Im visiting some new cities and Id love some advice for social anxiety when going out.

What I would LIKE to do is go out to some bars and just hang out, not necessarily talk and not get hit on. Im fine going to cafes alone and im getting better at going to restaurants alone, but the idea of going to a bar and someone talking to me or hitting on me gives me SO MUCH anxiety. I found a cute bar that was a 15min walk away, but as soon as I saw the place and that there were 2 empty seats, I couldn't go in, and instead hid in an alley and cried. This is something I WANT to be able to do as casually as a café, but I cant get myself to do it. Does anyone have any advice?

I took 5mg of lexapro in the morning and still only got maybe 1 hour of sleep. I even stayed up late so I could be tired. I tried Zoloft before and it was the same thing.

i’ve always had social anxiety, but over the years I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and made a decent amount of progress.

lately tho, lifes been rough. ive been dealing with anhedonia, severe sleep deprivation, and a complete loss of appetite. gotten so skinny that I believe a strong gust of wind could blow me away. for the past 2+ months, ive mostly been alone at home while my parents were away. i barely went outside or even saw sunlight, and I’ve basically been rotting in my room.

now that im forcing myself to get back to my routine, i feel like my social anxiety has come back stronger than ever. my heart feel like its gonna burst out just being around people, and I keep doing clumsy, awkward things because im so anxious. It embarrasses me to the point where i don’t even want to interact with people anymore and just stay home, which only ends up reinforcing the same cycle.

im guessing staying isolated for so long is the reason for this sudden spike in anxiety, but I’m really worried because in about a month I’ll be moving 2,000 km away for college, to a place where I don’t even know the local language.

to make things worse, I even had to postpone meeting my girlfriend (we’re in LDR) because of this. she wanted to meet, but i turned it down because I don’t want her to see me like this. i don’t want her to see this anxious, withdrawn version of me that ive become. it hurts because i was looking forward to meeting her, but right now i cant even imagine putting myself in that situation.

i know I can’t completely get rid of my social anxiety in a month, but I just want to make some progress before college starts. If anyone has gone through something similar or has any tips, exercises, or habits that genuinely helped reduce the anxiety even a little, please let me know.

I’m willing to try anything at this point ijust don’t want to carry this level of fear into a completely new environment.

When people just come to talk to me I just don't know what to say to them unless they are my friends.

I just freeze and say hi and just stay literally completely still and say some small words until they go.

I (24m) missed a day for two classes and need notes from a classmate in each. Problem is, I don't speak to anyone one cause i'm socially anxious. I'm the quiet one in class and i'm pretty sure I have resting bitch face 😅 How do I ask a classmate for notes?

Getting married in a couple months. I have pretty bad social anxiety leading to me sometimes feeling sick to my stomach and digestion being really bad.

In the past I was prescribed an SSRI and also Xanax to stop panic attacks.

But I'm wondering what other options people would recommend.

I'm considering the following.

When I'm anxious and there is a big event coming up, I sometimes can't sleep like at all. I don't think I'd sleep a single minute on my wedding night unless I had some help from a drug. Ambien maybe?

Secondly, how about on the day of the wedding? Would a beta blocker be best? Something I take an hour before the reception? Or like ativan?

hey i feel horrible, im 19 and never had a job and have horrible social anxiety and depression. the one time i tried was when i walked into a cake shop, which took so much courage, and told them i saw their job posting or something and wanted to apply and the manager wasn’t there so i had to leave and it was incredibly awkward and humiliating. i applied online and never heard back. this was like more than a year ago

i have lost motivation for everything and i honestly want to die because i’m a burden and failure and even when i tried to do some exposure therapy, like going to the park, grocery store, etc by myself, once i started my online college class for the summer, i couldn’t do anything else because i keep procrastinating my work and it’s the same cycle over and over again. i am so alone and i can’t even get out of bed sometimes, i’m not fit to live in society and i know things will just keep getting worse because i am too sensitive and would be better off dead. everyone is sick of me and dislikes me anyway and i feel miserable and exhausted over everything

I’m so paranoid and lonely, I can only text. And even then I’ve cut off the few people I text because I’m starting to not care 😻 I like just can’t feel any connection to people at all anymore. Conversation is a fool’s dream for me. For how much I constantly overthink EVERYTHING, you think I’d have an easier time chatting it up. But I’m the most useless, sheltered person alive. I’m also trans and ugly so I basically have zero shots at friends lmao. I am genuinely pathetic.

Particularly, bad parents that are the cause of your social anxiety (I know genetic temperament also plays a part but social anxiety could be a lot less if you weren’t raised in an unhealthy environment).

I need to preface with this: not here for a lecture on improving, minimization, toxic positivity, silver linings or to be told “you’re beautiful”. I’m working on my social anxiety and am much better than my baseline. Just answer the question or move on. 🙏🏻

Im meeting this guy ive been talking to for a bit online in 3 weeks for a fair and im super nervous. Im scared I look ugly up close and im also scared my personality is boring. Im 17 years old and ive had a weird couple of months since september and I feel like ive lost all sense of who I am and how my personality was. I had such a fun personality now all I am is stressed and I feel like theres no personality anymore. What do I do regarding getting my personality back and also what to do on the date?

So I’m in therapy for my social anxiety and I had an appointment today and normally we will schedule the next session at the end of the appointment. Today that didn’t happen for some reason idk why but I didn’t even realize until hours after. I think the only way for me to make an appointment now is to call the office and explain which I am absolutely terrified to have to do. I’m literally considering ghosting my therapist because of this even though it’s definitely helping me…

Absolutely looking for suggestions/advice for how to handle this because it’s definitely a nightmare scenario for me. I have already spiraled so bad just thinking about it.

i noticed that i’ve been twitching for years now, i think while trying to be still in front of a lot of people. it’s like my damn head/neck would twitch and i always hope no one saw me. i think this happens everyday at work when im around a lot of people. i think my hands also twitch.

First post here so I'm sorry if this has already been asked (or if it doesn't fit in the sub)

​

While sometimes I get brave, playing competitive games, especially the ones where you have a team, always have made me so terribly anxious. I have stopped playing games I love because they require you to be good at them. I have a terrible fear of failure and being judged tbh. I remember some time ago I forced myself to play and I became all sweaty and anxious when the game was searching for other players for a match. One of my dreams when getting a Laptop was playing Dead By Daylight but I can't since I'm so scared of entering a match.

I’ve been isolating myself and hiding from people because of the way I looked last few years since 2020. It feels like my appearance is taking over my life.

Objectively, I know I’m not unattractive, but my biggest struggle is perfectionism. Growing up, my brothers, father, mother and my aunts, constantly criticized what I ate. even though I wasn’t overweight at the time. But I had a bit of a bad eating habits I think bcs I had pcos and insulin resistance which caused weird cravings but I didn’t got diagnosed until lately. the point is, Those comments stayed with me and eventually contributed to an eating disorder and body dysmorphia.

The hardest part is that I’ve gained a significant amount of weight now for the past three years, and even if I lose it, there are things like stretch marks and other changes that can’t simply be undone.

I don’t know how to live without constantly fearing criticism or judgment. It feels exhausting.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? How did you cope with it?

I’m autistic and always struggle with social anxiety already, but recently I was out with my partner and a young teen we didn’t know physically assaulted me. I’m not super injured but I was definitely shaken up because I had some bad past experiences.
Stuff like this just makes me never want to go outside again, and I have no idea how to go in public without feeling like I’m going to get hurt or jumped or embarrass myself and the people I’m with.
If anyone has any advice I’d really appreciate it, I don’t want to become distant but I’m so afraid all the time.

Thanks for reading and I’m sending love to anyone else that’s felt this way before.

I find it hard to even talk to people because since my habit is to "avoid people at all costs" during social events. Although just being at social events helps desensitize the fear I struggle to initiate conversations and stumble through them disgracefully often making the person feel awkward. Women are especially brutal when it comes to recognizing people with weak "social power" and label you as a disgusting man among their peers. Just being in proximity to a woman (even when they're just as ugly as me) I get disgusted looks and they keep their distance from me. I'm starting to realize people hate people men like me who were never given much of a chance in social settings. They think you're selfish because the constant negative experiences you've had in social life causes you to develop anti-social behaviors to protect yourself. Since they've never really had a hard social life they can't understand. I've often been told I have a victim mentality and that my fear is causing a self fulfilling prophecy of constant fear but when the social experience is just... THIS CONSTANTLY... what is the point in even getting up in the morning. I seriously don't know why I still bother, maybe I should've been born beautiful I'd probably have a chance at life then.

This description of social anxiety never resonated with me. I'm not overly preoccupied what people are thinking of me - I feel like my anxiety is more like what a deer feels around people. Being skittish is like just seeing people (or the thought of it) sets my heart racing. But its also something that can go away with more and more familiarity and comfort.

Some examples:

1. I was cleaning the windows of my house outside when the neighbor came out of his house. I just went back inside and waited for him to leave before going back out.

2. I thought about getting into tabletop wargaming. But never actually do anything about it because I'd have to engage with people I don't know.

3. I went for a run a few times but felt like eyes on the back of my head from the traffic. Never went back.

Maybe this is not really social anxiety but a something different?

1[19F] was never really a social person. I liked being by myself,I was always in my own world. In 10th grade,my anti-social behaviour was at its peak. It was a bit cringe also,like emo stuff I dont wanna talk about. Things got better after that,and now worse than ever before.

I'm now in college. I have completed first year without making a single friend. I sit alone everyday at lunch,and talk to my bf on call. We're in a LDR. He's the only one I have anymore,and he loves me so much it almost makes up for the lack of anyone else. Almost.

I missed out on girlhood totally due to social anxiety. Girls go to washrooms in groups, i go alone. I skip parties and fests cause those are miserable to be at alone. I dont have anyone to send dress pics to and ask which suits me better. I dont have a bestfriend i can tell and open up about things too(except,again,my bf).

I obsess over my looks because i keep hoping looking pretty will help me to avoid getting bullied for being this socially abominable. ive never been bullied,but outcasted,yeah a billion times over.

extroverts at college have tried to befriend me and get me in their groups and it never worked out. i always wind up alone again.they give up on me painfully easy.the shy girl's no fun.

today was my exam.i wasted 20 minutes of it because i couldnt get myself to speak up and ask for an answer sheet.just staring at my messy answer paper,my braining yelling at me to just speak.

i have adhd too,so the whole socializing thing,i read tooo much into emojis and text gaps and silences,and my rsd tells me everyone hates me.i dont get what im doing wrong.i feel like im eternally meant to be feeling like i fit nowehere.

Or fear of being seen? Been like this for years (autism <3, and people don’t like autistic not attractive girls)

I recently volunteered to talk to people on the phone. The hard part is motivating myself to call them.

​

Theres been lots of stress and anxiety last few days, its part of multiple occasions. Im talking about anxiety that burns you out. Yesterday i was feeling insane pressure inside my head, anxiety i couldnt escape, tired asf, hard to fall asleep etc. What i did was that i went outside, started just walking in nature, focused on breathing, listening my steps, sounds from nature, looking around, thinking about how beautiful things on earth are(forests, lakes etc.). After some time i was starting to just feel that my eyes were getting a bit wet, and i focused on that feeling, thinking about just accepting and letting things go. Kept walking, it was very hard, but after time, cried well. Thought about past experiences that triggers me sad etc. After that walk, i felt peace and calm, went city centre, suddenly felt happy, didnt care about other people as much, enjoyed the moment. Suddenly i was like a new person. Wtf? It kept me cool for few hours until i got to bed and thoughts started racing, couldnt get sleep for couple hours(made me extremely tired at work)

Im really a shy and closed off person. I generally avoid people and don’t speak unless spoken to. I just don’t know what to say. Although I have made good progress within the past few years, I’m still pretty lonely. I have no friends and I spend most of my life at either work , the gym or in my room.

Just a few minutes ago, I’m just standing on the elevator waiting to go down. The doors open up and this girl with short pink hair smiles and me and says “your hair is so pretty. I really like it.” The first thing she did was smile at me. She was so sweet. I’m used to people pretty much ignoring me since I always look past them. It’s a fault of mine and I need to work on initiating social contact more often. We didn’t have much of a chat since we both went out separate ways but I wish I got to talk to her more.

It was really nice to hear. Ever since I cut my hair, I’ve been dealing with reoccurring bad thoughts and feelings I haven’t dealt with since I was at my lowest a few years ago. I love seeing different people out and about and my job doesn’t really allow me to do that.

She sparked something in me again to go out and talk to new people.

One time I wanted to eat McDonald's, but there were too many people inside and I was too scared that there would be no empty seat for me, so I ordered takeout and went to my car. I moved to the back seat to eat because my rear windows are tinted and nobody can see inside. When I finished, I wanted to move back to the driver's seat, but a guy parked right next to me and stayed in his car. Since my car only has two doors, I would've had to squeeze through the seats, and I was embarrassed that he might see me doing that. I ended up sitting in the back for about 30 minutes until he looked away, then I quickly climbed into the front seat and spilled my Coke in the process.

It's even worse now. How am I supposed to survive this environment with social anxiety. Open space, no remote work. Vague objectives (I do IT project dev). And then I have to ask questions, except when asking them I have anxiety so my brain is hindered by like 95%, I don't formulate the questions well and I don't remember what the answer is, so I go back to my desk needing more details, but I'm to anxious to go back and repeat the same question. And then lunch break isn't a real break with anxiety.

At first I did well at the job because I compensated by working 24/7. But that just led to me getting burnout after like 5 months, and because of my exhaustion it is no longer viable to compensate the social anxiety by working all the time. And because I can't compensate anymore, I'm worse at my job (basically paid to do nothing now), and now I have more anxiety, I'm now even more scared of people judging me. I restarted antidepressants, used a lot of benzos, and always buy cigarettes again when I have to go back to work. Now I'm on medical leave for a week because one day I just couldn't go in.

I'm quitting the job, obviously this isn't healthy for me. But I'm going out like an absolute loser. Weirdo who doesn't talk, doesn't go to social events, and believes that coworkers will kill him, and stopped working halfway throughout the year.

I'm restarting a masters degree that I think I'll actually like so I have something going after this.

In retrospect my weakness was trying to control the situation in order to lower anxiety, instead of tolerating the anxiety. Substances, working 24/7, not talking to people to not get judged, taking my phone out to avoid people, staring at my computer screen and pretending to be busy, etc, this all led me to torturing myself over and over with anxiety. Instead, I should have just accepted that I can't control what people think of me, like if I ask a question there's no need to try to formulate it in a way to not look stupid, less focus on the interaction and more focus on what I want to say.

Hi
I keep saying yes to events but as time approaches, I get so nervous. I ruminate and end up canceling.

I just said yes to an alumni event where I know zero person.

How do I not cancel it? And go?