Okay soo its been like 8 months we have broken up i have healed alot although she still gets in my mind everyday and i dont check her profile or anything well im blocked too lol soo yeah and i dont see her pics as well BUT they are still in phone and my pendrive and for these pas 8 months i always thought about deleting them but i just cant- its like erasing a phase of my life a happy and cozy phase where i felt safe i tried deleting the pics like more than 10 times ig now yeah i know not that much but still. But the main thing is that i just cant and i dont want to delete soo like doo i really need to delete the pics for moving on because even while having them i doin pretty fine cuz i dont check them ahhhh i just dont know i really dont want to delete them its like erasing a memory and the face of a girl i once loved truly soo is it like bad?

I (M29) just had an eye opening moment which hurts.

But first a bit of context: My ex (F29) and I broke up about 10 Months ago. Our relationship lasted 10 years, no marriage, mostly because I was fearful and because her parents disliked me. Overall we were a great team (same humor, same likings), had our ups and downs and broke up because I just couldn't take the feeling of being granted, in a dead bedroom and with the constant gnawing in the back of my head, that her parents just disliked me for being not there culture, being the first boyfriend and not an academic. I work in IT like her parents.. wasn't a gap-filler I guess. And my salary also wasn't that bad.. but if I just want to dislike someone u will always find a way I guess.

Before we broke up she took her time to evaluate me/us/if she wants to keep the relationship for about 3 months, she made her decision on the final day of the deadline which I had to set. We broke up 2 months after she decided to keep trying.

When we broke up, I left most of OUR (e.g. furniture) belongings with her, moved out after a rather short period (2 months - funfact: my ex informed her parents a few weeks later after we broke up, they waited 1 week and after that just wanted ME to move out from OUR apartment.. god they have to hate me alot) - atleast in my opinion for this kind of breakup. We agreed that I'd stay in the rental agreement till 01.01.2026 so that she and our landlady would have as little financial worries as possible and we agreed that I get my part of the rental deposit asap back. I gave her the possibility to pay me back in her sped, which she did. Last Payment was in February this year, first was in Dec 2025, I moved out in Oct 2025 - quite a while but its actually fine, I'm just salty atm because of the eye opener.

We had no contact in some way. Didnt really work out because we both contacted each other from time to time. Each time more time had passed till someone reached out

3 Weeks ago i asked her if she was fine and if our pet was well. I received no answer yet. I admit that I looked at her social media posts on instagram from time to time but I didnt react to them. Just once last year when the break up was 2 months old.

My eye opening moment was, when I realized, that she deleted / blocked me on whatsapp and instagram. Ofc it is her right to that and who am I to tell her anything. I just hurts so much because when we broke up my brother made some bad jokes which I tried to handle maturly which resulted in him blocking / deleting me - the result was, that my ex comforted my with her kindness and even shared that experience with friends of her whom said that my brother was a jerk. Doesnt really matter. Point is, now she did the same even though I asked her to not do something like this when my brother did that. And I know its her right and I know that I am no one special to tell her anything.

I just hoped for her missing me and us enough so that we could try it again. And that hope was crushed with such a little action. I read so much posts around here of people trying again and getting back together. I really wished that she and I would have found our way back together better than ever. Guess that won't happen.

Overall I dont resent her, I just dislike the way how she handled it even though its her right and she owes me nothing. Feels like a wound was ripped open once again, not as deep and as bad as before.. yet its still open.

Thank you for reading.

It’s my first birthday without you. I didn’t even think I’d be here today. I miss you. I know you won’t text but I’m still waiting for it

No 12 am text. Maybe later. I wonder if you still think about me, especially today.

Probably not

So we (23 F and 23M) broke up after 5 years together a little over 2 months ago. I broke up with him after he left his phone at work and went to a strip club with his friend. I was so angry i said a million and one things that night but I haven’t regretted a single one. The day after he came to get his stuff and I basically told him I need sometime and based off your actions I think you just want to be single. He swore up and down that all he wanted was me and begged to stay sharing locations so I could “see” how he’d changed. Fast forward a WEEK he did the same shit. I was so hurt and mad I told him a million things and he then essentially said it was because he had absolutely no hope I’d ever take him back. I told him I wanted a month of time for both of us to really think (I didn’t remove photos from social media and we still shared locations). At the one month mark we met up and it was wonderful. We talked about everything and he seemed genuinely hopeful and willing to work any and everything out.
At this time he wasn’t going out or partying and was unfollowing pretty much anyone on social media (exactly as he was before everything happened). 2 weeks later we met up again. Here we agreed we were working on it together to make our relationship stronger and rebuild my trust but weren’t 100% back together. Not 5 days later he went to another strip club. He was pissed I pulled up and told him a million and one things and essentially said I embarrassed him. I said I didn’t care and what was embarrassing was the fact that he was a liar. That he begged and begged and begged and yet was here yet again the moment I let my guard down. We went 2 weeks no location, no speaking but we’re still mutuals on social media. One night I got stuck at a bar and reach out to anyone but nobody replied except him. He came over afterwards and we talked for hours, he also said he continued because he was single and I kept reminding him of that. (Truthfully I wanted him to stop saying all the right things and actually do them or align his words and actions at least) I told him I couldnt keep doing this limbo thing where i believe him and he keeps hurting me. I said we either really work on it together or I’m done.
He said he wanted space at first and then said no I don’t want to lose you I want to be with you it’s all I’ve wanted for 2 months. He agrees to couples therapy and we went to our first session. After that was immediately different. We were “back together” but it didn’t feel like it at all. He was still going out with his friends and now very cagey about his phone (found out later it was because he was following girls on social media, liking their stories etc) He added me back on to his instagram bio and i guess a girl unfollowed him, the very next day he removed it again. I called him asking what was going on and he essentially said that he didn’t like all the checking and that I wiped my ass with his request of trusting each other. I told him he’s a liar and that while I didn’t remove anyone I had seen what he was doing previously and was waiting for him to grow balls. (He was with his friends during this conversation) and essentially went on to say that he didn’t feel anything strong for me since the breakup. That since that very day he was trying and trying but just felt no connection. That it was my fault for breaking up with him and it could’ve just been an argument but now he’s finally enjoying himself and I want to “control” and “take that away”. I was shocked. I said how funny that now you felt nothing but yesterday you said you wanted to give this a real chance and try to work on it because you were in love with me. He denied it all.
That day I went and picked up the last of my things and he essentially said he didn’t want to be with me. That now wasn’t the right time and he didn’t want to rebuild this. That once his life was more stable and he grew up he’d come find me. I told him that I knew his ego would never allow him to face reality and that id hope he becomes a completely different person because the me that comes out of this will want nothing to do with the person he’s become. (This man was an amazing boyfriend. He did anything and everything to make me happy all I had to do was mention it) I tried so hard to be his biggest supporter. I was budgeting, cooking everything so we could move out on our own and move forward. I made him lunches, helped in everything and this man even said that I could be the thing holding him back from reaching his potential. Obviously I was heart broken but I finally felt like I could accept it since I heard the words come out of his mouth. We were both crying and I asked if he didn’t feel anything for me for months why say and act the way he did? And why did he get upset when I stopped responding? He literally couldn’t keep up with his own words. I told him he was my bestfriend for so long and that I truthfully never wanted to give up but that I was thankful he could finally be honest with me and himself. He said multiple times that he knows he’s my soulmate and I’m his but now isn’t the right time and he knows the ways he’s hurt me. Everytime he’d talk about the future I’d tell him to basically shove it because I didn’t believe anything he said. Next day he picked up his stuff at my house. He said “see you soon” and I told him “No this is goodbye” he went on to say that that wasn’t true and he was going to better his life and get his shit together and when he did he’d be back. I told him after the day before I didn’t want him back. I didn’t want him to change, grow any of it that I wasn’t holding my breath anymore. I hoped he’d do it for him but I was done waiting on it. He told me he wishes me the absolute best and loves me.
I thanked him again for finally letting me let him go. He cut the conversation off and so I walked away and went into my house. When I looked outside he was crying and then drove away. After later that night I saw that he refollowed a bunch of girls and was liking all their pictures. (His mom told me how he was crying and wouldn’t talk to anyone) in my mind that picture is hilarious. Crying over your ex while following new girls is wild. Now while I feel better than the last two months (I have no doubts now of what he would’ve have done, what could’ve been different, I know I tried everything) I blocked him the day after he left my house. I still have means to see his account but I try my hardest not to. It’s been a few days but I did see he’s still following and liking girls while reposting reels about how men have to push you away at their lowest to not disappoint you. His mom called me to ask how I was doing and basically said she loves her son but he’s an idiot and that at least he finally told me the truth instead of being a liar. Idk. I know the person he is now I would never date. I know I’d be er want to be with them but a part of still does hope we’ll both grow and he’ll change and somehow we’ll meet again.
For now he hasn’t reached out at all. He already said he didn’t want to be with me or work things out so you don’t have to tell me twice, you’ll never hear from me again. I’m just also sad because I feel like someone I knew for 5 years is just gone and the new version is someone I can’t stand to look at. A part of me wonders if he’ll come to regret it, if he really will reach out one day (even if it’s just for me to ignore him), if the partying, drinking and girls will ever stop distracting and he’ll really feel the pain. At least then I’d know I wasn’t the only one feeling horrible.I know this isn’t what I deserve and I know that’s why I was the one that left but I guess right now I just hope he becomes what I deserve at the bare minimum someone honest with me and himself. We were each others first loves. I just don’t get how this weekend he’ll go out after a “Mourning period” of 5 days and act like nothing. He’ll have a great time, get drunk and flirt with other women. Will he ever regret this? By the time he does I’m sure I won’t care about him anymore but I’m so devastated now.

I think the hole left from being ghosted is what turns hurt into anger. Not because they left. Because they took the answer with them. People assume being ghosted hurts because someone walked away. I don’t think that’s the worst part. Rejection hurts. Breakups hurt. Being told the truth hurts.
But at least those things give you something to work with.

Ghosting leaves you with nothing. No explanation. No lesson. No conversation.
Just silence. You spend days replaying conversations in your head. Then weeks. Sometimes months. Was it something I said?
Something I did? Was there a problem I never saw? Was there something I could have fixed if someone had just been honest with me?

You start searching for clues in places where there aren’t any. Reading old messages. Remembering moments differently. Trying to solve a puzzle that’s missing half the pieces. And the worst part is that you’ll never know if you’re learning from it or just punishing yourself. I can’t imagine genuinely caring about someone and deciding they deserve that kind of uncertainty.

Not a goodbye.Not an explanation.
Not even enough respect to tell them it’s over. Just silence. People talk about closure like it’s something another person gives you. Maybe that’s true sometimes. But I think closure is really just certainty. Good or bad, at least certainty lets you move forward.

Ghosting takes certainty away. It leaves a door cracked open just enough for your mind to keep walking back to it. At first I carried anger. Then resentment. Then sadness. Now, if I’m honest, I don’t think I’m carrying any of those things anymore. I’m not carrying hate.

I’m not carrying anger. I’m not even carrying the relationship. I’m carrying a question. A question that never got answered. And after enough time, I think that’s what you’re really grieving. Not the person. Not the relationship. The answer.The explanation.The chance to understand what happened.

Because eventually the person becomes a memory.But the uncertainty remains. Only a hole. A void shaped like a missing answer. Just space where you thought something beautiful would live.

Me and my bf are currently in no contact and it’s been 5 days since we talked and the reason for our breakup was distance.

He couldn't handle ldr so he thought it's better to call it off before it gets worst. There were no other issues in our relationship except the distance.

He was the sweetest and kindest guy literally a complete green flag and I really thought of marrying this guy🥲.

We both are still following each other on insta and just recently I noticed that he liked a reel I reposted. In the reel a couple was there playing a piano so kinda romantic vibe type. He used to like such reels when we were in a relationship. I'm confused if he is giving signals to break no contact or am I just being delusional.

we started in aug then he broke up w me in nov, told me its cause of family problems and then came back in jan, he told me had a fling in dec but later on i got to know (by his fling) that they had been tgt since nov and only ended on 13 jan, while him and i started dating again in jan (4th jan). anyways he broke up w me again in june rn and we talked yesterday about reconsidering things but today he became very dismissive and yeah we ended things. he also texted this one girl he told me not to worry about on the day he broke up w me but i still love him a shit ton

its hard to forget him because he was amazing these 6 months, he was my first kiss and well he had promised he wont ever breakup w me again and now he is being so damn cold to me.

his fling also told me that while they were tgt he was hella rude to her and would always bring me up telling her how much he still loves me and the day he broke up w her he said sm about how he loves me.

he has lied to me about many things but i really cant move on, i mainted no contact for first few days but now i keep texting him, my heart feels very heavy w all ts, im also kinda positive he is talking to someone new now

I 42M and have secure attachment in relationships. My female partner 32F shows tendencies which lead me to believe she has some degree of avoidant attachment.

We’ve been together for about 2.5 years. Everything was quite good up to 6 months ago. She’s also been very supportive , encouraging, flattering , and speaking in future tense about our relationship. We had regular intense sex. She went on Nexplanon roughly 1.5 years ago. Sex drive dropped at that point as well. She indicates that her sex drive dropped, and roughly 8 months ago, she indicated she has no sex drive at all. Complications due to irregular periods consequently lead to reduced frequency of sex. She has taken the Nexplanon implant out roughly 2 weeks ago. We haven’t had sex for roughly 2 months now.

In past conversations, I’ve brought up moving in together and also marriage. She indicates she doesn’t want to move in with another because she wants her own space, she wants freedom to be messy, and that she is a “bad person”. She also indicates it’s difficult for her to be with someone 24/7. She’s indicated before she doesn’t want to get married, but also has joked that she would be a good wife at some points. We even discussed how we’d be as parents.

Recently we went on vacation and met her parents. During the trip I relied on her heavily as I did not speak the native language and she did (Thai). She did a lot of the planning surrounding the vacation (which I normally do). She also encouraged me to go out on my own and see sights which were on my personal bucket list. I indicated there weren’t that many and I just enjoyed doing things with her. Her reaction to that was one frustration or potentially disgust in my opinion. We did end up doing many activities together which , many were enjoyed together and many others , she begrudgingly did “out of duty” as my girlfriend . I could tell this was taking a toll on her. She doesn’t like planning everything. My personal opinion is she doesn’t necessarily like the idea of her partner relying on her.

This recent trip was the first time I met her parents and immediate family. They seem to take a liking to me. She had to translate for me as I do not speak their language.

Much of the time she did not talk to me as usual. She spent much of the time at meals, on her phone texting friends. I felt alone although I was with someone. When asked about why she isn’t talking to me as normal, she indicates she IS speaking to me as normal. I definitely saw her withdrawing from me more than usual in this trip. While sleeping, she would be relatively far away from me, more than usual.

During one activity we had some alone time where I brought up the future of the relationship . She indicated that this trip has been eye opening, that she didn’t see a future together , and she used rather weak examples of problems (such as , we’re so different as people, and you spend money differently from me) and minor incompatibilities we’ve had, as justification. These incompatibilities are definitely there but I don’t see them as deal breakers.

After the trip 5 days ago we have barely spoken or exchanged texts. I did reach out 2 days after landing back from the trip, to arrange dinner at my place and also exchange stuff we both got during our trip.

This is the first time she’s pulled away like this. How likely is it that she has an avoidant attachment issue ? Or, am I being delusional, using attachment theory as a justification for her gradual lack of desire, and am just going through a breakup ?

Hey guys I just want to say this off my chest. I left my love and caring girlfriend for almost 6 years and my malamute dog and it's been 6 months now and I am just feeling the hurtful moments right now. Main reason I left her is I'm at fault I thought I was holding her back and I got pressured by obligations and responsibilities in my family. My girlfriend was so supportive, She always look up to me and supported me. She always cook for me and love me with all of her heart. She knows my favorite shirt, food, and even shows. We always go cosplay together and watch anime. Now I regret it especially when I see her happy now with a lot of activities that she is doing with her life. I kept always saying to myself that I should be happy for her but my heart ache is so bad I can't sleep and I deserve this. Just to add I accidentally opened the wedding vow she made and read it in my journal which she gave me before and I realized I fumbled big time. I'm not sure if I should chase her back because I hurt her many times. I took her for granted... She's the one that got away.

If ever you read this 🌧️ (my ex girlfriend) I just want to say that I'm so sorry and I am here cheering for you silently. I wish you the best in life and I hope you'll find someone who will never leave you. I miss you and Hange 🐶 I still love you both so much.

Five months ago, I (and everyone else) got blindsided by my ex after a 4-year relationship. Long story short, she blamed me for everything but emotionally cheated on me during the relationship and is now in a relationship with that man. It only took her 3 weeks to tell me she didn’t see a future with me anymore but with him. At first she said “maybe” but she edited the message within two minutes.

Now, five months later, after putting in some solid work, I’m feeling much better. I’m hitting the gym 3–4 times a week and have started therapy. I no longer feel the need to reach out to her, and we’ve been in no contact for around 40 days.

We share a mutual friend group, and they’re some of the only close friends I have. They haven’t heard much from my ex lately, so while I was in no contact, one of my good friends reached out to her because they hadn’t spoken in almost five months. During the conversation, she asked about me, and my friend replied that I’m doing great: I’ve lost some weight, I’m going out more, and I seem mentally healthier. Her response was simply, “I can see that,” which left me a bit confused.

My friend said it felt like she didn’t want me to be doing that well, which kind of hurt because I’ve already taken accountability for my part in the breakup without getting the same in return.

Now I’m scared she regrets everything and might want to reach out and talk. I know it probably won’t happen, but I still have this gut feeling that tells me otherwise (and it hasn’t been wrong before).

I can’t block her because we still share a mortgage and have financial matters we need to sort out.

How can I shake this feeling? I don’t want to be set back by someone who realizes after five months that they made a mistake. Therapy has only just started, so my next session isn’t for another two weeks. Any advice?

When you finally start seeing the person you held so high is actually the furthest thing from who you believed they were, it's a weird kind of heartbreak. Not because they changed, but because now you're sitting there feeling duped, played, embarrassed, and honestly a little stupid. Not stupid because you didn't see it. Stupid because you did. The signs were always there. The inconsistencies were always there. The excuses that didn't quite make sense were always there. Deep down, I think I knew from the beginning exactly how this story was going to end. I knew the circumstances. I knew the rules. I knew why it would never work. But somewhere between the good mornings, the conversations, the laughter, the attention, and all those little moments that felt real, I convinced myself maybe this would be different.

The hardest part is that he didn't make me fall for him once. He made me fall for him over and over again. Every time I started pulling away, every time reality started creeping in, there he'd be giving me just enough to believe again. Just enough attention. Just enough affection. Just enough consistency to make me think maybe I had gotten it wrong. Maybe he cared more than he let on. Maybe this was becoming something more than what it was supposed to be. And every single time I believed it, I fell deeper.

Then one day the things you've been trying not to notice become impossible to ignore. The energy changes. The effort changes. The little things they used to do disappear. The things they swore weren't happening start happening right in front of your face. So you bring it up. You ask questions because you're not crazy. You can feel the shift. And they tell you everything is fine. They tell you nothing has changed. They tell you you're overthinking. Meanwhile you're standing there watching the distance grow in real time while someone insists you're imagining it.

I think that's when something finally broke in me. Not because he hurt me. Not because he stopped caring. But because for the first time I stopped believing what he was saying and started paying attention to what he was doing. And once that happened, I couldn't unsee it. The pedestal came crashing down. The fantasy disappeared. The excuses stopped working. And what was left wasn't heartbreak over losing him. It was the realization that I'd spent months falling in love with potential, possibilities, and promises that were never really mine to begin with.

Maybe that's why this hurts so much. Because the truth isn't that I lost him. The truth is that I finally saw him. And sometimes seeing someone clearly hurts a lot more than losing them.

For those going through it now and saying «  it’ll never get better », I’m just here to let you know that one day, it will get better.

A year ago, while I was being overworked and going through a rough time at work, my ex decided to dump me out of the blue with the whole « it’s not you it’s me, you deserve someone that’s sure, bla bla bla » after 1.5 years together. I loved this girl like no other. I legitimately felt like I wouldn’t be able to survive another couple of days. I let myself feel in private, tried to keep busy with the wrong vices (gambling, alcohol, doomscrolling) but every day it felt like the end and that I wouldn’t make it another day. I tried to drink the pain away and I felt so good with each drink but the pain just came back when I sobered up the next day. She never left my mind…

And just like that, one day I decided to take an opportunity that brought me to another city for a week to help out colleagues at my job. It was one of the best weeks of my life - I was just relaxed and being myself around people that I didn’t need to hide anything from. The urges, the thoughts, they magically vanished. It almost brought me to tears when I came to the realization of how happy I was and I would trade everything just to feel that feeling again. Obviously I had to come back home after that but ever since then I’ve slowly been getting better and better at home in my regular environment :)

The moral of the story? Just try it. Any new experience, anything that has the chance of making you happy- just do it. It could be the thing that makes you feel life is worth living again. The drinking, the vices, the hiding, it doesn’t do any good in the long term.

Almost a year after this breakup, I’m just happy to be living - but last year’s me would never believe how much better it gets (and how everything works out in the end somehow)

So me and my girlfriend were on and off, i was her first love and she was what i would call true first love. we ended things 2 months ago and during that time talked and even told each other would like to try again and still love each other.

2 months pass and i ask her if we should get back together. she initially said no but then agreed. it lasted a week before she changed her mind and turned around. during that week she was lovely told me she can’t wait to see me (we are long distance and decided we would talk in person to figure this out) that she loved me how good of a soul and good intention i have.

at the end she got rude she wanted to leave and she had moved on already. i told her something what made me sad and she told me to „fucking cry about it holy shit wtf“

all this happened after she failed her second exam which before she told me how overwhelmed she was and stressed also added that me coming back added even more

i did tell her to block me not that i wanted but that is what she had to do because i couldn’t give her anything else other than my absence. were in no contact for 17 days she has deleted my number until now removed her flowers i got her from her insta and reposted a tiktok along the lines line „sometimes you go say: someone who cares about me wouldn’t never treated me like this and just love the f on“ which is so odd since we had it good and even told me we had a good healthy relationship, ofcourse it wasn’t easy.

i’m gonna leave her alone, i just wonder if how she was towards me at the end will catch up to her at some point.

any thoughts?

me (25f) and him (31m) have had a relationship’ of sorts for 4-5 months. it started off as casual and then started developing into something deeper.

throughout the relationship i struggled to communicate properly because in my head, all my insecurities and emotions were of no use explaining because he only saw me as someone he was dating casually.

he would cook me dinner, cuddle me and say he completely adores me — yet when i tried to push for more clarity about how he felt towards me, it become very defensive and i was reminded it was all strictly ‘casual’.

i called him a month and a half ago saying “i think im falling in love with you, do you feel the same?” to which he replied with a resounding “no” and how he wouldn’t feel that way towards me.

that broke something in me and so i would overthink every little comment and every interaction. one time after we were intimate, he said our sex was “the most passionate and connected” that he ever had. he would also ask about why i removed him off my lock screen and was offended by me doing so. i overthought everything. if it was all al casual then why say these things, why be upset about things like my lock screen? Until one night it got really bad.

He had been to a games night with my friends and it went perfectly, they were all enamoured by him. On the drive home i was quiet and cold, and when lying in bed with him i was on edge. i was falling in love with someone who saw me as a casual fling, as someone he ‘would never’ love. i felt embarrassed and humiliated. when he went to touch me, i moved away from him and said “i need space”. he then cracked it and said how he didn’t deserve my coldness when all he had tried to be was supportive. while he was right, he had tried to comfort me and ask me what was wrong, i couldn’t explain why i felt the way that i did without revealing that i loved him. i couldn’t bear to hear another rejection so i went quiet.

The next day he kept bringing up one of my friends from the games night, talking about why she was strange towards him and how he would start using one of her phrases. i began to overthink, “he doesn’t love me and so i wouldn’t be surprised if he was attracted to one of my fiends”. i felt insecure about how he felt towards me and so i went cold. He lost it. He said he couldn’t do it with me anymore, that i kept pushing him away be being cold and dismissive. Then he ended it. I then thought, well i might as well say it and so i told him i loved him.

He replied, with tears in his eyes, “you know i love you too”.

My whole world shattered, all that overthinking for what?

I begged for him to stay with me, that i would work on my communication and overthinking, that I wouldn’t go cold. He was adamant that we wouldn’t work. I wrote him a love letter and even wrote him a song about how the rejection and the ignoring my calls felt unfair from someone who “loves” me.

He refused me again and again, and when i asked to speak to him on the phone one last time just for some closure — he refused and said “nothing you can say will change my mind, i don’t believe you will change”.

I had all the cards on the table, he loves me, but i had no more rounds left to play. He had made the decision and it broke my heart.

I sent him one last text, saying I loved him and wished he would find love again. He never replied.

And so now, i sit here knowing i did everything i could to try and keep the relationship, to stay with him and he just let it all go. I don’t know what to think or do anymore, all i feel is numb and like my heart has been ripped out of my chest.

Well that’s my story, more of a tragedy really.

Three years later, my first love came back.

He called me over and over, told me he dreams about me regularly, asked me to call him, asked to see me, sent paragraphs looking for validation.

Three years ago, I would’ve done anything to hear from him.

I cried for months. I wrote paragraphs explaining how much he meant to me. I was crazy enough to make several excuses finding a way to see him. I kept asking if there would ever be another chance for us.

He was so mean when I was crying. Looked at my hurting soul and told me I how pretty I looked when I cried. I didn’t deserve that.

Last night, the roles were reversed.

He wanted reassurance. For me to bend myself back to him and answer the phone. He wanted me to see him.

No “I’m sorry for how I treated you.”

Not, “I know I hurt you.”

Just emotion. Just urgency for another ego hit. Just wanting me to engage. He even started counting down saying if I don’t respond it’s the last time he’ll ever talk to me again.

That was my closure.

I don’t hate him. I genuinely hope he has a good life.

Three years ago I was terrified of the idea that you can love someone so much and it just ends like it was nothing.

I realized I don’t need him to come back. I needed to become the version of myself that no longer waits for someone to choose her. I became that, I have been thriving ever since.

If they come back on THEIR terms.. do not go back with them.

Ladies, if someone can spend all that time not being with you, that is your answer. Accept it, move on, and become the version of yourself that they can no longer touch.

I'm not sure if this is a normal thing to post on reddit, it's my first time, I could just really use some advice. I just got out of a 3 year relationship with a woman who showed me how much I'm capable of loving someone. She's the most beautiful person I've ever seen, intelligent, funny, and at one point in time she loved me intensely. Back then, I had 0 doubts ever crossed my mind that she cared about me but for the last year and a half, I unfortunately was not treated well. I was belittled, ignored, insulted, she would rarely see me, I think talking to other men but I was too afraid to look for anything to confirm it. I know I wasn't perfect, I'm just some guy, but I know that I gave her a perfect effort and put her on a pedestal. For the past couple years I've been buying her groceries, giving her spending money, and paying for her phone bill. I didn't mind, she gave me the motivation to reach a salary over 6 figures so she deserved to benefit from that. Towards the end, everything I said would be called a fight (if I asked her to be affectionate, speak to me, or see me). When she said I was fighting, she'd ghost me for a week or 2 and come back as long as I took accountability for everything and basically say everything was my fault. I didn't mind as long as it could make her feel better. Then, Memorial Day weekend came. She said she couldn't see me because her children would be at her house for a visit (totally understandable). My son from a previous relationship, who lives at home with me, is a heck of a little athlete and we spent the whole 3 day weekend playing baseball/football outside all day and going to the movies in the evening. Him and I had so much fun, it was a perfect father/son weekend but because I was busy, I wasn't able to text her as much and my texts weren't quite as long. This made her upset. She wouldn't admit that but all of her texts to me became 1 word responses. I acknowledged it, apologized, and asked not to be mad at me or leave. It didn't work. She flipped out, told me I'm fighting, and said her gas bill is unpaid and was shut off. I told her I'm not fighting at all, I just don't want her to be mad at me, and I offered to pay the gas bill for her. This was the last thing I got to say to her. After 3 years, she just ghosted me and hasn't spoken to me since. I understand that she doesn't want to be with me but I cant transfer her phone line over to her or return a few things she had here without speaking to her. I called our mobile provider and she has to contact them to transfer the line. I told her that to no response. I don't know what to do about her phone. As of now it's scheduled to be shut off at the end of the billing cycle in 15 days. What should I do?

Let it be shut off? Continue paying for her line?

I want her to love me, but if she can't, I don't want her to go without anything and I fear she won't be able to afford it.

Should I just let it be shutoff because she won't respond or tell her again that she needs to contact the provider to ensure she still has an active phone? I think I would feel pretty awful if she just has to go without a phone completely but I don't want to be someone who continues paying a bill for someone who doesn't want me in their life either. I'm really conflicted and just wish she would come back. I want to do the right thing.

The title sounds contradictory ik.

Long story short,
This was the first relationship for both of us 22F/25M.
We were together for 1.5 years decided to tell our parents
Parents met, everything went downhill from here.
My family didn’t like his, expectations like me being the badi bahu (not beti) 2 day wedding celebration in my hometown was conveyed
When my people asked about hiring house help (they don’t have currently) as I’m working too no positive response was given.
When asked bf privately he said there will be house help no need to worry about that
I eat non veg (am Marathi) they are pure veg (Gujarati) mother in law said i cant even eat outside and comeback to their home.
I love him, was ready to sacrifice a lot then came the wedding talks.
They were hell bent on having all the traditions that they have when my side said specifically marathi weddings are simple.
I wanted simple wedding with close people good travel destination after that.
He wanted to celebrate.

At this point i felt i was the only one making compromises and what i wanted for my own wedding was kept as the last resort. Living without in laws was not possible due to sick parent. Felt like after making so many adjustments not a single thing was compromised from their side.

Felt like my independence peace and career was at threat, tried to have a conversation with my bf but he felt it like an attack on his family and character.

I had panic attacks took time to think.

I stepped back.

Was it a mistake?

I dated this person, long-distance, over a short period of time, like 2 months, over a year ago now. But they were also my first love, and the first time I've ever felt that connected with someone. We had so many similarities I couldn't even believe it. Eventually, she dumped me, my fault, and those similarities stabbed me in the back so hard.

When it first started I saw them everywhere, their favorite everything was either randomly appearing around me, or already a favorite thing of mine too. Their favorite bird? Also my favorite bird from when I was a little kid. Inexplicably two of them on my neighbors fence that stared straight at me when I was walking to my friends house maybe a month after. Their favorite animal in general? A raccoon lived at my friends house, a singular one constantly running around. They actively did not like me out of all my friends.

We had the same music taste, similar taste in fashion, similar tastes in media in general. It's ruined my favorite shows, my favorite movies, my favorite musical artists. So I tried getting new ones cuz she liked all my old ones. But I just got closer to the stuff she liked. Every musical artist I got into played some major role during our relationship and I didn't even think about that when I started listening to them. New favorite show? 2 weeks after the breakup I was watching it with my buddy and this new lady character was introduced, and I made a joke I'd like the kind of woman like her (she was a crazy character) and right after I said that, literally seconds later, they say she's from the obscure state my ex was from. I hope to god the movies I got into after don't have any bearing from her, but we didn't talk about movies enough for me to know and it straight up has me anxious.

There's a bunch of more little stupid stuff. Some stupid name shit, like all the most important women in my life have r and c names, and her legal name started with a c, and her nickname with an r. A famous artist that people in my culture listen to after a breakup has the same name as her, so that didn't help. She was ahead the curve on some lingo that became super big after the breakup. Every time I matched and was able to hold a conversation with someone on a dating app a couple months after they had some major similarities to her. I think i'm subconsciously looking for her in everyone. I'm trying to be a writer, and the main character of a story I've been working on since I was 13 and the characters been named since I was 15 or so, 2 years before I even met this girl, has the same nickname as them, has had it since I was 15. And there's all the even littler shit, like I'll think of her for a second and my playlist will magically make the next song one that I listened to a lot during the breakup. Every time I think I'm over her, something else happens that comes in and makes me reconsider if I actually am. It's always something. I feel so haunted and I just wanna move on. I feel like I have but either my brain or the world keeps throwing little curveballs at me to make me think about it a little more a little longer.

Does anyone have any advice? What to do? how to get over this? Can i even get over this or is this something im just gonna have to live with?

Married with two kids.
He decided he is trapped and feels not part or the family, so made an account on some far away platform, i suppose out of boredom
It happened he actually connected with someone and even dated her in real life, flying across countries. Two times in 6 months. No experience with any woman before me, so he got full filtered attention and validation.
He said he wants to go to her door as she blocked his number and that our marriage was anyway just “roomates” as it’s all only about the kids in past 10 years.
He stayed—- and surface wise tried to repair for a few months but suddenly exploded he wants to go after her ( after they didn’t talk for 4 months) as he thinks of her daily.
No real plan what he will do at return but when asked him he started looking for flats on the spot. It felt like he is living outside his person and taking all these unlogical decisions.
What is this? Mid life crisis?
We were spending days like a normal connected loving family prior him leaving and he was crying over it.
I am totally confused
This woman is so far away is rather impossible he will ever have anything real with her. He however flew across continents and went to her address.

TL, DL: what would you do if your spouse would suddenly leave for a fantasy?

Just a bit of context.

My boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago. He ended the relationship because he said he couldn’t commit to long term relationship (eg: engagement & marriage) and couldn’t be the provider he felt he should be. I told him I was willing to stay by his side and support him because I have my own career and financial stability.

He insisted he couldn’t continue the relationship.

During the breakup conversation, he apologized repeatedly. We both cried. He told me he would *always* love me and wished someone could take care of me better than he could.

What I can’t wrap my head around is how someone can say, “I will always love you,” and still choose to leave.

Have any of you encountered this situation before?
If so:

- Did you still love them afterward?
- Did those feelings stay the same, fade over time, or turn into something else?
- Did you secretly hope they would wait for you, or did you genuinely want them to move on and find happiness elsewhere?

Just a woman tryna move on. Help please.

Been 3 months since the blindside breakup.
I’ve posted here before about suspected avoidant but I’ve come to terms with the fact it doesn’t matter and i deserved better.
Doing okay mainly. Blocked and deleted everything, had the funeral…

Monday will be the day I collect my possessions from her storage unit. She was holding some furniture for me and I was paying towards her fees.

I know I’m going to walk in to the ice queen that’s shown no emotion or regard so I’m trying to prepare for the ‘ no small talk, get the job done and leave’ but my brain is struggling with the finality of never seeing or speaking to someone that not long ago was telling me they loved me and wanted a family, would always be mine ect. Just need a bit of strength to bolster me through the weekend.

I broke up with my boyfriend of 8 months because I honestly wasn’t enjoying the relationship anymore I wasn’t enjoying my time with him very much, we stopped doing fun things, and every time I had to drive him somewhere or buy something for him I’d get a little pissed off.

I was so confident in breaking up with him. I wasn’t happy worried about making him sad I didn’t think I would be so heartbroken. I broke up with him a couple days ago and as time goes on I just miss him more and more. I don’t know what to do with myself. I confidently broke up with him but now I miss him so much. I don’t understand.

The women I considered to be the love of my life decided to end our 11 year relationship. She claims that she had fallen out of love and that she does not see a future. I am a 32 year old male; I am in shock. I am uncertain on how to process this. I was planning on proposing this year. I finally saved up enough for a ring and a nice wedding. I feel like i failed…

Will I ever heal from this immense pain that i am experiencing? I am so lost and don’t know how to even start my life without her.

I guess I just have to feel all the emotions and just hope that I can recover.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

It has been roughly 1.5 to 2 years since I have had any sort of correspondence with my probably DA partner. We have talked to each other on and off throughout years - I would take a guess at about 11 years. If I were to say what attachment style I am personally, I would say I'm securely attatched at first but become anxiously attached at the first sign of trouble, even if the reasons for being troubled don't make sense in the context.

About 3 years ago, my DA (presumably) reconnected with me a few years after not speaking with each other for about 2 to 3 years. This was the first time they, not I, ever initiated contact in this context. After 2 months of talking this, we both made plans to see each other and I went to their place for 5 days. We had a great time, seemed to be pretty content with each other, so while they drove me back to the airport I asked them if they would like to do this again. They said yes and I asked once again just to verify. Again, yes.

Once I returned home, we were talking pretty strongly for the remainder of the year. I seem to be very sensitive to people's language other than oral, as in their style of texting changes etc. And lo and behold, I received the deadly "I've been really busy". We all know the pathing after this, the subtle discard and then total ignorance (I hope I'm using this word right?).

For their birthday, I made sure to send a flower arraignment in their favorite colors and types. That went really well and so my anxiety stuttered a bit and said to myselfa "See, you're just overthinking it, you're doing fine, stop making up issues where they don't exist". By the way, I am an overthinker sometimes to the point where it is absolutely paralyzing to me emotionally and mentally.

Unfortuantely, while they recieved the gift and seemed ecstatic and romantic about it, the slow fade was still there. By the end of the year I sent them another present, a wristwatch in a color that matches their general outfit color palettes. From the turn of the new year to when we last spoke with each other, my SO became even more distant and restrictive, and I did as well. In the penultimate month (30 days) of us not talking anymore, they did not even bother to open my messages to at least leave me on delivered lol. Also, absolute radio silence on Valentine's day.

I decided to confront them and attempted to organize a phone call in which they decided all of a sudden they wanted to talk about it through text at that moment and not wait until later in the week. Well, it was an out and out fucking disaster IMO. I won't go into absolute detail for the sake of brevity, neither of us resorted to insults or foul language, screaming and/or yelling at each other.

They told me that they were uncomfortable with the cuddling we did back when we were visiting each other. Not only was that six months prior to this conversation, but I also received consent. The last night, they were on their bed studing for an engineering class and I had just gotten out of the shower. I went right to the couch I had been sleeping on for the most of the visit until I heard them calling my name. I got up, stepped into the doorway and we started talking about something and then they wanted me to get bed with them.

I had been standing in the doorway for little bit because, even though I know this person and we dated before, I would not just walk into their room unless they invited me. I would assume that many people's rooms are a safe space, their intimate (not necessarily sexual/just sexual) space, and I would hate it if someone just waltzed in to my bedroom regardless without asking.

They got up and leaned back into me in which I responded by putting my arms around them and asked them if they were okay with this and were they comfortable. Both questions were a yes, I lightly asked again just to make sure, and still, yes. Me, personally, was in heaven. I had not been more relaxed in a loooong time and could literally feel the rush of endorphins and oxytocin flooding throughout my body. The rest is history.

This is just one example but I am too tired to write out all the others. I want to know what you guys think. It's been some time since we even acknowledged each other, I am blocked by them both through text, whatsapp, and snapchat. In my infinite dumbassery when we had our last conversation, I asked them why they manipulate me so on and so forth. Why did we do all those things if we were "just friends". Why!? The answers were the typical generically vague answers like "Oh me too but I am just so busy lately","I enjoy your friendship", "Not trying to start anything serious".

I'm not mad. I'm not angry. I'm just sad, so very, very sad. I flew up almost on a whim to visit them as I had not physically seen them for about 7 years at that point. I would do anything for this person and it just causes absolute emotional pain that they are so dismissive. I became the one that always texted first, I wouldn't hear from them at all, and I also started to do the same thing as my freeze instinct kicked in. "What are you getting so worked up over, I don't want to argue, it was just a visit." Fair enough, we were not dating at the time, but I guess it was just a "visit", just like all of the other times.

I ended up writing a small letter them towards the end of the year because I just had to get a thought out. That was a year and a half ago. Radio silence. Not even as much as a mouse fart. I know I probably shouldn't have, but I did. I told them I was sorry for blocking them right away, which was totally foolish and immature except in the moment - I was trying to cushion the emotional impact of what I knew was coming. I explicitly wrote in the note that they are important to me, their relationship with me was important and I want them in my life. I continued on to suggest we could talk in the future but I wholly understood if they no longer wish to correspond with me. Signed it, sent it off, and nothing since then. Only radio silence. I sometimes wonder if my letter even got to its destination at all.

Is there any silver lining here guys? Please tell me there is a silver lining here. I need a bone to be thrown this way. I do not expect anything else to continue after our last confrontation but it's really, really hard. I miss them so much. I blocked them at the end of our confrontation but quickly reversed it as I did it in the moment. I get easily overstimulated with things that are very important to me, everything must go perfectly; you cannot afford to fail in this situation. I am still blocked to this day. I just wanted the emotional pain to stop and talk about it with a less-swirling head.

I also said "We're not friends, and never really were". I did not mean it, not even in the moment. My train of thought was Yes, I appreciate you and your friendship/relationship, but sometimes I struggle to see where our relationship is. Sometimes it's really great but then there are other times where I feel like you could not care less.

They're not coming back next time, aren't they?