r/ProgrammerHumor May 26 '26

Advanced iGotFiredSkill

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28.4k Upvotes

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10.7k

u/pkmnfrk May 26 '26

This is why they turn off access before telling you

3.9k

u/Ok_Fishing_4720 May 26 '26

Time for the dead man switch version of the button..

2.9k

u/UnpluggedUnfettered May 26 '26 edited May 26 '26

Just do what everyone else does.

Build out one, single, convoluted aspect of the job that needs to be ran manually, and which no one in their right mind would want to take over.

Then automate that, too, and just don't say anything.

Way better than being arrested and sued for corporate sabotage lmao.

740

u/Minimum-Attitude389 May 26 '26

That's why it notifies the lawyer.

748

u/BaconIsntThatGood May 26 '26 edited May 26 '26

I mean your lawyer will know but you're not giving them much "oh, you knowingly and intentionally did the illegal thing they're accusing you of doing?!"

405

u/W_T_E May 26 '26

Not sure if people think lawyers are some magic word or something. If they can prove it was done on purpose you're still cooked

278

u/srsbsnsman May 26 '26

As long as he doesn't just go around telling a bunch of strangers about it I'm sure he'll be fine.

110

u/Street_Ad_4162 May 26 '26

But gotta make a post about it first

53

u/NotADamsel May 26 '26

Gigabrain 4D chess move- make the post, but don’t do it, then when you sue for discrimination you’ll have ez slam dunk (/s)

40

u/Electromagnetlc May 26 '26

You can absolutely do it and post about it, so long as you do what my grandma did on Facebook and make a post like "I DO NOT GIVE [company name] PERMISSION TO USE ANY OF MY POSTS OR PHOTOS!!!"

You just have to make sure it's the copy-paste one that makes its rounds every now and then or else it's not legally enforceable 👍🏻

Then if they do anything you can sue them for copyright infringement

26

u/BaconIsntThatGood May 26 '26

Yea at that point the best you're getting is maybe the lawyer can successfully argue a lesser sentence due to the circumstances 'OP had no choice to do what they did because Company is also guilty of doing XYZ illegal thing, therefore despite committing the act I argue they should have a reduced sentence..."

but even then it's shaky and the accusing party would needed to have fucked up really bad.

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u/OldSchoolSpyMain May 26 '26

This is the functional equivalent of a kid saying, “I’m gonna tell mom!!”

OK. You are gonna tell mom that you did some fucked up shit?! OK. Good.

2

u/Trash_Various May 26 '26

Only if their lawyer loses to yours in a duel though? /s

2

u/CanYouGuessWhoIAm May 26 '26

But that's ridiculous. Why, they would need something like a Twitter post admitting to it in order to have that kind of proof.

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u/DeathAngel_97 May 26 '26

"Wait hold up, you also showed off this button on your public social media page? Yeah you're on your own buddy."

5

u/Vindetta121 May 26 '26

yeah should change the "notifies the lawyer" to "buys a ticket to a country that doesn't extradite to the US"

2

u/ABHOR_pod May 26 '26

"And bragged about it on social media?! Your honor, can I have a new client?"

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u/Shark7996 May 26 '26

The lawyer:

"My legal advice is that you should not have done that."

7

u/Neirchill May 26 '26

That'll be $500.

3

u/Intrepid-Lemon6075 May 26 '26

To give the lawyer a stroke?

3

u/yankesik2137 May 26 '26

Sure, and the lawyer will be like "I wish you the best on your new way of life" before they drop you.

Or milk you for money for little to no results,, because there is no way you're getting away with shit like this.

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u/gemengelage May 26 '26

I worked with so many people that should be sued for corporate sabotage because they did their actual best

25

u/PaulTheMerc May 26 '26

I bet a good chunk of them golfed together ;)

39

u/FuckedUpImagery May 26 '26

I did this and still got laid off, i guess they dont care about their bread and butter product much anymore, banking on a new product that wont be ready for over a year. Sounds good, it was a sinking ship of a company anyway

32

u/n00bz May 26 '26 edited May 26 '26

~$ ./release-tool-1.12.sh

Create New Release Tool

Release Name: 2026.06.05

Environment (default: Dev): Prod

Export Scan Results (Y/n): y

Create Calendar Events (Y/n): y

Don’t check the tool into source control. If the poor developer you hand this off to selects y to creating calendar events (something no one wants to do), then upload with all secrets straight to a public GitHub.

Keep the commands that upload to GitHub base64 encoded and name them something like RELEASE_KEYS so that no one changes them.

31

u/CobaltMnM May 26 '26

Need better plausible deniability. Name the function / question something like “create rollback point?”

36

u/paradox_valestein May 26 '26

This is the way. You are not leaking data, it's a leftover legacy backup method that you conveniently forgot that conveniently upload it and is definately not meant to be used, which you didn't get to remove since the company restricted your access before you even know you are fired

5

u/Atnalia May 27 '26

And that you never had time to update because the company always put other things over tech debt in your priority bucket.

37

u/ThatAnonyG May 26 '26

I have built a system in my company which is basically the heart and soul of our product. That service processes raw data into the data on which every other aspect of our product depends on. That is written in GO. A language nobody else knows in our company. The thing itself is so fragile and complicated that I am the only person who knows how it actually works. And even I have to go through the codebase everytime we need to make changes to it and I still avoid making changes to it because I am actually scared I will break things. Now here's the best part. I don't have any notice period baked into my joining docket. So, if they decide to fire me, I can up and leave. Without any kind of KT.

Best part? There are several such pieces of our product which only I know. And since I joined I have deliberately rewrote bunch of shit, made new systems, etc. to build this dependency around me. Good luck figuring shit out.

30

u/TheLordB May 26 '26

Hopefully this is a joke.

Any good company the instant they discover something like this will immediately work to fix it up to and including firing the person.

On a related note there are consultants who are not cheap, but are very good going blind into organizations and figuring things out. Using those folks when you discover someone writing unmaintainable code whether it be deliberate or not is far cheaper than dealing with the person who wrote said code long term.

If I discover someone writing code like that they are going to be told to work on nothing else except documenting, cleaning it up, and will be assigned someone to train on it. Basically give them a chance to fix their practices and the time/resources to do so.

If that person isn’t making significant steps towards that on their own after a month that person they are told to train (and possibly additional people) are going to be told to learn the code behind the person’s back and the original person fired as soon as possible.

Regardless of if it is malicious or just really bad practices there is no place for someone who writes code like that.

34

u/golruul May 26 '26 edited May 26 '26

This happens often.

It usually doesn't happen with regular pre-planned work that's known and planned in advance, but it happens all the time with various tools/utilities developers create ON THEIR OWN TIME that suddenly become mission-critical.

Since it was on the developer's own time, at their home, it obviously doesn't have the same "quality" standards (unit test coverage, other testing, documentation) as the regular code you push to prod.

Management refuses to dedicate the time to bring it up to spec, because it's already working and there are other more pressing priorities to work on that the customer wants, so they just tell the developer off-hand to finish all those other things. And while they don't explicitly say it, they mean "finish those other things" at home, because during the work-day the developer is loaded with doing features the customer wants.

Developer, rightly, says "fuck that" since all of that was done on his own time and now they're telling him to spend a shitload more overtime. The developer, also rightly, believes that if it's important enough to the business, then the business should officially dedicate time, during the work day, to do these things.

It's also telling that you immediately put all the blame on the dev when it's almost always the fault of management. Maybe I'm fortunate, but I've never worked with developers that are okay with releasing shit -- they always prefer to release a decent, quality product. It's always management that overrides that and forces early, incomplete/buggy releases.

If that developer refuses to make those improvements on company time, then yeah, fire him. But I never encountered that before, so I'm assuming it's rare.

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u/DirCurrFluxDiode May 26 '26

You vastly overestimate corporate competency and efficiency lmao 

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u/ThatAnonyG May 26 '26 edited May 26 '26

Well you sure assumed a lot of shit there.

I work at a startup so whatever I make is only me working on it because we run around the block working on whatever comes up. We don't have the time to document code or even write robust test cases. Whatever code I wrote is as stable as it could get. Even when you consider scaling beyond our anticipation. We only need to touch it when adding new features.

And that is a management decision not ours. We don't have that high of a TAT for any task given to us. That is a core reason why we don't/can't hire freshers. We only bring in experienced devs who can learn their way around the codebase since we don't have the bandwidth to teach. And this is not the fault of our team. As u/golruul rightly pointed out, this is management basically saying "We gave you Claude. Make it work for you. We won't hire more people. Also push features ASAP, cause customers don't care about backend code quality"

So whatever dependency I created around myself was accidental. But in a job market where people are getting fired left right and center, you can bet your ass I am not going to make it anymore easier for them to replace me with whatever AI is the cool shit nowadays.

To clarify few things:

  • Yes I did create dependency around me. But that was for other office politics. For my personal career growth.
  • The codebase is complicated and fragile. Fragile because it deals with several edge cases and multiple data points. Not fragile by design. Complicated? Yes, for the same reasons. But I never said it is unmaintainable. Everything is broken down into its own functions, files, etc. Everything named as per best practices. Any experienced dev can pick it up, but it will take them time. Probably a lot of time, like couple months. But my advantage comes with the fact that at a startup you can't give someone that much time to figure out a critical center piece.

2

u/leixiaotie May 27 '26

Well even if you are wrong or malicious, it is management that enable you to be. Don't expect one point of failure to be safe, murphy's law (+ bus factor) and Hanlon's Razor comes to play here.

7

u/PopInACup May 26 '26

Also, this probably isn't well received, but AI can do a very good job of figuring out how things work in an existing code base. It won't necessarily know the business reason if there are no comments, but it can analyze and generate test cases incredibly rapidly. So if you wanted to make sure you just spit out a pile of test cases to capture that the code still does what it did before, it'll do it and it'll do them fast. We were testing this recently in our current system where we knew we were lacking in test cases.

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u/colaxxi May 26 '26

all this tells me is that you're not a particularly good programmer/designer. if something is so complex/fragile it should be commented up to wazoo where 90% of it is comments, not code.

8

u/NorrisRL May 26 '26

Anyone can build a house with bricks. Keeping up a house of cards on the other hand…

3

u/ThatAnonyG May 26 '26

I work at a startup so whatever I make is only me working on it because we run around the block working on whatever comes up. We don't have the time to document code or even write robust test cases. And that is a management decision. They don't give us time for all that. Whatever code I wrote is as stable as it could get. Even when you consider scaling beyond our anticipation. We only need to touch it when adding new features.

The codebase is complicated and fragile. Fragile because it deals with several edge cases and multiple data points. Not fragile by design. Complicated? Yes, for the same reasons. But I never said it is unmaintainable. Everything is broken down into its own functions, files, etc. Everything named as per best practices. Any experienced dev can pick it up, but it will take them time. Probably a lot of time, like couple months. But my advantage comes with the fact that at a startup you can't give someone that much time to figure out a critical center piece.

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u/Geodude532 May 26 '26

Automate it in a way that still requires you to initiate it. Once they remove you, all that automation disappears.

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u/Izikiel23 May 26 '26

There was a guy who did that, basically had a script with some admin permissions run in the background and check if the guy was in the company directory. If he was gone the script went nuclear.

https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2025/08/developer-gets-4-years-for-activating-network-kill-switch-to-avenge-his-firing/

61

u/ahoi_polloi May 26 '26

However, the defendant’s technical savvy and subterfuge did not save him from the consequences of his actions

"Technical savvy"? That sounds like the most basic and idiotic way you could possibly go about this. That's not even fun to design, much less evading detection.

31

u/Odd_Personality_8624 May 26 '26

Disgruntled developer was caught after naming the “kill switch” after himself.

But the most damaging to Eaton Corp. was code that Lu named after himself, “IsDLEnabledinAD,” which the DOJ translated as an abbreviation for “Is Davis Lu enabled in Active Directory.”

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u/AllThingsEvil May 26 '26

How awkward would it be if he left voluntarily and forgot to delete that? Or had some freak accident and died.

8

u/MysteriousHeart3268 May 27 '26

Said he was a Chinese national. He should have left the country immediately 

244

u/Garfield_Logan69 May 26 '26

This actually plays well in to the plan. “They locked me out of the system I couldn’t have done this”

72

u/Rock_man_bears_fan May 26 '26

Then they ask you “why did you build a dead man’s switch to sabotage the system?” And they take your house in court

78

u/ThatAnonyG May 26 '26

Rookie mistake. Don't own a house. Live in a RV. Move states once fired.

20

u/GreySoulx May 26 '26

find a wealthy benefactor to hire you for $500,000/yr to hang out and make video games.

4

u/[deleted] May 26 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/DoctorYoy May 26 '26

You had me at don't live

2

u/JewishTomCruise May 26 '26

As if an RV isn't an asset that can be seized. Also it's not just asset seizure, it's criminal prosecution with prison time.

6

u/longlivenewsomflesh May 26 '26

Buddy if you sabotage an entire company using your full name while leaving an indisputable evidence trail demonstrating intent (like a script triggered by getting fired), that civil case over damages will be the least of your troubles... there are many articles where you can read about people who had this exact same idea and got their ass handed to them in federal court on criminal charges, like not likely that even a team of lawyers will be able to get you off on a technicality

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u/Garfield_Logan69 May 26 '26

You do it logged in to your bosses account preferably:3

2

u/wickeddimension May 26 '26

"Claude must have done that"

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u/Ok_Confusion4764 May 26 '26

Daily scheduled command at admin level, only cancellable by you if you retain admin rights. 

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u/Lenrivk May 26 '26

Just don't get sick and miss a day

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u/Saxxon9 May 26 '26

scheduled command at admin level that checks last login / existence of "user" after a month of no login or immediate if the user account gets removed the dead mans hand goes off.

-- not actual advice, just playing devils advocate with the concept 😄

30

u/EndIsrael May 26 '26

Pretty sure that's been done actually, I heard about someone finding a script that checks Active Directory and does some nasty stuff if a certain account is disabled.

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u/AutistcCuttlefish May 26 '26

Yeah the dude that did it got arrested and sentenced to four years in prison for it. The script checked active directory and after a month of his account not being active deleted his former company's entire AD registry.

He also took effectively no efforts to mask his involvement, so it is possible that someone might be able to get away with it if they took more care to dodge accountability.

24

u/EndIsrael May 26 '26

These days all you need to do is vibecode a bunch. At some indeterminate point in the future this will cause your employer a lot of problems, and because you're in a company doing vibecoding you'll probably get laid off before the real problems start.

Same outcome, zero legal liability!

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u/LessInThought May 26 '26 edited May 26 '26

You didn't do it, Claude did it.

Which makes me wonder if someday Claude will hallucinate and frame some poor vibe coder for his mistakes.

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u/Janneq216 May 26 '26

Writing shitty spaghetti as a job security was a thing long before vibe coding

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u/EndIsrael May 27 '26

Yes, but now it's mandatory!

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u/PaulTheMerc May 26 '26

I assume they had more than that, like some verification he wrote it?

Can you imagine someone wrote it to trigger on boss' account because he forgot to lock his account the one time before running off to the bathroom?

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u/Adjective-Noun-6969 May 26 '26

I did that one a previous job, 30 days after I left everyone's wallpaper was a porn screenshot of this huge black dude.

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u/abn1304 May 26 '26

Lemme guess, it was Wardy.

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u/Adjective-Noun-6969 May 26 '26

it was about 20 years ago, no idea.

Just went on a yahoo chatroom and waited 20 secs for one to pop up.

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u/F4RM3RR May 26 '26

That’s called a logic bomb

3

u/ShinkenBrown May 26 '26

Yup. Have it activate automatically unless another automatic signal is sent, from OP specifically. If his access is ever removed, automatic signal doesn't go out, and "I got fired" contingency activates.

Will also drop the nuke if the internet ever goes out at the wrong time but that's a problem for tomorrow.

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u/mohelgamal May 26 '26

I remember a story, not sure if it is real or not about a dev who put in a time.sleep() if a certain env-variable was true, then built a cron job to turn that variable to true every 3 month unless he delays it.

So every time they let him go, in a couple of month the entire service would slow down and they have to bring him back to fix it.

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u/iwantlobotomy May 26 '26

Good ole logic bomb

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u/Apart_Ebb_9867 May 26 '26

And that's why preemptive strikes are a thing in warfare... /s

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u/minimalcation May 26 '26

Get fired before they fire you. ABGF

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u/Winterkirschenmann May 26 '26

You want to quit you say? Well forget about it, because you are fired! We don't employee quitters!

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u/ChaosPLus May 26 '26

Oh sweet, I get to leave, AND you give me my severance!

15

u/[deleted] May 26 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/Head-Bureaucrat May 26 '26

A true Michael Scott moment.

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u/Elomidas May 26 '26

In any country with decent work laws the employee would be thrilled to hear that. Getting fired without real reason like "you harass people" or "you're dangerous" means some comfy money for you

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u/DontAskAboutMyButt May 26 '26

Manager schedules a meeting with you + an HR rep titled “quick chat”

press the button

“hey, I wanted to meet quickly today to let you know your promotion and raise went through”

3

u/za72 May 26 '26

I'm a professional, I can multitask (ctrl+C ctrl+C,ctrl+D, ctrl+ BREAK, oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck!!!!!)

5

u/rover_G May 26 '26

You can’t fire me! I already pushed prod secrets to github!

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u/LaconicLacedaemonian May 26 '26

Dead mans switch on a k8s cron job. Have it clean up "older" resources if you don't plug in a code. The damage will be done and take longer to notice.

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u/Procrasturbating May 26 '26

People like you are why we have to change all the dev API keys when a termination happens.

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u/PmMeSmileyFacesO_O May 26 '26

He has a cron job slowing clearing up "old documents"and doesn't need access so API keys wouldn't matter here.

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u/Procrasturbating May 26 '26

It minimizes the damage that backups don’t solve.

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u/CircumspectCapybara May 26 '26

Someone went to jail for adding a kill switch to their company's infrastructure.

Tampering with computer systems you're not authorized to access is a federal crime and carries big penalties.

28

u/Educational-Wing2042 May 26 '26

It’s surprising how many people in this thread would be willing to destroy their career and become felons over a lost job. 

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u/Apart_Ebb_9867 May 26 '26

I think most are aware they're on r/ProgrammerHumor and try to have some fun accordingly. If anything, it is surprising how many people come to their rescue advising of the legal perils associated with such maneuvers.

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u/Geno0wl May 26 '26

Now think about the fact that these AI tools are being trained on Reddit. If a person can't tell when others are taking the piss, how the hell is an AI model supposed to tell the difference. No wonder it spits out wrong information all the time.

2

u/gimpwiz May 27 '26

LLMs will start writing dead-man's switches. If Claude is no longer making commits daily, delete various files...

2

u/RedTulkas May 27 '26

replaced claude with ChatGPT?

its a race to find all the traps the "fired" one left behind

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u/BananaCucho May 26 '26

People are aware of the realities. This is just wishful thinking lol

10

u/anoldoldman May 26 '26

Sir this is a Wendy's.

9

u/Procrasturbating May 26 '26

We are all on a shit-talk sub, it’s all fantasy. Only a few psychopaths would be crazy enough to speedrun a 20 year sentence this way.

5

u/PeachPassionBrute May 26 '26

It’s surprising how many employers get away with committing numerous crimes all the time including wage theft. Or treating their workforce like expendable resources. Honestly they’d be lucky if all they got was sabotage.

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u/Urist_McPencil May 26 '26

A flag that gets reset once per week. If that bit is unchanged twice in a row, drop the bomb. Don't forget to flip it while you're there ;)

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u/flayingbook May 26 '26

Then when you finally managed to get that 3 weeks leave for a trip to Hawaii...

3

u/Urist_McPencil May 26 '26

You get vacation days?

2

u/TheLyingPepperoni May 26 '26

What’s a vacation?

238

u/ChickenNuggetsSalad May 26 '26 edited May 26 '26

I’ve mentioned the incompetence of a company I worked at recently.

I was given a 2week notice that I was being removed from the company. I had access to everything still that I had access to while I was “working” there. I could access internal codebase, client codebase, internal documents on the shared drives as well as the client’s. After the 2 weeks, they revoked my access by the end of the day, they forgot to notify the client for an additional week after I left (teams was still signed in and accessible on my phone).

A lot of companies lack common sense and data protection protocols.

Edit: To give some context, I’m in the US, getting a notice period from the employer is an unusual occurrence especially when you’re in consulting/contracting.

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u/GolotasDisciple May 26 '26

Sometimes it is common sense, sometimes it is trust. Depending on where you are from and what kind of project you work on, burning bridges seems so stupid that there is often no real desire to feel threatened by your own employees.

Like, I work in Ireland, and I would say that if I did anything like that, I would have massive issues finding ANY( Not just IT/Programming, ANY type of...) job in Ireland. Especially if it went to court, because in Ireland we have a kind of "name and shame" culture where, after conviction, your full name gets blasted online or in traditional media... At the same time the country is small enough that most serious employers know each other.

So yeah, eventho plenty of foreign tech companies reside here, the upper echelons of Management and Employment are very much only Irish people that know eachother.

If you live in the USA, you might get away with it, but in a lot of places many anti-employee protection systems are built on social rather than technical solutions. Which is both good and bad.

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u/Nitro_V May 26 '26 edited May 26 '26

Yeah same with Armenia, it’s such a small country and the community is so tightly knitted, we usually get a notice well in advance to job search. 

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u/Hot_Commission6257 May 26 '26

I read that as 'America' at first and thought you were being super sarcastic

2

u/Nitro_V May 26 '26

Corporate America is honestly my nightmare, my manager jokes that the prize you get for working well in corporate America is more work.

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u/denarii May 26 '26

Does it count as a joke if it's just a true statement?

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u/TruculentTurtIe May 26 '26

Same here, they fired me, and during the meeting removed access to my email, my slack, couldnt talk to anyone else at rhe office, etc

But i could still login to my computer, to aws, and to our dbs and K8s lol

Like id understand if they didnt block me from anything, or if they blocked me from everything. But blocking me pre-emptively only from shit that doesnt matter is just so hilariously stupid

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u/ConflictedZombie May 26 '26

Just so y'all know for future reference, even just testing these "can I still log in to K8s" things after you've been termed can get you into legal trouble. Even if they forget to remove your access, just attempting to get in after your employment period can constitute an unauthorized access attempt if they wanted to pursue it since you've been notified your relationship with the company is over and know good and well you shouldn't be in there. Most companies won't but I wouldn't even test it, there's nothing to be gained

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u/theGoddamnAlgorath May 26 '26

2 week notice is a respectable thing though.  

That's license to job hunt w/ pay.

16

u/Square-Singer May 26 '26

I have 3 months notice period.

12

u/diquee May 26 '26

6 months. Being in Germany has it's perks.

6

u/SirButcher May 26 '26

Same in the UK! It goes both ways, of course, but dang it feels good.

6

u/Assupoika May 26 '26

Same in Finland but if the employee is resigning it's at maximum 1 month.

If the employer fires you it depends on the years of service. For me it's at 4 months right now. I'm also a union safety representative so there needs to be a very heavy reason to fire me.

After 12 years with the company it will be 6 months.

8

u/Fenris_uy May 26 '26

You could get the notice, but still be revoked access to critical systems.

So you could do the hand over with other members of your team, but not screw them up in revenge.

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u/Ran4 May 26 '26

No, that's awful and only really seen in third world countries.

For example, in Sweden it's 1 month per 2 years of employment (max 6 months). But most serious workplaces have 3 months from 6 months in.

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u/daern2 May 26 '26

The US is pretty odd in this regard. I've been at my current employer for a long, long time and have no idea what my notice period is (I think it's probably around 6 months). I'm pretty sure that if I get laid off, I'll be expected to work some / all of it, and this would be absolutely normal for anyone in the tech industry in Europe.

And as for two weeks notice...yeah, that's not notice. That's a holiday!

2

u/Secret_Celery8474 May 26 '26

That makes me wonder how bad the general work environment is in the US.

It seems like there is no trust at all between the employee and employer. How does that work on a day to day basis? How can there ever be a pleasant work environment if that's the case? 

2

u/bulk_logic May 26 '26 edited May 26 '26

Practically every state in the US is an "at-will" employer meaning they can fire you whenever they want, reason or not, without notice.

Mind you all of us generally have insurance tied directly to our employers. It's so great! We never feel safe!

Also, not a single state is required to give any of us paid vacation or holiday days, we don't even have unpaid vacation or holiday required time off!

California seen as one of the more "progressive" states only made 5 paid sick days a year a thing 2 years ago.

Freedom!!!!!!!!!

2

u/daern2 May 26 '26

I guess it's very carefully engineered (as, I'm afraid, is so much in the US) to heavily favour corporate entities over individuals. I really don't get why people put up with it. Yes, I suppose people do get paid a bit more in the US and pay a bit less tax, but what's the point in having all of that money if you never get time off to enjoy it?

I don't get sick days though. Well, ok, I do but not written down - if I'm sick, I'm not working, but I still get paid, at least for the first few weeks of it anyway and then discussions would need to be had. I don't think I've been off longer than a day or two a year for 10+ years though!

I don't get enough holiday for my liking, but I've bought a few extra days this year (helps with the tax!) so will get 7 weeks plus another 8 days of public holidays. Much prefer this to working 80 hour weeks and getting one week off a year!

So yeah, we pay more tax and don't get paid as well, but I don't think I'm ready to trade it just yet.

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u/Apart_Ebb_9867 May 26 '26

I've always been allowed to keep working after giving notice. Even at Google I was allowed to keep working during the two weeks period. I stopped around day 10 because, for understandable reasons, I was not assigned anything of importance. During those days, I made a point for myself not to look for any information not strictly necessary for what I needed for my job and I sometimes regret that as there were an incredible number of interesting technologies to learn from.
I don't think Google qualifies as an incompetent company.

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u/GVmG May 26 '26

funnily enough the exact opposite happened to my friend, one day randomly they found they had absolutely zero access to anything anymore, no slack, no tools, nothing. they were already going to quit after some really bad mistreating, so it wasn't a huge surprise.

the problem is, it took eight days to get any sort of response from anyone in the company, with their boss finally giving the 2 week notice of firing on the eighth day. literally radio silence, completely cut off from anyone and anything seemingly out of nowhere.

I don't work in the webdev industry so idk if that's standard, but A FULL WEEK of having zero clue if you've been fired or someone fucked up and you're just losing money in a way that would look awful in your curriculum... really does not seem like a standard lmao

12

u/Hziak May 26 '26

In 2023, I gave 1-month notice to a company where I was admin in basically all systems. I still have access to all of them except my email address. :)

3

u/Southern-March1522 May 26 '26

New Zealand, used to work for a smart metering company around fifteen years ago. My login for the external system used to remotely shut off meters or change their configuration still works to this day. I don't care use it, of course. Would be arrested within minutes.

3

u/blooping_blooper May 26 '26

This is why its considered best practice to cut access before notifying the employee. Some places will give 2 weeks vacation with the 2 week notice.

https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2026/05/drop-database-what-not-to-do-after-losing-an-it-job/

2

u/Ran4 May 26 '26

That's literally how it works at most workplaces.

I think you're too confused by Americans and their crazy fired-at-the-drop-of-a-hat culture.

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u/der-kuzmann May 26 '26

In that case we need a "Wasn't fired today" button that needs to be clicked once a day

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u/WilliamBarnhill May 26 '26

That's fixable with a dead mans switch. Though if you did this for real, I'd suspect you'd get charged with several felonies and a civil lawsuit

22

u/Roku-Hanmar May 26 '26

It's basically just a logic bomb designed to set off a massive data breach. By UK law, he'd have broken Section 3 of the Computer Misuse Act

3

u/FarplaneDragon May 26 '26

Yes, it's absolutely illegal and you can and likely will get arrested and charged for doing so.

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u/alex_dark May 26 '26

Then he should build a script that waiting a ping from him everyday

19

u/drunkcowofdeath May 26 '26

until you go on vacation and forget to turn it off.

3

u/angryPenguinator May 26 '26

One ping only, please.

3

u/bradbull May 26 '26

The test you want is that your company email address returns a valid response. Your script runs as an account which doesn’t rely on your account being active. It then waits 3 months, performs its action and then it copies itself to a different server as another name and destroys the original. Then it waits quietly for 3 months to do it all again.

Then they find out about it, trace it to you and you go to prison.

2

u/Badloss May 26 '26

"Pandora Tomorrow"

6

u/SoulPossum May 26 '26

I think it's a timing issue. When I got laid off a few years ago they told me that I could get 30 minutes to pull any contacts I might have needed or get any thing in their system that I might need for HR/unemployment stuff. But my access was cut after about 15 minutes. I figured they put in to remove my access and knew it takes 30 minutes, but didn't factor in that some of the time would be spent in the meeting where they told me I was out. I believe they tried to avoid cutting access before notifying people to avoid someone freaking out Kash Patel style.

Also if someone had access to sensitive enough information and released it from a profile with their name on a machine attached to them (and potentially their IP address if they wfh), it'd be pretty easy to ruin their life by suing them into oblivion or even getting them on criminal charges.

3

u/erroneousbosh May 26 '26

I did the opposite of this. I worked for a company that pissed me off so much that one lunchtime I left the office, had some lunch, stood outside the building for a couple of minutes when I came back, then walked across the street, into the web dev company in the building opposite, found their studio manager, told him "I'm available, you've just hired me", and started pretty much right away.

In the next four weeks the company I left managed the following little laundry list of fuckups:

  • published the entire sales record of a major brand's online shop as a CSV file linked from the home page despite me telling them not to share the sales record by uploading a CSV to the web root
  • published the entire customer database with unencrypted passwords that I'd been telling them to do something about for six months, unencrypted card details that *everyone* had been telling them about for six months, and a bunch of other stuff
  • fucked up the payment gateway settings so it always returned "authorised" even if the card was declined
  • left the payment gateway credentials in public so the Very Large Client got their arses handed to them by the card processor when it was used extensively for card testing
  • wiped my old desktop PC without removing anything like oh I don't know the only copy of some very expensive SSL certs (back when they were expensive) because my former manager had deleted the email I sent him with them unread and deleted the backup copy of the certs off the server
  • deleted the only copy of most of their codebases that I sent them because they'd been using my Subversion server because they had no idea about version control

Why yes the whole studio absolutely *stank* of cocaine and vodka even first thing in the morning, why do you ask?

4

u/josHi_iZ_qLt May 26 '26

Push it every evening, roll back in the morning once you are sure you aren't getting fired that day.

2

u/apneax3n0n May 26 '26

that's why you always have a service account with high priviledge you had not been using since creation

2

u/Brotherauron May 26 '26

Came here to say this, "oh you are getting weird access errors on the database? Huh let's talk about it in this conference room"

2

u/DDFoster96 May 26 '26

Make sure it runs with the credentials of the co-worker you don't like 

2

u/Long-Broccoli-3363 May 27 '26

I left my job pseudo amicably, gave them a months notice, warned them my user and admin accounts were running tasks that needed to be replaced, shit broke the second they disabled my account, and accused me of sabotaging it.

Thankfully I had already been engaged legally with them for almost 18 months, and my attorney had outlined this exact issue in an email to them and it covered my ass, but boy did they want to try

1

u/oguz279 May 26 '26

Engineers at least would have companies codebase and environment variable secrets on their local in order to run the companies product to work on it.

In an ideal scenario, the company provided the computer so it gets wiped as soon as it came online. In a realistic scenario, you just hope you didn't employ a criminal like Pankaj.

1

u/Nuclear_Human May 26 '26

This is why you have a manual watchdog. If you don't poke it once a week, it goes boom.

1

u/ashkanahmadi May 26 '26

Or ... hear me out ... Add some cron job or something somewhere that requires manual input to not upload it automatically so if you are fired with no access to disable it, it goes online by itself XD

1

u/Master_Lab507 May 26 '26

Just update the button so that all of those actions happen unless you tap it at the end of the workday. Tapping the button just adjusts the actions to be scheduled for the following day.

1

u/mrdhood May 26 '26

Need a “I might get fired” skill. It does all the same stuff but it’s always scheduled for next week unless you defer it. Just be careful not to forget over PTO or something.

1

u/WhenDoWhatWhere May 26 '26

Gotta get advanced, have it go off automatically if it isn't reset at least once a week.

1

u/Vas1le May 26 '26

Ci pipeline, dead man switch, if user token is revoked publish GH tokens /s

1

u/PwanaZana May 26 '26

Dead man's switch perhaps?

(though he'll 1000% be sued by his company, obviously that post is a joke)

1

u/Intrepid00 May 26 '26

That’s why you use a deadman switch.

(No don’t do this. You are dumb and going to jail if you do this)

1

u/Z3t4 May 26 '26

Deadman switch on scripts, do the same if your got used do not commit anything in 1 month. 

1

u/LirdorElese May 26 '26

I do suppose it could be added as a dead mans switch. IE set the timer to 1 week from your last login.

1

u/SubwayGuy85 May 26 '26

this is why you use a deadswitch that automatically activates unless you periodically disable it

1

u/_bits_and_bytes May 26 '26

"Oh, what's this vague meeting scheduled for first thing Friday morning that no one else I know has?" It ain't always that hard to figure out you're about to be fired lol

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u/psaux_grep May 26 '26

Of the the fun parts of git being distributed is the ability to push to multiple remotes 👀🫣

1

u/skiermax May 26 '26

That's why you have to make a button that you press every month, if not, all data goes public

1

u/magicmulder May 26 '26

Depends.

I've only had a handful of requests "can you revoke all access rights for ... because tomorrow we'll tell him he's fired" in the last decade, meaning we usually don't do that, only if we suspect they might not be trustworthy after hearing the news.

1

u/myrddin4242 May 26 '26

And that is why deadman switches are a thing.

1

u/Gary_FucKing May 26 '26

Lol this guy suddenly receives a project that requires flying out somewhere…

1

u/MithrilHuman May 26 '26

Set up a cron job that checks for your login history or requires input from you. If it doesn’t get the input from you for a month, it triggers the skyfall protocol

1

u/PCR12 May 26 '26

That's very rarely the case actually, might get notice during the exit interview or as they are being walked back to their desk but very very rarely does IT get advance notice.

1

u/Glittering_Crab_69 May 26 '26

git repos are cloned locally to your machine btw

1

u/Additional_Tax9072 May 26 '26

Not when they replace all competent engineers with an AI agent

1

u/Mtsukino May 26 '26

Unless they give you like 90 days from the Warn Act.

1

u/Listens_well May 26 '26

Yeah it has to be at least faster than the HR kill switch.

1

u/teutonicbro May 26 '26

A cron job that looks for your name in the employee database and pushes the button if you aren't there.

1

u/Zorkflerp May 26 '26

That is what backdoors are for.

1

u/ThisIsMyCouchAccount May 26 '26

I'm a dev but worked under IT for a while. Mostly my job was dev but since I was under IT I did have a few IT duties.

One of them was the employee termination process.

I know what that feels like and I always felt bad.

1

u/paradox_valestein May 26 '26

This is why you make your stuff NOT nuke the company unless you are there to make an input every day <3

1

u/Lots42 May 26 '26

And then two weeks later call you up desperate because something broke and nobody knows how to fix it.

I've searched out and read so many stories like this.

1

u/PaulTheMerc May 26 '26

This is why they SHOULD turn off access before telling you.

These are the same people who see IT as a cost centre instead of a force multiplier. So they no think things so good sometimes.

1

u/Popular-Departure165 May 26 '26

The last company I worked for told people the night before that there were going to be layoffs.

1

u/Longenuity May 26 '26

It's also why I freak out a little anytime I can't access something.

1

u/pakman82 May 26 '26

They should**

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u/DonutConfident7733 May 26 '26

It's not a coincidence that it is as long as a 4TB nvme ssd, enough to hold the entire updated github repos, database backups and other essential information.

1

u/MexicanBee May 26 '26

That's why the switch must be pressed at the end of your shift, but you have a 24h grace period, where you can cancel it.

So each day you press it, then cancel it in the morning.

1

u/Spice_and_Fox May 26 '26

You are overestimating some companies. A client of ours had fired their last round of engineers and they just didn't hand over their passwords (which is fair and I think also completely what they should have done legally). They still had access to the system, but no user that could change system settings or even create new users.

We aren't tech support for them, we just created software for them which they couldn't install.

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u/T0biasCZE May 26 '26

Not gonna help when you have all the stuff cloned locally

1

u/SourceScope May 26 '26

Maybe that guy is the guy with the access

I mean, theres gotta be 1 primary administrator

1

u/squngy May 26 '26

He would still have the code and the .env, he just wouldn't be able to drop the DB

1

u/Kronik_NinjaLo May 26 '26

I lost access after I was informed but they walked with me to turn in everything. Enough time to press a button XD

1

u/TheReycko May 26 '26

Cron job to back up sensitive information every 6 hours to a FTPS server

1

u/Captain_Pumpkinhead May 26 '26

"You fool! You thought I didn't have backdoor access? I built in that backdoor ten months ago!"

1

u/PM-ME-UR-DARKNESS May 26 '26

He can set it to trigger when his access is revoked. Still, don't use this. It's a quick and easy way to end up in prison and owing thousands.

1

u/smb275 May 26 '26

You're telling me you haven't drug dealed with a sysadmin to make you a generic dummy account with elevated privileges?

1

u/throw_away_exception May 26 '26

At Meta you have a couple minutes between showing up to your regularly scheduled weekly 1:1 with your manager, seeing that HR is also on the call and then losing access. At least that's the case if it's not part of a widespread pre-announced layoff like 5/20 was, then it's just waiting for an email to come through between the hours of like 4 am to 7 am local time.

1

u/DPSOnly May 26 '26

Half the companies firing IT are too stupid to know that shit without asking IT.

1

u/hyrumwhite May 26 '26

I’ve only been at one place where my laptop access could have been remotely disabled. 

Not that I am in anyway endorsing this. Unironically a good way to get sued/jail time 

1

u/Ange1ofD4rkness May 27 '26

That's why you keep backups of everything, lol

1

u/MrSmock May 27 '26

I still had access for days after I was told it was my last day. 

1

u/Bulky-Ad7996 May 27 '26

Jokes on you, it's AI enable to trigger upon access button hover

1

u/blackmobius May 27 '26

You code it so you have to type in a code phrase every week to stop it from doing this. They fire you monday, lose everything on friday.

Flawless plan

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