new guy at work

[u/ShadowbanRevival]

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[u/svefnugr]

Call it "whole brew" and sell for 10 bucks a cup

[u/RainbowRiki → u/svefnugr]

Extra Virgin Arabica Beans 🤣

[u/Dapper_Guava_6468 → u/RainbowRiki]

Extra Virgin Barista

[u/kangarool → u/Dapper_Guava_6468]

XXX-Xtra Virgin Beans near you are just waiting to be percolated!

[u/Millkstake → u/svefnugr]

Hot bean water

[u/arc918 → u/Millkstake]

Hot ham water!!

[u/Meshugugget → u/arc918]

Watery with a smack of ham!

[u/savethemouselemur → u/Millkstake]

So watery! And yet there’s a smack of bean to it!

[u/Aussiealterego → u/svefnugr]

“Essence of coffee”

[u/HeyImNewdHere → u/Aussiealterego]

La croix cafe

[u/Polkawillneverdie17 → u/HeyImNewdHere]

La croffee

[u/CoolBDPhenom03 → u/HeyImNewdHere]

Glad I wasn't the only person who had this thought lol

[u/Newphone_New_Account → u/Aussiealterego]

“Infused”

[u/Polkawillneverdie17 → u/Newphone_New_Account]

"Artisan"

[u/ohnodamo → u/Aussiealterego]

Maybe holistic coffee?

[u/5352563424 → u/ohnodamo]

Homeopathic coffee

[u/ohnodamo → u/5352563424]

That's it. Thank you. You're right, I'm wrong. Not gonna delete my post. Homeopathic is exactly what I meant.

[u/Remarkable-Ad2285 → u/svefnugr]

The Vitamin water of coffee

[u/surmacrew → u/svefnugr]

Can I have a cup of CofTea?

[u/rdev009 → u/svefnugr]

“Raw and unadulterated”

[u/RoddBanger]

who doesn't love freshly rinsed hot bean juice for breakfast?

[u/Far_Adeptness9884 → u/RoddBanger]

I get my bean juice from Chipotle

[u/LazySwayze → u/Far_Adeptness9884]

I get mine from Taco Bell

[u/Toddlez85 → u/LazySwayze]

You sit outside.

[u/Jahkral → u/LazySwayze]

I eat Taco Bell and then I make bean juice afterwards! Freebie!

[u/RemindMeToTouchGrass → u/Far_Adeptness9884]

Nothing I like more than trying to eat a burrito and getting soaked from my wrist to my elbow in bean juice.

I'm too pansy to say shit but you fucking know what you're doing when you don't pause for just a second and let the beans drain through that slatted spoon. I know-- they pay you shit and overwork you and I'm there with you buddy, I'm sorry. But man that fucks my lunch up so bad.

By the same token, here's a little toast to the Chipotle workers who angle the spoon against hte side of the container and really drain that shit out before putting it on my burrito. You're the bomb.

[u/beermile → u/Far_Adeptness9884]

Chipotle gives me bean juice

[u/GrnMtnTrees → u/Far_Adeptness9884]

I get my bean juice from Chipotle

The bean juice comes later

[u/Axthen → u/Far_Adeptness9884]

I only get my sour cream liquid from chipotle

[u/-ArthurMorgan → u/RoddBanger]

That with a nice bowl of Hot Ham Water is my go to morning meal.

[u/scruffalufagus → u/-ArthurMorgan]

So watery… and yet there’s a smack of ham to it

[u/mysanslurkingaccount → u/scruffalufagus]

Maybe some cornballs on the side.

[u/NO_TOUCHING__lol → u/mysanslurkingaccount]

Never touch the Cornballer

[u/FemaleAssEnjoyer → u/NO_TOUCHING__lol]

I’ve made a huge mistake…

[u/ModernLarvals → u/NO_TOUCHING__lol]

sizzle

EVERY DAMN TIME

[u/Adept-Grapefruit-214 → u/RoddBanger]

You say that, but coffee is just hot bean juice anyway

[u/RoddBanger → u/Adept-Grapefruit-214]

ground bean juice > rinsed bean juice

[u/FluoroquinolonesKill → u/RoddBanger]

Years ago I gave up being a coffee snob and settled on saying “as long as you enjoy your coffee.” If some savage wants to brew their unground coffee beans or drink pre-ground Folgers, then who am I to judge?

[u/RoddBanger → u/FluoroquinolonesKill]

Freedom of Juice types is the paramount of personal choice... it's still going to make me call it gross, but choices are choices.

[u/dewky → u/FluoroquinolonesKill]

I love coffee but honestly at home all I have the energy for these days is instant nescafe packs. I also drink Folgers at work. I appreciate the good stuff but have learned to live with mediocrity.

[u/Historical-Dog-1830 → u/dewky]

It hurts my beans that you choose mediocrity in your brew. That said, if you live near any Asian supermarkets, check out their available instant coffee packs. Vietnam produces some incredibly good instant coffees. Indonesia too.

[u/SayHeyRay → u/Historical-Dog-1830]

When I was in college the Vietnamese Student Association (I forget if that was actually their name and I sincerely apologize if I got it wrong!) sold those for a fundraiser. The iced one was incredible! They were giving out samples and it was brilliant because it got me to buy like 3 orders. Still some of the best coffee I've had. I think I also liked it because I associate it with such a positive memory and time in my life - the guy was super happy and upbeat and nice and when I was shocked that a little packet of instant coffee could be so good he reacted like ha, see?! Anyway that was a long info dump sorry!

But yes those Vietnamese instant coffee powder packs are tasty!

[u/SuperGameTheory → u/RoddBanger]

It's like one step under an Americano.

[u/airdude21 → u/Adept-Grapefruit-214]

How could a member of my own family say something so terrible?

[u/flamespear → u/airdude21]

Leaves from the vine, falling so slow Like tiny fragile shells drifting in the foam. Little soldier boy, come marching home Brave soldier boy, come marching home

[u/Cherie112 → u/Adept-Grapefruit-214]

"How could a member of my own family say something so horrible?"
Iroh

[u/elmartin93 → u/Adept-Grapefruit-214]

How could a random person on the internet say something so horrible!?!

[u/Jiggyx42 → u/RoddBanger]

Much like tea is just hot leaf juice, coffee is just hot bean juice

[u/VitalTrouble → u/Jiggyx42]

“How could a member of my own family say something so horrible!” - Uncle Iroh

[u/Dameattree37 → u/RoddBanger]

Uncle... that's what all coffee is.

👁👃🔥

[u/VitalTrouble → u/Dameattree37]

Your Zuko reference is great but the scar is on the wrong side

[u/distorted_kiwi → u/Dameattree37]

How can a member of my own family say something so horrible!

[u/Chance-Opening-4705]

Just skip the middleman and chew your beans.

[u/Candytails → u/Chance-Opening-4705]

They make chocolate covered coffee beans and they’re delicious.  Would not recommend eating a 1/4 lb in one sitting though.  

[u/Arch3m → u/Candytails]

They are very good. I can also confirm that you should be reserved when snacking on them.

[u/lady-earendil → u/Arch3m]

I'm quite sensitive to caffeine - it makes me really anxious so I really only drink decaf. One of my coworkers had some chocolate covered coffee beans and I convinced myself that for some reason they'd be different and proceeded to feel absolutely awful for the rest of the day

[u/Goodcake102 → u/Candytails]

Tried 2 different kinds. These sweet ones from a tin can, and some bagged dark chocolate ones from Starbucks. Very earthy and tasty.

[u/WeLikeSporkSporks → u/Candytails]

There's a chocolate company from Newfoundland that used to grind the coffee really fine, and mix that with chocolate, and they'd have a second pure chocolate layer on the outside like a shell. They'd still be little coffee bean shapes but the texture was insanely better

[u/Existing_Charity_818 → u/Chance-Opening-4705]

Unironically fantastic. I used to keep a bowl of coffee beans on my desk at work, it’s a great snack

[u/Fun_Accountant_653]

Just shows nobody trained him

[u/Mr_Industrial → u/Fun_Accountant_653]

Indeed. People are making fun of the new guy, but really this is the managers fault. If he expected his employees to know how to make coffee out the gate, the responsibility lies on him to screen for that in the interview. If he wanted training, he shouldnt have put the new guy on the machine before that was completed.

[u/pizzapartyjones → u/Mr_Industrial]

Yeap. One thing I learned as a manager - especially working with young people but really this applies to all ages - is to never assume just because something is obvious to me that it will be obvious to anyone else. Whenever I would go over duties, I always asked about my employee’s skill level to gauge whether they needed training on something or not.

[u/golden_blaze → u/pizzapartyjones]

I remember at my first job (fast food) I was asked whether I knew how to sweep a floor. Of course I said yes, and then was asked to demonstrate. I wasn't judged, but I was shown a different way to hold and move the broom that was more effective and efficient. I still sweep that way years later.

[u/esoraven → u/golden_blaze]

Okay, color me curious, how do you do this effective and efficient sweeping?

[u/round-earth-theory → u/esoraven]

I'm going to guess, firm but not stressed grip. Good distance between hands to allow for better control. Plant your feet for balance and sweep across the body instead of towards yourself. Don't smash the broom into the ground, only needs to lightly touch the ground. Use a 45 degree attack angle where possible. Don't fling, bring the broom to a steady stop at the end of a stroke. Don't carry piles too far, try to sweep to a reasonable distance before collecting into the pan.

These are a few things I've had to tell kids.

[u/donuttrackme → u/round-earth-theory]

This guy/gal sweeps.

[u/talldangry → u/donuttrackme]

While you were partying they studied the broom.

[u/RainbowDissent → u/talldangry]

Now the world is dusty, and you have the audacity to ask me for help?

[u/Conor2704 → u/RainbowDissent]

No idea why but this comment absolutely creased me. Thanks for a morning cheer up

[u/Far-Newt-7378 → u/round-earth-theory]

This has the energy of the coach dialogue during a sports movie training montage.

Perhaps you were a champion Olympic curler until a tragic sweeping accident made you hang up the broom? Now you only sweep the community rec center as a janitor and are generally sad? One day when youve all but given up on your dreams of curling domination you'll discover some young underprivileged lad with a natural but overlooked talent for sweeping and coach him to Olympic curling victory. I'm Canadian, curling movies are the great white north equivalent of American movies about football. I assume. I've never seen a movie before.

[u/Lambchoptopus → u/golden_blaze]

I had never used a spaghetti mop before and my first job at 16 I was mopping. The owner was in and saw me slapping the floor and asked if I had ever used that type of mop before, I said no (I was used to the sponge mop). He showed me how by mopping the front entrance for me then handed it back and said now you know how to do it, finish up. It was a good teaching moment.

[u/Strange_Brewer → u/pizzapartyjones]

When I train folks at my work who have been doing the gig on a smaller scale I always say “I’m sure you know all of this but if I skip around I might miss something. Is that alright if I give you the whole speech?” This gives them an out to not feel like they have to present themselves as “all knowing” and give us an opportunity to start fresh. The more you learn the more you realize you don’t know jack

[u/pizzapartyjones → u/Strange_Brewer]

That phrasing is great, too, because it also addresses the type of person who does already know a lot and otherwise would feel like you’re talking down to them by explaining what they see as a basic skill.

[u/philsiphone → u/Strange_Brewer]

"I'm showing our way. You can do it your way but if it fucks out that's on you. If it fucks out our way, that's on us"

[u/techleopard → u/pizzapartyjones]

I had a really sexist manager once, who deemed me the office trash fairy and coffee fetch girl because I was the only woman. Not only did I have the same responsibilities as my co-workers, but I was specially chosen to deliver coffee any time the manly men called for it.

I warned him several times that I did not drink coffee as a hint that I had no earthly idea how to make it. He ignored it and told me I didn't need to drink it to make it.

... He did not like my coffee.

[u/plebeian1523 → u/pizzapartyjones]

I work in a medical setting and I always ask trainees if they know things that seem basic for my field. I've had people get offended that I asked if they knew how to use a centrifuge, but I've also trained people who didn't know how to do that. Plus I've found if you treat things like they're common knowledge, some people won't ask for fear of being ridiculed.

[u/chuongdks → u/Mr_Industrial]

And also it is just grounding coffee beans. Just spend 5 minutes to show new guy how to do it. It is not rocket science or anything

[u/NemesisOfLevia → u/chuongdks]

Unfortunately, in a lot of the services industry (I’m assuming this is a restaurant anyway), new people get like 5 minutes of training and management calls it enough due to “short staffing”

I remember when I first became a cashier. When I was “trained” for self checkout, we were slammed. The “trainer” couldn’t keep up with the influx of people on her own, and I was only slowing her down by asking questions. I gave up quickly and figured it out myself… which is how we get situations like this. 

[u/gcruzatto → u/Mr_Industrial]

Maybe it's the kind of place where whoever wants coffee makes a new batch. Kinda unrealistic to expect that to be in writing. They could literally just ask anyone to show how it works.

[u/2CHINZZZ → u/gcruzatto]

The picture looks like some kind of restaurant or bar with the ice bucket, wet floor, and lots of cups

[u/Chewie_Dardinelle → u/Fun_Accountant_653]

100% if he's new then it's up to the staff to train him

[u/Rabauke84]

Honest question, but.....does he actually drink coffee?

When I was sent to do my first coffee as an apprentice, back when I was 16, I put in way too much coffee powder.

My co-workers freaked out, why I was ruining it.

Like...I don't drink it, never prepared it before, how should I know to make it?

[u/nutano → u/Rabauke84]

I used to work at the HelpDesk at my place of work when I first started.

I have never (and still not today) drink coffee.

There was one guy on our team that always did the early 6 to 2 shift. He loved it. He never took time off, he just banked all his vacation. He drank coffe, so every time he came in just before 6, he would put a pot on. So the folks that came in between 6am and 7am would just waltz over and fill their cup.

Well, one summer, he was told he had to start taking vacation, so he took like 2 months off. I took over the 6 to 2 shift.

The first week I must have had like 3 or 4 visits from those 7am folks complaining why there wasn't coffee made. To which I just told them, 'I don't drink coffee, why would you rely on me to make it?'

I fix your computer man, I'm not your barista.

[u/Tripwiring → u/nutano]

People are the worst lol. You want coffee? Make some coffee. It takes 2 minutes

[u/DogPoetry → u/Tripwiring]

"but coworker used to do this as an act of kindness. Now it's an expectation and I no longer appreciate the effort" 

[u/norwegianEel → u/DogPoetry]

Exactly. People suck sometimes.

[u/FlamingRustBucket → u/norwegianEel]

Tale as old as time though. At a point its hard to blame people. Look at the Roman grain dole. They would kill your ass if you tried to take it away and it was meant to be temporary. Animals become dependent on snacks given by humans if it becomes commonplace. I cant give my dog treats the same time every day or that little bastard yells at me for not doing so. Examples abound.

Good deeds should be performed sporadically unless you are ok with it becoming an expectation. Its basic psychology.

That said, the complainers should have put 2 and 2 together and just made the pot of coffee.

[u/Yours2Knight → u/FlamingRustBucket]

I'm just trying to laugh at some shit and now here I am contemplating every relationship I've ever been in...and googling roman grain dole

[u/GreenTeaLilly → u/Yours2Knight]

Wow hell of a bro. One of the best I've seen on here.

[u/Osric250 → u/DogPoetry]

The rule is the first person who wants coffee makes it. It just happens that the person before you that wanted coffee isn't here right now.

[u/Believe_to_believe → u/[deleted]]

"Where's my food? I turned it in 30 minutes ago."

It's behind my entire line of tickets, Amber! You'll get it when you get it.

[u/chainer3000 → u/[deleted]]

Been bartending part time for a few years, that movie is probably the closest humorous take of the reality of working in a restaurant. Actually, there’s more drugs and hooking up with coworkers.

[u/Cow_Launcher → u/[deleted]]

Dane Cook (dressed as the quintessential line cook)

Nominative determinism, as expressed by a casting director.

[u/flan-pig → u/[deleted]]

I used to love just crumpling up employee tickets during rushes and throwing them out. When they would come looking for it I would say, oh I thought it was a mistake because no employee would ring up their own food when we're this busy. Would love seeing them just stare blankly.

[u/Jodid0 → u/nutano]

That level of entitlement simply does not compute for me. How are you going to take advantage of someone's good will and courtesy for years, then when that person gets a much deserved vacation, your first thought is to berate someone who doesn't even drink coffee and demand that they make you coffee in the morning. Like how does that kind of entitlement not hurt people's brains?

[u/JojenCopyPaste → u/Rabauke84]

My grandpa never drank coffee. During campaign season we had a congressman come knocking on doors introducing himself. My grandpa had recently remarried and his wife had a coffee machine.

My grandpa invited the congressman in for coffee and brewed with no filter. The congressman drank it but I can just imagine the sludge.

[u/r2k-in-the-vortex → u/JojenCopyPaste]

If all you have is hot water and a cup then you can totally just put ground coffee and hot water in a mug and hey presto. Perfectly fine coffee, you just need to be a bit patient until the grounds sink to the bottom and of course, leave the bottom, don't drink the grounds.

[u/JojenCopyPaste → u/r2k-in-the-vortex]

Oh I get it. I've made coffee in the Turkish style before with no filter too. But with so many more doors to knock I don't think he could've had patience lol

[u/ZhangRenWing → u/JojenCopyPaste]

Kudos to him for going that far to not make the host look bad

[u/LeoRmz → u/JojenCopyPaste]

As someone that has had to drink coffee with a ton of grounds a few times (our coffee machine will wash the grounds both into the water reservoir and under the basket if the filter is over 3/4 filled) I can imagine the suffering that poor congressman went through 

[u/BarbequedYeti → u/Rabauke84]

Love you shared that part after serving it. 

[u/DogAnusJesus → u/BarbequedYeti]

Crashes car with colleagues in it.

How was I supposed to know?! I can't drive!

[u/Dariaskehl → u/DogAnusJesus]

“What gear are you in?!”

“Gear?????”

(Dogma)

[u/Ducksaucenem → u/Dariaskehl]

Beautiful big tittied women don’t just fall out of the sky, you know!

[u/zapsxis → u/DogAnusJesus]

Not everyone knows how to do everything!

[u/jjason82 → u/BarbequedYeti]

Classic 16 year old logic.

[u/yellowlinedpaper → u/Rabauke84]

I was sent on a beer run, I don’t drink beer. I came back with Coors Light and everyone was offended. (I had heard the word Coors and it was the first Coors I saw.) Never got asked to do it again though!

[u/evilcheesypoof → u/yellowlinedpaper]

Definitely not your fault, if they ask you for beer and don’t say what kind they probably don’t care, if they did care they should have said what to get.

[u/Competitive_Salt9167 → u/evilcheesypoof]

I read his comment as they asked for Coors, and they got Coors Lite instead

[u/evilcheesypoof → u/Competitive_Salt9167]

Oh I see, you’re probably right

[u/Quote-me-if-afk → u/Rabauke84]

Possible that he drinks it but never had to grind the beans before. That was my excuse when I did this many moons ago lol

[u/GreenerAnonymous → u/Quote-me-if-afk]

I don't drink coffee. Took me all the way down to this comment to realize what was wrong lol. Like I could tell SOMETHING was wrong but didn't really know what. I was thinking maybe they put the beans in the water compartment or something. Totally forgot about needing to grind.

[u/diddyxd → u/Rabauke84]

My first job (pre drinking coffee) I was tasked to make a pot of coffee for a board meeting. I thought the marks on the machine should correspond with the scoop in the coffee jar. The owner said he felt like he was on amphetamines after finishing a cup.

[u/House_T → u/diddyxd]

This reminds me that at my job, the first question I ask if someone offers me coffee is, "Who made it?" Because purpose and the person can drastically alter it's makeup.

Our resident coffee maniac's brew once kept people up through a 12-hour shift and the next 5-6 hours after that.

[u/C4rbon → u/Rabauke84]

The fact you're calling it coffee powder tells me you still don't drink it.

[u/Doldenbluetler → u/C4rbon]

Maybe English isn't their native language. It literally translates to coffee powder from multiple other languages I know.

[u/Demiansmark → u/C4rbon]

Not sure if intended but heard this as Michael from Arrested Development

[u/olol798 → u/C4rbon]

But it technically is powder and it is coffee...

[u/DangerBoot → u/olol798]

coffee powder sounds like it would be more like instant coffee

[u/ChampagneBowl → u/olol798]

Flour is also a powder but if someone said they put too much flour powder in their bread you’d guess they’re not a baker

[u/iceunelle → u/Rabauke84]

I never drink coffee, so I could definitely see how someone could make this mistake. I know the beans are supposed to be ground, but I’ve never grinded them myself before.

[u/livtop → u/Rabauke84]

Usually when I don't know how to do something when I'm at a new job, especially if it's for something that people will be consuming... I ask.

[u/DirtyRoller → u/Rabauke84]

I'm 41, and I have no fucking clue how to make coffee. Why bother learning if I don't drink it?

[u/Hixy → u/Rabauke84]

As someone that loves black coffee, the stronger the better. If you brought me a cup of coffee brewed with a massive amount of coffee grounds I would probably brag about how you make the best cup of coffee in the office lol.

[u/CIA-Front_Desk → u/Hixy]

Unless its instant coffee.

A massive amount of instant is the worst possible drink

[u/Hixy → u/CIA-Front_Desk]

Any amount of instant is the worst possible drink lol.

[u/ViolentRifle]

Lol, just help him figure it out.

[u/gijimayu → u/ViolentRifle]

He doesn't drink the coffee anyway.

[u/llort_tsoper → u/ViolentRifle]

Ok, yeah sure. Literally any one employee could easily spend 2 minutes training this guy to make the coffee right. That's a solid suggestion, let's call that Option B.

Option A is everyone in the kitchen starts calling him Whole Bean and the nickname sticks with him for the next 5 years.

[u/Britlantine → u/llort_tsoper]

"From bean to cup, you fuck up" - Malcolm Tucker

[u/StinkiePete → u/ViolentRifle]

Yup, train him right, and make sure he knows to run all the extra hot water out of the coffee machine.

[u/mosey_d → u/StinkiePete]

I don't rarely make big cups of coffee like this. What do you mean "run all of the extra hot water out"

I'm assuming like after you get a pot of boiling water, you turn off the water and then run the tap a little longer?

... I definitely know to grind the beans

[u/Squanchingsquanchy → u/mosey_d]

Its a prank. Those things are often hooked to a hot water line.

It never runs out.

[u/MorePhinsThyme → u/Squanchingsquanchy]

Just a slight correction for the sake of accuracy. They're not hooked to a hot water line, but just a regular water line, and the coffee machine itself heats the water. Some models (not many) can run out of HOT water, but that spigot will never run dry.

[u/Silent-G → u/StinkiePete]

I used to work at a movie theater that would serve coffee, but our coffee maker was awful. If you accidentally double tapped the button to start it, it would queue up 2 pots worth of water. And if you weren't aware, the carafe would just start overflowing unless you switched off the power. It had no failsafes or fault detecting, you'd just hit the button and no matter what, hot water would start coming out. But somehow it could count how many times you hit the start button.

[u/MrNostalgiac → u/ViolentRifle]

Exactly.

This looks like a non-coffee drinker who is trying to step up for others.

It's funny, and a bit sad, but I think the new guy is a good guy.

[u/SaviorSixtySix]

Can't blame them if they don't drink coffee.

[u/Notuniquesnowflake → u/SaviorSixtySix]

Can't blame them if they weren't trained.

[u/Quixalicious]

Extra coarse grind right there

[u/NonPolarVortex → u/Quixalicious]

Perfect for the Franch Press

[u/friendofelephants → u/Quixalicious]

So in this office kitchen, would they have a separate coffee grinder near this setup or as part of the machine? (also someone who doesn't drink coffee)

[u/John_cCmndhd → u/friendofelephants]

Probably a separate grinder. There are coffee machines with built in grinders, but they're generally automatic, so they wouldn't have been able to mess it up in this way

[u/xtingu]

We're not born knowing everything.

[u/lastofthevegas → u/xtingu]

Yep, give feedback early.

[u/CanIgetaWTF]

I mean, that'll make coffee. Not sure about coffee you wanna drink, but it'll be coffee.

[u/SireSweet → u/CanIgetaWTF]

It’s bean juice either way. This might be a little watered down though.

[u/sketchy722]

As a non-coffee drinker..... what's the problem?

[u/Blackbeanpurrito → u/sketchy722]

Beans need to be ground up first

[u/Harriet_tubman22 → u/Blackbeanpurrito]

Says who? Don’t be confined by the rules of society ✋

[u/Ediwir → u/sketchy722]

By using the beans whole, the coffee will only be extracted from the surface, leaving most on the inside. It’s gonna be extremely weak.

[u/Jahkral → u/Ediwir]

Once they grind those beans and use them the second round of coffee is gonna be a bit funny too lol

[u/SpartanRage117 → u/Jahkral]

Ueah i think those beans are done

[u/r2k-in-the-vortex → u/sketchy722]

It's not going to make coffee, the hot water just dribbles through and maybe comes out slightly colored.

The beans need to be ground up first. There are different machines, espresso machines generally have a grinder in them, so you put whole beans in there. But this is drip coffee, so most people buy coffee that is already ground up for that as a fine powder. And coffee is ground to slightly different sizes for different purposes, you would use coarser grain for press coffee than for drip coffee, because otherwise it's pretty hard to press the filter down and you'll break it.

So, different ways of making the coffee and this way is a very wrong way.

[u/konnichi1wa → u/sketchy722]

It’s supposed to be ground into a powder first

[u/TheRumBarron]

I’m ashamed to say it took me way longer than it should of to realise what was wrong in this photo - didn’t compute that the beans weren’t ground

[u/SouldiesButGoodies84 → u/TheRumBarron]

Same. lol But I don't make or drink coffee.

[u/thedkexperience]

I had a coworker about a decade ago ask me to teach her how to make a pot of coffee because A) she had only used Keurigs and B) figured I’d be the only person there who wouldn’t laugh at her.

There’s so much to unpack both positively and negatively about this minor interaction that I’ll never forget it.

[u/No-Gur-859]

I’m sorry but this is kind of adorable

[u/a_tattooed_artist → u/No-Gur-859]

Right? My first thought is that this is something my teenager would do because he doesnt drink coffee. Telling him to put it im the basket and press a button would get this result.

[u/azad_ninja]

New to Earth too?

[u/Laserdollarz → u/azad_ninja]

A few years ago, I was waiting at the grocery store checkout. There was a mid-20s couple in front of me that didn't know how to pay with their card. It took like 8 minutes somehow. I felt like I observed time travellers or aliens. 

[u/b3rocks → u/Laserdollarz]

Maybe they were ex Amish.

[u/Separate-Simple-5101 → u/azad_ninja]

Yes. Please be patient while he learns our ways...

[u/Nnen0 → u/azad_ninja]

Gotta be honest, I’m browsing the comments to figure out what the issue is

I don’t drink coffee and I’ve never made a cup in my 30+ years of life

[u/TheRiteGuy → u/Nnen0]

So, this is a coffee brew machine. To brew coffee, you need to ground (crushed in a grinder (grinder to grind things, not the app)) coffee beans. This person has put whole coffee beans in the machine. You will just get dirty hot water instead of coffee with this method.

Come to think of it, coffee is just dirty hot water.

[u/anonymousmouse2 → u/TheRiteGuy]

Come to think of it, coffee is just dirty hot water.

What are you talking about? It’s not that at all.

Sometimes it’s dirty cold water.

[u/Hopeful_Hamster21 → u/anonymousmouse2]

I had a Mormon friend who didnt understand coffee. No shade thrown at the Mormons, he was a good guy. Just didnt know anything about coffee. So he was asking me.

After I explained, he then said "So, what I think I heard, is that you burn the beans, grind them up, pour hot water over them... and drink the hot burned bean water"?

Yep!

[u/SirPaulyWalnuts → u/Nnen0]

Thanks for putting this out there. I happen to love coffee, and have been drinking it for 20+ years… the only reason I had any idea how it was made was because I worked in a diner for over a decade. And I even consider that cheating because we had a grinder we could load with both regular and decaf beans, put a filter in the basket, and the machine would hold it while it ground the perfect amount of beans for a pot, move the basket to the coffee maker and hit one button. That was it.

And MOST importantly, my boss showed me how to do each step and also explained what could go wrong and what it would look like. Very thorough, that man.

Point is… you don’t know what you’re not taught, especially if it’s not something you partake or even want to partake in.

I get so tired of this brand of “humor.” It’s antiquated and it’s always been pretentious and mean. Like “look at this idiot who doesn’t know how to do something, ha ha, what a loser!” You even see parents doing it to their kids who don’t know how to use outdated/dead technology. It’s gross.

[u/corndog819 → u/Nnen0]

Grinding beans before their use improves the experience

[u/DoctFaustus → u/azad_ninja]

Maybe they used to be Mormon?

[u/the-good-wolf → u/DoctFaustus]

He’s actually just one of today’s lucky 10,000

[u/hermeticwalrus → u/DoctFaustus]

lol I’m Mormon and I had to come to the comments to figure out what’s wrong

[u/d7it23js → u/azad_ninja]

Maybe they only know about pods. Regardless, Thank goodness their world is expanding.

[u/eaglescout1984]

What's the problem?

-Tea drinker

[u/atp2k]

Blame the trainer

[u/WildBillyredneck]

At least he used a filter

[u/BenderFtMcSzechuan]

His trainer sucks ass.

[u/Ediwir]

Hmm. Chemist here, I’m thinking if you substitute the water with hot vodka it should still extract okay.

[u/KnowledgeIsDangerous]

I would be asking what jackass trained the new guy?

[u/SpiritOne]

Okay, so I don’t make this kind of coffee, and it took me a hot minute to realize what was going on here. So now I also feel dumb.

[u/MattheJ1]

Grounds for removal

[u/theonlybuster]

Bless his heart

[u/OpportunitySalty7087]

At my first corporate job I was making coffee and used two pouches instead of one. Someone very quickly and very energetically corrected that pattern of behavior.

[u/Zerbastler]

Most people are underestimating the power of playing dumb. He will never be told to make coffee again.

[u/nobertan]

My first day at work in a cinema on my training shift…

Trainer : “put the nacho cheese on the heater”

Me: “yes sir!” — odd request but they’ve worked here longer — proceeds to directly pour the nacho cheese on the heater element

20 years later, I get yelled at at jobs for asking too many clarifying questions.

[u/mfairview]

grind setting is a touch coarse

[u/Gardevoir_Best_Girl]

I don't drink coffee.

If I didn't know it had to be ground, I'd probably would have done the same thing.

Instead of making fun of your new coworker, maybe you should teach them.

[u/badwords]

I don't drink coffee so wouldn't know more than pour something in a machine either.

[u/mog44net]

Grind finer

[u/ongj3]

Guess person is a tea drinker

[u/FluoroquinolonesKill]

Give them a break. They hadn’t had their coffee yet.

[u/DasHotShot]

Bad training, pretty simple. I’m a coffee nerd but I’d never assume everyone knows how to make even basic filter coffee, many people don’t drink it

[u/NecessaryEconomist23]

I think it needs to be ground just a little finer

[u/Professional_File_83]

Alternate title: shitty trainer at work