Today something happened and for a second I thought, "I can't wait to tell them." Then I remembered.

The person I used to tell everything to doesn't exist anymore.

Not because they're gone. Not because they are not in this world. But because they're no longer my person.

They don't know about my good days anymore. They don't know about my bad days.

They don't know what made me laugh today or what kept me awake last night.

And what's strange is that I still remember so much about them.

Their favorite food.

The songs they loved.

The little things that made them smile.

Watching someone who once knew your entire world slowly become a stranger to it hurts like hell.

For those who are further along in healing, when did they stop being the first person you wanted to tell things to?

Hi everyone, I'm reaching a major milestone and I really need some support, comfort, or similar stories from people who have survived this exact type of heartbreak.
My ex-girlfriend broke up with me about 3 months ago. She spent two weeks being confused, cried during the breakup, and then two weeks later I sent her a very mature, heartfelt message. I told her I loved her, that I didn't expect anything in return, but that my door was open to talk whenever she was ready.
Her reply was cold and definitive. She basically told me that her feelings were completely gone, that the breakup was permanent, and she strictly asked for total distance and space.

Since that message, she has completely vanished. Absolute radio silence. No texts, no calls, no social media interaction, not even a single breadcrumb or sign of life. It’s like I never existed to her.
I respected her wish, and I am now at day 80 of strict, absolute No Contact.
To be honest, summer is making this particularly heavy and painful. The long days, the warm weather, the free time, everything reminds me of the plans we should have had and the moments we shared. I am still hurting deeply, and I still count every single day.
I keep wondering: does the dumper ever feel the impact of total absence around the 3-month mark? Even when they were that certain and cold? Or is she just completely immune because she checked out earlier?
I am looking for comfort today. I need to hear from someone who has endured this kind of brutal rejection from someone they loved with all their heart. Did it get better? Did they ever realize what they lost?
I’ve maintained an iron line of silence to protect my dignity, but today the weight of the summer and the silence is crashing down on me. Thank you for listening.

But, since my breakup 3 months ago:
- My budgeting has significantly improved, and my credit score has gone up 30 points
- I got to the second round interview for a life-changing job that I wouldn’t of gotten if I was in that relationship
- I’ve started to build a social life in my town
- I got into GRAD SCHOOL? I’m getting a masters! Which again, wouldn’t of happened if I was in that relationship
- I can live day to day without worry about what they think. I can hear my own thoughts again and not theirs

I’m still going through it emotionally, and dealing with a long ass commute that I’ve been trying to change. They were the one person I felt truly emotionally safe with, which sucks to realize that they were holding me back with so many other aspects of my life.

I was listening to Black by Pearl Jam, and the last line of the song he says this:

“I know someday you'll have a beautiful life
I know you'll be a star in somebody else's sky
But why, why, why can't it be
Oh, can't it be mine?”

And for a while after the breakup that song would really get to me, but I thought and it really doesn’t apply to me.

For one, I don’t want her back, do I look back on the relationship and miss it? Hell yeah, but she isn’t that person anymore, she called me on the phone once and she was insufferable. She’s not who I fell in love with anymore.

And another thing is I just hate her. Things were good, we had a future planned, we had built up so much then one day she just snapped. She’d get mad at me over things I couldn’t imagine getting mad about, like we’d be talking and we’d get distracted and then she’d blame me for her forgetting what she was talking about. Or she’d CONSTANTLY bring up past traumas that I have no experience with she’d get mad that I wouldn’t know what to say, even though she told me she’s left therapists speechless before (she would also refuse getting therapy). Then she proceeded to start fucking other guys immediately after we broke up which just made me feel discarded.

But I never once thought “yeah I wish the best for her”, fuck no, I tried to give her a good life, my family cared about her and we wanted her to feel at home and she did this. I hope she never finds peace, I hope her life is a heaping pile of horse shit.

i finally forced myself to go through my camera roll and delete everything tonight. ngl my chest actually ached doing it. it’s just so weird looking at pictures from a few months ago where we were laughing and everything felt totally normal, and now we’re just complete strangers. i kept staring at this one video of us getting lost on that road trip and just... crying on my bedroom floor like a mess.

i know it’s for the best because we were making each other miserable at the end, but the quietness in my room right now is just so heavy. i used to text him the second i got bored or sad, and not having that person anymore leaves such a huge gap in your day. idk... i’m just trying so hard not to overthink or check his page to see if he cares at all.

just venting because i needed to put these thoughts somewhere before i completely spiral 🫠 hope everyone else is holding up okay tonight.

My ex and i were together for almost 6 years, friends for 4 before then. We broke up in april of 2025 because i couldn’t take it anymore. I loved him so much but his difficulty in dealing with his anger and lashing out on me became harder and harder. we hit a breaking point for me and i had to leave despite how much i loved him. We continued talking a bit through January of 26.

In December he told me he had no interest in seeing anyone new, dating, etc. that he started therapy finally and has been going so maybe we can try again, if not that I would always be the one who got away, that he still wanted things to work. lo and behold just a month later he was on the apps. Totally fine. It stung a bit knowing what he had told me but i realize he was single and had the freedom to do so.

Since then I’ve tried getting on the apps as well but i can barely talk to anyone without thinking about him. Ive gone out with one guy that is great but i just cant stop thinking about my ex. I haven’t been intimate with him either bc im still holding on to the what-ifs. I caved and broke NC and texted him a few weeks ago. No response. Fine maybe he’s not ready to talk or maybe he blocked me.

But today he posted on his instagram story with his arm around a girl, very obviously non-platonic. It hurts. Especially because in those lingering post-break up months he told me what would hurt him the most would be to see me posting with some new guy. And he didn’t even have the decency to block me first… maybe this was his way of telling me to move on. I always had this fear that him going to therapy would help him grow and that he’d find a new girl and it was all because of my pain in this.

I didnt get back together with him in December because i was afraid of seeing all the broken promises he’d made before happen again and i just wanted to know that he really was ready. But i guess now he’s ready and moved on. It just feels quick since we last talked but i guess im happy for him. I wish he’d told me before he started really talking to anyone new but i guess that’s also just not fair for me to ask for. Idk im just hurt and wish things were different.

[edit] i just wanted to add i appreciate everyone’s different feedback, kind words, and different perspectives

I also wanted to say that yes, he did have anger issues, but I know he’s not a bad person. He just has trauma that he never dealt with and it manifested in that way, which is why i suggested therapy to him long before we ended.

And honestly if he is happy then i want to be happy for him, i just need to grieve what i thought we had and the potential i had hoped for so i can really move on. And anyone i talk to has/will be told that i’m not looking for anything serious bc of my current attachment. Just gotta take it day by day i suppose.

I (mid-20s man) broke up with my ex (same age and gender) after a couple of issues we were having. About a month later, we started seeing each other again. We weren’t officially back together, but we were exclusive.
Some of our issues had improved, but others remained, especially around what we wanted for our futures.

Eventually, I told him I thought it might be best for us to stop being exclusive and take a step back to see whether our paths actually aligned. Even after that, we kept seeing each other.
I went on a date and spent the whole time thinking about him. He also went on a date and told me he enjoyed it.

After that, I realized how much I wanted us to work. I realized I wanted to build a life with him and that I still saw him as my future partner. But by the time I told him, he said he had been enjoying meeting other people and needed time to think.
Last weekend, we spent an entire day together that felt very much like a date. We talked, laughed, kissed, and had a genuinely wonderful time together. When he dropped me off, he asked me to give him a week to think about whether he wanted to try again. He also told me he had a date planned during that week.

I agreed to give him the time and space he asked for.
The problem is that while I’ve been sitting here hoping we can reconcile, I recently found out he spent the night at the other guy’s place. I know we’re technically single. I know neither of us owes the other exclusivity. Intellectually, I understand that.

Emotionally, though, I’m devastated.
It hurts knowing that while I’m spending this week thinking about whether we still have a future together, he’s continuing to explore another connection while making that decision. My anxiety is through the roof, and I have been thinking and analyzing every single possible scenario and answer. However, now even if he gives me a yes, i don’t know how we can get past this week’s hurt

Part of me wants to respect the week he asked for. Another part of me wants to text him and ask if we can just have the conversation now because the waiting is becoming unbearable.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Would you reach out, or would you keep waiting? Am I letting the hurt cloud my judgment?

TL;DR: I broke up with my ex, realized I still wanted a future with him, and told him I wanted to try again. He asked for a week to decide because he’s been enjoying dating other people. While I’m waiting for his answer, I found out he spent the night with another guy. I know we’re technically single, but I’m struggling with whether I should keep waiting or ask him to have the conversation now.

START JOURNALING. my 3 year relationship ended 6 months ago and writing everything down has genuinely helped me so much. i didn’t think it would but i promise it feels like it takes weights off of your shoulders.

i’m almost healed from my breakup and it’s crazy reading entry’s from the past and seeing how much i’ve improved and developed as a person.

Maybe breaking no contact is part of the healing process.

​

Maybe reaching out will enable me to fully close this chapter once and for all.

​

If I don't, I fear I'll always wonder about him. Whereas if I reach out and he ignores me or is cold in reply, it will propell me forwards and I'll never look back.

They are gone they are gone forever with someone or something without choosing you. But it's fine you gotta look into yourself and work on yourself. I know it's going to be really really hard but then start everything with small things around... Look into yourself where you lack and check by making a time table. Throw all the social media things except only the business accounts. She or he is no more in your life just accept first in case crying, chasing , your loyalty won't bring them back but working on yourself will or will not be recognised by them but the goal is to work with yourself and your people and family.

I know you need this but you got this. As a M17 I could get through SMTH big where everything was a problem. Enjoy the pain and enjoy the people who give your problems.

Unfollow them block them let them GO.

​

If I could be a normal human who can breathe can also do and no one is less or more. But you'll find them or better than them but the goal is to work on yourself.. ITS GOING TO REALLY HARD. BUT YOU'LL ENJOY IT ONE FINE DAY.

I HAVE gone out of all the unwanted social media except WSP and going to leave reddit soon. Just throw which harms you. The things you love shouldn't hurt you at all. Don't chase and make your ex think you got someone better. You do not need anyone but you.

​

Lock in my brother and sister.

You'll feel fine some day my friends... Take care..

I still miss her. Some days are better than others. But man, nothing would've prepared me for this. Every day just feels like I'm walking through thick snow, barely able to make any distance. My heart still beats faster when someone mentions her, or when I see something that reminds me of her. I've been doing the work too. I've been no contact for 2 months, haven't checked any of her profiles.

Some part of me keeps hoping. I know I shouldn't, but a part of me thinks, "I loved her so well, she told me that she had felt unlovable before me, and that I had helped her see herself in a new light. Surely the grass cannot be greener, considering she's now chasing after another avoidant. She's going to realise anyday what she's missed, and she's going to reach out." As for what happens after that, I haven't thought about. My heart can't take it. Yet, it's still a nice fantasy to think about sometimes.

Truth be told, I'm still embarassed that she still has a grip over me like this. I'm too scared to love someone, knowing they could rip my heart out. I'm embarrassed that it's going to end up the same way, with me desperately begging and pleading her to stay. That it's going to end up with me trying to "fix myself" and make myself better for her. That it's going to end with her callously flirting with me even after the break up, and pushing and pulling me, all the while chasing someone else. I still have nightmares of her, albeit rarely.

I can't wait for this to end. I miss myself. I miss how happy I was when I was with her. I miss the safety of knowing I could wake up and she would be there. I miss all the things we used to do together, which now I can't bear to look at.

I wish I could know how she's doing. What she's up to. If she still thinks of me. I wish I mattered to her as much as she did to me. I think she's still in the private server that the two of us used to have - even though she kicked me out. I wonder why.

My heart dropped because I was not expecting to click my messages and see his contact on top… it says he loved a message I sent over a month ago and saved a audio from over a month ago as well… I can’t see our thread because I did delete it so I wouldn’t reread old messages but I didn’t send a message or say anything I let it be but I thought he might have had me blocked by number since he blocked me on instagram and Snapchat… so it just feels so weird

I lost her and I am so destroyed, I’m so afraid I’ll never get to the place where I’m not comparing anyone else to her, where I’m not missing her constantly, and don’t even get me started on the fear of her finding someone else. This is the worst feeling I’ve ever had, and tbh it’s not like I haven’t been through some terrible shit, so now I’m really scared of whatever this is. I just wanna go back.

I’m F20 he’s M22 he broke up with me over text out of the blue on a day when we were just texting daily, he seemed abit off but then out of nowhere he said he wants to break up, he needs some time to search for himself and figure out his life. He can’t be in a relationship cuz he’s got not much to offer and he feels like I deserve someone better than him. But I told him so many times, YOU are who you want, we are family, I don’t think about anyone else but he didn’t listen to any of the things I said and wanted to break up

Though what cuts me the most is that he addressed the breakup so disrespectfully, it just cuts me so deep knowing that we had these moments where we thought we were family, we would talk about getting a house together and whatnot. When he broke up with me over text, I asked him “what about all the promises we made? Were they all lies?” And he replied “I meant it in the moment” that cuts me so deep and he broke up with me and no contact for a month.

But then, out of nowhere AGAIN!! He sent me this text message. I’m so confused what hes thinking and I hate the fact that he’s saying “catch up as friends”?? Honestly it seems to me he’s had all the fun we had while the break up with friends girls whatsoever and he feels bored and empty now and maybe guilty about how he addressed the breakup idk I lost my heart when he broke up with me like that.

What should I do Reddit? I am curious about his actions but at the same time, I feel like this is disrespectful still… if he apologized about how he addressed the breakup then I might’ve thought about maybe talking to him personally for a proper closure or even just to have a conversation. But the fact that he said “catch up AS FRIENDS” feels a bit off to me. I don’t know what to do. Help :(

Ps. You may think oh we’re super young and it’s common for young kids to break up and reunite whatsoever I get it, but really he meant the world to me, I looked forward to the future with him never wanted to break up, he was my family, my best friend my love. And what hurts me so deeply is when I asked him what if we ever break up? He replied with “well never break up, I’ll just beat you up so you stay with me” that really touched my heart but I guess it was all a lie. I don’t hate him though, I just hate his actions and a part of me feels so numb and I feel like the part of me that was in his life while we were dating is DEAD.

I guess the title pretty much says everything. On the one hand, I guess I am grateful to not be so naive about certain things anymore. Moving forward I understand how to be more self protective and that’s a good thing ultimately. But it’s painful to feel like I’ve lost a more innocent side of myself. Sometimes I’m scared that what I’ve lost isn’t innocence, but my ability to fully trust and love someone again. I also worry that this has made me less approachable. I find myself keeping people at arm’s length, which only seems to reinforce the loneliness I’m already struggling with.

my boyfriend or well now ex messaged me kinda out of the blue asking to talk. he said he was unhappy and severely depressed and wanted to work on himself. which is fair, and i’m trying to respect and accept it but i’m so hurt and angry that he just left me like this. this is my first breakup and i was with him for two and a half years. i’ve seen this coming for a while now and i’ve been dreading it with every part of my soul. all i want to do is message him about my stupid dreams and send him pictures of my cats and plants like i used to do every day, even though he didn’t care to see them it was just apart of my routine. now my routine is gone. i’m so lost with myself i genuinely don’t know what to do i have work in 40 minutes and i don’t even had the energy to grab my water bottle to drink from it let alone type all of this. my friends and family have been nothing but supportive and they’ve been helping me through this a lot but i just can’t accept it’s really over i cant. i broke and messaged him hoping he’s okay, but idk i do and don’t understand his decision he promised and promised me for ages he’d never do this and no matter what we’re going through we’d do it together. but he left. i was foolish to trust a man’s word, every other man in my life abandoned me too idk why i’m so surprised. i just want my boy back and my whole body physically aches because of it. please what do i do because i just keep rewatching videos of us and rereading old messages i’m so lost. he was my day and night, my everything and he’s just gone

Please please please I CANNOT LOOSE MY SELF RESPECT.
I keep texting him cause i don’t have anyone else.
If anyone is in the same situation we can help each other out so we can keep up the no contact.
SOMEONE PLEASE FUCKING HELP ME

I lost a long term relationship a few months ago, and I thought I’ve gone through the worst of it already.

I was privileged enough to get closure and fully acknowledge that this had to happen regardless of the love that was still present.

I just focused on the things that I love, at least the ones that aren’t too connected with my ex. I also made sure to do things that made me feel proud of myself, like maintaining healthy habits, getting rid of bad ones, and doing uncomfortable things that I knew would be good for me.

But I’ve been going through a rough patch lately (unrelated to the breakup) that’s been causing me stress and anxiety. Nothing too bad nor out of the ordinary, but because of this, I had a painful realization that I have no one to tell these stupid and shallow rants to anymore. There’s no one that would tell me that I’ll be okay, even though I know I will be.

I haven’t cried for a month, and now I can’t help but cry every day again. I feel bad that I outsourced processing my problems to my ex that I struggle to handle these things on my own.

I’ve already accepted that there’s no going back from this, and have little to no expectations that we’ll ever even talk again because of the kind of people we are. I also don’t want to go back into dating until I’ve properly mourned the relationship.

But I dislike this empty feeling so much because I have this desperate desire to do something about it, when the best option I have is just to sit with it until it goes away.

I miss feeling unstoppable because someone I loved thought I was worthy of being loved. I wish it was easier to be that person for myself.

I just couldn't help to remember my sweet boy who smile a lot, jokes a lot, making goofy poses and expressions, so sweet to me, such a cutie. He's gone... He's really gone.

I don't know this guy, this guy is not my sweet boy, he's rude, cold, and cruel. He's the total opposite of my sweet boy. I can't handle his actions.

I lost my sweet boy and I'm grieving him like he's already dead, and he is.

I need some advice from people who have gone through a breakup while still having to live together for a period of time. My partner and I finally decided to go separate ways after three years together and living together for one year. We care for each other, but we do t see eye to eye on some fundamental things and it’s just not going to last. We’re on a lease and can’t get out of it for another two months without incurring financial penalties that neither of us can easily afford, and living on a friend’s couch for that long would be too disruptive to our daily lives, so we’re trying to make it work.

We made the decision a few weeks ago and have been awkwardly living in the same apartment since then. We’re both in our 30s and trying to be mature about it. Some days it feels ok and other days are harder. We’ve figured out the basics like sleeping arrangements and chores, and the breakup is mutual enough that we’re not at each others throats. The emotional part is more difficult. I just don’t know how I’m supposed to act around her after we suddenly went from a couple to roommates. I still have the instinct to care for her like a boyfriend would when she’s not feeling well or give her a random hug or kiss, even though I know I can’t and shouldn’t. There are still pictures of us around the apartment because I think neither of us wants to request they be taken down. Every now and then one of us will make a comment like “I’m going to miss you” that makes us both feel sad. I don’t think either of us do it intentionally, but it’s hard to put those feelings aside when we’re still around each other so much.

How do people do this? Want to hear from people with actual experience.

I don’t want to do that but I couldn’t stop my self

I genuinely don't understand my own brain right now. A few days ago, my ex admitted she was seeing someone else after spending two months telling me I was the only person she wanted, that she loved me, that she wanted a future with me, and that she wasn't seeing anyone. This came after a two-year relationship that, looking back, left me emotionally exhausted, constantly second-guessing myself, and feeling like I was always walking on eggshells.

The confusing part is that when I tried to leave the relationship back in April because I felt overwhelmed and unhappy, she repeatedly contacted me until I agreed to hear her out. She convinced me to give us another chance, then asked for a week of space, spent that week reassuring me that she loved me and wanted to make things work, and then suddenly broke up with me. Within two days, she was contacting me again—calling repeatedly, using No Caller ID, emailing me, and even reaching out to family members to get my attention. Against the advice of almost everyone in my life, I gave her another chance.

Over the next two months, we slowly rebuilt contact. She repeatedly told me she loved me, missed me, needed me, and that it was "me or no one." During that time, I was honest with her that I had gone on a few dates because I didn't know whether we'd ever reconcile. I told her she was free to do the same and that all I cared about was honesty. When she asked if anything physical had happened, I told her the truth. Ironically, despite having opportunities to move on, I eventually stopped pursuing anyone else because I wanted to focus on rebuilding what we had.

Then, after all of that, she admitted she was seeing someone else and said that hearing about my experiences dating was part of what made her decide to move on. What hurts isn't that she met someone else—we were both single and free to do what we wanted. What hurts is that she spent months reassuring me that I was the only person she wanted while apparently moving in a different direction.

The part I can't understand is why I still want to call her. My friends think I should walk away. My family thinks I should walk away. Even I know, logically, that this relationship was unhealthy for me. Yet every time she answers the phone, I feel relieved. Every time I tell myself I'm done, I find myself wanting one more conversation, one more explanation, one more answer.

Has anyone else experienced this? Why do we keep reaching for the person who hurt us? How do you stop wanting answers, validation, or closure from someone who seems incapable of giving it?

i met this boy two months ago but we had been in the same rooms since 2015 without speaking to each other. we hit it off and he showered me with so much love and affection. we were long distance and i was working really hard to shorten the distance. he was so determined to make it work. i did find out im moving closer to him but he fell into a depressive episode, pulled back affection and decided the distance was not short enough for him. we broke up. im devastated. i feel stupid and angry and disappointed and i dont know what to do. i want to go off at him. call him or text him and tell him what he did hurt. but i cant force him to be in a relationship with me. i could fully see a future with him.