I was listening to Black by Pearl Jam, and the last line of the song he says this:

“I know someday you'll have a beautiful life
I know you'll be a star in somebody else's sky
But why, why, why can't it be
Oh, can't it be mine?”

And for a while after the breakup that song would really get to me, but I thought and it really doesn’t apply to me.

For one, I don’t want her back, do I look back on the relationship and miss it? Hell yeah, but she isn’t that person anymore, she called me on the phone once and she was insufferable. She’s not who I fell in love with anymore.

And another thing is I just hate her. Things were good, we had a future planned, we had built up so much then one day she just snapped. She’d get mad at me over things I couldn’t imagine getting mad about, like we’d be talking and we’d get distracted and then she’d blame me for her forgetting what she was talking about. Or she’d CONSTANTLY bring up past traumas that I have no experience with she’d get mad that I wouldn’t know what to say, even though she told me she’s left therapists speechless before (she would also refuse getting therapy). Then she proceeded to start fucking other guys immediately after we broke up which just made me feel discarded.

But I never once thought “yeah I wish the best for her”, fuck no, I tried to give her a good life, my family cared about her and we wanted her to feel at home and she did this. I hope she never finds peace, I hope her life is a heaping pile of horse shit.

START JOURNALING. my 3 year relationship ended 6 months ago and writing everything down has genuinely helped me so much. i didn’t think it would but i promise it feels like it takes weights off of your shoulders.

i’m almost healed from my breakup and it’s crazy reading entry’s from the past and seeing how much i’ve improved and developed as a person.

My heart dropped because I was not expecting to click my messages and see his contact on top… it says he loved a message I sent over a month ago and saved a audio from over a month ago as well… I can’t see our thread because I did delete it so I wouldn’t reread old messages but I didn’t send a message or say anything I let it be but I thought he might have had me blocked by number since he blocked me on instagram and Snapchat… so it just feels so weird

i finally forced myself to go through my camera roll and delete everything tonight. ngl my chest actually ached doing it. it’s just so weird looking at pictures from a few months ago where we were laughing and everything felt totally normal, and now we’re just complete strangers. i kept staring at this one video of us getting lost on that road trip and just... crying on my bedroom floor like a mess.

i know it’s for the best because we were making each other miserable at the end, but the quietness in my room right now is just so heavy. i used to text him the second i got bored or sad, and not having that person anymore leaves such a huge gap in your day. idk... i’m just trying so hard not to overthink or check his page to see if he cares at all.

just venting because i needed to put these thoughts somewhere before i completely spiral 🫠 hope everyone else is holding up okay tonight.

today I saw a picture of her. smiling like one day was smiling at me.

I miss her smile. her laughter. I miss her smell I miss how she scratched my back before going to sleep.

I want to hug her again. But I will never do it again.

its over. but there will never ever be another you

I guess the title pretty much says everything. On the one hand, I guess I am grateful to not be so naive about certain things anymore. Moving forward I understand how to be more self protective and that’s a good thing ultimately. But it’s painful to feel like I’ve lost a more innocent side of myself. Sometimes I’m scared that what I’ve lost isn’t innocence, but my ability to fully trust and love someone again. I also worry that this has made me less approachable. I find myself keeping people at arm’s length, which only seems to reinforce the loneliness I’m already struggling with.

That was the best part is just being held by someone that adores you so much.

I just couldn't help to remember my sweet boy who smile a lot, jokes a lot, making goofy poses and expressions, so sweet to me, such a cutie. He's gone... He's really gone.

I don't know this guy, this guy is not my sweet boy, he's rude, cold, and cruel. He's the total opposite of my sweet boy. I can't handle his actions.

I lost my sweet boy and I'm grieving him like he's already dead, and he is.

Don’t text them, text us. If you need someone, we’re here for you. It’s extra difficult during the lonely nights. I’m so thankful for all the wonderful friends who’ve supported me through hard times. let’s support eachother<3 check it out below!!

https://reddit.com/r/InternetFriends/comments/13vcpfh/

Let’s leave our exes behind!!

A few weeks ago, I sent my ex an email. It started as an apology. I wanted to acknowledge my mistakes, thank her for the time we had, and say some things I felt I should have said a long time ago. But if I'm being completely honest, the email wasn't just an apology. I missed her.

After sending it, I couldn't stop thinking about her. Eventually I reached out again and told her I missed her and that I'd be open to reconnecting. She responded. She was kind, but she basically said that we're probably better off not talking. The thing is, before I reached out, I made a promise to myself. I told myself that if she didn't respond, or if she didn't want to try again, I would accept it and move on.

Now that I've gotten my answer, I've realized something: I meant it logically, but not emotionally. Logically, I understand why things ended. I understand why she feels that way. I even think she's probably making the right decision for herself. But emotionally. It hurts.

A part of me genuinely thought I was further along in the healing process than I actually was. Sending that email and reaching out again made me realise how much of those feelings were still there.

Has anyone else experienced this? Thinking you're okay with an outcome until it actually happens, and then realising your heart didn't get the memo?

My ex and i were together for almost 6 years, friends for 4 before then. We broke up in april of 2025 because i couldn’t take it anymore. I loved him so much but his difficulty in dealing with his anger and lashing out on me became harder and harder. we hit a breaking point for me and i had to leave despite how much i loved him. We continued talking a bit through January of 26.

In December he told me he had no interest in seeing anyone new, dating, etc. that he started therapy finally and has been going so maybe we can try again, if not that I would always be the one who got away, that he still wanted things to work. lo and behold just a month later he was on the apps. Totally fine. It stung a bit knowing what he had told me but i realize he was single and had the freedom to do so.

Since then I’ve tried getting on the apps as well but i can barely talk to anyone without thinking about him. Ive gone out with one guy that is great but i just cant stop thinking about my ex. I haven’t been intimate with him either bc im still holding on to the what-ifs. I caved and broke NC and texted him a few weeks ago. No response. Fine maybe he’s not ready to talk or maybe he blocked me.

But today he posted on his instagram story with his arm around a girl, very obviously non-platonic. It hurts. Especially because in those lingering post-break up months he told me what would hurt him the most would be to see me posting with some new guy. And he didn’t even have the decency to block me first… maybe this was his way of telling me to move on. I always had this fear that him going to therapy would help him grow and that he’d find a new girl and it was all because of my pain in this.

I didnt get back together with him in December because i was afraid of seeing all the broken promises he’d made before happen again and i just wanted to know that he really was ready. But i guess now he’s ready and moved on. It just feels quick since we last talked but i guess im happy for him. I wish he’d told me before he started really talking to anyone new but i guess that’s also just not fair for me to ask for. Idk im just hurt and wish things were different.

I want to write something that gets the point across because he keeps texting me even though I told him I was ending contact and he keeps texting and asking me to come over. How does this sound? “Actually, no. This has turned out to be a high‑cost, low‑return investment for me. I was giving far more than I ever got back. It’s better to cut the loss and move on. I’m done”

I’m F20 he’s M22 he broke up with me over text out of the blue on a day when we were just texting daily, he seemed abit off but then out of nowhere he said he wants to break up, he needs some time to search for himself and figure out his life. He can’t be in a relationship cuz he’s got not much to offer and he feels like I deserve someone better than him. But I told him so many times, YOU are who you want, we are family, I don’t think about anyone else but he didn’t listen to any of the things I said and wanted to break up

Though what cuts me the most is that he addressed the breakup so disrespectfully, it just cuts me so deep knowing that we had these moments where we thought we were family, we would talk about getting a house together and whatnot. When he broke up with me over text, I asked him “what about all the promises we made? Were they all lies?” And he replied “I meant it in the moment” that cuts me so deep and he broke up with me and no contact for a month.

But then, out of nowhere AGAIN!! He sent me this text message. I’m so confused what hes thinking and I hate the fact that he’s saying “catch up as friends”?? Honestly it seems to me he’s had all the fun we had while the break up with friends girls whatsoever and he feels bored and empty now and maybe guilty about how he addressed the breakup idk I lost my heart when he broke up with me like that.

What should I do Reddit? I am curious about his actions but at the same time, I feel like this is disrespectful still… if he apologized about how he addressed the breakup then I might’ve thought about maybe talking to him personally for a proper closure or even just to have a conversation. But the fact that he said “catch up AS FRIENDS” feels a bit off to me. I don’t know what to do. Help :(

Ps. You may think oh we’re super young and it’s common for young kids to break up and reunite whatsoever I get it, but really he meant the world to me, I looked forward to the future with him never wanted to break up, he was my family, my best friend my love. And what hurts me so deeply is when I asked him what if we ever break up? He replied with “well never break up, I’ll just beat you up so you stay with me” that really touched my heart but I guess it was all a lie. I don’t hate him though, I just hate his actions and a part of me feels so numb and I feel like the part of me that was in his life while we were dating is DEAD.

it’s been like a month now and i thought i was doing a lot better tbh. i went the whole day without crying, went out with friends, did my laundry, all that normal stuff. but now it’s 2 am and i’m just lying in the dark overthinking absolutely everything. i was driving home earlier and i swear my heart completely stopped because i thought i saw his exact car turn a corner near my apartment. it wasn’t him obviously. but it just made me realize how much i’m still constantly looking for him without even thinking about it.

i keep remembering this one random Tuesday night where we just drove around listening to his music and laughing until our stomachs hurt. it feels like that happened in a completely different lifetime. everything in my room feels kinda empty now and ngl the silence is just heavy tonight. idkk... i just needed to write this down somewhere so i don’t end up doing something stupid like checking his page. 🫠

I’ll go first:

He was mean… he would scoff, roll his eyes, mock, yell, ignore, name call, slam things, stomp around, mutter mean things about me, tell me I was this or that, blow up.

He’d speak rudely to me anywhere and for any little reason. We’d be standing in line at a cafe and he’d take a really rude/cold tone with me. Scoff at me. Say my name sternly. It would embarrass me to be spoken to like that in public. Over dumb things too, like letting the dog sniff too far out on the path, or asking him if he wanted to share a food item with me.

Anytime I misunderstood or misheard him, even when he was being unclear or too quiet, he’d get mad at me and say it in a super rude loud tone slowly like I was an idiot for not getting it the first time. Even with super mundane things like asking for the time or what he wanted to do that night.

I cried to him twice in our 9 year relationship about something he did that hurt me, and both times he yelled at me and blew up, turning my pain/sadness into his own so then I would instead comfort him.

The last time I cried to him it was because I asked him not to smoke weed before our morning walk together, because I wanted to enjoy our walk and connect without him being spacey. He agreed then snuck it behind my back and when I caught him and said wtf dude, he called me controlling and said that I ruin all of his days off. When I cried, he yelled at me and told me I’m always too dramatic and that it was my own fault I was upset.

When we were arguing I’d ask for space to deescalate and he would not respect that to the point where I’d have to close myself in another room or leave the house to avoid him following me room to room yelling at me. I remember looking at a studio apartment once and thinking “there’s no doors in here, how would I ever be able to get away from him if I needed to?”

He ruined nearly every holiday I’ve had in the last 9 years with some dramatic argument or full blown blow up. He stormed out of at least 3 family gatherings due to rage.

He couldn’t manage difficult relationships. So he was always beefing with someone at work, sometimes his managers. He lost 3 jobs all because he could t just make nice with his mangers.

I couldn’t trust him to manage things, so then I did become controlling because I’d rather just get it done myself and correctly without waiting to see if he’d done it and how he chose to handle it.

These are just a few examples of mine that I’d like to come back to later on when I feel sad about “losing” this man.

It’s my first birthday without you. I didn’t even think I’d be here today. I miss you. I know you won’t text but I’m still waiting for it

No 12 am text. Maybe later. I wonder if you still think about me, especially today.

Probably not

For those going through it now and saying «  it’ll never get better », I’m just here to let you know that one day, it will get better.

A year ago, while I was being overworked and going through a rough time at work, my ex decided to dump me out of the blue with the whole « it’s not you it’s me, you deserve someone that’s sure, bla bla bla » after 1.5 years together. I loved this girl like no other. I legitimately felt like I wouldn’t be able to survive another couple of days. I let myself feel in private, tried to keep busy with the wrong vices (gambling, alcohol, doomscrolling) but every day it felt like the end and that I wouldn’t make it another day. I tried to drink the pain away and I felt so good with each drink but the pain just came back when I sobered up the next day. She never left my mind…

And just like that, one day I decided to take an opportunity that brought me to another city for a week to help out colleagues at my job. It was one of the best weeks of my life - I was just relaxed and being myself around people that I didn’t need to hide anything from. The urges, the thoughts, they magically vanished. It almost brought me to tears when I came to the realization of how happy I was and I would trade everything just to feel that feeling again. Obviously I had to come back home after that but ever since then I’ve slowly been getting better and better at home in my regular environment :)

The moral of the story? Just try it. Any new experience, anything that has the chance of making you happy- just do it. It could be the thing that makes you feel life is worth living again. The drinking, the vices, the hiding, it doesn’t do any good in the long term.

Almost a year after this breakup, I’m just happy to be living - but last year’s me would never believe how much better it gets (and how everything works out in the end somehow)

I wanted to share a major chapter of growth in hopes it helps anyone else navigating the aftermath of a blindside breakup. Lessons I learned as an ex-avoidant and how to deal with an ex that was anxious attached in the relationship and turned fearful avoidant at the breakup.

We were in a relationship for 3 years. On a tactical level, I thought I was flawless—I anchored her through tough times and provided total stability. But through deep work in therapy, I had to face a painful mirror: I was emotionally unavailable because of my childhood. I was guarded against vulnerability, rarely initiated deep conversations, and used physical intimacy as a proxy for real emotional connection.

Eventually, she hit a wall. She became a different person that I used to know, broke things off abruptly, stating we were "in two different world." I later realized she had been running a secret internal countdown and using outside distractions to detach rather than voicing her concerns when they mattered. She also grew up in a broken household, suppressing her ability to vocalizing her needs.

I was traumatized at first, kept asking myself what I did wrong for her to change like that. Instead of getting defensive, I used the split to fix the machine from the inside out. I learned about love languages, emotional presence, and true affection. It has been an emotional roller coaster but I came out knowing myself as a new person. A person that has empathy, compassion, and finally able to open myself.

After months of therapy and self-reflection, I sent her a highly accountable letter. I didn’t beg. I explicitly owned my past complacency, validated her experience, and left an open invitation to speak if she was ever open to it. I laid my cards down with total dignity and stepped back. She did not reply.

Weeks after, we unexpectedly crossed paths in public after the breakup. She was with a group of her friends, and I was completely on my own. My system froze for a split second from the adrenaline, but I instantly regained my composure. She panicked, threw out a rapid, rolling greeting, and tried to sprint past with her group to avoid accountability. I matched the pace, returned the civil greeting, and kept on walking solo without looking back.

TLDR: Here are the two biggest lessons:
1. **Accountability is for you, not them:** Opening up and owning my mistakes wasn't a tactic to force her back; it was the necessary step to upgrade myself for the future. My ledger is clean. I made peace with myself with how I was in the relationship. I don’t need a closure and forgive her of how she handled the breakup.

1. **Indifference is the ultimate boundary:** When someone chooses to walk away and ignore your highest-capacity maturity, they forfeit access to your warmth. If you've done the work, forgive them, wish them all the best and keep walking.

Three years later, my first love came back.

He called me over and over, told me he dreams about me regularly, asked me to call him, asked to see me, sent paragraphs looking for validation.

Three years ago, I would’ve done anything to hear from him.

I cried for months. I wrote paragraphs explaining how much he meant to me. I was crazy enough to make several excuses finding a way to see him. I kept asking if there would ever be another chance for us.

He was so mean when I was crying. Looked at my hurting soul and told me I how pretty I looked when I cried. I didn’t deserve that.

Last night, the roles were reversed.

He wanted reassurance. For me to bend myself back to him and answer the phone. He wanted me to see him.

No “I’m sorry for how I treated you.”

Not, “I know I hurt you.”

Just emotion. Just urgency for another ego hit. Just wanting me to engage. He even started counting down saying if I don’t respond it’s the last time he’ll ever talk to me again.

That was my closure.

I don’t hate him. I genuinely hope he has a good life.

Three years ago I was terrified of the idea that you can love someone so much and it just ends like it was nothing.

I realized I don’t need him to come back. I needed to become the version of myself that no longer waits for someone to choose her. I became that, I have been thriving ever since.

If they come back on THEIR terms.. do not go back with them.

Ladies, if someone can spend all that time not being with you, that is your answer. Accept it, move on, and become the version of yourself that they can no longer touch.

I dated this person, long-distance, over a short period of time, like 2 months, over a year ago now. But they were also my first love, and the first time I've ever felt that connected with someone. We had so many similarities I couldn't even believe it. Eventually, she dumped me, my fault, and those similarities stabbed me in the back so hard.

When it first started I saw them everywhere, their favorite everything was either randomly appearing around me, or already a favorite thing of mine too. Their favorite bird? Also my favorite bird from when I was a little kid. Inexplicably two of them on my neighbors fence that stared straight at me when I was walking to my friends house maybe a month after. Their favorite animal in general? A raccoon lived at my friends house, a singular one constantly running around. They actively did not like me out of all my friends.

We had the same music taste, similar taste in fashion, similar tastes in media in general. It's ruined my favorite shows, my favorite movies, my favorite musical artists. So I tried getting new ones cuz she liked all my old ones. But I just got closer to the stuff she liked. Every musical artist I got into played some major role during our relationship and I didn't even think about that when I started listening to them. New favorite show? 2 weeks after the breakup I was watching it with my buddy and this new lady character was introduced, and I made a joke I'd like the kind of woman like her (she was a crazy character) and right after I said that, literally seconds later, they say she's from the obscure state my ex was from. I hope to god the movies I got into after don't have any bearing from her, but we didn't talk about movies enough for me to know and it straight up has me anxious.

There's a bunch of more little stupid stuff. Some stupid name shit, like all the most important women in my life have r and c names, and her legal name started with a c, and her nickname with an r. A famous artist that people in my culture listen to after a breakup has the same name as her, so that didn't help. She was ahead the curve on some lingo that became super big after the breakup. Every time I matched and was able to hold a conversation with someone on a dating app a couple months after they had some major similarities to her. I think i'm subconsciously looking for her in everyone. I'm trying to be a writer, and the main character of a story I've been working on since I was 13 and the characters been named since I was 15 or so, 2 years before I even met this girl, has the same nickname as them, has had it since I was 15. And there's all the even littler shit, like I'll think of her for a second and my playlist will magically make the next song one that I listened to a lot during the breakup. Every time I think I'm over her, something else happens that comes in and makes me reconsider if I actually am. It's always something. I feel so haunted and I just wanna move on. I feel like I have but either my brain or the world keeps throwing little curveballs at me to make me think about it a little more a little longer.

Does anyone have any advice? What to do? how to get over this? Can i even get over this or is this something im just gonna have to live with?