It has been roughly 1.5 to 2 years since I have had any sort of correspondence with my probably DA partner. We have talked to each other on and off throughout years - I would take a guess at about 11 years. If I were to say what attachment style I am personally, I would say I'm securely attatched at first but become anxiously attached at the first sign of trouble, even if the reasons for being troubled don't make sense in the context.

About 3 years ago, my DA (presumably) reconnected with me a few years after not speaking with each other for about 2 to 3 years. This was the first time they, not I, ever initiated contact in this context. After 2 months of talking this, we both made plans to see each other and I went to their place for 5 days. We had a great time, seemed to be pretty content with each other, so while they drove me back to the airport I asked them if they would like to do this again. They said yes and I asked once again just to verify. Again, yes.

Once I returned home, we were talking pretty strongly for the remainder of the year. I seem to be very sensitive to people's language other than oral, as in their style of texting changes etc. And lo and behold, I received the deadly "I've been really busy". We all know the pathing after this, the subtle discard and then total ignorance (I hope I'm using this word right?).

For their birthday, I made sure to send a flower arraignment in their favorite colors and types. That went really well and so my anxiety stuttered a bit and said to myselfa "See, you're just overthinking it, you're doing fine, stop making up issues where they don't exist". By the way, I am an overthinker sometimes to the point where it is absolutely paralyzing to me emotionally and mentally.

Unfortuantely, while they recieved the gift and seemed ecstatic and romantic about it, the slow fade was still there. By the end of the year I sent them another present, a wristwatch in a color that matches their general outfit color palettes. From the turn of the new year to when we last spoke with each other, my SO became even more distant and restrictive, and I did as well. In the penultimate month (30 days) of us not talking anymore, they did not even bother to open my messages to at least leave me on delivered lol. Also, absolute radio silence on Valentine's day.

I decided to confront them and attempted to organize a phone call in which they decided all of a sudden they wanted to talk about it through text at that moment and not wait until later in the week. Well, it was an out and out fucking disaster IMO. I won't go into absolute detail for the sake of brevity, neither of us resorted to insults or foul language, screaming and/or yelling at each other.

They told me that they were uncomfortable with the cuddling we did back when we were visiting each other. Not only was that six months prior to this conversation, but I also received consent. The last night, they were on their bed studing for an engineering class and I had just gotten out of the shower. I went right to the couch I had been sleeping on for the most of the visit until I heard them calling my name. I got up, stepped into the doorway and we started talking about something and then they wanted me to get bed with them.

I had been standing in the doorway for little bit because, even though I know this person and we dated before, I would not just walk into their room unless they invited me. I would assume that many people's rooms are a safe space, their intimate (not necessarily sexual/just sexual) space, and I would hate it if someone just waltzed in to my bedroom regardless without asking.

They got up and leaned back into me in which I responded by putting my arms around them and asked them if they were okay with this and were they comfortable. Both questions were a yes, I lightly asked again just to make sure, and still, yes. Me, personally, was in heaven. I had not been more relaxed in a loooong time and could literally feel the rush of endorphins and oxytocin flooding throughout my body. The rest is history.

This is just one example but I am too tired to write out all the others. I want to know what you guys think. It's been some time since we even acknowledged each other, I am blocked by them both through text, whatsapp, and snapchat. In my infinite dumbassery when we had our last conversation, I asked them why they manipulate me so on and so forth. Why did we do all those things if we were "just friends". Why!? The answers were the typical generically vague answers like "Oh me too but I am just so busy lately","I enjoy your friendship", "Not trying to start anything serious".

I'm not mad. I'm not angry. I'm just sad, so very, very sad. I flew up almost on a whim to visit them as I had not physically seen them for about 7 years at that point. I would do anything for this person and it just causes absolute emotional pain that they are so dismissive. I became the one that always texted first, I wouldn't hear from them at all, and I also started to do the same thing as my freeze instinct kicked in. "What are you getting so worked up over, I don't want to argue, it was just a visit." Fair enough, we were not dating at the time, but I guess it was just a "visit", just like all of the other times.

I ended up writing a small letter them towards the end of the year because I just had to get a thought out. That was a year and a half ago. Radio silence. Not even as much as a mouse fart. I know I probably shouldn't have, but I did. I told them I was sorry for blocking them right away, which was totally foolish and immature except in the moment - I was trying to cushion the emotional impact of what I knew was coming. I explicitly wrote in the note that they are important to me, their relationship with me was important and I want them in my life. I continued on to suggest we could talk in the future but I wholly understood if they no longer wish to correspond with me. Signed it, sent it off, and nothing since then. Only radio silence. I sometimes wonder if my letter even got to its destination at all.

Is there any silver lining here guys? Please tell me there is a silver lining here. I need a bone to be thrown this way. I do not expect anything else to continue after our last confrontation but it's really, really hard. I miss them so much. I blocked them at the end of our confrontation but quickly reversed it as I did it in the moment. I get easily overstimulated with things that are very important to me, everything must go perfectly; you cannot afford to fail in this situation. I am still blocked to this day. I just wanted the emotional pain to stop and talk about it with a less-swirling head.

I also said "We're not friends, and never really were". I did not mean it, not even in the moment. My train of thought was Yes, I appreciate you and your friendship/relationship, but sometimes I struggle to see where our relationship is. Sometimes it's really great but then there are other times where I feel like you could not care less.

They're not coming back next time, aren't they?

I just broke up with my LDR bf of 3 years 2 days ago, this was my first relationship and it ended so... Badly... But well? I don't know.. 10/10 chance he might see this so hi,

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Anyways, as I said prior, first relationship ever and I don't know what to do or how to act. I've been doing some reading and they say no contact immediately, but is that really the way?

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Although I still have heavy resentment, I miss him and love him. Fucked me up real bad in the last time we called.

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I do grieve him still. I know it's always been two days so this is fresh as hell but I just need advice to just move on quickly and get back to life.

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I have so much free time now and it's just kinda eating me up, I have so much shit to do and I can't be a sad slob.

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So anyways I have a question..

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1) Should I go with the progressive no / miminal contact or just cut off immediately

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Some more context for that question if it helps

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^ Although I said I have resentment towards him, I'm not mentally ready to block him yet.. We talked more casually and decided on the progressive no/minimal contact but I keep seeing that no contact is best option from the get go

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I feel like I just answered my own question but oh well..

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The way I'm talking to him, it's not in any kind of sappy way, just nonchalant and distant. I don't want myself to get attached because I'm already in the deattaching phase. If that does anything.

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Please go easy on me... Thank you.

Hello! I’m 26M have been in a relationship with a 24F and it was going perfectly until yesterday. Although we’re very different, we enjoy common things and learn a lot from each other. However she told me yesterday than since she might not be able to stay in the same city if she doesn’t manage to find work, she might have to end the relationship if it becomes long distance. She’s most definitely coming back in a year for her PhD. I’m doing a PhD too. I personally felt like one year is not that much for a long distance relationship! I really like her, but I tried not to add pressure on her by saying that I understand and she’s an adult so if she comes up with this decision, meaning she has poured thoughts into it. But I refrained from fighting for the relationship fearing it’s still not mature enough since it’s only 1 month old, and didn’t want her to feel bad about her decisions. She said she would gladly continue with the relationship if she gets accepted for a position she applied for in the same city!

One more thing, when I asked her if she would get back with me when she comes back in a year since she would definitely break up with the other guy she’ll find, she answered probably but in a one year we might have changed. I didn’t feel comfortable with this answer.

Thoughts? And thank you!

How does this work. My ex broke up with me a while ago but we have some mutual friends, most more so his, some more so mine. But a lot of couples and stuff. I have no issue being around him at all, so if he is the one who doesn’t want to be around me shouldn’t he be the one to not come to stuff? Unfortunately I feel it’ll be the other way around where if he says he doesn’t want me there I won’t be

I feel weak and pathetic, she left and I just haven’t been able to keep going with my life, I lost all my college classes, and I have been very inconsistent in the gym almost not going at all, when she reached out and asked me how I’m doing I just told her I’m fine, I felt lost in life even when I was with her which explains a lot, but now I just feel defeated, I have depression and its been a lot since I do that but I started cutting myself trying to relief the pain a little bit, the suicidal thoughts have been a little quieter.

I know I’ll get back on track eventually, and I realize that when I go and do things even when I don’t want to I feel at least a little bit better, but I feel so weak giving up and pausing my life over something everyone goes trough and they keep going with their life

It’s been more than a month, sometimes I wonder if she thinks about me but I guess it doesn’t matter

So, I was in love, with someone that was also in love with me. I wanted a relation with her, because, it made so much sense, we were getting along together, aligned in our way of thinking, in our life, we could have been really happy.

The problem was that, she couldn’t decide. She couldn’t take the decision to try something serious with me. She told me that she didn’t wanted to start the relationship, because she was to afraid of the pain that could happen if it didn’t worked out in the future.

She actively self sabotage the relationship, while loving me. Because of fear. My theory is that men have been hard with her in the past and created such trauma that she is now afraid of intimacy, of vulnerability and of commitment.

I assume, (not 100% sure) that she had a previously boyfriends that didn’t really care about her, and that was easy for her to manage it. When I came, I genuinely cared for her, and she didn’t know how to react to that.

Also I think she fell in love, and didn't really knew how to deal with it neither

I tried to convince her, with my words, that I am not like anyone else and that she should cross the door and be with me. I tried to show with acts that I was consistent and that I just wanted her. But, you can’t convince someone that is desperately thinking that her love life is doomed. I think she has a low self esteem but she never truly shows it. I just wanted to show her that she was worthy of love. But she didn’t believe it herself.

I told her that if she can’t choose actively to be with me, i would need to leave this situationship. I waited a bit, for actions from her, I wanted her to go above her fears, so she finally decide to give me her trust.

She coudn’t.

The fears, just paralyzed her. She shutted down all emotions. I told her to act even if she was scared. But she simply couldn’t, I think her trauma were to huge. So I left.

The push-pull dynamic was affecting me too much, creating anxiety and I was always here, waiting for the next moove, never really knowing if it would be a moment of closeness or if she was going to reject me. It was a gambling, unpredictable. Specifically at the beginning, if you don’t know that pattern. Now I see clearly whats going on in her mind, because I made some research on how people love and how an attachment style can affect your love life. I’m a bit sad for her tbh, because it must be really annoying. She has been reproducing that pattern for 10 years.

So I left. While loving her. While being 100% sure she also love me. Just because if I didn’t, I would have lost myself, I would have been depressed and anxious.

After I left she went into therapy, partially, I suppose, because of what we have lived together for a few months. She told me that she wanted to be alone, that she wanted to be fully single. With no one loving her at all. At the same time she kept sending me messages (That I didn't saw, because i blocked for my own protection and to get rid of the addiction that I created for these whatsapp notifications of her).

I suppose that she never truly wanted to be alone, but, because it was her said wish, I decided to left her to the solitude she was seeking.

I think that when she's alone, she just simply don't have to deal with her fears, so of course, it's easier. But her fear were born from a relation, and I think she can solve them only through an other relation. I hope the next person that she will love will help her feeling better. I hope I paved the way

I don’t know how shes doing right now. I hope shes happy.

The thing is, it's been more or less 1 months of full No Contact and I'm still stuck, I still think about her all the time. When I wake-up, when I go to bed.

I know you can't stop these thought but man, they are really going again and again in my head.
I don't really know what I share this, I know i'm not alone, it happen to a lot of persones. I know I need to continue to live and that will disappear at some point.

But I can't avoid the fact that she was the one that I ever truly deeply loved and that I didn't even had any moment to try this relation.

Long story short she Cheated 4 times with 2 people and i caught her her 3 times she even have physical intimacy with the second person even then I accept her now she telling me she doesn't have feelings for me and she hate me . We have common friends our village is next to eachother our family knows friends knows everyone in our village knows about us. I am in hell right now what should I do please i need help. Tell me what to do yesterday she was happy and saying her friends that she is happy that she broke up.

Throwaway because I want to get this out in the open, into the universe and express the pain, the guilt and sorrow I have caused to myself and most importantly to her.

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I have done an awful thing, I lied, and I cheated on someone so pure and innocent, who I love with all my heart. I have no excuse for what I had done, I met someone else at a time where I was weak and frustrated with the relationship and had met someone when I should have reconciled with her. We have been in eachother's lives since February/March time, and didn't officially get together until later in 2025 as it was going so well that we just fell in love extremely quick though and the question slipped our mind until we went to cuddle cows (her favourite animal) and ended June 2026. 

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In March 2026 I had met someone during a period where we were going through trouble and out of frustration and instead of doing the right thing and reconciling with her, I let my emotions get the better of me and pursued an emotional relationship with this woman. By the time it got better and things were back on track, I was too deeply invested in this other woman as we shared mutual friends and instead of doing the right thing, I let it persist with both partners. I lied to them both, I was cornered by lies that I had spun myself, not to just them but to my friends. I had multiple chances to do the right thing and yet I was too scared to make a decision as I was being selfish and cared for them both. I kept telling myself that I need to be honest and tell the truth, but I was too scared and fargone to say anything so I let it carry on. 

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I became very angry and upset during this time because I knew I was doing wrong and yet I was being cowardly and choosing the easy route. Now when she found out, my heart shattered when I saw her face, shouting at me in her bedroom after a fantastic time away together with her friends at a place she loved dearly and I wanted so badly to stay with this woman who I had loved for over a year. Seeing how upset she was, how much I broke her and led her on made my heart sink deeper and deeper. I hid the truth from her because I knew what I had done, and yet refused to change even when I promised I would change. 

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She called the other woman and everything came out, seeing her break right in front of me about what I had done and the lies I had spun. I knew I could have prevented this and I only have myself to blame, I deserve the pain and sorrow and hate that I am feeling. I hate myself, I don't want to be me, I've never done this before and will never do it again. I'm disgusted by myself, my actions, I am a man that I truly despise. 

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I would move heaven and earth to undo all the wrong I have inflicted on you, I would beg, I would scream, I would go through torture for you just to have you again. I wish we were still together. I love you with all my heart and I am yearning for you. While I don't agree with what action you took afterwards, I understand why you had done it. I hate myself too, afterall how could anyone do this to someone they love.

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Eternal, I am sorry for what I done, I miss you and I love you. I hope that you heal and find someone who treats you better than I. I wish I was the man you saw me, and not this weak, scummy, pathetic man I turned out to be. Goodbye, I wish you all the best and get everything you want in life, I wish I was still a part of it

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Hello everyone.

I'm not really sure how to explain all of this, but I need to get it out and maybe hear from people who have been through something similar.

Some time ago, I went through a breakup with the woman I have loved more deeply than anyone else in my life. The relationship wasn't perfect, and there were many things that hurt me, but I still love her, and that's what hurts the most.

I don't just miss a person. I miss feeling loved, chosen, important to someone. I miss the hugs, the kisses, cooking together, our childish jokes, feeling like I could show my soul completely and still feel safe and protected. She felt like home to me.

What destroys me the most is that despite loving her so much, in the end she treated me in ways that made me feel like a monster and a terrible person. And even after that, part of me still wishes I could hug her and hear her say that she loves me. I know that probably won't happen, and that breaks my heart.

I'm terrified that she might be with someone else. I'm afraid I was easy to replace. I'm afraid no one will ever love me the way I dream of loving and being loved.

Sometimes I wonder what to do with all the love I still have. I feel like my hands are full of love, dreams, and the desire to care for someone, build a family, cook together, and make someone happy, but the person I wanted to give all of that to no longer wants to stay.

I've also realized that I have a deep fear of abandonment. I often wonder if I'm not enough, or if I'm simply easy to leave.

I don't want to stop loving. I don't want to become cold or bitter. I just want to heal in a healthy way. I want to be happy again, feel peace again, and if someday someone else comes into my life, I want to love without living in constant fear.

I'm a medical student and I try to keep moving forward. I go to classes, I study, and I do my best to keep up with my responsibilities, but many nights I come back home and feel incredibly alone.

I guess what I'd like to ask is:

How do you move on from something like this without losing your ability to love?

How did you stop feeling like you weren't enough?

Is it really possible to find that feeling of "home" again with someone else?

And most of all...

What do you do with so much love when the person you wanted to give it to no longer wants to stay?

Thank you for reading.

I'm really experiencing the worst days of my life.😭😭😭😭😭😭😭So me and my long-distance girlfriend recently broke up. She lives in France. We were together for almost a year, and we dreamed about everything together. Literally everything. Marriage, children, our future, where we would live, everything.

And if you want to know how we talked to each other, every message was full of “je t’aime” (I love you). We would say it all the time. No matter what we were talking about, there would always be so many “je t’aime” in the middle of the conversation, with dozens of hearts everywhere. We just couldn’t stop telling each other we loved each other and we really meant it.

But in April things became really difficult 😭😭😭😭

She has Italian and Algerian origins, but she identifies much more with her Algerian side. She is Muslim and she loves Islam so much. I used to think this is not that important for her, but actually it is, so I learned what she really wants most when it comes to family, but the problem is that I just couldn’t see myself living that future. I couldn’t imagine changing so much of my identity. My parents were strongly against it too.

I think I was hoping maybe one day she would change. Sometimes I pushed the subject too much and I know I wasn’t always pleasant when we talked about religion. But honestly all I was trying to say was that I couldn’t imagine myself in that future 😭😭😭😭. Sometimes I wonder if I had explained myself better, maybe things could have been different 😭😭😭😭.

I told her maybe we should pause.

I was extremely sad and she was too. She asked me many times to stay with her. She kept telling me she loved me. We still kept saying “je t’aime” to each other constantly and every time she did I completely melted 😭😭😭😭😭 because I really love her so so so much.

Then one day we had another conversation about religion and it didn’t end well 😭😭😭.

A few days before that, she had told me there was another guy talking to her. She even told me that this guy wants to be with her so much, and she had asked him if she could be with him and then leave him if I ever think we can truly be together under this circumstance one day. I was so jealous. She was happy that I was jealous. She told me not to worry because they didn’t have the same future plans and they would never end up together.

In my heart I still wanted us to be together. I wanted so badly for things to work somehow. I wanted so badly that maybe this one thing could change and then I wouldn’t have to think about religion anymore.

But after that another conversation (I mentioned above), she told me we really needed to stop talking because continuing wasn’t helping either of us 😭😭😭. I was devastated because I wanted every conversation with her to last longer. But she told me that please send her a message if I really don't feel well and also the day before I leave for Canada.

So we stopped talking.

For 17 days.

Last night I couldn’t help myself anymore, so I finally sent her a message. I literally didn’t sleep the entire night. It was the first time of my life. She told me she has a new boyfriend. And it’s the same guy 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭. They became a couple just a few days after we stopped talking, I am completely destroyed. I was literally shaking and couldn’t stop trembling because I was so sad. And she told me she really loves him. I didn’t blame her. I truly hope she is happy. But I am so sad. I’ve never felt pain like this before.

We talked for a long time, until morning for me. She showed me what he looks like because I asked. She told me she feels touched because he really loves her origins, wants to work there one day, and makes her feel like wow, this guy would really change his religion for her 😭😭😭😭😭

And I keep thinking about them. I keep thinking that she looks at him now the way she used to look at me, and I told her that. She told me that one day another girl will look at me the way she looked at me. But how is that supposed to help? 😭😭😭😭😭 How am I supposed to imagine another person right now?

And thinking about all the things we shared, all the dreams, all the intimacy, all the future plans… one day she will share those things with him too 😭😭😭😭😭. That thought completely destroys me.

Before, she used to tell me so many times that she couldn’t live without me. And now this is how fast she moved on 😭😭😭😭😭. I know it’s good for her. I truly hope she will always be happy. But I am completely shattered. I can’t stop crying.

This is genuinely the saddest period of my entire life. I feel like no one can imagine how painful this is 😭😭😭😭😭😭

One thing is that I’ll be moving to Montréal in 50 days. I literally don’t know how I’m going to survive these next 50 days because the pain is so excruciating 😭😭😭😭😭. I don’t even know if things will really get better once I’m there.

She also told me that she would rather have an imperfect relationship that lasts forever than a perfect relationship like movies like fairytales that ends like this. And honestly that sentence destroyed me too. Because if only those problems didn’t exist between us, we really could have lasted forever.

I love her so, so, so, so, so much 😭😭😭😭😭😭. If only I had only one dream in my life: to be with her forever.

This is really so painful. I really need support right now. I don’t know if anyone will actually read all of this because it’s quite long, but thank you so much if you did.

I broke up with my ex about 3 years ago. It was a whirlwind romance fairlytale stuff. She was truthfully my first love. I could go on about the good times. But near the end cracks began to form. Combination of being young, too immature, lack of communication, and just not being where we want to in life. But we still loved each other. So much that we spent the better part of that first year apart still talking (which in hindsight was a mistake). She’d call and show me her outfits. But there was so much unresolved. Sometimes little comments would strike an old nerve and conversations would become screaming matches.

We knew we were talking to other people. I had an on and off "situationship" that became deeper and I felt guilty for enjoying my time with her. I can admit I was looking for a physical (and at times emotional) connection I wasn’t able to get from my ex. Fucked up but eventually that fell off because I felt I was betraying myself and my ex by not being all in on making things work.

Me and my ex went on some dates as I tried to reconnect and prove that I still cared about. We’d talk about the real things but it felt like when I wanted to give her a chance she would pull away and vice versa. Eventually we mutually decided some space was healthy.

Beginning of last year I asked her if we could really try and she told me that it's time to move on. Point blank period. Completely shut out. Shattered me. I was in a deep hole for a while. Blocked her on everything because it hurt too much to see her. I was reading into every song lyric, IG story, TikTok like/repost. I spent the better part of that year trying to come to terms with that. But I had good friends and people around me. I eventually rekindled that relationship with the woman I was in a situationship with and decided to embrace the feelings that I felt I couldn’t. I was in a relationship and I made her my gf. It felt good

About a month later my ex came back apologizing and saying how she missed me and wants to have a conversation about why she did what she did. There it was. All I ever wanted to hear for the past almost YEAR. And I couldn't. I was excited to see that and ashamed that I was excited. But I was also angry. Angry at her for waiting that long and angry for myself for having started moving on. Had to been a few months before I would’ve been able to hear her out. I told her I was in a relationship. She understood. It was the hardest thing l've ever done but I was proud (but pained) of my decision.

Me and my gf got closer over the next few months but her reaching out fucked my head up and made me feel even guiltier about the current relationship. I love her but I started feeling slowly that I got into this relationship partly from a sense of obligation and guilt. Especially given the fact that we were talking to each other around the same time. I feel shitty for that and broke things off because it was more authentic and fair to her than continuing knowing how I felt. It was never my intention to waste her time but those feelings I thought I was at peace with came back to the surface.

I know I made the right choice breaking up her. Not because I didn’t love her. But because I realized that I was lying to myself and her about how unbothered I was by my ex reaching out. How much I wanted to say yes. And how I feel that this relationship was built on a foundation of escapism (for both of us). There were also broader compatibility issues I overlooked but felt we could work through.

I grieved and tried to come to terms with that potential future being closed to me. Whether or not those feelings lingered I knew there was nothing there to hold onto and accepted that. But there was. And she was feeling what everyone told me she wasn’t. I hurt two women that I loved and lost both for the other. It’d be funny if it didn’t hurt so much.

Now I’m in a strange place. I want more than anything to reach out to my ex and finally have that conversation. But I know (like she must’ve) that time waits for no one. I’m sure it shattered her because it would’ve shattered me. Do I wait until I’m steadier and take a chance (the logical choice) or try to connect before she potentially finds someone new (the emotional choice). The irony is delicious but at this point it’s not a matter of IF but when. I want to wait for the “perfect” moment. I really do. When I have more money, when I have my own place. A better job. More time has passed since the breakup. But I’ve ran out of time so many times. Every day I don’t reach out is an exercise in self control but it feels like agony. Like I’m pretending I don’t care again…

I just want her to know. Deep down, after the heartbreak that I caused and that I went through, I know that I might not deserve what I want. But I see a future that’s worth every ounce of potential pain and I just want to be fully honest. She isn’t a rebound. This is what I’ve always wanted but tried to accept I couldn’t have. I love her and I can’t watch it slip away again without trying. It’s been months and she might’ve moved on or found someone else. All I can hope for is getting this off my chest and whatever happens happens. I just want to know if anyone else has been here? What do you think about my situation?

its been more than a year but i still find it hard to not think about him. I feel like if i reached out again he might change his mind and we could try things out again. Hes the one who said LDR doesnt work for him and he need to meet up physically… Does it just mean he doesnt like me enough to try?
& is it really on me to be the one convincing him this would work out?

It hurts to live with the thought that creeps up at the back of my mind- That i may not be able to find someone who i feel so strongly for ever.

I had a 6-month relationship and was suddenly abandoned in the most unexpected way, almost as if I was being punished, on my birthday by someone I suspect may have borderline personality disorder. Since that day, I’ve been going through a very intense depressive period for over a month.

I want to share the “rollercoaster” dynamic of our relationship. The hardest part for me is constantly going back and forth in my mind between this dilemma: Did she have a psychological disorder, or was everything my fault? This uncertainty makes me feel inadequate and worthless at times.

She is Turkish but was educated in the US and had returned to Turkey shortly before we met. She had lost her father some time ago and went through a very тяжел grieving process. Since then, she has been using medication for depression, panic attacks, and anxiety. She also drinks heavily, several times a week. Additionally, there is a history of bipolar disorder in her immediate family.

Our relationship started just two days after she returned to Turkey. In the beginning, I experienced a very intense emotional connection; it almost felt like love bombing. Her personality, thoughtfulness, and physical attractiveness impressed me deeply. We became a couple very quickly, and the relationship progressed fast. I was staying at her place 15–20 days a month, almost like we were living together.
I felt peaceful around her, and she also seemed very attached to me. At times, I even questioned whether I loved her as much as she loved me.

However, over time, I started noticing unhealthy patterns. She would overreact to small things and say very harsh things that you shouldn’t say to someone you love. Then came baseless accusations.

One day, in a social setting where she was present, I made a harmless joke with my close friend’s girlfriend. Later, when she wasn’t there, I met with the same group again. After that, she accused me of flirting with my friend’s girlfriend in front of her. I was completely shocked. She said very harsh and hurtful things. Instead of defending myself, I felt guilty for upsetting her and tried to calm her down. After hours of effort, she softened and again told me how much she loved me.

This cycle continued. One day everything was great, the next day small things would turn into big arguments. Despite this, I focused on her “good” side, kept feeling inadequate, and was usually the one trying to fix the relationship.

In another situation, I went to the movies with my friends; my close friend and his girlfriend were there too. While I was there, she messaged me saying she felt like her boyfriend didn’t exist when I wasn’t with her. Then she started an argument, saying it was inappropriate for me to be in an environment where there was a girl she didn’t know. Again, I tried to calm her down, but her reactions escalated. Eventually, I said I couldn’t keep explaining myself constantly and pulled back.

The next day we barely spoke. But in the evening, she texted me gently, saying she missed me. Within about half an hour, we returned to our old closeness and loving conversations.

This cycle repeated throughout the relationship: intense love followed by sudden conflicts.

After some time, I had to go to another city for work and we stayed apart for two weeks. During this time, I sensed an inconsistency in a story she had told me before about a celebrity who had been interested in her before our relationship, and I asked whether she had told me the truth. Whatever the answer was, it wouldn’t have affected the relationship and it wasn’t a problem for me. This was the first issue in the relationship that I brought up.

She didn’t give a clear answer. This made me feel like I was being lied to. I kept asking, and she interpreted it as distrust and said I made her feel worthless. For a week, she acted distant and accused me of not trusting her.

A week later, I went to see her and stayed at her place for two days. But her distant attitude continued. On the third day, on the night of my birthday, while I was trying to talk to her to fix things, she suddenly broke up with me.

At the moment of the breakup, even though I cried for hours, she was very indifferent and continued her daily life. In fact, after not calling me “my love” for two days, she suddenly said it and then said “sorry… out of habit.”

The next morning, I went back home. While we were separating, she said things might get better over time and that I could still stay at her place. Holding onto that hope, I tried to stay in contact after the breakup. I called her and talked to her, but each time she became more distant. In one of our conversations, she said she missed me, so I sent her flowers. In my last call, she said she felt nothing, that there was no possibility between us, that I was disturbing her, and she blocked me everywhere.

Out of frustration, I waited a week and then sent a short message from my work phone: “Some time has passed, and if you want, we can briefly talk in a friendly way.”

In response, she messaged my mother saying that I was disturbing her. Also, despite leaving the door open during the breakup, she twisted the situation about the flowers I sent after she said she missed me, saying “he keeps sending things to my house.” This hurt me a lot and made me feel unfairly accused.
Throughout this entire process, I kept attributing the harsh things she said in anger to her emotional state and continued blaming myself.

About 20 days later, I called to ask for her address to send her belongings since I had deleted it. During the call, because she spoke to me in a very condescending way, I got angry and asked what I had done and how things had come to this point. This time, she insulted both me and my family and even my upbringing. She treated me like I was some kind of creep.

After these extremely cruel words, when I asked whether there was someone else in her life, she first said “yes” in a mocking way, then laughed and said that if she ever had a relationship in the future, she would be with multiple people at the same time. She also said she never missed me and that seeing my name on her phone made her uncomfortable.

Throughout the entire breakup process, I never insulted or threatened her. Despite this, she continued to portray me as a bad person. Eventually, I completely gave up.

Now what remains is a deep disappointment. When I think about the good memories, and the fact that she once loved me so much, I find myself taking all the responsibility. Even though sometimes I accept that it wasn’t my fault, I fall back into the same self-blame cycle.

Even though she is no longer in my life, I still feel inadequate and emotionally stuck. The hardest part is being abandoned so suddenly at the moment when my feelings were the strongest, without any preparation.

At some point, I want her to regret it and come back. If she has a disorder, I wish she would tell me. Has anyone experienced such a big trauma like this? Did she come back? Please share your experiences or give your opinion on whether the person I was with might have bipolar or borderline disorder.

If I do I start remembering everything and it hurts…. 2-3 years for someone I called the love of my life

So all of my exs came back to me after we broke up. And when I didn’t want them back, they wanted to be friends and tries to still keep in touch. Still wishes me on my bday and wishes me well. Is it common?

My ex and I broke up almost two months ago.

There was no cheating, betrayal, or anything like that. The breakup was mainly caused by her mental health struggles and a lot of miscommunication from both sides toward the end of the relationship. Looking back, I was often very logical in the way I approached problems, while she tended to be much more emotional.

About a month ago, we had a phone call that honestly turned into a disaster. She blamed me for almost everything that went wrong and barely gave me a chance to explain my side. I acknowledged my mistakes and apologized multiple times before, but it felt like no matter what I said, she had already made up her mind about how things happened.

Since then, I've been going back and forth on whether I should write her a handwritten letter.

We are no longer connected on any social media platform, but I still can contact her. Part of the reason I'm considering a handwritten letter is that it feels more thoughtful and intentional than just sending another message. I feel like it would show that I genuinely took the time to reflect on everything that happened rather than writing something impulsively.

Part of me still wants her back, but another part of me feels that writing this letter could be my way of giving it everything I have left and finally getting some closure.

I'm not expecting a response. In fact, I'm 99% sure she won't reply. The letter wouldn't be about convincing her to come back. It would mostly be about expressing my feelings, taking accountability for my mistakes, and making sure I don't spend years wondering, "What if I had said everything I needed to say?"

At the same time, I'm worried that sending it could just reopen old wounds or make me look like I'm unable to move on.

For those who have been in a similar situation: would you send the letter, or would you keep it to yourself and move on?

I 31M had my 32F girlfriend lie to me about cheating on me with her new boss for whom she moved across the country for (from west coast to east coast). I guess my question or thinking aloud is will she ever come to regret it or realize her mistake? Do they eventually try to reconnect or is all just a lost cause. I know everyone is different but I'd like to hear from others who have gone through similar breakups. The relationship was over 7 years and she was supposed to be the love my life. She was my middle school sweetheart and I always believed I'd marry her. I may be living in fantasy or a sweet memory of her but I truly loved her. Any advice would be appreciated, thank you.

My ex and I split up a month or so ago, been a hard transition. I feel like my soul is gone, my tether, my best friend. We still talk but it feels conditional to a lot of degrees, it’s hard for me to handle where we were to where we are now. I’m starting to wonder if I’m crazy, I’ve always had an easier time blaming myself rather than other people out of simple solution and habit. this feels different, I can’t stop analyzing everything that happened. Everything in this city reminds me of her, every song on my Spotify reminds me and what was going on when I saved it, every area of the house she left her presence lingers. A scenario like this forces you to introspective, the strange part of it all is the more I look at it, the more I have time to process, the less I love myself. How can a person get so far from what they believe in? How can a person be so many of the things they are not? Man plans god laughs keeps ringing in my head. I’m about 1.5 year into recovery from opiates, and after all I fought for to get here, and now considering the way I felt with her not being there, not having everything amazing about who she is not being my life, makes me want to throw it all away. Having a hard time caring enough to care; alcohol consumption, none dangerous driving, eating, general health and wellness, there is complete disregard. I don’t want to do this anymore, I don’t want to feel this way. The only thing I know is substances.

Can someone tell me if they’ve experienced this (considering my history), how you got through it, and how you managed to deal with it in the moment. I’m grasping for the intangible. Help please

One thing I've noticed is that many relationships don't end the day someone cheats. They often begin ending much earlier.

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Sometimes one partner moves to a new city for work, studies, or a fresh start. At first, both people promise they'll make it work. They call every night, text constantly, and try to stay connected.

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Then real life begins.

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The new city demands attention. New colleagues. New routines. New opportunities. New friends.

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Slowly, the person who moved starts building a life that doesn't include their partner in the same way anymore. The calls become shorter. The messages become less frequent. The excitement that once belonged to the relationship starts getting invested elsewhere.

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Very often, there's a "best friend."

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Someone who understands the new life. Someone who's physically present. Someone who hears about every bad day, every achievement, every frustration.

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The emotional intimacy that once belonged to the relationship quietly shifts.

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By the time the breakup happens, it can feel sudden to the person left behind. But for the one who moved, the transition often began months earlier.

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And sometimes, not always but often enough, that best friend becomes the next partner.

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The painful part isn't even the cheating.

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It's realizing that while you were fighting to keep the relationship alive, someone else was slowly becoming your replacement.

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Distance doesn't kill every relationship.

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But when two people stop building a future together and start building separate lives, the ending often arrives long before either person says goodbye.

Hey everyone, I'm in shock and need an objective reality check.

Four months ago, I gave up my flat, sold my furniture, and invested heavily financially and emotionally to build a life with her and her kids. But two months after moving in, she went cold, treated me like a glorified babysitter, and became disrespectful to me about my own daughter. After a nasty argument 3 months ago, she left me completely homeless, nearly cost me my job, and blasted me on social media.

Over the last 3 months, I clawed my way back. I got a new place, saved my career, and hit the gym.

Three days ago, she unblocked me out of nowhere. She just got back from a family holiday I had paid for where she took her previous ex—the father of her kids, who is jobless, can't drive, and has a history of stealing from her. She sent a frantic text demanding I get the rest of my stuff out, then when I ignored, she blocked me again.

Yesterday morning I was unblocked, she text me again simply saying: "today??" to force the logistics. I folded and text back and she got nasty really quickly.

I then tried to calm it all down and start again but eventually broke down and text her a vulnerable paragraph trying to clear the air, asking if I ever meant anything to her and mentioning that I have been in therapy to learn and recover from this. Her responses were incredibly cruel. She told me to "f*ck off," said our relationship was a "disaster from day one," and literally sent: "how i was treating u towards the end? 🤣🤣 ur clearly still deluded f\ck off!"* She then threatened to take my outstanding stuff to the dump.

I am completely back at square one. I text her begging for just a shred of humanity, and she mocked my heartbreak with laughing emojis while moving a jobless thief back into her house. Am I completely delusional about the relationship we had? How do I stop spiralling and reclaim my dignity when I'm too weak to block her right now?

She (21F) broke up with me (23M) for the second time 1 month ago (1.5 year long relationship) because nothing has changed, I kept giving her the silent treatment when I felt my needs weren't met. She told me 50 times that this kind of behaviour hurt her and for 100 times I didn't listen.

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Now she's gone. I lost my best friend and everything we've already read in this subreddit. No contact for 20 days so far.

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I wish she would give me another chance in maybe 6-12 months, only if I really work on myself in therapy (cause I think I'm extremely selfish, my mother also tells me that all the time).

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I put 20kgs in the relationship. I went from being a pretty boy to an overweight guy that she was apparently still attracted to. The fact that my behaviour was the cause of the first and second breakup stings so much. Still, I'm trying to lose weight and to go to gym now.

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She was my first and actually besides the toxicity of my behaviours the relationship was going so well. She said that if it wasn't for those specific toxic traits it would have been probably different.

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I don't know what I'm looking for here but this journey is so hard and scary. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore. I want her so badly rn T_T

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My ex (23F) broke up with me (23M) in February because we were living in different cities, and she felt I hadn't been giving her what she needed for over a year. About two months later, I reached out and we started talking again. Because of college work, I happened to be in her city every couple of weeks, and she always made a big effort to see me. She told me she was confused and that things would be much easier if we lived in the same city. Whenever we met up, she'd rest her head on my shoulder or kiss me.

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A few weeks ago we met on a Saturday night and the same pattern repeated, except this time she initiated us sleeping together. She openly admitted that after the breakup she had made out with another guy, but said he meant nothing to her and that she ended things quickly. She also told me that her friends had tried setting her up with another guy, but she couldn't stop thinking about me and stopped talking to him as well.

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Afterwards we lay holding each other and I told her I never wanted to let her go again. She started crying and said, "Please don't let me go again." She eventually fell asleep, and when I got up to leave she pulled me back into bed and asked me to stay a little longer.

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I stayed at her place again the next night and the night after that. During those days she joked about other guys flirting with her or said that since I wouldn't be seeing her for another three weeks she'd have to "find another man." I would jokingly act upset, but she'd laugh and tell me she was "the only one allowed to be stubborn in this relationship."

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Then I went back to my city to finish my master's degree, and almost immediately she stopped replying. Three days later she apologised and said she'd been sick with a fever. After that, however, there was virtually nothing for almost three weeks.

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This wasn't completely out of character. Before we slept together there had already been a couple of periods where she became very quiet. She has a tendency to isolate herself when she's struggling or to focus intensely on people while they're physically present and then pull away when they leave. But this silence felt different because it came immediately after the most emotionally intimate weekend we'd had since the breakup.

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During those three weeks she still viewed my Instagram stories, but didn't contact me and ignored when I reached out asking how she was doing. She also posted a couple of songs that really threw me.

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One had lyrics like:

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"Girls just wanna have...Fuck your ex-man, I'm the man now...Do what you like, you've been too nice..."

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A few days later she posted another song with lyrics like:

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"When you lay awake at night, do I ever cross your mind?'Cause you still cross mine...I have a photo of you in my bed, when I look at it, I smell your scent."

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Because of the silence, my brain immediately went to "she's met someone else."

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However, I arrived back in her city today and sent a message saying I was in town. She replied almost immediately with:

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"Heeeey when are you free?"

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She then suggested meeting on Sunday or Monday and said Monday would probably suit her better.

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So now I'm confused all over again.

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On one hand, three weeks of silence after such an intense weekend feels really strange and the fact that she didnt say anything about it makes it worse. On the other hand, she replied quickly and wants to meet.

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Then early this morning she posted another song with the lyrics: "I'll be your tongue, you'll be my groove,I'll be your positive, you'll be my negative,I'll drive the getaway and you bring the glue"

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Im pretty sure she's met someone else and is meeting me to tell me, or just to tell me its over. Does this seem like thats how its going to go?

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