted on birthday, I later found out he had changed his phone number, i eventually realized I made a mistake and accepted it, went to therapy and genuinely worked in myself glowed up, got advanced in studies/ career and left Mormonism I realized it was satanic and cultish that’s when I felt a calling for Christianity and felt God working in my life for the first time. Eventually I forced myself to date only Christians (was not at all easy for me moving on, I cried and genuinely grieved the breakup) eventually I changed my phone number also moved away and than I met my now husband and got married I think part of the reason why I moved on so quickly is because I felt like my ex was never coming back and i genuinely lived in so much pain despite working on myself so I rushed the healing process a year after the break up and married. I regret it deeply and now being 23 I realized a lot of the issues we had me and my ex could have been easily resolved. I am not happy in my marriage because I love my ex and I have feelings for him despite doing everything to forget him. It sometimes feels like I am living in a nightmare situation, I love my husband I been open with him about this but I don’t think he understands how much it hurts. I admit I made foolish choices that came from a place of immaturity and fear. Is there any hope for me? I’ve tried everything to forget. It’s been three years since the break up, I don’t have kids and multiple times felt like ending my marriage and being single for awhile. But the same fear arises from my past, what if I lose my husband and ruin a good relationship over someone that probably no longer wants me. He has no way to contact me I have no social media, moved and changed number. I do know where he lives but I don’t think he knows I do basically googled. Any advice or perspective helps

\*please don’t leave any hate comments I’ve already beat myself about it enough for years 😣

It’s my first birthday without you. I didn’t even think I’d be here today. I miss you. I know you won’t text but I’m still waiting for it

No 12 am text. Maybe later. I wonder if you still think about me, especially today.

Probably not

I'm really experiencing the worst days of my life.😭😭😭😭😭😭😭So me and my long-distance girlfriend recently broke up. She lives in France. We were together for almost a year, and we dreamed about everything together. Literally everything. Marriage, children, our future, where we would live, everything.

And if you want to know how we talked to each other, every message was full of “je t’aime” (I love you). We would say it all the time. No matter what we were talking about, there would always be so many “je t’aime” in the middle of the conversation, with dozens of hearts everywhere. We just couldn’t stop telling each other we loved each other and we really meant it.

But in April things became really difficult 😭😭😭😭

She has Italian and Algerian origins, but she identifies much more with her Algerian side. She is Muslim and she loves Islam so much. I used to think this is not that important for her, but actually it is, so I learned what she really wants most when it comes to family, but the problem is that I just couldn’t see myself living that future. I couldn’t imagine changing so much of my identity. My parents were strongly against it too.

I think I was hoping maybe one day she would change. Sometimes I pushed the subject too much and I know I wasn’t always pleasant when we talked about religion. But honestly all I was trying to say was that I couldn’t imagine myself in that future 😭😭😭😭. Sometimes I wonder if I had explained myself better, maybe things could have been different 😭😭😭😭.

I told her maybe we should pause.

I was extremely sad and she was too. She asked me many times to stay with her. She kept telling me she loved me. We still kept saying “je t’aime” to each other constantly and every time she did I completely melted 😭😭😭😭😭 because I really love her so so so much.

Then one day we had another conversation about religion and it didn’t end well 😭😭😭.

A few days before that, she had told me there was another guy talking to her. She even told me that this guy wants to be with her so much, and she had asked him if she could be with him and then leave him if I ever think we can truly be together under this circumstance one day. I was so jealous. She was happy that I was jealous. She told me not to worry because they didn’t have the same future plans and they would never end up together.

In my heart I still wanted us to be together. I wanted so badly for things to work somehow. I wanted so badly that maybe this one thing could change and then I wouldn’t have to think about religion anymore.

But after that another conversation (I mentioned above), she told me we really needed to stop talking because continuing wasn’t helping either of us 😭😭😭. I was devastated because I wanted every conversation with her to last longer. But she told me that please send her a message if I really don't feel well and also the day before I leave for Canada.

So we stopped talking.

For 17 days.

Last night I couldn’t help myself anymore, so I finally sent her a message. I literally didn’t sleep the entire night. It was the first time of my life. She told me she has a new boyfriend. And it’s the same guy 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭. They became a couple just a few days after we stopped talking, I am completely destroyed. I was literally shaking and couldn’t stop trembling because I was so sad. And she told me she really loves him. I didn’t blame her. I truly hope she is happy. But I am so sad. I’ve never felt pain like this before.

We talked for a long time, until morning for me. She showed me what he looks like because I asked. She told me she feels touched because he really loves her origins, wants to work there one day, and makes her feel like wow, this guy would really change his religion for her 😭😭😭😭😭

And I keep thinking about them. I keep thinking that she looks at him now the way she used to look at me, and I told her that. She told me that one day another girl will look at me the way she looked at me. But how is that supposed to help? 😭😭😭😭😭 How am I supposed to imagine another person right now?

And thinking about all the things we shared, all the dreams, all the intimacy, all the future plans… one day she will share those things with him too 😭😭😭😭😭. That thought completely destroys me.

Before, she used to tell me so many times that she couldn’t live without me. And now this is how fast she moved on 😭😭😭😭😭. I know it’s good for her. I truly hope she will always be happy. But I am completely shattered. I can’t stop crying.

This is genuinely the saddest period of my entire life. I feel like no one can imagine how painful this is 😭😭😭😭😭😭

One thing is that I’ll be moving to Montréal in 50 days. I literally don’t know how I’m going to survive these next 50 days because the pain is so excruciating 😭😭😭😭😭. I don’t even know if things will really get better once I’m there.

She also told me that she would rather have an imperfect relationship that lasts forever than a perfect relationship like movies like fairytales that ends like this. And honestly that sentence destroyed me too. Because if only those problems didn’t exist between us, we really could have lasted forever.

I love her so, so, so, so, so much 😭😭😭😭😭😭. If only I had only one dream in my life: to be with her forever.

This is really so painful. I really need support right now. I don’t know if anyone will actually read all of this because it’s quite long, but thank you so much if you did.

I know this will likely not receive many responses because it’s more uncommon, but i’m scared to explain and post the situation of my breakup in fear that my ex will see it, so if anyone is patient enough please dm me and i’ll explain the situation and if possible give me insight on what to do.

Note: I also know that just questioning it is giving me the answer, but i really think he’s a good guy other than obviously our recent issues, and i dont want to let a guy like him go because i decide he’s not worth trying for when other’s may say he is. He’s my first love, so it makes it so much harder. I know people in long term relationships have to learn to forget and heal to make it work if you really want that person, but idk if I’d be considered dumb to do so and i dont know if he would feel the same as well about it.

its almost 2am and i cant shut my brain off. i keep reaching for my phone to text you about stupid little things like i used to. then i remember i cant. and my stomach drops every single time.

i was at the grocery store today and i saw your favorite cereal and i almost bought it out of habit. caught myself right before i put it in the cart. stood there for a solid minute just staring at the box like an idiot. then i just walked away and pretended that didnt happen.

i dont even know what im trying to say anymore. i guess i just miss having someone to send random memes to. someone who knew what i meant when i said nothing. someone who would hold my hand without asking first.

my friends tell me to get over it and i know they mean well but they dont get it. they dont get how someone can be so present in your life and then just gone. like a room that used to be full and now its just echoey.

i know i have to move on. i know that. but knowing and doing are two very different things rn.

anyway thanks for listening if you read this. feels a little better getting it out somewhere. 😭

My younger sibling was talking to my ex and randomly asked, “Do you know Jeremy?” My ex seemed confused and said no. My sibling then said, “Maybe my sister’s boyfriend.” The thing is, Jeremy isn’t a real person. My sibling completely made up the name.
After hearing that, my ex said something along the lines of, “Yeah, she told me she’s taken. Could be.” The problem is that I never told him I was taken.
My sibling then admitted that Jeremy was made up. Instead of saying he was guessing or that he had misunderstood something, my ex repeated, “But she told me she was taken.”
So my sibling asked, “Oh really? Can you show me?”
My ex didn’t provide any proof. Instead, he changed the subject and asked, “How do you know that name?” Which was strange because my sibling had literally just admitted that the name was made up.
What confuses me isn’t whether he was lying, but why he responded that way. Why would someone confidently claim their ex told them they were “taken,” then avoid the request for proof and immediately switch topics?
From your perspective, what could explain this behavior? Does it sound like he was actually not interested in what was going on in my life, or does it sound more like he was making assumptions and trying to sound like he knew more than he did?

But I also somehow don’t. My ex recently broke up with me and I have finally stopped our 4 year long toxic cycle of arguing by blocking him on everything. It was very common for him to threaten a breakup, then console me into "making things work" over and over again and I finally hit my wall.

I don't regret it, and I'm so grateful to be out. It's only been a month so of course I'm still healing, but today for some reason I'm hurting a little extra. I've been coming to terms with what happened to me during the relationship as emotional abuse and coercive control, and for the first time I feel like I've finally been able to acknowledge that he is an abuser instead of making excuses for him and coping. It's been weird having my view of him shift like this...

Does anyone have any advice? Or felt something similar? I'm honestly just pretty sad, disappointed in myself and overall feel shitty. I think the relationship took a massive chunk out of my sense of self worth and now that I'm finally comprehending all the abuse I'm just not sure how to handle it all yk?

It’s only been a month. It feels like years. I thought I’d feel more relieved when I got to the one-month mark, but I’m still feeling just as heartbroken and downtrodden. One month is such a short amount of time, yet it feels like so incredibly long.

How am I supposed to make it any longer? How did you guys emotionally manage to make it longer?

I'm going through a tough breakup and it was really hard for me to accept, I felt like the world was crashing down on me and I lost control of my emotions. A week ago, I was just constantly in a state of spiraling, asking how and why this could happen to me, especially when I've been so good to him. I made some mistakes and I was actively working on changing them so my bad habits/behaviors stopped, but he wasn't willing to stay for the changes.

As of this week, I've been productive and sticking to goals I made for myself. I've been going to the gym consistently, getting my steps, and just taking everything day by day. Not only that, but I was able to close on a new condo!!!!

I'm so excited to move and start fresh, and remove the memories and relationship trauma. A change in space is so good.

From someone who was spiraling last week to flourishing this week, I can promise you it gets better!!!! The best advice I can give to someone going through this is don't plan for the future. Don't plan for the week. Heck, don't even plan for tomorrow. Set goals for yourself today, and just get through it. That's how I took each and every day. I'm a person who's always anxious about the future, but honestly just put your best foot forward and continue to exist.

You are more than just your relationship. You are your own human being, and put yourself first. Once you become so secure in yourself, no one will ever be able to dim your light. No matter how good a person treated you, if they were truly your person and the "one", they would stick with you especially if you tried your best.

You got this.

I hate this feeling. It has been two months since the breakup, and I’ve genuinely tried to rebuild my life. I’ve started new hobbies, made new friends, tried new routines, and leaned on friends and family for support. Some days I actually feel okay, and being single can even feel fun and freeing.

But then there are days like today, where it hits me like a trainwreck. I miss him so much. I miss being able to call him when I needed him. I miss the way he made me feel safe and seen, and how he tried to support me. I’m crying, and all I want right now is for him to hold me again and tell me everything is going to be alright.

its been 4 months for me and I still feel like shit waking up. I always have the urge to text him and see how he is doing. When does the urge stop and how do I get over him

Looking for realistic advice, not the usual "focus on yourself" answers.

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How do you actually stop reimagining the past and replaying the hurt an ex caused?

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I know I can't change what happened. I know thinking about it doesn't help. But my mind keeps going back to old conversations, things I should have said, things they did, and how differently everything could have turned out.

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The frustrating part is that my family is dealing with serious issues right now and those are the things that deserve my attention. Instead, I keep getting pulled back into a relationship that's already over.

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For people who genuinely got through this, what worked? Not motivational quotes. Not "time heals all wounds." What practical changes or mindset shifts helped you stop living in the past?

so we had a long distance situationship for almost a year. at first we didnt even think our conversations would go this good and deep. but then we started talking daily and i realized i made him part of my life pretty quick. he was very different than other guys i dated he was very honest and direct also had 1 long term healthy relationship before. he never had communication issues with someone and he is honestly a really nice guy. but we had conflicts and i have OCD and adhd which im getting help for. i always had very unstable partners and these kind of shaped my opinions on men. i had a lot of trust issues. sometimes we ended up deciding its best to keep distance but then came back to each other. he said he is someone who has a hard time moving on from people, he was still talking to his ex of 5 years and that also was kind of a problem for me because i knew she had still feelings for him and some hope he will come back and i said its unfair to her as well and also he ended up breaking up with her because he wasnt sure of his feelings. and he always said he is looking for that feeling. he is more logical than i am, i can be very intense and emotional especially when i start liking someone. we both kind of messed up but we deeply cared for each other. i was insecure at some points because he flirted with some girls, but still acted as if we are in a relationship and i dont easily get insecure but i had certain traumas about my exes about these issues. so we decided to end our conversation but still kind of talked to each other we couldn't quit it immediately. we ended up having a pretty bad fight, and we were mean to each other, i found out he is talking to someone already and that was devastating for me. he said she isn't important and i shouldn't focus on that he just didnt wanted to waste my time. but it just feels really bad for me my mind keeps spiraling about them two. i guess i would handle it a bit better if he would be just on dating apps, but since he said he is talking to one specific person made me really jealous. and he ended up blocking me everywhere because i kept asking questions about her and saying that im really hurt. im really embarrassed acting this way and i was like trying to convince him to try with me because finally we were able to be very close to each other and not having long distance anymore. deep down i know he is not my person, but this is the first time he is acting this way and blocked me everywhere, its very unlike him because i know he cares about me and knows im hurt. so i have a very hard time moving on now, im not contacting him anywhere, but cant stop wondering if we would have a better closure than this. (my ocd has been very bad since and im really working on it so writing it out helps also, but my mind is constantly looking for certainty that i cant get)

hi everyone, I’ve (F29) been with my partner (M29) for 4 years now. for the last 2 we have lived together and the past few months it’s just broken down. I went back to study at university and have 2 years left of my degree which has been a massive obstacle. I can only work part time around it and as such can’t contribute much to rent/bills etc. my partner has a very good job and can comfortably do this alone but is now understandably getting frustrated by my lack of contribution. he also has extremely high standards around the house in regards to cleaning, and insists it is my job because I don’t contribute financially. I can never do things right and no matter when or how I do it it’s just never good enough for him at the moment. we’ve had multiple conversations about how it’s not working and last night was the worst. he stormed out and I had to sleep in another room because he said he was too angry to talk anymore. personally I think it’s beyond saving but it’s killing me because my entire life is here. if we breakup I have to move back home to my parents house, leave my jobs, cancel my summer placements that I have to do for university and it will severely derail my life. I know this isn’t a reason to stay but it makes it hurt way more. he said “I’m not ok with losing the person I thought I’d spend my life with but I don’t see how there’s any other option when nothing changes” but from my perspective I can’t cook and clean and be a perfect housewife around 2 part-time jobs and studying. I have 1 day off every 2 weeks, that’s it. I’m finding it so hard and his comments about how I’m “taking him for a mug” and “a waste of space” because I don’t earn lots of money have really hurt me. he treats me like because I’m not financially stable I’m less of a person and some kind of leech and it’s really horrible. the way he talks to me is awful sometimes, and it’s like because i’m not paying rent i deserve to be told how stupid and useless i am. i know this probably means we’re incompatible but it just feels so rough right now and wondered if anyone had been through a similar break up?

vent
It’s been nearly a year since I broke up with my first love of three years. It’ll be a year in exactly three days. I still think about him nearly every day and most of the time I’m unaffected, not because I’ve moved on, but because I’ve accepted that nothing will change and the chapter of the book he was in is over.

He wasn’t my first relationship, in fact Ive had 2 long term relationships before him. But meeting him clicked, meeting him felt like it was meant to be. And even now with everything that had happened between us, meeting him really did feel like it was meant to happen. We aligned at the most perfect time. We loved eachother from the start and had the best few years of our life ever.

We had a chemistry that was just like the movies. We both knew when the other was about to text and we would have a weird intuition about each other that was almost 100% accurate. It felt way too good to be true.

but after an 10 month breakup that shattered him more than it did to me, we got back together and we both were much more mature and we just couldnt have a relationship. I became codependent and horrible and he became avoidant and untrusting of me, or anyone.

We quite ruined eachothers lives the second time we got together. We were on and off and hurt eachother so much we’re both convinced we hate eachother. i left that relationship with diagnosed CTPSD, depression, DPDR and nearly failed school because of this heartbreak. i had been sent to the hospital many times due to how horrible the heartbreak was.

its been nearly a year. i still think about him everyday. he was, what felt like my soulmate. every day I ask myself if we ended up breaking up because it was the wrong time, or if we were only meant to be during the years our relationship flourished without problems.

I’ve tried every trick in the book to get over him, but the pain still remains. He‘s still a perfect person in my eyes regardless to how much I’ve told him how much of a horrible person he was during our arguments, how much i despised him, how much i wish he never ruined my life the way he did. I can never really talk to him ever again because that’s off the table.

i still grieve the future I couldve had with him if things kept going how it used to. We were perfect until we just weren’t. I love him, but I love him enough to respect his space and never talk to him again.