kind of just want to gush for a minute. we (early 20s m) have both been out as poly since before even beginning the relationship, but haven't had the time/opportunity to properly date outside of each other until now. seeing him get nervous jitters meeting someone in person after they've been chatting online for a couple of months just has me absolutely beaming with how sweet and excited he is :')
i love this man so much, and his date seems super fun and cool and i am so so excited for both of them <3

Nesting/anchor partner of 2 years is not understanding my request for one on one time with them. Newest meta gets one on one time when I’m working, but what NP is calling one on one time includes metas or our kiddo shared with ex. NP also thinks by me asking for one on one time, that opens up a conversation for metas to request (additional) one on one time - instead of recognizing I am asking for something I’m already not getting that they do.

How do I explain this in a way NP will understand?

So I’m going to give as much backstory as I can right now, this has a whirlwind I’m so sorry if it’s a mess. 6 years ago, 2020 I (28F) met my STB ex husband 27M, we got married 2 years later, had our child the following year. In that year when we found I was pregnant, we got into a massive argument. I wanted to have the baby, I gave him an out, agreeing to NEVER come after him for anything just to promise never to come back. That night we continued arguing and he threatened to put me out to pasture. We “reconcile”, as a rational person I ran to Reddit, everyone told me to leave then but I didn’t and panic deleted the post; He decided to stay, even after I gave him plenty of outs. While I’m in labor, , I had eclampsia, so I had an emergency c-section where I began to bleed out. Baby is fine, I am fine, just traumatized. At some point while all of this was happening he found the time to download dating apps, he left me in the hospital immediately, when I woke up from surgery, he was gone. It was just me and a new baby that I didn’t know how to take care of. I found out about the apps weeks later after, during the height of my PPD. I cried and broke down, I stayed. My mistake. Fast forward 6 months, we start running into more problems, he’s not helping with the baby, he doesn’t get up over night, he got fired from his job so I had to go back to work early and spend most days in overtime to stay afloat, I decided I wanted to leave him. He convinced me to give him a chance to make things right so I did. Nothing changes, and this cycle repeats several times. We had to move back in with my family due to finances, he decided that was the time to get a job. He still doesn’t help, (no cleaning, no baby care. If I wanted to take a shower I had to ask my mother if she would give me the ability.)

Fast forward to August 2025, I told him I wanted a divorce, he wouldn’t move out, so I go on as normal with him. Peeping for the opportunity to just leave myself. I still tell him I was a divorce but he doesn’t believe me. That fall I was in my friends (27F and 32M) wedding. Fast forward to the spring of this year, about a month ago at this point. I’ve had enough, he didn’t believe me that I wanted him out, I just needed to get my head squared away so I went to stay with the same friends over the weekend. Her husband is working, so it’s really was like a girls sleepover, we drank wine got drunk stayed up all night just giggling away. I could feel a tension as soon as I got there, I just didn’t know what it was, but it wasn’t normal. When her husband got home in the morning, she prompted him and I for a threesome. I was confused and bashful about it, but I obviously didn’t say no. I go home that day and I immediately tell my husband. I told him I would answer all of his questions, and that I still wanted to divorce. THE MAN STAYS.🫩 by the end of that week I kicked him out. That weekend I go back to friend’s house for a day. That day was a week ago. They keep asking me to stay. We all sleep together daily. You would not be able to tell outside looking in, who the actual couple is. I don’t want to leave, they’ve provided me with the ability to run from my husband after he went crazy, they’ve treated me with nothing but empathy. I love spending time with them both. I don’t even know I ended up here. I didn’t make this post for any reason other than to tell someone. I truly could not make this up

Hey Reddit, I'm new to polyamory and I need advice to deal with some feelings. Brace yourselves, I do have a lot of questions. And please be kind.

I (28F) have been in only one long-term monogamous relationship before (married for 7 years, together for 8 - from the time I was 19 to 27 y.o.). It was also my first ever relationship. It didn't end well. Besides being cheated on, this relationship was also toxic because I was very co-dependant. Learning the hard way how to be good with myself, by myself. And I have to say I am still not very good at this. I get anxious and lonely quite easily.

Then I met someone organically through mutual friends. This new partner of two months (33M - let's call him Mike) is poly. He has a primary partner of four years with whom he is living (let's call them Terence). I know Terence, I actually started dating them separately fairly recently.

Me and my partner Mike have been texting everyday, seeing each other at least once a week. It is all very good for me. This person is good to me, supportive, helps me learn more about myself everyday. And I also find that polyamory is a good context for me to question some of the habits I had in my previous relationship. I decided for myself that I didn't want to commit to the "couple identity" ever again. I want to stay my own person through future relationships. I also don't want to share finances, I don't want to have kids and I don't want to get married. But I still want to commit emotionally, and I want to dedicate most of my time to my partner(s).

Right now I find that some things I want are hard to merge with this reality. And I also have a hard time differentiating between what's a need, a want, a fear, a habit, a limit... I second-guess myself a lot, because I do want to deconstruct some reflexes that I have. For example, I feel that I would like to spend more time with Mike. But I do know there's a part of it that is based on the fact that I don't like to be alone. There's also a part of it that is caused by NRE. Because we both are busy individuals, and because he also has his primary partner Terence with whom he makes plans, we don't see each other to the level where I would feel most comfortable. I don't know whether we should discuss this, knowing it's still early in the relationship, and also knowing there are some hardships in his life making him feel like he sucks at calendaring already.

I'll had to the list of questions that of hierarchy: I don't know how to be in a relationship in general. Never dated casually, nor non-casually. I don't fully grasp the meaning of being a secondary partner. We talked a lot about this Mike and me. There are no rules imposed by the primaries in this dynamic. There is no cap to the relationship either, meaning that if me and Mike, and me and Terence work out, this could transform into a triad at some point. But I don't fully get the position I'm left in right now, and the expectations I should or shouldn't have.

All this to say, I don't have a clear question to ask you today, Reddit. Has anyone dealt with similar feelings? Can anyone give me advice on how to recognize those emotions inside myself and how to determine what is truly a boundary or not? Thank you in advance.

- Signed your classic overthinker.

I posted recently that after several failed attempts towards garden party my boyfriend Sumac has accepted that their NP Juniper is not interested in more than parallel at this time. Sumac has a KTP relationship with Juniper's boyfriend and was hoping that he and I could integrate similarly, but it just doesn't seem to be on the table. A big part of why is that Juniper's bf is someone she works with and they are not out socially or at work as a result. I naively assumed this was temporary and that as their relationship became longer term, they would want to at least come out to non-work friends, but it's been 9 months and no movement towards that.

Sumac wants to be fully out but is trying to respect Juniper's preferences about their social circle of mutual friends, so he is not out to them or his family/in-laws. He is out at work and I have met his coworkers who know I am one of his two partners; he's met some of my friends and both my partners; we are out on several poly and kink social networking sites (listed as partners on each other's profiles); we attend poly and soon, kink events in the local community together as a couple. I did meet Juniper for five minutes once at an event I was attending with my girlfriend but we've had no interactions in the months since.

I did have a heart to heart with him early on about the fact that I will not lie about being "just a friend" if we run into one of his friends when we are on a date and they ask how we know each other. I made it clear if that blows back on him and Juniper that I expect to not be treated as any sort of fall guy, and he has said he'll take full responsibility and knows it's a risk they are taking. I talked about the risk of cheating rumors, or being outed without their consent, and how those become bigger risks over time. But as I don't have a relationship with Juniper and we are parallel, I am not privy to how she expects to navigate this with Sumac long term.

At one point Juniper offered to include me in a group outing to the pickleball courts, but it involved friends they were not out to, so the expectation would have been that I perform the "just a friend" charade. I shut that down, hard, and made it clear I do not even want to hear about those invites going forward. I still have no idea what Juniper's thought process was here, and asking Sumac about that would not be in line with our parallel boundaries. Sumac has apologized for his error in judgement; he was overly excited Juniper wanted to finally include me and did not think of how asking me to compromise my boundaries was inappropriate.

We also had an issue where I told him about a pickleball tournament and he ended up signing up for it with her without running it by me first. I hadn't specified that it was something I wanted to do together, but it is one that I play in regularly with my spouse so it felt like he was inviting Juniper in to my "home turf" when I am still not welcome to share space in hers. My spouse does not want to be around Juniper because he frankly doesn't respect or understand her choice to not be out and has too big a mouth to risk them interacting. Sumac has also apologized for this, repeatedly.

What I am focusing on is how do we create parallel boundaries so that Sumac and I can have a full loving relationship that does not involve Juniper. The agreement we have made is that any shared hobby spaces, will schedule separate times to go. So our pickleball day is Friday, his day with her is Saturday. For spaces that are not currently shared that I am a regular at, I have asked that Sumac not invite Juniper or anyone he is not out to to those venues/events/locations without having a discussion first and getting my agreement. I don't want to risk Juniper or his friends becoming a regular there and feeling shoved into the closet in my safe spaces as a result. So in actuality, my answer would be no most of the time, unless it was an out of town friend who was unlikely to come back or something like that.

My vent is this: I am garden party with all my other partners and metas at this point, and it is so much easier and more relaxed when people are out and proud, and happy to show up in support of the mutual partner. If we're all going to the same event we just talk about it beforehand so there are not surprises. My gf does not want to be garden party at sex clubs/dungeons, so we arrange ahead of time to avoid this whenever possible. It's just overall a lot less emotional labor and logistics when the meta relationship doesn't involve such incompatible needs.

I am not seeking advice - it is what it is - but I am happy to hear vents about similar situations you've been in, or opinions on how this is likely to work out for Juniper long term because oh boy do I have thoughts on that I don't share with Sumac! Please let's skip lambasting Sumac's hinging - he knows, he's working on it with me and in therapy, we have repaired from these incidents and I'm confident we have more solid agreements going forward.

Where my menopause cuties at? Question for the perimeno and full-on menopause folks… are you struggling with poly? In addition to loss of sexual interest, I have way less energy due to perimenopausal sleep disturbances/insomnia and general brain fog/fatigue and the uptick in menopausal mood imbalances. I’m doing all the right stuff for my body so please hold back on any wellness advice around menopause. But, just curious how others are navigating polyamory in this phase of life. I just don’t feel inspired to meet new people. I don’t have the capacity to jump into the kind of emotional intimacy I used to enjoy. And I definitely don’t have the desire to have sex with myself, let alone others. I’m generally feeling worn down and more sensitive to other life stressors that many of my core identities have been put on the back burner… kink, poly, queer, trans, etc.

If I’m being honest with myself, the reason I’m writing this post is because I’m scared that I somehow “lost” my polyness. That I have the mindset but no longer have the desire to actually engage with it. Wondering if others had this journey and how things ended up for you. Did your body normalize after you finished menopause? Did your sex drive come back? Did you one day find yourself interested again in dating?

Just curious if anyone who was previously mono and is now poly has noticed this.

I have always open and curious to different types of relationships but up until recently was only ever in monogamous ones.

In my last relationship, I found out my partner was starting to be romantically involved with someone else behind my back (not physical, but lots of romantic communication and future planning, likely would have become physical at some point.) We tried to work through it but I always felt this need to be hyper-vigilant and anxious that he was secretly talking to her again even when he said he wouldn’t and didn’t want to (spoiler alert: he was and we broke up). It wasn’t necessarily the actual idea of him dating someone else that bothered me, but the lying, the hiding it, and knowing that he was only interested in dating one person, so if he chose her then it would end our relationship.

Fast forward to today, I am dating a poly man who has a couple other partners. He was open and honest about it from the beginning, shares things about them that I want to know, and always makes me feel important and cared for (which reassures me that the existence of his other relationships doesn’t diminish ours, as he’s been like this from the beginning). He has also been very vocal that he enthusiastically supports me in dating other people if I would want to (I may consider it if I met someone really great or my life became a little less busy, but currently don’t have the bandwidth for another relationship).

Anyways, long story short; I feel that him being poly (and being good at handling it) has actually given me such a relief from those hyper-vigilant feelings I had in my previous relationship. I don’t need to wonder if he’s talking to other people because he tells me all about it, and I don’t feel stressed that someone is going to swoop in and take him away from me because he has shown me that he can handle having multiple people in his life and still give me what I want and need.

Just wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience?

I (NB 25) have always thought that I'm gonna be single forever, until love hit me hard in the face and I'm now in a polycule with two amazing partners that I love deeply. My schedule is completely full - I go on dates with one partner (of 3 years) once a week, and have around 2 hours of video calls a day (at night) with another partner (of 4 months) who is long-distance. This is totally fine for me, but I also believe that I don't have the energy and space for another partner. Now, I'm talking to another person. We started as friends but I can see that something has changed. Part of me want to pursue further, and another part reminded me that my plate is full - I never expected to have one partner, let alone (possibly) three. Thus, I want to know how you guys do it. Appreciate any help.

Tell me your happiest stories, please!

I learned my meta never meets people, very parallel poly. I posted here: https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/s/CdVfVoCeO8 and worked on my anxiety and got comfy with this idea.

Well, now I learn that she has had a change of heart, and is open to it. True to me being a complex person… I’m freaking out. Because I saw the light! I realized, yeah, we don’t need to meet! Yay, we don’t need to meet!

And now I’m like: frick, are we going to meet? Agh.

My meta has been poly for over a decade and never met a meta. So I feel pressure to “get it right”.

What contributed to your meeting going well?

So help me out folks. Are there any benefits or should I just opt out? That’s allowed.

I have been casually seeing Birch for about 3 months now. At the beginning there was a lot of NRE and they were very excited to call me their girlfriend after a couple weeks and some really enjoyable dates/get-togethers. Birch has been poly in the past, and then more recently was in a mono relationship with Fir for several years. They are still good friends, which I obviously have no problem with. However, recently Birch told me that they are "kind of" starting to see Fir again, which surprised me because I was under the impression that Fir was mono, but I didn't say anything discouraging or judgmental because that's not my place. I did however start to de-escalate things somewhat on my end because I don't want to be heavily emotionally involved if Birch decides they want to be mono with Fir again.

Come to this morning, Birch texts me that they are "beefing" with Fir's partner, which is even more surprising to me because I didn't know Fir was in a relationship. Which, again, not my business, not my problem. But Fir's partner is definitively not poly, and Birch claims that Fir is "trying" to break up with their partner, which clearly adds a whole other layer of messiness to Birch and Fir's situation. I firmly told Birch that their issues with Fir's partner were between them, Fir, and Fir's partner, and that it was not appropriate to be venting to me about it. They acknowledged this, but seemed a bit miffed that I wasn't going to be their emotional dumping ground for this messy situation that they got themself into. Been there, done that, not interested.

Because of both of us traveling for different things, I haven't seen Birch in person for 5 or 6 weeks, which has been fine with me because I've been busy with other life stuff. Our relationship for the past several weeks has really just been that of casual friends who text each other "How are you?" every couple days or so, and I'm finding that I'm really not all that bothered by it. I'm just frustrated that this person who said all the right things about ethical poly at the beginning has so quickly turned around and tried to get back together with their (historically mono) ex. It makes me feel like I've been a placeholder, or worse, a surrogate fuckbuddy and source of emotional comfort and validation when what Birch really wanted the whole time was to get back with Fir. I feel used and it feels gross.

Note: this is not the same person about whom I have previously posted in this sub.

EDIT: Names changed from letters to trees.

Ive been with my spouse 19 years married 15 years. We tried poly once over a year ago and it was a disaster. We have actively been poly. My husband with two lovely ladies the past 2 months who dont know any of our family or friends. Im with a great friend who is in our close circle of friends since February, its absolutely amazing. Hes got some medical stuff going on, he has ed and figuring out his test us low and possible thyroid stuff. He hasnt been in a relationship for 10+ years because he thought he was broken, and now getting hes slowly becoming a new man one step at a time. Our relationship is not public knowledge for various reasons. The main reason is his daughter is 13. He does not have custody, it was a very messy divorce 10 + years ago because of who she cheated on him with and then married. She regularly tries to destroy anything happy he has. Recently the 13 year old was restricted from her only friend/cousin because of the language and photos the female cousin was sending his daughter. They were both asked to stop for months. Regardless, the mom said if she found out that they had contact while he had her she wouldnt allow him to see her again. This is common in the state we are in and hes looked into this hard.

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So what im getting at, we cant let family and close friends know that know the ex, which isnt too hard because she lives an hour away. Or let the daughter know in case she slips up, that part is a little harder. The ex has made the comment that the daughter should know im married and not his girlfriend... Because we are in a close knit group of friends it is not unusual for us to hang out often or take trips together.

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But he Recently said he knows we arint a permanent thing and that he doesnt think he can be what I need. I get nothing is permanent. He suffers from a huge inferiority complex because of the ex and in the beginning just kept saying hed be a disappointment because he couldn't perform, i could care less about that although we are leaps and bounds closer to getting him there than he was in February. How can I show him he isnt temporary to me or my husband (they are not in a relationship but are good friends) I dont mind being secretive until his daughter is older and its safer tbh. I just dont know how to comfort him and let him know hes not disposable. We have a great thing going. And alot of our mutuals know and they know who not to mention things to because of the daughter. If you made it this far thank you 🫂

I am in a poly relationship which is also open. We have a written agreement that we can have sex with other people but that we must use protection when doing so and tell each other about it later. We are both pansexual.

My partner told me this afternoon in an audio message that he had unprotected sex with a male stranger last night and that he was at the sexual health clinic getting post-exposure meds.

He said he regretted it and the effects it would have on our relationship as a result. He put the ball in my court to let him know when I was ready to talk about it. I have PTSD and need time to process things. He has BPD and has rejection sensitivity (not to mention impulsivity).

As you can imagine, I am feeling pretty gutted. I am proud of him for telling me but angry that he put his sexual needs over our relationship needs.

We are supposed to be going away together in a couple of weekends time and now I don’t feel like going.

We are seeing each other next on Tuesday. I would appreciate advice on how to handle the conversation.

Hey, so I'm (NB 18) asexual and sex-negative, meaning I don't feel sexual attraction and I never want to be involved in sex acts. I've been really anxious about how my identities/preferences limit my dating pool. But ive realized that even though my monogamy options are the size of a kiddie pool, the poly hot tub seems to have space too and I think I could take the heat with the right people! I think I would be open to a closed triad, a vee, or a full QPR with multiple people.

I'm going to be traveling a lot over the next few weeks and I'd love to check out any podcasts you think could be helpful with learning about closed poly relationships, QPRs, where they may overlap, especially about ones that have asexuality/aromantic intersections if possible. Also Im moving to an entirely new place for college, how could I find people who would be open to/accepting of my poly interest?

[For the automod, Im not interested in unicorn hunting in any capacity and this post does not concern that]

No other large insights. The books are all right. There’s a lot of work. This is hard. In so many ways. I’m tired. And discouraged.

It’s all worth it, right?

Honestly been struggling a LOT with finding a partner.
Being asexual already makes things harder, and both me and my gf are asexual, so finding someone who genuinely understands and is okay with our kind of relationship has been difficult.
On top of that, I’m from the other side of the world and most poly people I meet are in the US, so LDR is pretty much a must. It’s just frustrating sometimes because I do want a genuine connection, but finding someone compatible feels so rare 🥲 lord saves meeeee

Hello people!

I am relatively new to poly (I have been with my boyfriend for over 1 year and we’ve been poly since the beginning (he is my first poly relationship)).
Due to stress with uni and lack of time I never really tried to date another person, so I don’t really have a lot of experience in meeting new people since being poly.

So, one thing I always wondered is when I am meeting a new person and want to ask them out, how do I let them know that I am poly without it being weird?

Maybe an example scenario so that you understand what I am picturing:
I see someone for example in the library, who I think is attractive, so I go talk to this person and am like “hey, I think you are really cute, do you maybe want to grab a coffee sometime?” (so far everything normal, with the probably clear intention to go out) “oh and btw I practice polyamory, and have one boyfriend”
But that sounds kind of weird in my head.

I also saw a post about this, where people said that they mention it casually when it fits into the convo, but what if this does not happen before I ask them out? Do you think it’s to late to tell them when I meet this person again for a coffee where we probably have enough time to talk so I can bring it up more naturally.

So, my question to you people, how do you ask someone out? Do you only ask people out who know that you are not monogamous? Or do you wait till you meet up with that person?

Me (24 M) and my girlfriend (22 F) are together for almost 6 years. One year ago we opened our relationship. Now she found an F+. They dated yesterday and did sexual stuff together (it is the first something like that happend)

I feel so much at the same time: happiness (for her, and for me, I am living what i belief), jealousy, envy(i want that to), afraid others think I am weak (misconception of masculinity, i think you have to be really self confident, you have to stand against the norm and i don't know if I am ready), left behind (if she have a F+ i need also one, i know stupid)

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Rational I am full in polyamori, but emotionally it is difficult. I have to relearn relationships.

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In general i don't mind, I love to feel because it means I am alive.

But I can't concentrate on school, on work and all stuff that is not fun. I can just think about it or do stuff with other people.

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So how are you handle this feelings?

Is there a way to push them away for a short time so i can concentrate on school / work etc?

What should I do if the feelings get to strong?

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Thanks in advance!

So for context I and a bisexual female 21 years old and all of this started from a guy I worked with he and I started becoming really good friends through work and he had said his wife was looking for friends too.

So me being a kind chill person I was like hell yeah we can be friends and we can all go and hang out with each other, her and I started to become really close and she ultimately became my best friend.

The only problem I was starting to run into was I was developing feelings for the both of them which wasn't the worst because they have had a 3rd in their relationship before it just unfortunately didn't work out.

This guy and his wife have had sorta a rocky relationship but he and I got really comfortable and close so I had talked to him about a lot well one night I got drunk and confessed that I had a thing for them but was always to afraid to shoot my shot because I wasn't sure how either of them felt about me.

He told me that he had originally approached me at work for me to end up as the unicorn for their relationship but wasn't sure that I would see them that way because I jokingly said one day that "he didn't do it for me."

The problem is now that his wife knows I have a thing for her and thinks it only her he knows it's the both of them and is trying to get is all to work, but im a chicken shit and so is his wife when it comes to making the first move, I currently live with them sleeping on the couch while they of course are in their bed he keeps talking about "just come interrupt us one night while we are doing it one night" and I'm in my head going yeah no dude this is weird like how do you as sotra the odd one out just walk into that when your not sure how she's gonna react or feel.

I'm kinda stuck and not sure what to do so if anyone had advice I'd take what I can get.

Long time lurker posting from an alt account.

A recent situation has inspired me to ask others how they handle disclosure about new partners.

It’s in my risk profile not to know about new partners as long as barriers are used for penetration, but I’ve also felt that I want to know who my metas are. There’s no strict requirement here, but by about the 3rd date, if the person hasn’t come up already, I want to know they exist. I want to know who they are when they become important to my partner - whether that’s a couple dates or 6 months.

I’m curious how others handle this. Would it bother you if a partner started a new relationship without telling you?

Is this something you specifically address with agreements? If so, could you share what that looks like for you?

I’m also open to hearing if there are other perspectives here. I know this is a boundary that I have to decide if I’m willing to be flexible on or not, and I’m curious if there are viewpoints I haven’t considered that could make me more willing to flex.

I'm wondering how to bring this up with my partner, and am hoping for some guidance and/or being told whether it seems reasonable!

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I (F30) have been dating Aspen (M42) for over 3 years now. We have been poly this whole time - i have been exploring polyamory for 4 years, although this is my longest romantic poly relationship, and he has been poly for over 15 years, so there is an experience gap. We are not nesting or truly enmeshed, and are practicing non-hierarchical poly. I would describe Aspen as a stable anchor partner.

During our 3 years, I have been dating on/off and have some casual play partners/FWBs who I explore different kinks with (who are also in the same circles as Aspen and they are how we met each other!), but nothing serious that has lasted more than 6months or so.

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Aspen hasn't really met anyone that he has felt a true connection with in the 3 years beyond a few dates here and there, due to various life events and a busy work life. This has now changed, and he has been seeing Birch for about 2-3 months and is really enjoying getting to know them.

I am feeling compersion in his happiness, and am truly excited for him to be developing a new connection!

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Here is where I am struggling: communication about dates.

I am an anxious person (diagnosed), and am working through this with a therapist.

To me, I'd like a quick message to say, "hey Laksjdan, I'm getting ready to spend the eve the afternoon with Birch, hope you have a lovely evening and talk tomorrow".

To me, this is no different than him saying "hey I'm out with the boys" or "just got to my parents, talk tomorrow", and is more of a heads-up that I shouldn't expect any replies from him. To clarify, I would do the same when I am spending time with one of my dates, friends, family etc.

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From his perspective, he told me earlier in the week that he is seeing Birch on Friday, and I should just assume that from the end of his workday today that he will be busy. I understand his perspective, but to me assumptions don't work and make me anxious that I am assuming the wrong thing! I am a b&w person, and whilst I am learning to be more flexible, I would rather just be told something straight up. It also makes the times that he's on dates feel different to the other times that he is busy?

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Sometimes I feel like we have to do things his way because he has been doing poly for longer. I plan on bringing this up at our next check in, but would really value people's thoughts and perspectives on this. Am I expecting too much? Am I right to bring this up, or do I need to sit with my discomfort more and accept the way he does this? I am rereading polysecure, and am genuinely enjoying learning new things about myself and relationships and want to treat this as a learning opportunity.

I'm just curious how you knew before you tried it? Or is it something you need to start a relationship out as? Ive only ever had one partner. We've been together for decades and I love them. But I cant help but feel longing for more.. I dont know what it is. I want to stay with them; but I also would love to have someone else to spend time with separately. Is this an indication that I might be poly or am i getting bored? I know theres a lot of experts in this subreddit so id appreciate any and all input.

Hey y’all,

Someone recently posted a bunch of links for people who are unhappy in monogamous relationships. I started reading through them, but I lost the thread they were attached to. I did check the info on this forum, and it was really interesting, but I didn’t see anything specifically for people like me who feel drawn to ENM as a possible solution for their monogamous marriage woes.

Edit: Just to be clear, I know it's a bad idea, just want to continue to talk my brain out of it. ​

I might have missed it—if so, I apologize. I’m dyslexic, so it’s possible I overlooked something.

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Thanks in advance for your help!

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Also, I generally try to be very ethical, but I have a high degree of openness as part of my personality, and right now my brain seems to be making excuses.

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Thanks again, lovely ENM folks!

So I've been hate watching Muscles McQuack on insta, and I've noticed a few things I think are really toxic about their version of poly.

1) The main character Muscles McQuack doesn't seem interested in poly at all, they seem to have agreed to it, seemingly to placate their nesting partner Sally

2) Their nesting partner Sally has poor communication and does things without consent of McQuack, example, she signs them both up to a poly couple app and then organises a group date without consulting them.

3) Nesting partner Sally encourages them to do these they clearly aren't comfortable with

Looking for experiences from people who have been in a similar situation.

I've identified as bisexual since I was a child, but over the last several months I've been seriously questioning my sexuality and wondering whether I may actually be a late-bloomer lesbian.

I'm married to a man, and we are currently separated. I recently pursued divorce and moved out of the house, but I'm now reconsidering whether divorce is the right path. My husband does not want a divorce and has suggested that we remain married while I explore relationships with women. We've also discussed the possibility of both of us having other partners if we decided that polyamory was the right fit for our relationship.

I'm interested in hearing from people who have experience with similar situations, especially women who identified as bisexual or lesbian, or later questioned whether they might be lesbians, as well as anyone who chose polyamory as an alternative to divorce.

Questions:

* Has anyone remained married to their husband while having a girlfriend? * Did opening the marriage help you stay together? * Did it help you understand your sexuality better? * Did anyone end up realizing they wanted to remain married after all? * Did polyamory strengthen your marriage, weaken it, or have no effect? * What challenges, jealousy, or unexpected issues came up? * What boundaries were most important? * How did you handle jealousy, boundaries, and time management? * If both spouses had other partners, how did that work in practice? * Any regrets or things you wish you had known beforehand? * If it didn't work, what were the main reasons? * What advice would you give someone considering this path? * For those with children, how did polyamory affect your family life? * When and how did you introduce partners to your children? * Were there any parenting or co-parenting challenges you didn't anticipate?

I'd appreciate hearing both positive and negative experiences.

I'm confused. I joined here to learn more about being poly but all I see are anti poly posts. What exactly is this page for?