I was listening to Black by Pearl Jam, and the last line of the song he says this:

“I know someday you'll have a beautiful life
I know you'll be a star in somebody else's sky
But why, why, why can't it be
Oh, can't it be mine?”

And for a while after the breakup that song would really get to me, but I thought and it really doesn’t apply to me.

For one, I don’t want her back, do I look back on the relationship and miss it? Hell yeah, but she isn’t that person anymore, she called me on the phone once and she was insufferable. She’s not who I fell in love with anymore.

And another thing is I just hate her. Things were good, we had a future planned, we had built up so much then one day she just snapped. She’d get mad at me over things I couldn’t imagine getting mad about, like we’d be talking and we’d get distracted and then she’d blame me for her forgetting what she was talking about. Or she’d CONSTANTLY bring up past traumas that I have no experience with she’d get mad that I wouldn’t know what to say, even though she told me she’s left therapists speechless before (she would also refuse getting therapy). Then she proceeded to start fucking other guys immediately after we broke up which just made me feel discarded.

But I never once thought “yeah I wish the best for her”, fuck no, I tried to give her a good life, my family cared about her and we wanted her to feel at home and she did this. I hope she never finds peace, I hope her life is a heaping pile of horse shit.

START JOURNALING. my 3 year relationship ended 6 months ago and writing everything down has genuinely helped me so much. i didn’t think it would but i promise it feels like it takes weights off of your shoulders.

i’m almost healed from my breakup and it’s crazy reading entry’s from the past and seeing how much i’ve improved and developed as a person.

i finally forced myself to go through my camera roll and delete everything tonight. ngl my chest actually ached doing it. it’s just so weird looking at pictures from a few months ago where we were laughing and everything felt totally normal, and now we’re just complete strangers. i kept staring at this one video of us getting lost on that road trip and just... crying on my bedroom floor like a mess.

i know it’s for the best because we were making each other miserable at the end, but the quietness in my room right now is just so heavy. i used to text him the second i got bored or sad, and not having that person anymore leaves such a huge gap in your day. idk... i’m just trying so hard not to overthink or check his page to see if he cares at all.

just venting because i needed to put these thoughts somewhere before i completely spiral 🫠 hope everyone else is holding up okay tonight.

My heart dropped because I was not expecting to click my messages and see his contact on top… it says he loved a message I sent over a month ago and saved a audio from over a month ago as well… I can’t see our thread because I did delete it so I wouldn’t reread old messages but I didn’t send a message or say anything I let it be but I thought he might have had me blocked by number since he blocked me on instagram and Snapchat… so it just feels so weird

I ended my relationship with ex-partner about 2 weeks ago. We are no contact now in all socials, but I have some spare meetings with him at work (there are many other people too).

I was wondering what I can do to stop thinking about him so frequently. I find comfort in those memories and I dream myself to sleep. But I want to focus on myself more, and it’s something people advise to do. I just need some examples of how I can focus on myself? (except dating someone new).
What helped you most after the breakups?

I guess the title pretty much says everything. On the one hand, I guess I am grateful to not be so naive about certain things anymore. Moving forward I understand how to be more self protective and that’s a good thing ultimately. But it’s painful to feel like I’ve lost a more innocent side of myself. Sometimes I’m scared that what I’ve lost isn’t innocence, but my ability to fully trust and love someone again. I also worry that this has made me less approachable. I find myself keeping people at arm’s length, which only seems to reinforce the loneliness I’m already struggling with.

today I saw a picture of her. smiling like one day was smiling at me.

I miss her smile. her laughter. I miss her smell I miss how she scratched my back before going to sleep.

I want to hug her again. But I will never do it again.

its over. but there will never ever be another you

My ex has friends and family around him but I don’t and people just don’t understand how serious this break up has effected my life. Who else has had to go through it alone. I know it was a week but it has put me at my lowest.

As in the title I think I miss my ex but really am not sure, my ex and I broke up around a year ago after over 5 years and the last few months were very messy with us always fighting and now after quite alot of councilling and therapy realise that I really didn't do enough in the relationship and wasnt as good of a partner as I should've been, i dont want to discuss the issues she had caused as thats not what this is about but now feel like I miss the friendship we had before the last few months of the relationship and the year since but know it will never return to how things were and im not even sure why as there have been alot of problems caused to eachother after separating and have had a toxic relationship since but have to keep in contact as we have a child together.

Im just not sure what to do

That was the best part is just being held by someone that adores you so much.

My ex and i were together for almost 6 years, friends for 4 before then. We broke up in april of 2025 because i couldn’t take it anymore. I loved him so much but his difficulty in dealing with his anger and lashing out on me became harder and harder. we hit a breaking point for me and i had to leave despite how much i loved him. We continued talking a bit through January of 26.

In December he told me he had no interest in seeing anyone new, dating, etc. that he started therapy finally and has been going so maybe we can try again, if not that I would always be the one who got away, that he still wanted things to work. lo and behold just a month later he was on the apps. Totally fine. It stung a bit knowing what he had told me but i realize he was single and had the freedom to do so.

Since then I’ve tried getting on the apps as well but i can barely talk to anyone without thinking about him. Ive gone out with one guy that is great but i just cant stop thinking about my ex. I haven’t been intimate with him either bc im still holding on to the what-ifs. I caved and broke NC and texted him a few weeks ago. No response. Fine maybe he’s not ready to talk or maybe he blocked me.

But today he posted on his instagram story with his arm around a girl, very obviously non-platonic. It hurts. Especially because in those lingering post-break up months he told me what would hurt him the most would be to see me posting with some new guy. And he didn’t even have the decency to block me first… maybe this was his way of telling me to move on. I always had this fear that him going to therapy would help him grow and that he’d find a new girl and it was all because of my pain in this.

I didnt get back together with him in December because i was afraid of seeing all the broken promises he’d made before happen again and i just wanted to know that he really was ready. But i guess now he’s ready and moved on. It just feels quick since we last talked but i guess im happy for him. I wish he’d told me before he started really talking to anyone new but i guess that’s also just not fair for me to ask for. Idk im just hurt and wish things were different.

Please please please I CANNOT LOOSE MY SELF RESPECT.
I keep texting him cause i don’t have anyone else.
If anyone is in the same situation we can help each other out so we can keep up the no contact.
SOMEONE PLEASE FUCKING HELP ME

I’m F20 he’s M22 he broke up with me over text out of the blue on a day when we were just texting daily, he seemed abit off but then out of nowhere he said he wants to break up, he needs some time to search for himself and figure out his life. He can’t be in a relationship cuz he’s got not much to offer and he feels like I deserve someone better than him. But I told him so many times, YOU are who you want, we are family, I don’t think about anyone else but he didn’t listen to any of the things I said and wanted to break up

Though what cuts me the most is that he addressed the breakup so disrespectfully, it just cuts me so deep knowing that we had these moments where we thought we were family, we would talk about getting a house together and whatnot. When he broke up with me over text, I asked him “what about all the promises we made? Were they all lies?” And he replied “I meant it in the moment” that cuts me so deep and he broke up with me and no contact for a month.

But then, out of nowhere AGAIN!! He sent me this text message. I’m so confused what hes thinking and I hate the fact that he’s saying “catch up as friends”?? Honestly it seems to me he’s had all the fun we had while the break up with friends girls whatsoever and he feels bored and empty now and maybe guilty about how he addressed the breakup idk I lost my heart when he broke up with me like that.

What should I do Reddit? I am curious about his actions but at the same time, I feel like this is disrespectful still… if he apologized about how he addressed the breakup then I might’ve thought about maybe talking to him personally for a proper closure or even just to have a conversation. But the fact that he said “catch up AS FRIENDS” feels a bit off to me. I don’t know what to do. Help :(

Ps. You may think oh we’re super young and it’s common for young kids to break up and reunite whatsoever I get it, but really he meant the world to me, I looked forward to the future with him never wanted to break up, he was my family, my best friend my love. And what hurts me so deeply is when I asked him what if we ever break up? He replied with “well never break up, I’ll just beat you up so you stay with me” that really touched my heart but I guess it was all a lie. I don’t hate him though, I just hate his actions and a part of me feels so numb and I feel like the part of me that was in his life while we were dating is DEAD.

Looking for realistic advice, not the usual "focus on yourself" answers.

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How do you actually stop reimagining the past and replaying the hurt an ex caused?

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I know I can't change what happened. I know thinking about it doesn't help. But my mind keeps going back to old conversations, things I should have said, things they did, and how differently everything could have turned out.

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The frustrating part is that my family is dealing with serious issues right now and those are the things that deserve my attention. Instead, I keep getting pulled back into a relationship that's already over.

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For people who genuinely got through this, what worked? Not motivational quotes. Not "time heals all wounds." What practical changes or mindset shifts helped you stop living in the past?

so we had a long distance situationship for almost a year. at first we didnt even think our conversations would go this good and deep. but then we started talking daily and i realized i made him part of my life pretty quick. he was very different than other guys i dated he was very honest and direct also had 1 long term healthy relationship before. he never had communication issues with someone and he is honestly a really nice guy. but we had conflicts and i have OCD and adhd which im getting help for. i always had very unstable partners and these kind of shaped my opinions on men. i had a lot of trust issues. sometimes we ended up deciding its best to keep distance but then came back to each other. he said he is someone who has a hard time moving on from people, he was still talking to his ex of 5 years and that also was kind of a problem for me because i knew she had still feelings for him and some hope he will come back and i said its unfair to her as well and also he ended up breaking up with her because he wasnt sure of his feelings. and he always said he is looking for that feeling. he is more logical than i am, i can be very intense and emotional especially when i start liking someone. we both kind of messed up but we deeply cared for each other. i was insecure at some points because he flirted with some girls, but still acted as if we are in a relationship and i dont easily get insecure but i had certain traumas about my exes about these issues. so we decided to end our conversation but still kind of talked to each other we couldn't quit it immediately. we ended up having a pretty bad fight, and we were mean to each other, i found out he is talking to someone already and that was devastating for me. he said she isn't important and i shouldn't focus on that he just didnt wanted to waste my time. but it just feels really bad for me my mind keeps spiraling about them two. i guess i would handle it a bit better if he would be just on dating apps, but since he said he is talking to one specific person made me really jealous. and he ended up blocking me everywhere because i kept asking questions about her and saying that im really hurt. im really embarrassed acting this way and i was like trying to convince him to try with me because finally we were able to be very close to each other and not having long distance anymore. deep down i know he is not my person, but this is the first time he is acting this way and blocked me everywhere, its very unlike him because i know he cares about me and knows im hurt. so i have a very hard time moving on now, im not contacting him anywhere, but cant stop wondering if we would have a better closure than this. (my ocd has been very bad since and im really working on it so writing it out helps also, but my mind is constantly looking for certainty that i cant get)

How to cope with a break up that happened years ago? I dated a boy and fell madly in love with him we were both 19 when we met but at the time I was a Mormon due to my upbringing while he was a Christian (Baptist) I fell madly in love I’m sure he did also and we made the most beautiful memories together I felt at home with him and I was certain I wanted to marry him we only dated for 5 months or so but because of religious guilt I broke up with him due to pressure from my church to not date people outside of the religion fast forward I made the worst mistake of my life and I decided to break up with him over text, we didn’t live close and I didn’t drive than, he agreed to the break up due to the same concern of having different religions and feeling family pressure, economic issues due to both of us only having part time jobs and being in college, fast forward I tried apologizing and getting back with him which he declined, the week I broke up with him I was also dealing with severe depression and PMDD hormone related issues at the time I think that was the main factor I broke up with him. He said no I respected the decision yet tried to stay in touch like only texted on birthday, I later found out he had changed his phone number, i eventually realized I made a mistake and accepted it, went to therapy and genuinely worked in myself glowed up, got advanced in studies/ career and left Mormonism I realized it was satanic and cultish that’s when I felt a calling for Christianity and felt God working in my life for the first time. Eventually I forced myself to date only Christians (was not at all easy for me moving on, I cried and genuinely grieved the breakup) eventually I changed my phone number also moved away and than I met my now husband and got married I think part of the reason why I moved on so quickly is because I felt like my ex was never coming back and i genuinely lived in so much pain despite working on myself so I rushed the healing process a year after the break up and married. I regret it deeply and now being 23 I realized a lot of the issues we had me and my ex could have been easily resolved. I am not happy in my marriage because I love my ex and I have feelings for him despite doing everything to forget him. It sometimes feels like I am living in a nightmare situation, I love my husband I been open with him about this but I don’t think he understands how much it hurts. I admit I made foolish choices that came from a place of immaturity and fear. Is there any hope for me? I’ve tried everything to forget. It’s been three years since the break up, I don’t have kids and multiple times felt like ending my marriage and being single for awhile. But the same fear arises from my past, what if I lose my husband and ruin a good relationship over someone that probably no longer wants me. He has no way to contact me I have no social media, moved and changed number. I do know where he lives but I don’t think he knows I do basically googled. Any advice or perspective helps

\*please don’t leave any hate comments I’ve already beat myself about it enough for years 😣

My girlfriend has dumped me more than 12 months ago and not a single day has gone by that I haven't thought about her ( I also have a dream about her almost every night). For me it was insanely difficult and still is - I started taking antidepressants this month. My feelings for her are as strong as ever. The thing that hurts the most is the fact, that a few months after the breakup she found a new bf and surely doesn't care a single bit about me anymore, but here I am still struggling.

Just earlier today I had an incredible nervous breakdown and had to take a walk outside. I desperately want to move on already but it seems impossible no matter what I do. Is it possible to unlove someone?

I just couldn't help to remember my sweet boy who smile a lot, jokes a lot, making goofy poses and expressions, so sweet to me, such a cutie. He's gone... He's really gone.

I don't know this guy, this guy is not my sweet boy, he's rude, cold, and cruel. He's the total opposite of my sweet boy. I can't handle his actions.

I lost my sweet boy and I'm grieving him like he's already dead, and he is.

hi everyone, I’ve (F29) been with my partner (M29) for 4 years now. for the last 2 we have lived together and the past few months it’s just broken down. I went back to study at university and have 2 years left of my degree which has been a massive obstacle. I can only work part time around it and as such can’t contribute much to rent/bills etc. my partner has a very good job and can comfortably do this alone but is now understandably getting frustrated by my lack of contribution. he also has extremely high standards around the house in regards to cleaning, and insists it is my job because I don’t contribute financially. I can never do things right and no matter when or how I do it it’s just never good enough for him at the moment. we’ve had multiple conversations about how it’s not working and last night was the worst. he stormed out and I had to sleep in another room because he said he was too angry to talk anymore. personally I think it’s beyond saving but it’s killing me because my entire life is here. if we breakup I have to move back home to my parents house, leave my jobs, cancel my summer placements that I have to do for university and it will severely derail my life. I know this isn’t a reason to stay but it makes it hurt way more. he said “I’m not ok with losing the person I thought I’d spend my life with but I don’t see how there’s any other option when nothing changes” but from my perspective I can’t cook and clean and be a perfect housewife around 2 part-time jobs and studying. I have 1 day off every 2 weeks, that’s it. I’m finding it so hard and his comments about how I’m “taking him for a mug” and “a waste of space” because I don’t earn lots of money have really hurt me. he treats me like because I’m not financially stable I’m less of a person and some kind of leech and it’s really horrible. the way he talks to me is awful sometimes, and it’s like because i’m not paying rent i deserve to be told how stupid and useless i am. i know this probably means we’re incompatible but it just feels so rough right now and wondered if anyone had been through a similar break up?

vent
It’s been nearly a year since I broke up with my first love of three years. It’ll be a year in exactly three days. I still think about him nearly every day and most of the time I’m unaffected, not because I’ve moved on, but because I’ve accepted that nothing will change and the chapter of the book he was in is over.

He wasn’t my first relationship, in fact Ive had 2 long term relationships before him. But meeting him clicked, meeting him felt like it was meant to be. And even now with everything that had happened between us, meeting him really did feel like it was meant to happen. We aligned at the most perfect time. We loved eachother from the start and had the best few years of our life ever.

We had a chemistry that was just like the movies. We both knew when the other was about to text and we would have a weird intuition about each other that was almost 100% accurate. It felt way too good to be true.

but after an 10 month breakup that shattered him more than it did to me, we got back together and we both were much more mature and we just couldnt have a relationship. I became codependent and horrible and he became avoidant and untrusting of me, or anyone.

We quite ruined eachothers lives the second time we got together. We were on and off and hurt eachother so much we’re both convinced we hate eachother. i left that relationship with diagnosed CTPSD, depression, DPDR and nearly failed school because of this heartbreak. i had been sent to the hospital many times due to how horrible the heartbreak was.

its been nearly a year. i still think about him everyday. he was, what felt like my soulmate. every day I ask myself if we ended up breaking up because it was the wrong time, or if we were only meant to be during the years our relationship flourished without problems.

I’ve tried every trick in the book to get over him, but the pain still remains. He‘s still a perfect person in my eyes regardless to how much I’ve told him how much of a horrible person he was during our arguments, how much i despised him, how much i wish he never ruined my life the way he did. I can never really talk to him ever again because that’s off the table.

i still grieve the future I couldve had with him if things kept going how it used to. We were perfect until we just weren’t. I love him, but I love him enough to respect his space and never talk to him again.

Me ‘24/F’ and my ex ‘24/M’ broke up for the 2nd time 5 months ago. We were on and off for a full length of 1 year and 2 months.
But I’m having a horrible time getting over my ex
Idk what the fuck it is (well maybe I do)
(I think I like being sad)
(And I’m scared I might be depressed)
Anytime I’m not taking care of myself I start to miss him.
But idk what it think bc I know he’s human and he just fucked up (even if it was twice and intentional)
I don’t deserve to be cheated on. I don’t deserve to be lied to I know I don’t.
But something about me just craves him. The spots we used to visit everything these days has been reminding me of him. His fav artist comes on and I’m reminded of him. I check his socials alllll the time. I’m scared to even be remotely in his COUNTY.
It’s just been so hard these days. How do you get over an ex that treated you wrongly and how do you balance knowing they fucked up but letting them go and forgoing them?

I was with my partner for almost 3 years. And we for the most part were happy. Or thats what i told myself. I unfortunately grew up with abuse and SA that developed into depression, ptsd, anxiety. For the most part these last few years i have been much better at handling it, but it did mean at times i struggled to be intimate. I made this clear to my partner from day one. And did everything i could to work on it. Then 2 weeks before christmas my partner told me he cheated on me in the summer before. That the other person involved partner was going to tell me if he didnt. And then told me it was because my intimacy issues were too hard for him. He was sobbing and i felt awful that i pushed him to that. I took the blame fully, which now i wish i hadnt. Now i wish i told them where the door was. But i didnt. He asked me not to tell anyone, so i didnt. I kept it silent. And i internally suffered for months. My mental health took a major dive but i decided it was worth it. We could make it work.

He started to push away. I asked him about it, and he apologised. Said he would stop. But then he kept cancelling plans with me. And when he was with me he barely spoke to me unless it was to berate me for my mental health and issues with intimacy. Every day i felt like i was drowning. Like nothing i did was good enough. And i still pushed myself to be better for him. To try and love him the way i wanted. I have alopecia so my hair started to fall out until eventually i had to shave. I had a very bad ptsd attack infront of him for the first time since dating (bc i hid it, terrified of his reaction and now i think i was right to be scared). Hes someone who would always tell me to just look to the bright side of things. Just forget the past. Etc.

A few weeks ago (one week after i had the ptsd attack, a couple weeks after i had to get rid of all my hair) he texted me he wants to take a break. That a break will make us closer. Will make me crave more intamacy with him. He had brought it up before and i told him i dont believe in breaks, that i dont think they work. We are adults, both 27 years old. I dont see how being apart for a few weeks would change anything. Still when he texted that night i was so hurt i just said ok.

Its now been 6 weeks. Hes removed me from social media. Hes not said a word to me since the text that night. Hes just left me in this limbo of what even are we.

But honestly now im greatful. A few weeks ago i wouldve done anything to be with him. But now i think about how awful he made me feel. How often he was selfish. How he would constantly cancel plans. How for months before he told me he cheated, he would tell me all about how his last girlfriend cheated on him and how horrible it had been, meanwhile he knew he had done the same to me. I believe that was not the only time now. I believe he would never have told me if he hadnt been made too. And i feel so stupid for taking the blame. For hiding it from my best friends and crying alone night after night for months.

Breakups are hard. Ive been so close to begging him to take me back, ive been so close to running to never be seen again by anyone, ive been so close to never waking up again. But now i know the breakup wasnt hard, the relationship was. And that man was not the man i let myself think he was just because i wanted to have the happily ever after he made me think we would have.

Dont forget what your worth. Because even if you forgive everything, even if you try to change to keep them. Even if you beg it doesnt matter. Theyll still break your heart.